#rooftopthoughts

Feeling a bit #extra today #pensivemood #sundayvibes #sanfrancisco #rooftopthoughts https://www.instagram.com/p/CMablcJgvKI/?igshid=pllhpurkamtd

Enjoyed life. #rooftopthoughts #hardliferotaries https://www.instagram.com/p/Bye1G8bB_-HgeHNDvp-lEhbtqrR4oANLBRsyXQ0/?igshid=1xgz7occ1gu6m

home.itiswhatitis. #favouriteplace 🖤 #rooftopthoughts #headintheclouds #allthefeels #nostalgia https://www.instagram.com/p/BqSXtc9nS8h2r5bTJo-CiLpM4X2ohvvk-6XI3M0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tbp4tqqq7sdx

I’ve never mentioned this, but i never feel like I’m your first priority. it’s her. I know she always will be the first person you text good morning, the person you reply to first, the person you snap so often she’s your best friend. you call her baby and sweetie and other pet names more than you use with me. when we’re together you’re always texting her. when you’re with her, you can barely spare a second to say hi. even though it bothers me, I’ll never say anything. what’s to say? I know if I ever asked you to pick you’d pick her. maybe you might pick me for a while but then you’d resent me or just grow unhappy and drift away back to her. I know there’s noting romantic going on and i have nothing to worry about but it just makes me a little -i don’t even know what to call this feeling, like sad or resigned even. It makes me feel like we don’t have a future together because I’m not your first priority and maybe that person who will be is still out there. is it selfish of me, desperate even, to still want you even though i know you can’t give me what i want? I’ll let you decide if you want to break it off.

sometimes I wonder what goes on your head. sometimes I feel cherished, adored, worshiped by you. other times I feel so distant from you. like you don’t even care about me. and it scares me that I don’t know where I stand with you. because I’ll always have that fear that it’s all a lie or that you’ll come to the realization that you don’t love me or wonder why we’re even together to begin with. speaking of why we’re together, why are we even together? what on earth possessed you to even go after me? were you even attracted to me at the time? were you just feeling vulnerable because you weren’t in a relationship? like I never understood why you went for it. maybe it was because everyone said I liked you and so you thought I’d be a sure thing. maybe you just wanted someone because you weren’t used to being alone. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why. was I just convenient for you? that’s why I always feel insecure. because at the end of the day I feel you could walk away from everything and be fine, but me, I’d be a wreck. maybe on the outside I’d be composed and keeping it together but on the inside, I’d be lost. there’s a part of me that’s yours now and it’s hard to imagine my life without you beside me.