Don’t hang your head, let the 2 time roll. Grass shack nailed to a pinewood floor...
I was putting the boys to bed Wednesday night. I bought them several new books including the novel Peter Pan with the goal of reading them one chapter a night. After I read and talked with the boys for a bit, Kevin asked me what they were doing the following day. I told him his mother was coming over in the morning. His face just lite up and asked “are we having a family day?” I said “I’m sorry little man. I have work tomorrow”. His face just sank. I hugged him and comforted him, but in my mind I was cursing Dawn for her bullshit leading to our family’s destruction. Yesterday at work I looked up Ian and saw his picture, and some of his old tweets (the arrogant prick). as well as reading different divorced spouses talking about how infidelity ruined their families. I thought about how it would feel to Ian if someone came in and ruined HIS family. Break little Oliver’s heart that his family was destroyed because someone was bored and the mother was a mentally weak a slut. I made a facebook entry on “my story” complaining that “it could be worse” doesn’t really help mend a broken heart over infidelity. I eventually took it down. My paranoia of my friends, family and co-workers thinking I’m this sad sack of a pathetic loser who is still crying 2 years later about the same thing. I got out at 2 pm so Bungee, Kristy and I could make it to the Dead and Company show in Camden. Dawn and the boys were at the house when I got back. I was so annoyed at her and I didn’t try to hide it. She, obviously, could tell. By the time I got to Gateway I sent her a text. I said I was sorry, it was my problem and I am dealing with it the best I could. Was apologizing the best thing to do? Probably not. But, I don’t know what else to do when I just can’t hide my contempt for her and her actions that ruined our family and broke Kevin’s heart. I know she’s undoubtedly bitter toward ME for being angry at HER regarding this. Dawn is just as predictable as I am. She is annoyed that I dare still hold a grudge about the way she treated me and our family as though all of us weren’t as important as her own self gratification.
We get to the show in plenty of time. The first few songs I am barely paying attention. Again I am so mad a Dawn I might as well be anywhere other than one of my favorite places to be (dead show). They start playing the third tune, Row Jimmy. When John Mayer sings the third verse. “Broken Hearts, don’t feel so bad, You ain't got half of what you thought you had”. That line. It snapped me out of it, I suddenly teared up and could feel my anger melting away and the music capturing my attention. I danced and sang the rest of the night. Thank you Robert Hunter. You may have written that song over 40 years ago but I needed to hear it.
