but anyway. so ed is a trans girl and then performs human transmutation on herself in order to have the traditional woman’s body (with al’s help!) and all four of her parental figures are pissed, although hohenheim and izumi are reluctantly impressed. and ed grows up wanting nothing more than to be a housewife, and at 18 she moves to central to study at the university with al and winry in tow. and of course she runs into roy, OF COURSE. and roy is like, all reluctantly into her because she’s sweet and smart and funny and gorgeous but also 12 years younger than him, so. and ed hates the military but she like roy, and she’s like ‘my parents, all four of them, will hate him this is awful.’ and roy and ed can’t help themselves, start dating, and sure she’s a little young, but maes gleefully points out that a pretty housewife from the country is just what his political career needs.

and things are going really, really well when someone gets the bright idea to kidnap ed and hold her for ransom / kill her as punishment for mustang. and mustang mobilizes his team and sets them up to go get her, all the while wallowing in his guilt and anger that he ever let this happen, ever let this innocent girl who just wanted to settle down get caught up in all this.

except. ed’s idea of a housewife is, you know, less trisha elric and more izumi curtis. so she cheerfully and almost effortlessly beats her kidnappers bloody, steals their car, and dumps them all at roy’s feet in the middle of central command like a cat presenting a dead bird. and  everyone is like ???? tf, while havoc just goes ‘holy shit chief, she’s perfect for you. she’s even scarier than hawkeye.’

and roy’s like .... how good of an alchemist / fighter are you, exactly. and then roy and ed have a spar and ed doesn’t cream him but she comes awfully close and considering roy is a brigadier general and a war hero and ed’s this pretty civilian lady it’s what no one expected and maes is basically jumping up and down shouting ‘you like it, put a ring on it!!!’ with accompanying pelvic thrusts.

and roy does, and meets the rest of frankly terrifying family, and whoo boy, he used to think she was an innocent country mouse. he’s an idiot.