Elimination Fic - Throw me a lifeline
Anything that is beautiful, people want to break.
The stars are still shining and planet earth is still turning, but the life I gave everything up for, is falling apart right in front of my eyes. And I stand here on the bridge of loneliness, shivering at the thought that my glamorous life may be over. I am on my own now. The possibility of love just shattered moments ago, leaving me numb to the core, unable to breath. What shall I do now? Everything I knew, which was so familiar and kept me safe my entire life, I dumped away for the opportunity of a life time and jumped into the ice cold water, but never learned how to swim. How won’t I drown without being able to swim, you may ask? Well, you’ve got to grip onto something floating. Someone who is keeping you alive. And right now I find myself in a deep wide ocean with no one to hold onto.
My tender body violently shakes as I walk down the flight of stairs leading down to the grande entrance hall. Setting one foot after another, trying not to fall down the stairs just like I did on the day I arrived. Just weeks ago this palace seemed to be the answer to all of my hopes and dreams and now it’s just a cold, still unknown place to a figure without any importance, like me. My maids are silently shuffling behind me, carrying my heavy luggage with heartbreaking tears wetting their delicate faces. Even Aurelia is shedding glassy tears which silently drop onto her newly bought uniform, creating unsettling patterns on her white blouse (…) and we haven’t even had the chance to say our goodbyes yet. Pairs of high heels leave a distant hollow sound on the wooden flooring, making it sound more like a funeral then a trip home. Although I am not aware of what “home” is anymore. My eyes wander across the simple decorations hung up on these otherwise naked walls, remembering all these lonely nights I walked through these halls, still hearing the distant laugher from the other selected while throwing countless sleepovers and breakfast party’s.
With Zuzu’s golden cage in one hand and Lola’s leash in the other I stalk to the golden gate, keeping my head high as I walk to the dark shiny car, waiting at the entrance to ride me to my new destination. Gently I put down Zuzu’s cage and hand the kind looking driver Lola’s leash before turning around and facing my maids who are starring at me with puffy faces waiting for my goodbyes. I take a deep breath and a genuinely sad smile appears on my face, trying not to break down under the pressure this evening has put me through. I barely even get a word out before the quietest of them all, Radia, pulls me into a deep hug. A single tear falls down my face and lands onto her exposed neck; tightly gripping at her cloths as I feel the numbness spreading trough my veins. My chest keeps getting tighter and tighter, but the maids simple touch is a reminder of the joyful moments and the unconditional love some people still bear in their soul, and keeps my shaking body from collapsing. With one last smile I turn around and only get out a breathy “Thank you” before Aurelia and Luna go in for a hug as well, both of them crying at my unstable figure, holding me with their shaking fingers, gracing my hair one last time. “Take care”, Aurelia whispers, her hands still resting on my bare arms as she takes a step back. A worried face opposite of mine, studying my complexion while I fiddle with a small note in my left hand, before taking of my golden ring with a large ruby inside, a present from the past I don’t need anymore. I simply nod before asking with an anxious voice crack, still viewing the gap on my finger where the ring used to be: “Could you please give that ring of mine and this letter to Lady Aricia? I hope it can give her some closure. (…) And you guys”, I gesture to all three of them, “Please take care of yourselves as well. I am so thankful that you have shown me what true kindness looks like. You all have embodied it in such different ways, it’s unbelievable how different you are and still share the same values and love. Please never lose your bright smiles and kindness for others.” I take Luna’s hand, whispering: “Please don’t worry about me, I will be fine.“ With one last smile I turn around, not looking back at these wonderful people I just had to cut out of my life, while their silhouettes still cry in the midday sun.
I take a deep breath as the heavy door closes behind me. The hollow sound vibrates through my numb skull, emptiness sinks down to my stomach. A pair of eyes study my shaking silhouette, waiting for an approval to ride me home. But I won’t go back home, I can’t. Mother won’t take me back without a husband by my side and to be honest I don’t know if I am ready to go back into this toxic place I am supposed to call “home”. But where shall I go? My view keeps wandering around, closely watching the world outside this narrowing car. My maids already left, they got no time to grief. Their world keeps spinning, even though I am not around anymore. They got new tasks to fulfil, new mistresses to please, without ever seeing me again. Neither will I see my parents again, I am not sure if I even want to, but the fact that they kicked me out means that I am homeless from now on. I was supposed to live life as a glamours two, maybe even become a one by marring a prince, but now my life keeps falling apart and in less than a month I’ll be officially be an eight without any chance for a better future ahead. My hands start shaking as I rub my neck, trying to process that sudden realisation. I will have to live on the streets (…). Tears stream down my face, expressing emotions I am not capable of expressing any other way. I got no one left. I am on my own from now on, without any clue how I shall survive the next weeks.
Shadows of distant memories creep up on the side of the car, trying to drown me in grief for the moments I once felt so alive. The countless nights filled with silent giggles, along side my trusted maids. Or the one time I tried to be bold and shine like a subtle stat, along side my not so kind trouble buddy Kat. The countless runs I’ve had with Lady Finley or the unforgettable evenings with Lady Aricia. I never realised how much those simple encounters meant until I had to say goodbye to all the future ones.
A silent sob rips trough the clouded air as I closely hold my knees to my vibrating chest. The man in the frontseat slowly turns around, waiting for the right moment to raise his tender voice. I am pretty sure that I’ve never felt this vulnerable in my entire life. Gently I let head sink onto my knees, holding together everything I’ve got left. I pick up on Lola shuffling around in the luggage space, calming down my beating heart. Softly I let out another shaky breath before I sit upright again and face the stranger with the handsome eyes. Keep yourself together, Ruby. “Are you ready to go home?”, he asks in a soft voice, trying not to scare me. “I won’t go home”, I state, desperately trying to stop my voice from shaking. He studies my expression with narrowed brows, sending a shiver down my spine. “Are you sure you don’t want to (…)”, he slightly starts to argue before I cut him off. “I am very sure. Thank you very much.” I turn around facing the window again, wondering were I should go to. I pick up on a slight cough before the young man picks up his raspberry voice again: “So ehhmm… Where shall I take you then if it isn’t home?” I let that question sink in, still not knowing the answer to that or any of my own questions. “Take me to quietest part of Angels”, I state before buckling up the seatbelt. With a slight nod from his side and a smooth rotation of the wheel, he starts driving the white mustang trough the empty courtyard. Trees illuminated by the blinding afternoon sun grace the subtle path leading out of the palace walls into the guarded streets of Illéa. Images of forgotten days and memories flash by, the much needed silence in the car giving my head time to rest. Biting at my wet and still swollen lip, keeps my throat from creating unnecessary sobs deep down in my tightened chest. I close my eyes, softly massaging my temples as I try not to think at all. Emptying my brain from it’s chaotic thoughts should be my only goal for this evening.
Nearly half an hour later the driver, who I’ve been studying closely nearly the entire ride instead of focusing on my own problems, pulls up next to a small park and switches off the silent motor, before studying me in the mirror; brows furrowed and a worried expression on his face. “We are here”, he simply announces with a slight raise of his voice, probably an attempt at bringing back my long gone conscious mind. “I can see that”, I state, opening the door and stepping outside on slighlty shacky feet, nearly tripping over. Luckily a fast hand grabs my cold arm before I can hit the ground, it’s owner whispering slightly something along the lines of “Ohh dear” before finally letting me. I take a step back and turn around in a tender half pirouette, slightly rubbing my arm, before slowly stalking towards the trunk without a word by my side. I open the door and am greeted by a cheerful little puppy and a not so bright bird inside. With a small smile gracing my fragile complexion, I pick up Zuzu’s cage and whistle for Lola to follow me. Soon after I can hear her joyfully panting beside me as I face the driver again, expressing my gratitude and leaving without waiting for his polite answer.
The desinger heels on my feet and the shiny luggage in my hand look so out of place against the bright green grass and the dark boles of the old trees lining the path infront of me. The last ray of sunshine light up the tips of treetops and and illuminate the otherwise dark park. Next to a large weeping willow a small bench found it’s place, surrounded by the most beautiful flowers on the pasture. Silent tears just poor down my face, without a reason at all. Or maybe there is a reason, maybe even multiple reason my brain just can’t pick up on. With steady steps I make may way to the silent place I spotted moments ago and try to calm down my heavy breathing. Realisation sets in as I sit down onto the wooden bench. I am homeless. Another silent tear settles down onto my handmade dark blue dress as my hands start to shake. A cold wind passes me by and a shiver runs down my spine, the floot of tears just insulates as a soft ringing disrupts the silence around me. With a soft sniffle I get my new phone, which my lovely maids arranged for me this evening, out of my suitcase and silently answer the call.
“Hello?”, I state a bit confused, not awaiting a call so soon. “Hey, Ruby. How are you?”, a breathy voice asks from the other side without waiting for an other word of mine. It must be Aricia. I try to silent a sob bubbling up my throat before answering: “I am fine Aricia, thanks for asking. How are you my dear? (…) And why are you calling so late at night?” The last bits of sunshine have already disappeared, cooling down the now dark meadow and sending down countless shivers and goosebumps down my body. What would I give for a warm jacket. “I’m ok… And as for why im calling so late… I wasnt able to sleep. I havent been able to sleep properly for the past couple of days”, she states with a deep sigh. Even through the phone I can imagine her sitting on her bed, her eyes furrowed and a sad smile gracing her coloured lips. “Is everything alright? Do you know what is causing you trouble to sleep?”
“Yeah, but the weight of everything is just resting heavy on my shoulders. About my lack of sleep… Its just nightmares, nothing big. Anyways”, she takes a deep breath, probably desperately trying to change the subject, “What are you up to now? Any plans?” Ohh no. Please don’t. “I am trying to find a place to stay for a night and figure out where my… Euhmm journey will take me from now on. I decided to not go back home to my parents, I mean they won’t take me in either way but I’d still rather be in their company than feel that lonely as I do”, I attempt to state without admitting my full situation, clearly sweating at the uncomfortable change of topic. “Ahh, i see. I wish you the best of luck!” “Thank you….”, I answer followed by an awkward silence on both sides. “So…”, Aricia voices while laughing a bit. “How is everything going in the palace? I’ve heard the Prince announced his favorites in the newest report. That’s at least, what people say…”, I try to keep the conversation flowing with my lack of social skills. “Yeah, he did. It was on fridays report. And everything in the palace is swell as usual, though i feel that something bad is going to happen… But its probably just me going crazy”, she sighs obviously over thinking her situation. I try to clam her down, attempting to eliminate her fears: “Honey, don’t worry that much. I am sure it will be fine in the end.” “I hope so.” A barking behind me disrupts the rocky conversation. “Shhhh lola, I am talking to Aricia, our friend, do you remember her? … Of course you do, what a good girl you are.” I cough a bit, realising I an still on the phone with Lady Aricia. “Hi lola!! is it time for you to feed her or something?”, she asks laughing at our ridiculous behavior. “She already had dinner but apparently she saw a rabbit running by and probably wanted to play with it”, I laugh as well, trying to cover up that blunt lie of mine, felling guilty about not being able to provide food for my little friend. “That sounds like our Lola”, she states with a chuckle, probably smiling to herself. “It does indeed”, I laugh along before hearing a group of drunk men enter the park, “I should probably go to sleep, I have big day ahead tomorrow”, I finish my statement with an other lie, while closely watching the loud silhouettes coming nearer. “Yeah, you should. Goodnight Rubes! Sleep tight! Remember that I’m here for you if you need anything!” “Thank you Aricia. I hope you can get some rest as well! I’ll talk to you soon”, I say, smiling gratefully, a welcoming warmth settling in, which I haven’t felt for quiet some time. The loud voices don’t bother me anymore, I can finally breath again, because I feel safe, thanks to her. “Alright, sweet dreams Ruby”, she says before hanging up on me. The warmth still keeping the goosebumps away.
As the night progresses and the temperature falls, I cuddle up with a blanket of mine (which Aurelia thankfully packed just in case) and Lola by my side on the wooden bench. I may not be counting sheeps tonight but counting stars seems to be a nice option lying under the glowing firmament. And as I lay here, warmth is still radiating of my chest where just hours ago darkness claimed it’s place, leaving me hopeless and cold inside. Just remembering the conversation with Aricia, it’s giving me strength to continue my journey on my own, not giving up just yet. And maybe the ocean isn’t as lonely as it seems to be.
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