#rpgwarrior4824

Thank you! Not in any particular order-- I like all of these fics. 

1. We the Sunset by Stonelions (Dorian X Cullen)

2. I Come to You with Nothing by CommonEvilMastermind (Solas x Lavellan)

3. Strange Places: Fenris and Amabel Hawke (Fenris x Hawke) This is cheating because it is a series, but otherwise the list would just be @aban-asaara‘s work. 

4. Mend, You Homespun Sorrow by @loquaciousquark (Fenris x Hawke)

5. Sunshine in the Dark by Kauri (Bethany x Alistair)

6. Promise What You Will by @smutnug (Cousland x Alistair)

7. Under Good Regulation by @wardsarefunctioning (Trevelyan x Solas)

8. Three by @ellstersmash (Solas x Lavellan)

9. A Lesson in Drowning by @theherocomplex (Fenris x Hawke)

from this list

On AO3 here

Oh, thank you so much for this one!  It triggered my orignial (canon) Shepard in my head, and she jumped onto it so fast my head is still spinning!  Have a bit of Serafina Shepard and Kaidan.

~~~

Back on the SR1, the Normandy’s mess was located just outside of the Captain’s quarters.  Midnight runs for a quick snack or cup of hot tea by the commander usually went unnoticed except by those few who were on duty.  The only person she ever came into contact with on a regular basis was Kaidan, and they developed an unspoken routine between them.  She would make tea and take a seat at one of the tables; he would grab a cup of coffee and join her.  Their talks centered around a variety of topics during that mission, but gradually, each one brought them closer together.  It was unexpected, but times like that had helped her through some difficult times, and she’d come to value them.

This time around, it is far more difficult to find the peace and serenity she needs.  Two decks separate her cabin from the mess.  Two decks with near constant flow of foot traffic, of personnel on duty, and a much larger crew deck, and by association, mess on warship now busier than ever and never, ever, seems to sleep.  She doesn’t resent the change – not really – but it makes slipping in and out of the mess to grab a cup of tea to chase away the nightmares far more of a challenge than it used to be.

“Shepard.”

She’s staring at the kettle, as if willing the water to boil will make it happen faster when Kaidan walks up.  She darts a quick look over at him, tilts her head slightly in greeting, but otherwise remains silent.  His presence back aboard the ship is welcome, there’s no doubt about that, but since his return there’s an uneasy tension between them that stems not just from their past together, but also from the way events of the Cerberus coup attempt played out. That tension isn’t something she is in the mood to deal with right now.

Somewhere nearby something crashes to the ground, rattling against the deck plating, followed by a pair of voices arguing over whose fault it is.  Shepard stiffens, winces, but holds herself in check.  Barely.  In the next heartbeat, the kettle starts to whistle and she scrambles to pour her tea.

A hand gently touches her shoulder.  A soft tremor ripples through her.  “Hey, you okay?”

She sets the kettle back, turns off the burner and nods once.  “I’m … I’m good.”  But even she hears the hoarse rasp in her voice that indicates she’s anything but.  

Her hand shakes as she reaches for her mug, and she wonders if she’ll be able to carry it without sloshing the liquid over the edge and burning her hand. Kaidan comes to her assistance, lifting it and offering her a reassuring smile.  As their eyes meet, he murmurs, “Come on, I know a place that’s a bit quieter.” With a nod, she does.

It takes mere moments to arrive at the observation deck, but it’s empty when the door opens, and she doesn’t fail to notice that he locks it behind them. Ignoring the lights for now, he leads her over to the bench that has the best view of the passing stars and sits. She follows and glides into the seat beside him.  It’s awkward for a moment; aside from her visit to the hospital to see him, this is the closest they’ve sat by one another in three years, but that eases a little when he hands over the mug of tea and she wraps both hands around it. Cautiously, she takes a sip.

He breathes in deeply.  “Lavender?”

A conversation back on the SR1, one of their first, comes to mind.  I never did like chamomile, but lavender is just as calming.  Her lips twitch slightly at the corners.  “You remember.”

He leans forward and rests his arms across his legs as he stares out the window. “Difficult to forget,” he admits. He tilts his head so he can see her. “Having nightmares again?”

Her head drops and she stares into the tea.  “You … remember that, too.”

“Gellix was a hard mission,” he says.  “Scientists, families, children … all of them coming under attack like that.”  He half turns in the seat to face her.  “Which dream was it this time?  Something from the beacon?”

She snorts softly and shakes her head.  “No, those are under control now, thanks to Javik’s help.”

Silence fills the space between them for a moment, two, before Kaidan tries again. “Mind if I ask what?”

Shepard inhales softly through her nose and releases it slowly.  “Mindoir.  Akuze.  Alchera.”  Her voice is but a whisper, barely audible, but he is focused on her and she can see his eyes widen with each one named.  Another sigh, this one far more ragged and raw, rattles through her lungs.  “I’ve lost everything.  I keep losing everything.”  

It’s a struggle to fight back the emotion, now that they are openly discussing it, and one lone tear escapes to trickle down the side of her nose.  Out of instinct, she presumes, his hand rises to brush it away.  Only he has ever witnessed her like this, at least in more recent times.  Only he understands just how deep the pain still grips. She lifts her free hand and wraps it around his wrist, gently tugging it away from her face; not because she doesn’t want his touch – she does, she’s been trying to find a way to navigate that awkward road back to having something with him, at least – but because she leans toward him and rests her forehead against his.  Her eyes close for a moment, her breathing hitches softly when he doesn’t pull back.  “Kaidan,” she breathes, a hint of desperation in her words, “I don’t want to lose anyone else!”

His arms move around her, careful of the tea she still holds, faster than it takes for her to open her eyes again.  Over her hair, across her shoulders, down her arms until he sets the tea aside and takes her hands in his, bringing them both to his lips.  He places a gentle kiss on the back of the knuckles before murmuring, “You haven’t lost me yet, and you won’t if I have anything to say about it.”

Tugging one hand free, she moves it so her fingers cover his lips to silence him. As declarations go, it gives her a fair idea that he’s of the same mind as she is, but they exist in a galaxy at war, and things are far more complicated now than they were three years ago. It’s going to take time – time they don’t really have – and patience to work their way back … is it worth it?

He kisses her fingertips, a hint of a smile curving up as her gaze darts back to his.  She’s forgotten this impish side to him when they’re alone.  Her heart aches just a bit more … but it’s such a sweet ache, so familiar, almost like coming home.  How can she ignore it?  Lowering her hand, she ghosts a kiss across his lips before sitting back.  

He’s the first to recover and speak.  “We’re headed to the Citadel, right?”

“Yes.”

The thumb of his left hand starts lightly tracing patterns on the back of her right hand which he still holds.  “Sounds like you could use a sanity check.  Meet me at Apollo’s for dinner?  I hear they still have steak.”

She laughs – for the first time in what feels like forever, an honest to goodness, deep from the belly laugh.  And it feels … good.  “Sounds like a plan, major,” she agrees with a smile.

😭 My heart just melted 💜 Thank you for been an awesome friend and an equally incredible person 💞 Your work is lovely!! (And I'm waiting with anticipation your next work 👀 Ellana, Marsilla *wink* *wink* *wink* No pressure, it's just the one I'm more looking foward to read 😅 😉) Thank you again 😭 (I still cannot believe I'm mutual with so many incredible people, including, of course, you 😊) As for my plans to the future... I need to get rid of my one shot ideas so they let me work in my long fics in peace 😂😉 (and no, i didn't forget about the idea of the Gen book you inspired 😉) Probably I'm repeting myself a lot, but you're not gonna get rid of me, before a writer, I'm a fangirl, so YOU are stuck with me XD

Thank you so much for the ask! These were really fun.

L. favourite fic of yours?

I answered this one here

T. when did you start reading fanfic?

The first time I ever started reading fanfic was in 2008. It was right after I played the first Mass Effect game for the first time. I was so enthralled, I just had to have more of the story. The problem with that was I was in school for Digital Animation at the time, and I very easily felt myself getting addicted to fanfiction. My education starting to suffer so after a few months, I cut myself off completely. I didn’t read fanfiction again until 2017. Playing Mass Effect Andromeda renewed my love for Mass Effect in general, but also my love for fanfiction.

U. when did you start writing fanfic?

The very first time I wrote fanfiction is a bit of a funny story, I think. I didn’t know what fanfiction was, but I had a creative writing assignment in high school. I was very into the show “Alias” at the time and wanted to write my own episode for it. I made the mistake of not changing any names or anything and my teacher found me out. He hadn’t really watched the show, but he knew enough about it to catch on, so he was actually worried that I plagiarized. Luckily, he ended up giving me the benefit of the doubt because I was one of those good student types. By the time I knew what fanfiction was and did it purposely, I tried to write a story in 2008 when I got into reading it. I think I only wrote the first chapter at the time. It was a story where Anderson and Dr. Chakwas had a romantic history together but didn’t meet again until joining the Normandy for its first mission. It was before all of the books were out to flesh out Anderson’s history more, so I didn’t know about Kahlee or anything. For whatever reason, I kind of clung onto them as a ship at the time when no one else had. That story never saw the light of day, though.

V. post the last sentence you wrote.

I’m going to go with the second to last sentence because the last sentence kind of gives away a punch line in a potentially upcoming fic. Here it is:

From behind the hologram, she could see Kaidan barely able to contain himself, burying his head in a pillow, his body silently convulsing with laughter.

Thanks again so much for the ask!!

Thank you for the ask!

14 - If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Answered here.

15 - A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

Oh man... I want to be greedy and ask for Cetus. It can be a 5 season 10 episode show! There is a lot to cover with a big cast. Going from Ryder's POV to the people on the Tempest, the shit that's happening in the Nexus and all that. Ooooh what a thought. 

16 - What is your most underrated fic?

Right now, Memini. I wish it has more people would read it. Like it is my crowning achievement of the entire Bad Things Happen bingo card. The other has to be Pictures on the Wall. A zombie AU with Shep and Ryder what's not to love? 

17 - What fic are you most proud of?

Hmmm... I think Ace. It's the most personal and it seemed to have resonated with many. I'm happy to have it out there and maybe adding just a little bit into the ace representation in the DA fandom. 

Thank you!!!!

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

[hastily shoves Sonata under the bed]

Uh uh. Don’t have any idea where you got that idea from. I have no idea what it’s like to not realize you’re in love with your best friend.

H: How would you describe your style?

I try very hard to make emotional spaces in my fic feel like something the reader can reach out and physically touch. I don’t always succeed, but I try.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

The angstiest fic is this one.

But idea? Well, writing Sonata presented me with a “found family” opportunity for Shepard that I am not going to let go of. But I then had a realization it means Shepard will ultimately grieve three father figures. His real father, Anderson, and Mr. Alenko. I had to lie down and stare at the ceiling for a while after that one.

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

He often asked why I wanted him, a doubt fuelled by his own brand of self loathing; it flickered like a broken neon sign even when our bodies lay spent from the showing, too bright to ignore.

Ok so obviously this is going to be turian-centric mostly, I hope you’re okay with that ;)

Unfortunately my emotional exhaustion hasn’t allowed me to get involved in reading too much lately (it’s a curse, I can’t concentrate, ergh), but these are some of my favourites that I like to go back to:

Quality Self Discovery Time by BethAdastra

Let’s Keep Going by Smehur

Shepard is hot support group by mapcake

Taetrus Trash by anonymous_moose

And a little smut:

The Auction where Everyone Wins by NothingTame

And these are on my reading list and will hopefully manage to get to them/continue reading them:

Absolution: A Mass Effect Story by Cosmic_Elf

Thinker Traitor Soldier Spectre by Smehur