#rodblurr

Word Count: 3,411

Pairing(s): Rodimus | Rodimus Prime/Blurr, Implied Drift | Deadlock/Ratchet, Implied/referenced Chromia/Ironhide

Character(s): Rodimus | Rodimus Prime, Blurr, Red Alert, Hot Shot, Ironhide, Brawn, Optimus Prime, Drift | Deadlock (referenced)

Fandom(s): Transformers Animated (2007)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Canonical Character Death, Post-Transformers Animated, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship

Summary: Rodimus knew the Earth Team weren't to blame, but he couldn't help but feel resentment towards them. Not after Blurr. Or, how Rodimus deals with the aftermath of the War and Blurrs death.

You can find the story on ao3 and wattpad, or you can check out more of my stories here!

Rodimus heard about the end of the war whilst laying in a hospital bed, watching his paint flicker off his frame at the slightest vent of air. He still couldn't move - at least, not much. The rust still infected his joints, any movement stiff but also painful. Even smiling was uncomfortable.

He should be happy for the end of all the conflict, for the thought of Megatron in chains sat in the most secure cell the Autobots could think of. But, he couldn't help but feel... jealous, in a way. Especially at Optimus who, as Rodimus could see, stood on a parade float, waving to an overjoyed crowed with the Matrix hung around his neck. With his team.

His team who cared for him.

Yes, Rodimus felt awful about the casket he could spot, held up by bots he didn't recognise, but he couldn't help but feel negatively about it all.

There was Optimus, stood proudly with his team, then there was Rodimus, sat alone in a hospital bed, his efforts in the war forgotten in the face of the new 'hero'.

Deep down, Rodimus knew he wasn't alone, that his team would gladly come to visit him if he called. And they did, visit him, that is, gifting him trinkets and keeping him comfortable and entertained. But he also knew he wasn't the most charitable of patients, of a friend. He appreciated them all coming to see him, but gradually the visits slowed.

He knew that it was his fault. He had a tendency to push people away when he was hurt or suffering, when he didn't feel as up-beat that he usually did. And, after so many one-sided conversations, his teammates seemed to have given up on him. Red Alert still occasionally visited, she was a medic after all, but even her visits were few and far between.

At first he pretended to enjoy the silence, but overtime the quiet overtook him, and he regretted not trying harder. The silence was so incredibly loud, especially without... him.

Rodimus hated to think of him, think of the blue frame and conversations so fast he had to slow down the talking manually in his processor sometimes. The races had on a once peaceful Cybertron, where both of them were cadets in training, one for the title of Prime, the other for a place in the Elite Guard.

Just the thought of Blurr had Rodimus attempting a smile.

Blurr was one of the reasons Rodimus didn't think he could ever find peace, at least not with Optimus and his team. He knew that the space bridge repair crew turned heroes had something to do with the deactivation of the bot Rodimus cared most about. After all, he could still remember Blurr excitedly chatting to him about a mission assigned to him on Earth. A mission that he would never return from. A mission given to him by his superior.

Longarm Prime. A hoax. A disguise.

Shockwave.

A name that put fear and anger all throughout Rodimus's circuits. Knowing that a Decepticon was able to trick them all for so longer, was able to access all of their delicate and confidential files. Was able to be close to Blurr all the time, in close enough proximity that the false Prime could have easily killed Blurr.

Rodimus didn't truly know what happened to the other Decepticons, but he hoped Shockwave got the worst deal out of them all. If he had the strength and ability to do so, he would have clenched his servos at just the mere thought of Shockwave still being alive.

His monitors started beeping quicker at the heightened emotion, a strain now on his spark. Rodimus stopped thinking of the Decepticon and focused once more on the small screen in his room, an attempt to calm down his spark.

His optics spotted a small figure that he hadn't noticed before. It was yellow, with a full metal helmet over their helm. If Rodimus wasn't wrong, the stature seemed also to be organic in nature, especially since it was so small.

A nurse entered his room, knocking to show their presence, and Rodimus was forced to endure another check up. Though, thankfully, his vitals were better. Who knows, maybe he'll be able to be walking again soon and could finally end the mystery of Blurrs disappearance. Starting with a chat to one Optimus Prime.

Not long after the war ended, the medics deemed Rodimus healthy enough to be discharged from the hospital. Of course, he was also provided with a health care plan, as well as various medicines and treatments that he was required to take. One of the treatments included a form of yoga, which the medics encouraged he do as soon as he returned to his apartment complex.

Rodimus, of course, ignored that and sat straight on a chair in the centre of his main room when he returned home. He stretched languidly, turning on the holoscreen that floated in front of him. His plans for this late Cycle were to relax and wallow in self-pity.

Of course, looking at the holoscreen served him nothing but more misery. Channel after channel showed that famous day: Optimus and Crew stood in the centre of the parade. Crowds cheering, gathering around them in joy.

Rodimus, of course, scoffed. The war was over, and yes everybot should rejoice, but the attention around the Earth Crew was just being dragged, at least it was in his humble opinion.

What did tick him off more, however, was that hardly any news anchors or regular holovids showed any of the memorials placed on Cybertron, in remembrance of fallen comrades. Rodimus did recall seeing snippets of that black and gold bot on the screen occasionally, but that made it all the worse.

Of course the bot in Optimus's team would be shown, would get all the sympathy from the public. Not the rest of them, who were treated as cannon fodder and were now seemingly forgotten in the face of Cybertrons 'heroes'.

Rodimus vented, a servo drifting to palm his faceplate, calming himself. He wasn't being fair on the situation, blinded by guilt, jealousy, and envy. The black bot sacrificed himself to defeat the Decepticons, a significant feat many of Autobots tried and failed to do. It wasn't strange that he'd be mourned more by everyone, be worshipped.

It was plenty more than what Rodimus's Team ever achieved. Team Athenia had been defeated by Decepticons easily when defending the space bridge, and not even by officers. Primus, Rodimus himself was infected by the Rust Plague and almost died, and not one of his team managed to defeat an enemy.

At that thought, Rodimus felt the shame and self-doubt start to creep up in his frame. He always felt that his role of a Prime was insignificant, always shadowed by his peers achievements. He was always on the smaller side too, struggling to even pass the physical and written exams in the Academy to gain the title of Prime. Many of times during his younger days did he feel like giving up.

Of course, he never did, or he wouldn't be on berth rest in his hab. Blurr would always talk him out of his doubt, talking to him in a way that Rodimus felt important, felt that he could achieve his dream. Rodimus always liked Blurrs pep talks, although that could also be because his talks always involved some form of physical affection, affection that he always rejoiced in.

Now though, there was no small blue speedster to help calm him. To help him feel more confident and drag him out of his pit of self-resentment. There were no hugs or kisses on his cheek place. No kind words and soft murmurs in his audials...

Before Rodimus knew it, droplets of coolant trickled slowly down the ridges of his faceplate. He lifted a digit to stroke them away, only to release that his faceplate was already damp. He must have been crying for much longer than he thought.

He frantically scrubbed at the underside of his optics, trying desperately to stop the crying. But the action only made himself cry more, and soon he was a sobbing heap on the chair he had situated himself in, curled up as much as his aching frame could, wishing desperately for lithe arms to wrap around him and comfort him. Arms that no longer existed.

To Rodimus's surprise, not long after his discharge, Team Athenia appeared outside his apartment, carrying datapads and energon goodies. He stood staring at them all for a fair few kliks, until Red Alert lifted a servo in his line of sight, snapping him out of the surprised stupor he'd been in.

"You gonna let us in, Prime?" She asked, raising one optical ridge. She held a dish of rust sticks in her servos, the smell wafting over to Rodimus, making him yearn to reach out and take one. Red Alert vented harshly, and Rodimus realised she'd spoken.

"Oh," he said, if not a little dumbly. "I mean- yeah, come in." He stepped aside, allowing his teammates to enter, and by Primus they were all present. Red Alert, Brawn, Hot Shot- even Ironhide had made an appearance, and here Rodimus had been convinced the orange bot had hated him.

The four made themselves comfortable in the Primes living space, placing their dishes of goodies on the table, and propping up their datapads on shelves. To Rodimus's surprise, he released they were get-well soon letters. He'd be sure to read them later.

Rodimus closed the door to his hab, then joined up with them. He ended up sitting on the most comfortable seat he owned, placing him between Red Alert and Hot Shot. Ironhide had grabbed one of the chairs in his kitchen, whilst Brawn sat on the largest chair Rodimus owned, which, by all accounts, wasn't that big.

"So how've you been?" Hot Shot was the first to converse, grasping at Rodimus's arm, though he softened his grip when Rodimus involuntarily winced. "I mean, you've been in the hospital for deca-cycles, and you don't seem all up for conversations when you were there."

"One would think you've been avoiding us," Ironhide grunted, looking at Rodimus pointedly.

Rodimus vented out softly, relaxing into Hot Shots grip and Red Alerts gentle hold on his servo. "Yeah, just adjusting, y'know?" He ducked his helm. "And I'm sorry if it seemed I've been avoiding you all, I've just had a lot to process."

He raised his helm at Red Alerts comforting squeeze of his servo. He glanced at her, spotting the medic exchanging a meaningful glance with the rest of his team. Usually he would question them, but he doesn't feel he has the energy.

"We understand," Red Alert assured, her optics soft. "It had been a difficult time for all of us, but I can't imagine what you're feeling."

Brawn nodded, "yeah, not surprised you've been alone this whole time."

Rodimus winced, lowering his optics. As much as he loved his team, he knew it would be a while before he'd be ready to talk about, well, everything that had happened in his life since Megatron made a reappearance.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Hot Shot said, shooting a smile his way when Rodimus looked at him. "There's plenty of things we can talk about, like, hm..." Hot Shot pretended to think, placing a digit under his chin. "Oh!" He exclaimed dramatically, "have I told you of the time Ironhide tripped over a dispenser and spilled energon everywhere because he caught Chromia looking at him?"

Ironhide spluttered from his seat, "hey now," he began, an embarrassed blue hue on his faceplates. Rodimus had to hold in a laugh. "It doesn't have to be about me now, does it?"

Brawn let out a snort, and Hot Shot cackled. Rodimus smiled, letting a quiet amused huff escape him.

Something nudged his arm, and he turned to look over at Red Alert. She was holding a gummy between two of her digits, looking pointedly at him. Rodimus couldn't tell what the treat was, he was never much of a cook, but he could smell it, and it smelled delicious.

"You gonna eat these or not?" She said teasingly. "They were made for you, you know?"

Rodimus chuckled, taking the treat and placing it in his intake, optics widening at the way it melted in his mouth when he chewed. Red Alert sent him an amused grin, ignoring the arguing Hot Shot and Ironhide continued, Brawn still being an unwilling participant.

"It won't all be bleak," Red Alert said knowingly, taking a bite out of a rust stick. "Primus has a strange way of rewarding those who earned it, and from what I can see, you do." She rested a servo on his arm, squeezing it in comfort. "Happiness will come to you again, Rodimus, I promise."

Rodimus nodded, grateful, but he wasn't sure he truly believed her. It's been deca-cycles since the accident, and he doesn't feel much better. But, he supposed, having his team with him had already made it better, so maybe he'd be okay.

Soon after, Rodimus had been cleared fully by the doctors, the rust no longer effecting his systems and his joints were fluid once more. He'd already celebrated the fact with Team Athenia by going to Maccadams, greeting old comrades and friends.

He'd been pleasantly surprised to see Drift, an ex-'Con who'd helped him in the past and they'd soon become quick friends. Rodimus hadn't seen much of him, Drift preferring to go on his own errands by his lonesome, so seeing him in a public space was surprising.

Drift revealed that he'd come back because of Megatrons defeat, as well as to reconnect with an old friend of his. Rodimus felt happy for him, knowing that the elusive bot was speak of a partner in the romantic sense, but he also couldn't help but feel envy, that Drift could have the person he loved but not him.

Thankfully Drift knew him more than Rodimus expected, and he changed the subject quickly, but by then it was too late. A lot of Rodimus's thoughts had returned to the blue mech that haunted his dreams, and not even seeing Ironhide spill his high grade over a subtle flirt by Chromia could truly make him forget.

After that outing, Rodimus hadn't been much of anywhere. He'd returned back to his Prime work, mostly seeing to the captured Decepticons and figuring out where any strays might have hidden. However even that had been slow work, now that the War was officially over, a lot of the 'Cons either surrendered or hid once more, not daring to stir up trouble without their leader.

He did manage to corner Optimus Prime during one of his rare outings. The hero Prime had glowed when Rodimus had met him, the exact opposite of what Rodimus felt in his spark, although he could see something weighed down on the older Primes shoulders.

Rodimus paid it no mind, and demanded answers from Optimus about Blurr as soon as he was cornered. Optimus seemed taken aback, weary and anxious but also slightly regretful.

"Blurr was a good bot, from what I could tell," Optimus began, and Rodimus began interrupting him before the dual coloured Prime began talking again. "He helped us, when he was on Earth, but he was pulled into a space bridge with two seeker clones." Optimus paused, as though attempting to gather his thoughts. "He was a good bot, and I'd hoped he'd survived, but... I'm sorry for your loss, Rodimus, but I wasn't truly at fault."

And Rodimus let him leave after that, feeling incredibly guilty. He knew Optimus was feeling the same he was, having lost a member of his team who was obviously a close friend, and now Rodimus had made him feel worse by accusing him of causing Blurr's death.

So, he sat once more in his apartment, mostly to avoid Optimus after he'd apologised to him, scrolling through the various channels on the holoscreen. If there was one thing Rodimus was grateful for about the war ending (aside from the obvious), was that more and more bots participated in the arts once more, so it was rare he was ever bored.

His binge was interrupted by sharp knocking on his door, coming in such short and powerful bursts that Rodimus was surprised a hole hadn't been created in the metal.

He huffed, standing up to answer. The knocks came once more, and he grumbled, putting in the code so the door would slide open. However, what greeted him on the other side made him want to slam it back closed.

There, twitching and nervous, stood a small blue bot, wide blue optics and wheels on top of pedes. The Autobrand had been removed from the blue chassis, but Rodimus would still recognise this bot anywhere.

Blurr.

"Hi-Rodimus-it's-so-nice-to-see-you-again-I'm-going-to-be-honest-I'm-really-nervous-right-now-and-you-just-standing-there-isn't-helping-so-would-youpleasesaysomethingbeforeIrun."

Rodimus continued to stare, intake agape, not fully processing the words coming out the bots vocaliser in quick precision. "What," he said, then shook his helm. "You're... supposed to be dead." He couldn't yet say the racers name, afraid that if he speaks it aloud this illusion he'd created will disappear, and he'd be alone once more.

"Funny-story-actually-according-to-Red-Alert-as-long-as-your-sparks-intact-you're-not-truly-dead-though-I-suppose-you-should-really-thank-the-human-girl-for-saving-me-and-hey-the-AllSparks-now-a-part-of-her-isn't-that-crazy?" Blurr rambled.

Rodimus blinked, taking a while to translate the glyphs that were thrown at him even faster than he remembered, before he fully processed the meaning.

"Wait," he said, holding up a servo, the other placed on his forehelm, "Red knew about this? And the human girl? The one on Optimus's team?" Rodimus guessed that was what Red Alert said to him about Primus rewarding good bots, she knew that it was true. And, from the look the rest of his team threw, that they knew too.

Blurr nodded rapidly. "Yeah-Red-Alert-knew-but-I-made-her-promise-not-to-say-anything-until-I-recovered-so-don't-be-mad-at-her-and-funny-story-I-met-the-Earth-team-a-while-ago-on-Earth-and-I-helped-them-with-Starscream-before-finding-out-the-mole-and-running-back-to-Cybertron-where-I-found-out-Longarm-was-Shockwave-and-I-was-crushed-before-the-human-girl-saved-me-and-here-I-am."

"I knew Shockwave had something to do with your death," Rodimus paused, then spoke again, "supposed death, I guess."

"At-least-Shockwaves-locked-up-now-and-had-failed-in-killing-me-and-can't-hurt-anyone-and-are-youfinallygoingtogivemeahugnow?!" Blurr spat out the last sentence so fast Rodimus couldn't compute it at first, before he blushed.

Hesitantly, Rodimus reached out with one servo, slowly and afraid that Blurr would disappear at the first contact, like a figment of the Primes imagination. Blurr stay perfectly still, well aside from the nervous vibrations that rattled his frame.

With one last vent, Rodimus reached out to touch the frame, wrapping one servo around a thin arm. He shuttered his optics, afraid to see the illusion disappear, but when he could still feel the warm metal in his servo, he opened them once more.

Blurr was looking at him hopefully, servos twitchy as though he longed to reach out but held himself back in fear of spooking him.

With one last hesitant thought, Rodimus latched on to the smaller frame, curling both arms around his back and hugging him close. He could feel Blurr wrap his own arms around his back, hugging really tight. Rodimus began crying at the contact.

"It's really you," he whispered, gripping so tightly he feared he dented Blurrs frame.

"Itsmeitsmeitsmeitsme-" Blurr said back, equally as relieved and distressed, before he was cut off by dermas connecting to his own.

Rodimus kissed Blurr with all the emotions that he had held back all these cycles. Fear, resentment, guilt, but also relief, contentment, and love. So so so much love.

Blurr embraced him with equal sincerity, the connection of their dermas a welcome and familiar feeling, Blurr leaning into it like a starved mech.

They soon broke apart, Blurrs servos moving to rest on Rodimus's waist, whilst Rodimus's own rested on Blurrs cheek plates, wiping away the coolant tears rolling down his faceplate.

"I love you," Rodimus said, letting out a short, hysterical laugh as he embraced Blurr again, leaning down to tuck his helm into Blurrs neck cables.

"I love you," Blurr said, clear and at normal speed, hugging him back. Rodimus began crying again (and when did he stop), the familiar smooth voice of his lover calming him.

It had been so long since Blurr had spoken slowly, usually only reserved it for bots that made him feel calm and loved, and Rodimus was so thankful Blurr considered him as such.