Hereās my post for Robron fandom appreciation week and itās for the ever wonderful @letthebluerain Iāve smiled a lot while checking out your blog because you really are hilarious - your dry sense of humour and sarcasm is completely on my wave-length. I have to admit that Iām ashamed of myself because Iām the sneaky anon who asked you for your favourite Robron scenes and made you answer that terrible question! But based on that response, and your absolute adoration of the Valentineās episode, I wrote a little ficlet for you. I hope you enjoy and have a fabulous day.
***
What Do I Do When I Am So In Love With You?
That spark was still there. Of course it was. It wasnāt like Robert had changed. It wasnāt like either of them had changed that much...found better ways of being themselves and coping, definitely; become friends, kind of; moved on, maybe.
But it was funny how it was Valentineās and Aaron had spent the day preparing to make things up to Alex and prove how much he cared about him and yet, here he was sitting staring at Robert busying himself in their - no his - kitchen, like heād never left. And it was partly Robertās doing because heād offered, and partly Aaronās because he didnāt want him to leave.
There had been a few moments between them. Moments that made Aaron feel like they were exactly where they belonged. Moments that felt too close to flirting, but he couldnāt bring himself to care. Moments when he felt a little awkward suddenly, like he didnāt know where to look or quite what to say. But being in Robertās company, feeling so relaxed and content around him, made him yearn for something that was supposed to be forgotten about.
When the conversation moved onto Liv, and Robert immediately became self-deprecating, laughing it off like it didnāt hurt him to think that she hated him, Aaron couldnāt help but point out that Liv missed him. And it just seemed to tumble out of his mouth that he missed Robert too and for a moment he stumbled. He shouldnāt have admitted it; he shouldnāt have said it out loud. But god, it was true. There hadnāt been anything heād felt more deeply in his bones for a long time: he missed Robert - so much. He shouldāve stopped talking - it wouldāve been easier than tripping over himself trying to tell Robert that it was just about his maths skills, but he panicked. And Robert admitting āI miss her tooā felt a lot like a kick in the gut because Robert felt the same.
The text from Alex was like some sort of sign. And it showed a lot about how much Robert had become a better person when he didnāt make some snarky comment about the situation. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to suggest that Robert stayed to eat with him. He wanted him to, more than anything. How could something as simple as watching Robert at work in the kitchen make him so desperate to never let him leave again?
Nerves fluttered through him.
āSo, does that mean youāre staying?ā he asked, looking up at Robert through his eyelashes slightly and hoping heād say yes. The moment of hesitation from Robert made Aaronās stomach turn and then his heart skip when Robert agreed.
āUh, yeah, ok, thanks.ā
He tried not to let his smile become too obvious, too pleased by Robertās acceptance, but he wasnāt sure if he managed it. Instead, he ducked past Robert to grab some plates and calm his racing heart.
***
Sitting on the sofa, within touching distance, after theyād enjoyed their meal, Aaron couldnāt help but watch Robert closely. He looked tired, but still as gorgeous as ever. When he yawned, Aaron couldnāt help but miss seeing that every morning. Waking up to Robert stretching and yawning in the morning sunshine, lying on their bed rubbing his hand over his face and turning to smile at Aaron as he blinked awake...just another thing he missed.
It had been his decision. He was the one whoād moved on with someone else. But maybe he was never going to move on - not really. Not when just sitting beside Robert had such an effect on him.
And then Robert started talking - like he was finally having the chance to get some of what heād been carrying around off his chest because Aaron was the only person he could truly be himself around - and Aaronās heart hurt for him. For the situation heād found himself in and the way he was so quick to blame himself for everything.
At Robertās choked āsorryā, Aaron couldnāt stop himself from sliding closer, reaching out to comfort Robert. Because he couldnāt just sit there and let Robert suffer on his own. Something inside him was drawing him to Robert, always pulling him closer, like they were magnets. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders and tried to make Robert see what he could see - what he felt.
āRobert, youāre doing a great job - Iām proud of you.ā And he really meant it. There was so much more he couldāve said, so many other reassurances he could give, but Robert finally glanced up at him and suddenly talking was the last thing on his mind.
His hand rubbed across Robertās shoulder, squeezing in reassurance and then maybe something more. Maybe he wanted to draw Robert closer with that hand on his shoulder. Again he felt himself drawn to Robert, like he couldnāt fight the pull between them any longer: he didnāt want to. He could thread his fingers into the hair at the back of Robertās head; just how he always used to; just how Robert loved it, the way that always made him groan and surge forwards more desperately. He could do it: he wanted to.
Leaning forward, he watched Robertās face closely and saw the same feelings reflected back at him. Robert was there and everything Aaron wanted.
They both moved towards one another and then the harsh buzz of the flat doorbell broke them apart.
Aaron pulled his hand away from the warmth of Robertās neck, clearing his throat and rubbing at his chest, trying to calm his racing heart and his racing mind. Theyād nearly kissed: they wouldāve done if not for the interruption - of that, he was sure.
āThatāll be...Liv,ā he stumbled over what he was trying to say. āShe never takes her keys...I should, um, yeah.ā
He pushed himself up from the sofa and away from Robert. He needed to put some space between them - he didnāt know what would happen if he didnāt. Except that was a lie he was telling himself. Of course he knew because it was what he wanted.
Not looking back, but blowing out a heavy sigh as he moved, he quickly went to the door, pulling it open and drawing in a deep breath in surprise at who was on the other side.
āAlex!ā he gasped out.
As they exchanged pleasantries, Aaron was internally cursing. They were going to head into the flat and Robert was going to be there on the sofa and Alex was going to absolutely flip at the knowledge that Aaron had spent Valentineās evening with his ex-husband, who he already had issues with.
As they wandered back towards the flat, and Aaron pushed the door open to let Alex in, he took another deep breath. For a moment, part of him (quite a large part) didnāt care about what Alex was going to say or do. He almost wanted them to walk in and find Robert sitting comfortably on the sofa, waiting for Aaron. And he almost wanted Alex to storm out in a rage because then Aaron would be free to be with Robert. But when they walked into the living room, Robert was nowhere to be found and Aaronās heart simultaneously sank and started pounding in his chest again. Because he wasnāt sure if heād really been ready to face whatever would have kicked off if Robert had still been sitting there and now heād never know. The moment was gone.
āGood surprise?ā Alex asked brightly as he slipped by Aaron into the flat.
Aaron paused for a moment, his eyes scanning the now Robertless living room.
āThe best,ā he forced out, wondering if the lie was as obvious as it sounded in his own head.
As Alex pottered about in the kitchen, Aaronās eyes searched the room and glanced towards the stairs. Surely Robert wouldnāt have gone up there. That would look even worse if Alex happened to find him. He shook his head slightly in bewilderment and followed Alex into the kitchen.
Not much of what Alex said made it through the thoughts of Robert that had flooded Aaronās mind. He was vaguely aware of him going on about his shift and he knew some response was needed but trying to pull himself together after what had happened - what had nearly happened - was too hard.
āI know Robertās only your mate now,ā Alex said, and Aaron had to move his eyes away from the earnest expression on his face. Alex was trying to apologise for āoverreactingā about Robert but if he hadnāt turned up, there wouldāve actually been a reason for him to be so pissed off.
It was too close to home. āJust forget about it,ā he found himself saying.
And then Liv was there and not looking too happy, and Aaron just needed a minute to think. He stumbled over an excuse to get rid of Alex and then he was finally alone.
Looking up the stairs, and waiting for the front door to click shut behind Alex, he immediately grabbed his phone and didnāt hesitate before pressing Robertās name.
He took a deep breath and exhaled it shakily as he waited for the call to be answered.
āHello?ā Robert said, sounding a little confused.
And Aaron froze. He sucked in another deep breath, could feel his heart rate rising.
What did he want to say?
āCome back.ā
āStay.ā
āDonāt ever leave again.ā
He couldnāt say any of that - as much as the words were on the tip of his tongue and his heart was pounding in his chest at the thought of actually saying them out loud.
He nearly spoke. He nearly begged Robert to come back to him.
āAaron?ā Robert asked, concern in his tone.
And Aaron exhaled shakily again. He had to say something but he couldnāt force the words out that he really wanted to say.
āPocket dial...sorry,ā he said bluntly, closing his eyes as he lied again that evening.
There was silence at the other end of the call and then the line went dead. He threw his phone onto the sofa and rubbed his face in frustration.
What was he thinking? But he didnāt really need to ask himself that question. He knew what he was thinking. He knew what he wanted. Heād spent so long telling himself that heād moved on but in reality his feelings hadnāt changed at all.
He knew one thing for sure: he had a decision to make.
