#rnc2016

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“Thank goodness for [my political party]! [My party’s candidate] finally won! Official nominee for President of the United States!

“[My party’s candidate] is the only one who can stop [other party’s candidate]. Hey, all you sore losers in [my political party]: Your guy lost. It’s time to come together as [my political party] to defeat [other party’s candidate], whose election would be utterly disastrous and spell the end of this country! #Never[other party’s candidate]!

“[Other party’s candidate] is so bad that even members of [other political party] admit it. They made a big fuss at [other political party]’s convention. They’re even talking about leaving [other political party]! I hope they do. I hope even more of them come to their senses and realize that they can’t possibly back [other party’s candidate]. And I really hope they are brave enough to stick to their principles and vote for [my party’s candidate], because that’s the only way to keep [other party’s candidate] out of the White House. Which we absolutely must!

“Listen up, members of [my political party]! All this talk about leaving [my political party] and maybe even voting for [other party’s candidate] has got to stop! You’re just weakening [my party’s candidate] and the whole [my political party] party! You’re dooming this country to four or more years under [other party’s candidate]! That’s insane! Think of the Supreme Court! You’re traitors, and you’re stupid! No sensible American could possibly want [other party’s candidate] in charge, pushing the extreme [other party’s direction]-wing agenda of [other political party] and ruining this country for your children!