#rubystones

Elimination Fic - Throw me a lifeline

Anything that is beautiful, people want to break.

The stars are still shining and planet earth is still turning, but the life I gave everything up for, is falling apart right in front of my eyes. And I stand here on the bridge of loneliness, shivering at the thought that my glamorous life may be over. I am on my own now. The possibility of love just shattered moments ago, leaving me numb to the core, unable to breath. What shall I do now? Everything I knew, which was so familiar and kept me safe my entire life, I dumped away for the opportunity of a life time and jumped into the ice cold water, but never learned how to swim. How won’t I drown without being able to swim, you may ask? Well, you’ve got to grip onto something floating. Someone who is keeping you alive. And right now I find myself in a deep wide ocean with no one to hold onto.

My tender body violently shakes as I walk down the flight of stairs leading down to the grande entrance hall. Setting one foot after another, trying not to fall down the stairs just like I did on the day I arrived. Just weeks ago this palace seemed to be the answer to all of my hopes and dreams and now it’s just a cold, still unknown place to a figure without any importance, like me. My maids are silently shuffling behind me, carrying my heavy luggage with heartbreaking tears wetting their delicate faces. Even Aurelia is shedding glassy tears which silently drop onto her newly bought uniform, creating unsettling patterns on her white blouse (…) and we haven’t even had the chance to say our goodbyes yet. Pairs of high heels leave a distant hollow sound on the wooden flooring, making it sound more like a funeral then a trip home. Although I am not aware of what “home” is anymore. My eyes wander across the simple decorations hung up on these otherwise naked walls, remembering all these lonely nights I walked through these halls, still hearing the distant laugher from the other selected while throwing countless sleepovers and breakfast party’s.

With Zuzu’s golden cage in one hand and Lola’s leash in the other I stalk to the golden gate, keeping my head high as I walk to the dark shiny car, waiting at the entrance to ride me to my new destination. Gently I put down Zuzu’s cage and hand the kind looking driver Lola’s leash before turning around and facing my maids who are starring at me with puffy faces waiting for my goodbyes. I take a deep breath and a genuinely sad smile appears on my face, trying not to break down under the pressure this evening has put me through. I barely even get a word out before the quietest of them all, Radia, pulls me into a deep hug. A single tear falls down my face and lands onto her exposed neck; tightly gripping at her cloths as I feel the numbness spreading trough my veins. My chest keeps getting tighter and tighter, but the maids simple touch is a reminder of the joyful moments and the unconditional love some people still bear in their soul, and keeps my shaking body from collapsing. With one last smile I turn around and only get out a breathy “Thank you” before Aurelia and Luna go in for a hug as well, both of them crying at my unstable figure, holding me with their shaking fingers, gracing my hair one last time. “Take care”, Aurelia whispers, her hands still resting on my bare arms as she takes a step back. A worried face opposite of mine, studying my complexion while I fiddle with a small note in my left hand, before taking of my golden ring with a large ruby inside, a present from the past I don’t need anymore. I simply nod before asking with an anxious voice crack, still viewing the gap on my finger where the ring used to be: “Could you please give that ring of mine and this letter to Lady Aricia? I hope it can give her some closure. (…) And you guys”, I gesture to all three of them, “Please take care of yourselves as well. I am so thankful that you have shown me what true kindness looks like. You all have embodied it in such different ways, it’s unbelievable how different you are and still share the same values and love. Please never lose your bright smiles and kindness for others.” I take Luna’s hand, whispering: “Please don’t worry about me, I will be fine.“ With one last smile I turn around, not looking back at these wonderful people I just had to cut out of my life, while their silhouettes still cry in the midday sun.

I take a deep breath as the heavy door closes behind me. The hollow sound vibrates through my numb skull, emptiness sinks down to my stomach. A pair of eyes study my shaking silhouette, waiting for an approval to ride me home. But I won’t go back home, I can’t. Mother won’t take me back without a husband by my side and to be honest I don’t know if I am ready to go back into this toxic place I am supposed to call “home”. But where shall I go? My view keeps wandering around, closely watching the world outside this narrowing car. My maids already left, they got no time to grief. Their world keeps spinning, even though I am not around anymore. They got new tasks to fulfil, new mistresses to please, without ever seeing me again. Neither will I see my parents again, I am not sure if I even want to, but the fact that they kicked me out means that I am homeless from now on. I was supposed to live life as a glamours two, maybe even become a one by marring a prince, but now my life keeps falling apart and in less than a month I’ll be officially be an eight without any chance for a better future ahead. My hands start shaking as I rub my neck, trying to process that sudden realisation. I will have to live on the streets (…). Tears stream down my face, expressing emotions I am not capable of expressing any other way. I got no one left. I am on my own from now on, without any clue how I shall survive the next weeks.

Shadows of distant memories creep up on the side of the car, trying to drown me in grief for the moments I once felt so alive. The countless nights filled with silent giggles, along side my trusted maids. Or the one time I tried to be bold and shine like a subtle stat, along side my not so kind trouble buddy Kat. The countless runs I’ve had with Lady Finley or the unforgettable evenings with Lady Aricia. I never realised how much those simple encounters meant until I had to say goodbye to all the future ones.

A silent sob rips trough the clouded air as I closely hold my knees to my vibrating chest. The man in the frontseat slowly turns around, waiting for the right moment to raise his tender voice. I am pretty sure that I’ve never felt this vulnerable in my entire life. Gently I let head sink onto my knees, holding together everything I’ve got left. I pick up on Lola shuffling around in the luggage space, calming down my beating heart. Softly I let out another shaky breath before I sit upright again and face the stranger with the handsome eyes. Keep yourself together, Ruby. “Are you ready to go home?”, he asks in a soft voice, trying not to scare me. “I won’t go home”, I state, desperately trying to stop my voice from shaking. He studies my expression with narrowed brows, sending a shiver down my spine. “Are you sure you don’t want to (…)”, he slightly starts to argue before I cut him off. “I am very sure. Thank you very much.” I turn around facing the window again, wondering were I should go to. I pick up on a slight cough before the young man picks up his raspberry voice again: “So ehhmm… Where shall I take you then if it isn’t home?” I let that question sink in, still not knowing the answer to that or any of my own questions. “Take me to quietest part of Angels”, I state before buckling up the seatbelt. With a slight nod from his side and a smooth rotation of the wheel, he starts driving the white mustang trough the empty courtyard. Trees illuminated by the blinding afternoon sun grace the subtle path leading out of the palace walls into the guarded streets of Illéa. Images of forgotten days and memories flash by, the much needed silence in the car giving my head time to rest. Biting at my wet and still swollen lip, keeps my throat from creating unnecessary sobs deep down in my tightened chest. I close my eyes, softly massaging my temples as I try not to think at all. Emptying my brain from it’s chaotic thoughts should be my only goal for this evening.

Nearly half an hour later the driver, who I’ve been studying closely nearly the entire ride instead of focusing on my own problems, pulls up next to a small park and switches off the silent motor, before studying me in the mirror; brows furrowed and a worried expression on his face. “We are here”, he simply announces with a slight raise of his voice, probably an attempt at bringing back my long gone conscious mind. “I can see that”, I state, opening the door and stepping outside on slighlty shacky feet, nearly tripping over. Luckily a fast hand grabs my cold arm before I can hit the ground, it’s owner whispering slightly something along the lines of “Ohh dear” before finally letting me. I take a step back and turn around in a tender half pirouette, slightly rubbing my arm, before slowly stalking towards the trunk without a word by my side. I open the door and am greeted by a cheerful little puppy and a not so bright bird inside. With a small smile gracing my fragile complexion, I pick up Zuzu’s cage and whistle for Lola to follow me. Soon after I can hear her joyfully panting beside me as I face the driver again, expressing my gratitude and leaving without waiting for his polite answer.

The desinger heels on my feet and the shiny luggage in my hand look so out of place against the bright green grass and the dark boles of the old trees lining the path infront of me. The last ray of sunshine light up the tips of treetops and and illuminate the otherwise dark park. Next to a large weeping willow a small bench found it’s place, surrounded by the most beautiful flowers on the pasture. Silent tears just poor down my face, without a reason at all. Or maybe there is a reason, maybe even multiple reason my brain just can’t pick up on. With steady steps I make may way to the silent place I spotted moments ago and try to calm down my heavy breathing. Realisation sets in as I sit down onto the wooden bench. I am homeless. Another silent tear settles down onto my handmade dark blue dress as my hands start to shake. A cold wind passes me by and a shiver runs down my spine, the floot of tears just insulates as a soft ringing disrupts the silence around me. With a soft sniffle I get my new phone, which my lovely maids arranged for me this evening, out of my suitcase and silently answer the call.

“Hello?”, I state a bit confused, not awaiting a call so soon. “Hey, Ruby. How are you?”, a breathy voice asks from the other side without waiting for an other word of mine. It must be Aricia. I try to silent a sob bubbling up my throat before answering: “I am fine Aricia, thanks for asking. How are you my dear? (…) And why are you calling so late at night?” The last bits of sunshine have already disappeared, cooling down the now dark meadow and sending down countless shivers and goosebumps down my body. What would I give for a warm jacket. “I’m ok… And as for why im calling so late… I wasnt able to sleep. I havent been able to sleep properly for the past couple of days”, she states with a deep sigh. Even through the phone I can imagine her sitting on her bed, her eyes furrowed and a sad smile gracing her coloured lips. “Is everything alright? Do you know what is causing you trouble to sleep?”

“Yeah, but the weight of everything is just resting heavy on my shoulders. About my lack of sleep… Its just nightmares, nothing big. Anyways”, she takes a deep breath, probably desperately trying to change the subject, “What are you up to now? Any plans?” Ohh no. Please don’t. “I am trying to find a place to stay for a night and figure out where my… Euhmm journey will take me from now on. I decided to not go back home to my parents, I mean they won’t take me in either way but I’d still rather be in their company than feel that lonely as I do”, I attempt to state without admitting my full situation, clearly sweating at the uncomfortable change of topic. “Ahh, i see. I wish you the best of luck!” “Thank you….”, I answer followed by an awkward silence on both sides. “So…”, Aricia voices while laughing a bit. “How is everything going in the palace? I’ve heard the Prince announced his favorites in the newest report. That’s at least, what people say…”, I try to keep the conversation flowing with my lack of social skills. “Yeah, he did. It was on fridays report. And everything in the palace is swell as usual, though i feel that something bad is going to happen… But its probably just me going crazy”, she sighs obviously over thinking her situation. I try to clam her down, attempting to eliminate her fears: “Honey, don’t worry that much. I am sure it will be fine in the end.” “I hope so.” A barking behind me disrupts the rocky conversation. “Shhhh lola, I am talking to Aricia, our friend, do you remember her? … Of course you do, what a good girl you are.” I cough a bit, realising I an still on the phone with Lady Aricia. “Hi lola!! is it time for you to feed her or something?”, she asks laughing at our ridiculous behavior. “She already had dinner but apparently she saw a rabbit running by and probably wanted to play with it”, I laugh as well, trying to cover up that blunt lie of mine, felling guilty about not being able to provide food for my little friend. “That sounds like our Lola”, she states with a chuckle, probably smiling to herself. “It does indeed”, I laugh along before hearing a group of drunk men enter the park, “I should probably go to sleep, I have big day ahead tomorrow”, I finish my statement with an other lie, while closely watching the loud silhouettes coming nearer. “Yeah, you should. Goodnight Rubes! Sleep tight! Remember that I’m here for you if you need anything!” “Thank you Aricia. I hope you can get some rest as well! I’ll talk to you soon”, I say, smiling gratefully, a welcoming warmth settling in, which I haven’t felt for quiet some time. The loud voices don’t bother me anymore, I can finally breath again, because I feel safe, thanks to her. “Alright, sweet dreams Ruby”, she says before hanging up on me. The warmth still keeping the goosebumps away.

Everyday you wait is another day you won’t get back.

Soft candle light illuminates the dark hallway, cold wind is passing trough, carrying the sweetly scented nightly air, making me wonder when it was the last time my tongue devoured the sweet taste of strawberrys. My feet skip trough the corridor, carefully setting one foot after another, eliminating as many noises as possible at this ghostly hour of day. I pick up on maids quietly shuffling around in their mistresses room behind closed doors, gossiping about the remaining girls and their unknown futures. Chandeliers full of diamonds are reflecting the soft lighting, creating a dimmed atmosphere, only the melodic singing voices of the birds outside the palace walls, reminding me that there still is a different world which isn’t full of gold and embellishments.

My eyes flicker across the walls surrounding me, studying the royal paintings gracing the creme coloured hallway. My feet carry me to a a large painting on the opposite wall, right in front of me, locking eyes with our royal sweet heart, as I fumble with the delicate note in my left hand.

Dear Prince Dominic or shall I call you “your hotness”,

Mother always said that apologies are for the weak people. Well I am a weak person, that’s why I am writing you this note to underline my consternation. I am deeply sorry for the annoyance on my behalf and the unpleasant behavior. People say chocolate can fix a broken heart and helps you in the worst of times, so maybe it can ease the pressure of being perfect and gives you something to enjoy.

Sincerely yours, a mess of a selected.

Warmth and comfort is radiating of this painting, filling the air around me with cozy thoughts about hot chocolate, blankets and loving arms. The King lovingly eyeing his family as gleam is sparkling in Queen Eleanora’s eyes. A picture perfect family - but no one can be like that. I should be the one to know. No hot chocolate and cozy blankets in the evening, just harsh words and demanding careers. I sigh softly as I turn around, continuing my journey, soon revisiting these walls as I bequeath a similar note, and chocolate as well, at the door to Lady Cameron’s room, apologizing for actions I don’t even remember.

Mentions of: @domschreave and @sera-chamberlaine

It comes in waves, I close my eyes, hold my breath and let it bury me.

Smiling at every aestheticly pleasing object in my vision and adrenalin and serotonin floating my bloodstream, I skip trough the halls. Making pirouettes along the way, strolling on pointe and restraining myself from jumping into the air. My pace getting slower as I reach my room, carefully turning the knob and opening the door before entering. My maids greet me with pleasant smiles, while excitingly waiting to hear every single detail about my short interview with the prince today. I sigh and try to keep my fading smile plastered onto my face. “So how did it go, Lady Ruby?”, Aurelia asks with an excited giggle following her question. “Is he as handsome as everyone says he is?”, Radia squeaks.

“Just let me sit down first, I am still a bit dizzy”, I comment a bit overwhelmed and let myself glide onto the floor, smoothing out any creases in my bright yellow day dress. “Do you want some water, Lady Ruby?”, the petite brunette, Luna, asks with a worried expression clouding her face. I just simply nod as a response, trying to calm myself down while exhaling deeply. Don’t throw up Rubes, you don’t want to ruin that lovely carpet. Luna hands me a little shiny glass cup of ice cold water, little drops running down the side of the coquille, wetting my slighlty shaking fingers. With a lot of effort I manage to bring it to my lips, letting the water glide down my aching throat, wetting my mouth and cooling my lungs. I sit up straight and take another deep breath before taking an other small slip of the cold wet. Radia takes the fragile jar out of my shaking grip while stroking my back. “It’s okay, Lady Ruby. Everything will be fine”, I shake my head while feeling my blood pressure growing and growing, even though serotonin left my body a long time ago. Anxiety keeps creeping up my body, numbing every inch of it, taking control. “Shall I get you some medication?”, Radia speaks up again, having no idea what to do with my fragile and messed up mind. I slowly shake my head and get out a simple demand with my shaking and scratchy voice: “I just need some time alone.” “But Miss, we can’t just (…)”, Aurelia starts of her complain while worryingly eyeing me. “It’s fine Aurelia, I just need some time for myself. And I am pretty sure you’ve got something better to do then watching me wheep”, I try to laugh to lighten the mood which only comes out as a scratchy cough. “Are you sure with that?”, Luna asks suspicious, bitting her nails while studying my expression. “Yes, I am very sure”, I state, not backing down. Luna nods and is the first one to quietly leave the room, Radia and Aurelia following her lead with a longing glaze at my fragile silhouette.

After the door falls shut, the first sob is escaping my rough throat, making an inhuman sound an ripping through the walls. Salty tears start streaming down my face, dissolving my makeup and creating an ongoing waterfall along my neck. Wet dark spots appear on my delecate dress, ruining it’s stunningly fabric. How could I’ve been so stupid (…), so stupid to believe I could make it. Why did I even try? Why didn’t I just stay home? I sob again at the thought of home and regret ever betraying father. I should have listened to him! I will be eliminated in a few hours and got no where to go. Mum won’t take me back without a promising husband, so where will I live? Gosh, I would never survive on my own and if I get kicked out now, my career will be over as fast as I can say Guacamole. An other sob rips trough the air, making the walls shiver while tears are now wetting the floor beneath me. I rest my head onto the cold floor while small needy sounds are escaping my mouth.

With a soft noise my door cracks open, I slowly look up and see a dark beauty who I can identify as Lady Seraphine, standing in the doorway. “Why are you crying like that?”, confidence radiating of her flawless skin. With a confused expression I only manage to bring out a little “Huuhh?” sound. “You’re on the floor, crying like a little child. Why?”, she asks in a demanding voice, closing the door. “I fucked up”, I manager to say with a sniffled sound. She sighs and makes here way towards me, siting down on the edge of my large princess bed. “What did you do?” I take one last breath before starting to ramble with in a whiny voice: “Like for the first half I didn’t even talk and then he asked me what I did for fun”, I start sobbing again, trying to remember every thing that went wrong during the interview, “and bare in my mind I rarely do anything for fun and then I said something and he thought it was boring and then I asked him if he could love someone like me who doesn’t even know themselves.” I sniffed a bit before I add: “I am such an idiot.” Sera stares at me with a confused and anoyed look, still sitting on the bed above me. “W-wait hold up girl, about who are we talking here?”, she groans, “you got to make yourself more clear.” I slighlty nod while stating that I am complaining about my interview with Price Dominic. “Ah right the interview, I’m sure you didn’t screw that up”, she states, confident in here words. But how can she know? “ I am pretty sure that I am the first one to be eliminated. He probably thinks that I am way to weird for him”, I state, burying myself in self-loathing. “Oh come on, you can’t be that bad. I bet some out there were weirder than you.” “Are you sure?”, I ask still sniffeling a bit. “You have to drop the insecurity girl, it won’t bring you anywhere.” She is right, but I’ll never as confident as her. I mean, how could I with that lack of social skills. “But how do I do that Sera?”, I ask like a little girl trying to learn to tie her shoelaces into a proper knot. “Of course I am sure”, she proudly comments before commanding: “First of all get up from that floor and wipe your tears away, don’t cry over a boy.” I do what she says and take a seat next to her on my light pink duvet, whipping away the salty tears still leaking from my watery eyes. “Good, second don’t worry too much about what you say. If you show you don’t care and have trust in your words you already come over much more confident”, she states trying to encourage me to be myself. Can I even be me, without knowing who my true self is? The same doubt came up at the end of my interview, ruining it for once and forever.

“But I don’t know how to properly socialise so how will I appear more confident if I am not capable of holding proper conversations”, I bring up my doubts from earlier, clearly stating my weaknesses. I definitely shouldn’t be that open towards a complete stranger. Only god knows what she will do with these information, maybe even feeding it to the press, trying to ruin my calm and collected representation. But I have a feeling that she is clearly different, maybe even as misunderstood and mistreated as me. We would share the same dispair. “I think you need to get out of your shell more, be bold, go to people and talk to them. Be more… like me.” Be bold, I repeat in my head, be bold.

“I don’t think it’s possible to be just like you… But I’d like to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. But how exactly do I do that?” “By really just going for it, doing things you wouldn’t do normally. What is something you won’t do usually?” Gosh that’s such a hard question. Nearly everything I have experienced in the last 48 hours and which I am experiencing right now, is at least a bit unfamiliar to me. “Applying to the selection was already one of it”, I laugh a bit at that very obvious answer, “but I normally do everything my parents ask me to do, so…. Maybe I wouldn’t eat chocolate or throw knifes normally?” I should definitely try one of these the next few days, okay, maybe not the last one. “I get that.. but that is exactly what you need to do then. Eat all the chocolate that you want, talk to people, throw knives at them”, she states with a small sad smile gracing her lips. After realising what she said she coughs a bit while adding a “sorry not at them of course”, who h makes me giggle. “I should definitely try that. But do chocolate and pizza actually taste that good as everyone says they do?” “You’ll have to find out for yourself, honey.” “But what if it tastes so good I can’t stop eating?”, I moan a bit due to her sketchy and teasing answer. “Then you keep eating, so what?”, she shrugs her shoulders and stares at me with an innocent expression gracing her beautifull painted features. “But thenI’ll ruin my body”, I whine while pouty lips are distorting my face, making me look like an immature six year old schoolgirl. “I thought we, as dancers, had some sort of discipline?”, Sera wonders while raising an eyebrow. She is right, we do have a lot of discipline, but I actually planned on throwing it all out of the window during the course of the selection. “We do. Maybe I can control myself with the chocolate”, I sigh while realising that no tears are running down my face. My pulse has finally calmed down a bit and Dom’s face isn’t clouding my messy head anymore. “You better do, it would be a waste of your body.”

I massage my soar hands, finally feeling the blood running trough my veins again, banishing the numbness which took over my fragile body way to long. “You are right. Maybe just a tiny bit of chocolate. I can manage that”, I agree with her while nodding, still making out the dizziness located in my chaotic head. “See”, she states while getting up again, smoothing out her dress and looking towards the door, “you’re all good.” “Thank you Sera”, I state gratefully while taking her small figure into my embrace, giving her a loving hug. I inhale slowly, being glad that I still know the rough basics of showing emotion through simple, everyday actions. I deeply sigh as I realise that I don’t even know when I last hugged someone. It could have been years ago. “No problem, but you have to do it on your own now girl”, she gladly accepts the hug. Slowly I take a step back, trying not to let the sadness take over again, and state while nodding: “I promise Sera. I am a big girl.” A genuine smile is gracing my lips, happiness and warmth is floating my body, a tingly feeling is spreading through my veins. She rolls her eyes again and smiles lightly before mentioning: “I got something for you, as a farewell gift.” A farewell gift? Is she already leaving? No, that can’t be. She hasn’t had her interview yet and I doubt that Prince Dom would eliminate a beauty like her right away. She hands me a little flask and calmy remarks: “Give it to Dominic, when he is annoying you, or when you’re married.” With narrowed eyes I inspect the shiny little flask and wonder what liquid is filling up this coquille. I nod slightly, while tugging it under my pillow: “Thank you sera, I will give it to him if the time comes.” “Good”, she states while looking in the mirror and touching up her dark brown silky hair, “I got to go now, remember my words okay? Be bold girl, you got it.“

Be bold.

“I will live your advice Sera. Thanks for that”, I affirm her plea and present her a last genuine smile. I fumble with my hands, still feeling the warmth returning to my limbs. She winks at me before heading to the dark brown wooden door, walking out with a “I’ll miss you Rubes.”

I stare at the closed door for a couple of seconds thinking about her last words, wondering if they confirmed my assumptions, before I shrug it off and stand up with weak knees and make my way to my grand white desk. With gleaming eyes, I stare at my complexion and my slightly ruined make up. I could make a panda competition with this look. With an easy flick of my wrist, I grab a makeup wipe and gently rub off the remaining face paint clogging my pores. After moisturizing my now clean face, I try to imitate a few steps my maids taught me this morning while Zuzu was warming up her voice. First I shall use primer, than put on some matching foundation with a brush, after that I should apply concealer, powder and a little bit of eyeshadow and add blush for some rosy cheeks. The finishing touches consist of a simple eyeliner without a wringe, or whatever they call it, a bit of nude lipstick and then I am done. I proudly view my finished makeup and am definitely very pleased with the results. It’s definitely not the best, but I am still learning, it’s definitely better than the make up I used to apply at competitions and much better than the mess my face was before. With one last sip of water, I make my way to the closet and choose one of the already finished evening gowns and let it glide over my smooth skin. A blood red gown is now gracing my complexion, creating contrast against my dark skin, while making my red cheeks stand out as well. I twirl around and admire my dress floating in the hair, while discerning my figure from different angles. My hair is still in a pretty updo from earlier this evening, revealing my prominent collarbones and round shoulders. I nod towards my complexion in the mirror, a proud and confident smile appearing on my lips, now I can be bold.