Mission: Cool Girlfriend
Robin Buckley & Mike Wheeler, Robin Buckley x Nancy Wheeler, Will Byers x Mike Wheeler
Summary: So... Robin has to tell Mike about her and Nancy. Nothing can go wrong, right? She just has to be cool.
Fluff/total chaos. 4 suggestive scenes (nothing explicit), heaps of cursing! Yay!
Author's note: second baby after getting rid of my other children. Did this instead of doing work (voluntarily). Had something smart to say but forgot it all (will update in case of brain not running on Windows 3.0). Cross-posted on ao3.
How does she start? “Hey...”? “So I...”? “Um...”?
Okay. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Robin. Your shoes don’t have straps. Nonetheless, do that. Whose boots have ever had straps? Also, doesn’t this kind of defy the laws of physics? Ugh-
The door slams open with an “oh, shit, fuck”.
When did she knock?
Mike is standing there confused, in all his disheveled, pajama-clad glory. Oh she’s so giving him pigtails during Truth or Dare.
“Robin? The hell? It’s 9 AM.”
“So what?”
“Growing boys like me need-“
“Their beauty sleep, yes. Excuse me, princess.”
Mike’s brain hasn’t yet caught up with his feet. Or his uncouth, door-slamming-at-ass-crack-of-morning (apparently? It’s really not that early. Gosh, boys) hands.
“Soooo, Mikey. Mickey? Mikhail. Miguel. Mi-“
“Do you want me to get Nance?” He’s about to holler the name of somebody very conveniently (not at all planned on Robin’s side) gone so the whole house hears, half of which (Ted) is probably still sleeping.
“No! Please, don’t yell.” She needs him, actually. Not Nance. She would probably make this easier, Robin’s hands wouldn’t be so shaky and clammy right now (Nancy could hold them), but no, she wants to do this alone. Mike’s her girlfriend’s (Aah! Can you believe??) brother, but she just has to say this herself.
Mike and her have really hit it off recently. He’s been on his most prized behavior during her Helping Steve Babysit hours, he’s just recently confided in her that he has this huge, all-Earth-encompassing, acutely painful crush on someone (she tried to be a respectful sisterly figure and not wheeze because. Mike. Do you think people around you are blind? But she knows how hard coming out is. So never is she going to make fun of something big to him that might end up less than a memory of a hurdle in the future). He’s even started inviting her to DnD nights. If she even cares. No problem if she doesn’t come. It’s okay if it’s not her thing. Really, she shouldn’t come. It’s probably boring, and- (she hugged him so hard his eyes watered. He said it was just excess fluid in his eyes that, like, got out because the hug was so strong. Sure.)
Anyway, what she’s trying to say: Michael Wheeler, a child, thinks she’s cool. She has to keep the impression up and not uncool-ify her gay aunt vibes and effortless sister-by-marriage (no, wait, no, they’re not married. Yet) persona.
And who does Mike Wheeler deem as the least cool person in the World? His sister, as it turns out. Her girlfriend, apparently. Dear god.
So, her plan is to break the news today. Easily let him down. Make his boyish heart break as little as possible. All she has to do is convince him that she's still cool, despite the fact that she’s very much in love with his ‘uncool’ sister, and also make him internalise Nancy’s unabashed and undeniable coolness. And god, that’s a lot. Jesus Christ, here she goes again.
She feels just a little guilty for revealing the literal existence of her relationship with his sister without said sister, but Nancy reassured her thoroughly that it’s peachy (in the form of many nose kisses and reruns of “yes, honey, I’m sure”, and… things you don’t need to know about). Nancy said herself, it would be too awkward for her. She’d rather just brace for the impact and not be a part of the process. (Also, she’s a bit too defensive of Robin. And if Mike even raises an eyebrow wrong (he will. He’s a boy. His sister is dating someone), she would probably lunge at him full-force. So they’re trying to avoid injuries today.)
“Can we talk, actually?” She’s already bouncy and fiddly on the porch. Shit! She’s not yet in their Designated Spot of Conversation (not outside).
“…sure? You’re acting weird. But, like, come in or whatever.”
Okay, she’s inside. Part One of Mission: Cool Girlfriend has been accomplished. Now like twenty more steps await.
Someone skips through the hall in a cutesy blue dress, and that pulls her out of this stupid train of thought.
“Sweet baby Jesus, Dolly! Where’s your wig?”
“UGH, Robin!!! How many times will I have to correct you? You know it’s Holly!”
“Sorry, cutie. How’s my favorite micro-Wheeler doing this fine morning?”
“Amazing. Do you want pancakes? Mom made some for Mike, but I’m pretty sure he’s in hyphenation.”
“…you mean hibernation?“
“Yeah.”
“Hey! I’m awake! I was just in the bathroom.”
“Yeah, sleeping on the bowl!”
However adorable this familial bickering is, she’s a woman with a target to reach.
“Actuallyyy… I was hoping I could steal your male sibling away for a bit. How about I yank Mike upstairs and you go shove your face with his pancakes?”
With Mike protesting loudly (can’t he shush? It is morning) and her dragging him to the second floor to the sound of the cutest giggles by Lolly-lolli-lollipop, her brain starts turning mushy again. She’s about to out not only herself but Nancy too. She can land a punch or two herself, you know, if Mike’s a little hateful bitch, but she has faith in him. Why did she make herself do this alone, again? Fuck, she should have brought Steve for support. No, that dynamic would be even more confusing to explain once questions arose. Okay, she can do this. Be cool.
…
She is so not cool.
She is hyperventilating, and her hands are literally about to vibrate off her bones right now, and not even interdimensional monsters have been as scary as this. As… Mike Wheeler? Seems so.
No but. She was so scared to tell Nance. About her feelings, you know. And she did it! Okay, shit, fuck, no, Nancy started things and Nancy said things first, and fuck she needs to call her, and-
“You done rocking on my bed? Looks like you’re having night terrors at, what is it, 9:15 AM,” Mike says through a toothbrush and an obscene amount of paste. His hair looks cute in a bun. Huh, Nancy looks cute in a bun too. Is that genetics? Nancy’s cute. Nancy’s cute. Oh, god no, don’t get too excited, Buckley.
“Earth to Robin?” He’s wiping his face now. She swears he takes more time getting ready than she does. Princess.
“Yeah, yeah. Present.”
“So you came here to talk, and now I’m the one doing the talking. And Holly’s stealing my pancakes. You’re not making this worth it, Bucks.”
“Do you think I’m cool?” Fuck, she had a scenario! Houston, she’s fucked.
“Uhhhhh” Fuck. “Sure? I mean, yeah, you’re cool. Why?”
“Who else do you think is cool?” She’s pushing now. There’s only so much you can ask until a pubescent-ish teenager catches on to your sly plans.
“Where’s this coming from?” Double fuck. “I guess, Eddie. He’s really up there. Maybe Dustin and Lucas too, you know, they’re my bros. I’ll say Max if you don’t tell her. Also… Will’s pretty… yeah, he’s pretty cool as well.”
“Right, right. But do you have any close cool influences? Say, in your home, maybe?”
“M’kay, what’s going on?” Triple fuck. “Are you and Nance like getting married?”
Wait. What the fuck?
“…I’m pretty sure that’s illegal but-“
“Oh. Let me know when it’s legal, will you?”
She’s sitting there, mouth open, bottom lip probably testing out the quality of Mike’s linens. How could she know, she can’t feel shit either way.
“Wait, are you pregnant then?”
“What the… fudge, Michael, no, I’m not? One, that’s… no, two, that’s logistically… also no. But can we just backtrack for a second, riiight back to a moment ago when that came out of your face hole?“
“Oh am I not supposed to know you guys are together?”
Okay. Now she’s been shut up.
“I hear you every time you try to get your lanky ass out of the window. Also, Dustin and I make bets on whether you’re sucking face during your movie nights.”
“That’s why you-“
“Go to the basement like four times per movie to either ask what it’s about or to get popcorn? Yeah, smartass.”
Oh.
Oh.
“So you mean to tell me, Wheeler, that I had a speech ready for when you inevitably broke down over me stealing your sister from you or some other dense shit, while you not only knew but were also fine with it?”
“Yeah.”
She’s about to lunge.
“Also. What’s up with the ‘cool’ today?”
“I thought your adolescent self will organise a hate rally and a smear campaign over the formerly cool me who’s currently and forever in love with your sister. Was making sure you’d be… I don’t know, fine?”
“Okay, ew, don’t say it like that. But, I mean, yeah, I’m all for it. She’s a badass. You mesh well.”
Alright, she can breathe.
“Besides, you’ll never be uncool. That’s like scientifically impossible, I’m pretty sure. You can ask Dustin, he’ll tell you.”
And she does lunge at him, scrunching his shoulders and squashing his face. And he was right about all of it. Such exertion of physical force truly does produce some mysterious liquid in the sockets of your eyeballs.
…
They’re both in the kitchen, eating pancakes dry and with their hands (like animals, seriously) when Nancy comes back from her shopping trip.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Ah yes. The brother-sisterly love of the Wheeler family. So touching.
Mike decides that his third dry pancake requires some wetness and goes to fish out syrup from the fridge. Robin doesn’t question it for once.
Nancy slides her arms around Robin’s waist, and she keeps dreading the day the butterflies will stop fluttering. She failed this mission successfully, so perhaps those butterflies will turn to ants or summer wind or a tiny little DJ throwing a rave in her stomach every time her girlfriend (aah!) steps into the room.
“How was it?” Nancy whispers into her ear.
“I’m fine with it, as long as you guys don’t make out or shit when I’m looking,” Mike declared with a mouth full of wet pancake.
“Mike, stop eavesdropping. And don’t be so rude. Do you want me to tell you such things when you bring Will over?”
Uh-oh.
“…Robin, did you tell her about Will? I swear to god, I will kill you if you did.”
“Am I not supposed to know?”
“You’re not! And you cannot clock gay people for shit! How did you find out, huh? Did Robin tell you? I-“
Now that’s the chaos she expected. Mike’s throwing his tantrum, and she’s feeding the love of her life a slightly dampened pancake and smiling ear-to-ear. That’s what life’s supposed to be like, eh?
To be honest, it went well. Mike doesn’t mind. She got brownie points for that, actually. Mike said they “mesh well”, which is the best compliment to possibly receive from a teenage boy. Mike got his pancakes, Robin’s still got her cool, badass girlfriend (who, if the pads of her fingers skimming over Nancy's back didn’t just lie to her, is wearing her shopping trip trophy under her dress), and they will all be so fine.
They’re still cool.
There still are butterflies.
And if Mike doesn’t want to see them kissing, they’ll get him a blindfold for his birthday. And maybe some earplugs.
P. S. again, will most likely come back to fix the design (it's not my strong suit, can you tell?). I reserve all rights to fuck shit up if I feel like it. Hope you enjoy this, nonetheless:)
