#rottackk

So I recently had a 9-year relationship end, and I am having to unlearn some bad shit from it, but I'm mostly, I'm having to relearn all the good shit I lost being in that relationship.

Firstly, I'm finding myself having a really hard time being alone, mostly because I was not able to be alone for years. As relaxing as it is, I still crave company. Not necessarily romantically or sexually. Moreover that enjoyment of just being in the presence of one another.

I deeply miss having close friends that I could couch-potatoe with, and we could say nothing to each other for hours. Just relishing in the safe and familiar space with each other.

Secondly, I also miss not having to be coy and careful about how I express myself. I used to be so unapologetically myself, and now, I'm so concerned about what I say, and how I'm perceived.

I hate it so much. I do NOT want to care what people think of me.

I'm very sound in my morals and ethics, and I truly live life with a lens of kindness, but lately I've been wondering if things would be easier if I fed into a role of villainess.

So, with those two points in mind, I find myself terribly conflicted trying to date again:

I don't trust anyone's intentions - which is continuingly being proven valid.

No one seems to be able to pay attention to what I tell them - so I'm just a walking meat sack with holes for ya'll to use. Great...

I just want to feel valued and appreciated, again. I just want good friends, again. I just want to be held while I sleep, again. I just want to feel human, again.

Thank you!

Nooo, I actually do not have any tattoos. I debated for a long time, but I think tattooing is something that should be kept as a sacred and purposeful practice.

I personally believe that people often don't know where tattooing originates from, and the reasonings behind people get them in the first place. I feel like the art and culture behind it has been diluted/white-washed, and thus has stripped of its true intentions.

I find it hard to get something that makes permanent statements, especially whether those statements are made mindfully (or not).