emma⋆.ೃ࿔

the deployment letter had been a haunting reminder every day, a dark cloud looming over you and Anthony for 2 weeks.

you knew it was going to happen, you hated it with all your being, having to be away from him again. You wished you could wrap yourself tight around his being and never let go.

it wrecked you receiving that in the mail, shuffling through bills and magazines, and then there it was. Laying there like it should’ve proud of itself, Anthony and yours apartment typed out neatly on the front. Curious from the mysterious letter you ripped it open, only to be met with someone you dreaded more than death at this point.

you felt like you were going to throw up reading it over and over again, gripping it so tight like it was going to crumple to dust and leave you and Tony’s quiet life alone.

the first couple weeks of Tony being home last time from his year long time in war, were rough.

it took a long time to find a groove, to learn how war had reshaped him, but you were patient.

at this point nothing could drag you two apart, you were close, ever since college, remembering how he approached you in the schools library one day, awkwardly but somehow, charmingly, in his own way, asking you out on a date, and the both of you never looked back.

the news the letter brought planted a terrible seed in the both of you, curling into your stomach, making you feel sick with anxiety.

you dreaded telling Anthony when he got back from the grocery store, something peaceful and mundane, that’s how you had desperately tried to keep life since he came back home, lived in a quiet neighborhood, watched pretty much boring shows all day, and pretty easy movies when you did have movie nights, your terminator and alien DVDs and violent collection of movies tucked deep in your closet.

you tried to make your coffee like normal, make your oatmeal how you always did, fold blankets over self on the couch like every morning, but every movement made you feel dizzy, you kept wiping your face for sweat that wasn’t there, your body riddled with goosebumps as you gulped thickly, sitting stiffly on the couch until you heard the familiar jingle of keys, a sound that usually sounded like a symphony to you, now only resembled somewhat to the sound of nails in a chalkboard.

turning your head towards him as the door opened, seeing that grin that made your heart do flips, eyes focusing on the gleam of his canines for a second before your body shuddered with another wave, reminding you of the heavy weight that was held by the piece of paper crinkled heavily in your hands.

your face was probably very red from tears you didn’t even realize you head, he was talking about something in a happy tone, setting down bags on the kitchen counter, voice bouncing off the walls, talking about something you wish you could focus on.

Hearing his footsteps get closer, you stayed focus on the tv, before seeing him in your peripherals, looking up, before taking a raggedy breath and sighing, handing him the tote up piece of paper, splotches of tears dampening it in spots.

“you’re getting deployed.” you spoke up, and those words had been a heavy presence for the past weeks.

he left tomorrow, you both were dreading it heavily, the two of you not knowing exactly what this deployment entailed, nor how long it would be.

you two had tried to make of the best of the last two weeks, trying to take as many days off as possible, spending every moment you could with him, trying to savor each kiss, holding eachother tighter at night, laughing louder at each others antics.

Trying to forget what was arriving, slowly but steadily. You both tried to have as much fun as you could, putting up big fronts of big toothy smiles and holding one another’s hands so tight both of your knuckles white.

but regardless, sadness and a great fear ebbed the two of you as the dreaded day approached.

today neither of you could fight the true emotions you felt, a melancholy feeling having a tight grip on you both.

sitting on the edge of your shared bed, you stared at the tiny apartment window, bars on the outside to prevent any incidents.

It was cloudy out, nighttime seeping in, a stale fog slowly forming in the streets, slithering around street lamps, eerily quiet out, it seemed even nature could feel the tension.

Your head hang low, neck aching from the uncomfortable position, fingers digging tight into your jeans, a headache slowly forming.

You weren’t ready for this again, taking deep breaths, already anxious of all the things that could happen, just like last time.

it had been a year since he came home the first time, it seemed too short, way too short. You hated this sick game god had played on you, nothing could ever be calm, never be left alone.

you felt childish, you weren’t the one going to war for a second time.

you feared how Anthony would be if he did come back a second time, more than the possibility of him dying. war had changed him in ways you couldn’t fathom. Sometimes he told you about it, sometimes while sobbing and clutching onto you like a lifeline, sometimes when it felt like it was only you two in the whole world, holding eachother close, his head resting close to your heart.

you knew he didn’t tell you everything, but that never bothered you. Even if the conversation was a couple minutes long, it meant the world that he trusted you with those couple of minutes.

Looking at your interlaced fingers, an old moodring resting on your finger, it didn’t work anymore, it had no sentimentality, just something you’ve add since you were 12, and it never left your hand, more mismatched rings joining alongside it, some from thrift markets Tony passed by in the street and had to get for you, some from old childhood jewelry boxes.

you tried to focus on anything you could, trying to distract your distraught mind, before hearing footsteps, nearing closer until you knew he was in the room, you tilted you head on instinct, eye flicking to the very corner, seeing his silhouette, before looking down to the wood floor.

The bed dipped down as he sat close to you, the cheap springs creaking under his weight.

you felt his eyes on you, you couldn’t help the tears that welled up in them, you felt helpless, acting like this, he didn’t need you a mopey mess now, but you couldn’t help it. A desperate gasp escaped from your lungs before you could stop it, shoving your face roughly in your hands, letting out a shaky sob, feeling your face beat up on top of your palms with tears, softly shaking.

you sat there, slumped with your head in your hands.

slowly a warm hand slid under your shirt and onto the small of your back, rubbing up and down in a gentle rhythm, you smiled into your hands, something you’ve done with Tony a million times, it was just habit now, habit to love eachother.

Pulling away from the safety of your hands, face red, wincing slightly at the warm light from the lamp that sat proudly on your bedside table, due to your eyes adjusting to the darkness even for a moment.

Your eyes met, and you felt like you were gonna break down all over again, letting out a heavy sigh, keeping each others gaze for a while, his face solemn, eyes showing a hint of tears, glassy.

you gently placed your palm on his check, thumb swiping over the mole above his lip, and the dam broke.

his hand on your back slithered and wrapped around you, his other hand following suit, pulling you two impossibly close, shifting on his lap.

Shoving his face into your neck, feeling him shake as you felt hot tears slide onto your skin, his arms wrapping so tight around you it almost hurt, you would’ve cared, but not now.

Tony crying was a rare occurrence, and you tried to be as raw as you could everytime, trying to silently say it was okay, you never pushed him away when he was like this, always letting him shrink into you, make you his safe place, his haven. maybe that’s why you guys had been together 5 years.

your fingers gently traced up his neck, feeling the vertebrae bone that popped up slightly. Before they met his freshly shaven scalp, more tears slipping down your red face, the sensation pricking at your fingers, gently running your hands on his head.

you were supposed to help shave it with him, have an excuse to stand between his legs and steal kisses, but it didn’t end up that way, hating the sight of the electrical razor on bathroom sink, which your anger at seeing it had brought you to the bedroom in the first place.

Upon feeling your hands on his head, he pressed closer into you, letting out a shaky laugh into your skin.

you mimicked him, your laugh wet and scared, wrapping your arm around his shoulders, tightly.

“we’re both pretty cool and collected huh?” you finally spoke, voice rough from crying.

He laughed against your skin, less sad, nodding. “Guess so.” He mumbled, the vibration of his voice against your throat making you hum.

Turning your neck slightly to the alarm, bright red colors on display, soon you’d both go to bed, and he would leave, you held onto him tighter at the thought.

the two of you stayed close for a long time. Almost trying to mold into one another, breathing in one another, your heart beats slowly finding a slow rhythm together, his hands not gripping as tight another, tracing unknown patterns on your back, you doing the same, his neck still planted firmly in the crook of your neck.

Then, you felt a slow, kiss be planted on your neck, it was very subtle, sitting very still, wondering if you made it up, before it was followed by another, and another.

Unconsciously you tilted your head back, letting out a soft sigh as his kisses started to trail up, his hands trailing all over your body, making you giggle giddily, you practically melted into him, enjoying the warmth of the moment.

Until you broke out of your joyous little trance, remembering the seriousness that had took over you two just seconds ago, feeling like you’re taking advantage of him, gently putting your hands on his chest and pushing him away, your eyes meeting this.

you’re expression must have said anything, or maybe you’ve just learned one another too well, either way, he seemed to have read your mind.

“Need this…” he hummed, doing a gentle squeeze on your waist, making you let out a gentle laugh, getting lost in this pretty eyes.

“Need you…” He continued, looking at you with such want, so trusting, you shivered from the intensity of it.

gently untangling your hands that were around his neck, you gently brought them up, cupping his face oh so gently. Akin to how one would pick up something made of porcelain.

looking into each others eyes for a while, a lazily grin growing on his lips, you giggled softly, and hummed, gently bringing his face to yours, lips locking together in a warm embrace, his hands sliding up to your neck, tangling in your hair messily, his other having a firm grip on your hip, the only thing keeping you stable, your whole body wobbly with joy, getting lost in one another.

Your lips gently locking together in a slow kiss, feeling his excitement and nervousness buzzing beneath his skin, it felt like you were having your first time together all over again.

for a while you two stayed that way, gently kissing one another, not doing anything more, but you could feel the want in his touches, how his breathing got heavier, the kiss turned a little more daring, rougher, he nipped at your lip and pulled on it slightly, causing you to gasp into his mouth.

He took this as his chance to prod his tongue into your mouth, making you hum at how forward he was, but you didn’t push him again, arms wrapping snuggly around his neck, humming as his tongue slid around yours.

His hands felt hot as they slid all over your body, never staying in one place.

His fingers ran through your hair messily, desperately almost, as if he had to make sure you were real, touching every part of you he could.

Trailing his hands down to your hips to your legs, and then going all the way back up from your thighs to your stomach and chest, then once again back in your hair before going back on their never ending journey.

your heart was going a mile a minute, he was all you could focus on, all you could hear and smell and feel, his tongue invasive in your mouth, battling against yours. The kiss was hungry, you felt like he was stealing the air from your lungs.

He pulled away, surprisingly, even with how overwhelmed you were feeling you missed it already, but before you could complain his lips were on your neck.

Instinctively you titled your head back, giving him more access. They were teasingly gentle, before he started to nip after each kiss.

The tiny gentle kisses turned sloppy in your neck, feeling his teeth scrape across your skin, making you shiver, gripping on his shoulders for balance as he focused on your neck, grinning into your skin hearing your sighs, a firm hand on your back, probably the only thing keeping you from melting completely into him.

you laughed breathily as he paid close attention to your neck, he did these tiny bites and kisses for a while, the two of you a fit of soft giddy giggles, wiggling against him at every feel of his teeth.

You gained your composure just for a little, before that all crumbled when you felt him gently, bite into your neck entirely, you stiffened up feeling his tongue slide lazily all over, you knew he could feel your rapid heart beat beneath his tongue, not helping you situation.

he removed his mouth from that side of your neck, pleased with how it glistened, a faintly pink bite mark along all the tiny others, his eyes met yours, looking for the go ahead to continue this, and you nodded very vigorously, making him laugh again, making you hum at the sound, especially seeing him grin wide, pupils dilating at the sight of his teeth.

He definitely noticed this, raising a brow, but still smiling, he didn’t understand your fascination with teeth, but it was you, which made it much more bearable.

leaning his head down again, he planted more soft kisses, tickling you slightly, gripping his shirt tightly in anticipation.

He did this for a while, just like he did on the other side, before you felt all his teeth on your neck, feeling him bite down again, but much rougher than last time, holding for a few seconds.

You sucked in harshly, trying not to let out an embarrassing sound he would tease you about afterwards, your eyes fluttering with pleasure, hips bucking up instinctively.

Resting your forehead against his shoulder, huffing as he started to lick against the red, agitated wound, soothing it.

“you like that?” he mumbled into your ear, his breath making you shudder against him.

“A lot.” you hummed.

He let out a huff of a laugh before tugging you shirt down more to reveal your collarbone.

he bit upon your collarbone roughly, before taking over your shirt carelessly, revealing more skin to him.

he kept bitting and licking until your neck and shoulders were collected with marks,

your eyes locked on his, cheeks flushed.

“Doesn’t hurt too bad, right?” He looked to you for confirmation. He was comforted quickly seeing that big smile on your lips, pleased seeing you so happy.

“Just enough.” You sighed, eyes never leaving his.

“Good.” He muttered, eyes darkening as he stared at you.

you leaned down swiftly and captured his lips again, not being able to stand a second more of not kissing him.

You wiggled your tongue greedily into his mouth, knowing what you wanted, your tongue slithering all around his teeth, feeling the curves and enamel slide against your tongue, before going to his canines and sucking harshly, pleased by the moan elicited from him, hands flying to your hips and pressing you tight against him.

You did this for a while, trailing your tongue over his molars and front teeth, humming as he did an experimentally bite on your tongue as it explored his mouth.

You pulled away after you were satisfied.

Your eyes locked lustfully with his, the both of you breathing heavily.

your fingers gently made their way to the hem of his shirt, tugging slightly, signaling that you wanted it gone.

You almost laughed at how fast he took it off, like it burned him, quick to follow anything you said. Any thoughts of amusement were soon to disappear though, quickly paying attention what he had on display for you.

your fingers softly traced on the scars, light and faded, mostly healed, still crinkling at the sides, they were barely noticeable now, especially with the stronger he got, but you always seemed to see them first thing, they were etched in your mind, gently rubbing your fingers over them, a ritual you’ve done with them for years now.

you leaned down, kissing them gently, something you’ve done a million times before. You grabbed onto his sides, pressing warm kisses upon them, prodding your tongue at them every once in a while, smiling when you felt him shiver.

You felt his hands in your hair again, mindlessly playing with it, tugging on occasion.

You leaned back up again, your body humming with hunger, with want, you were glad you were taking it slow, but that familiar sensation in your stomach grew, and he could tell.

Locking eyes with one last time, giving him the permission he was seeking. Grabbing ahold of your hips securely, lowering you back onto the bed, shuffling above you, looking at you in such a way you had to look away, your face feeling hot.

Feeling his hand slide up your stomach to your neck, gently cupping your face, guiding your eyes back to his pretty blue ones.

he leaned down again, lips capturing yours yet again, one hand tangling in your hair, keeping you close as you made out sloppily, his other hand unbuckled your belt with practiced ease, before yanking on your jeans lightly, a sign you knew very well, lifting your hips up automatically as he shimmied your pants down, Tony following along, your ears perking at the clink of his bell buckle falling to the ground, anthony still very involved in your kiss as he shuffled them off haphazardly with one hand, falling somewhere on the floor with all the other clothes.

your hands lazily sliding over his shoulder blades, feeling how his muscles shifted beneath your palms, gently pushing on him, wanting him closer and he gladly obliged, the both of you gently starting to grind into eachother, clad only in underwear.

He groaned into your mouth as he bucked roughly into you, chasing after one another, a plethora of moans beginning to bounce of the walls as an enjoyable rhythm was found.

your legs wrapped snuggly around his waist, pressing eachother even tighter together, causing a whine from Anthony.

Grinding and moaning into one another, hands everywhere, your tongues sliding against one another carelessly, lazily chasing this high, that familiar feeling finding home in your lower abdomen once again.

you let out a rough groan as you pressed a hand between you two, gently pushing back, the two of you panting, watching as anthony immediately tried to ignore your hand and grind down onto you again, before you pressed firmly.

“Not like this.” You panted out, hair sticking to your sweaty forehead.

“I need you.” you continued on, “need you inside.” you played on the seductiveness of it, making your voice breathier than necessary, trying to make Tony not as disappointed from stopping both of your on coming orgasms.

It worked like a charm, you watched him gulp thickly, wiping sweat from his brow, before shuffling off the bed to get the strap.

you laid on the bed, watching him find it easily, before he carelessly kicked off his boxers, eyes focused solely on your form.

You watched with rosy cheeks as he put on the harness, securing it across his hips, your heart racing with anticipation.

you remembered painfully you were wearing underwear, and quickly disposed of those, throwing them somewhere in the room, before returning comfortably back to your spot, admiring him as he put it on, before his eyes met yours, your whole body felt like it was on fire, A nervous giggle leaving your lungs as he padded back to you, looking at you like he was gonna devour you, watching his lazily grin as he climbed back onto the bed, settling between your legs, your eyes focused on his dick, before flicking back to him, letting out a giggle, which he returned, one hand gently intertwining with yours, a gentle comfort.

his other hand was less appropriate one could said, softly poking his fingers in your lips, which you kindly let him have excess, letting him push his pointer and middle finger in, closing your mouth around him, tongue sliding lewdly between his fingers your eyes hooded as you shared his gaze, sucking harshly on his fingers, wetting them as much as you could, getting aroused watching him hold back whimpers watching and feeling you.

He pulled his hand back slowly, watching his fingers glisten with your spit, his eyes flickering to yours, a twinkle of wonder in them. He let out a laugh before curling the wet fingers around the strap, stroking it up and down leisurely, perched upon his knees above you, bathed in the warm cozy light that the lamp on the nightstand provided.

Your eyes roamed over him in awe, he looked so pretty, so open, humming as you watched him stroke himself.

A buzz of nervousness hummed in the room, but also a sense of safety, finding refuge in eachother.

anthony gently settled between your legs, pleased as the strap shone with your saliva, squeezing your hand gently as he lined up with you, looking to you for one last nod of approval, which you gave, a soft smile upon your lips.

You tugged him down gently to you, which he gladly did, eyes trained on your face as he squeezed your hand one last time, before gently pushing in with a practiced precision, flicking down where he was entering you, before watching your face for any sign of pain.

Gently pushing in, inch by inch, attentive to your expression.

You took a deep breath in, grasping his arm as the rest of him gently resided inside with a small thrust, the both of you letting out a shared moan at the movement.

His hand grabbed your hip to ground himself, thumb stroking the skin gently, taking in a shuddering breath at being inside you, resting his face in your neck, needing to calm himself, excitement humming beneath his skin, the same with you.

he laid there for a moment, before lifting his neck, meeting your eyes, adjusting himself about you, grabbing onto you a little tighter, before slowly pulling back and thrusting back in, making him let out a soft gasp, fingernails digging into your skin on instinct.

He created a gentle rhythm, thrusting slow and deep, the two of you whimpering with pleasure, something in his chest fluttering at the sight of your face, your skin glistening with sweat , your eyes hooded, your chest heaving as you took all this in as he watched with awe, taking in all your moans.

“Gonna think about this everyday I’m gone.”he breathed, thrusting up roughly to punctuate his words. His arm slithered beneath you, pulling you impossibly in closer as he deepened his thrusts, using the proximity to press chaste kisses to your collarbone, groaning into your skin.

this went on for what seemed like forever, that didn’t really bother you though, lost in a fog of enjoyment, skin tingling from Tony’s hot kisses, getting lost with Tony, trying to keep eye contact with him, before your head lulled comfortably on the the pillow, watching him nuzzle helplessly into your chest, panting as he kept up a delectable rhythm with his hips.

“you’re so good to me.” He babbled on, thrusts speeding up, your hips bucking up in return, feeling your orgasm pool in your abdomen like hot lava, grabbing onto his back desperately, scratching hard as you reached your high, his hand holding yours rest beside your head, you clutched it tight, slowly feeling it happen.”

The room was full of your lewd sounds, Anthony’s mouth hung open in pleasure, thrusts getting uncoordinated and faster, spurred on by the sting of your scratches, bucking up unexpectedly to the sensation. Both of your orgasms creeping in fast, rocking into eachother, the feeling getting closer and closer.

it surprised you before you could even warn him, air stolen from your lungs as you spasmed around him, your orgasm springing on his own, letting out a hungry moan as he rasped out an ‘I love you’, messily kissing you as you rode out your shared pleasurable, sloppily thrusting.

Finally, his hips came to a stop, slumping on top of you, panting into your mouth, before pulling away, resting his head tiredly onto your skin, nosing your neck gently.

you tingled with afterglow, letting go of his hand to wrap your arms around his neck, tracing gentle shapes on his back, a comfortable silence between you both.

his hands rubbed up and down your sides, listening calmly to your heartbeat, your skin flushed, radiating heat that made his eyes grow heavy.

too comfortable to leave you, he left the strap on, humming into your skin, a lazy smile on his lips.

“I love you too.” You said quietly, returning it from earlier. voice ridden with sleep as your eyes stayed on him, craning his neck slightly to look you, a giddy laugh leaving him, strong arms wrapping snuggly around you.