#rough month

And by “how often” ... I mean every single video.

Worse even is the fact that I want to be angry over it, but the hate has beaten me down so much that my only response is to feel overwhelmingly exhausted by it all.

I do not hold myself in high regard at all, quite the opposite actually. I am my harshest legitimate critic.

But even so, I do also know how hard I work, how much of my soul I pour into everything I do, and to the lengths of which I will go to make things better.

And yet the hate I receive constantly outweighs any accomplishments.

It was a difficult month in terms of birthdays (mine, my brothers), stress, injury and illness but I am disappointed that I let things slip so badly.

I have lost 2lbs something this week and I am really trying not to allow having tonsillitis turn into just eating cookies and ice cream in bed for weeks on end. I find it really difficult to eat veg when I feel ill but I am trying to eat plenty with dinner (lunch always seems to be the meal I feel most off colour) and to eat a variety of fruit.

Looked up some new recipes and did a massive food shop yesterday based on those recipes so hopefully I will begin to feel a bit more inspired by food.

This illness is making it so difficult. I always find it hard to eat well when I’m not exercising (my brain tries to tell me ‘what’s the point??’), I don’t really fancy food but I’m still hungry so I end up eating lots of non-offensive foods like toast, cereal, yoghurt, ice cream etc

Life is hard, and even when the light pieces the Darkness, that shadowy shit still surrounds you.

But whether in light or dark, ya'll are beautiful, and seen, and heard.