#rlyalone

i. You told me you liked it when I cried, because the tears of an angel are sweeter than the sulfur that's stuck in the back of your throat. ii. We accept the love we think we deserve. We can't change those who don't want to be changed. But I wanted to be his saving grace. I wanted to replace the cocaine and be the new reason his heart started to race. I wanted him to punch me in the face with a fist full of love. I wanted to watch the bruises turn into flowers across my brown skin. iii. Now I sit and count how many days I can go without speaking to him again. iv . 1, 2, 3, 4...dammit. v. Is this the life of an addict? vi. I'm so afraid of ruining my art that I never take the chance to do something with my art. I'm so afraid of losing that I'd rather never feel the glory of winning. But if I never succeed, was I ever good enough to begin with? vii. The entries are never as long anymore. I wonder if it's because I'm busy or because I've finally gotten over the ache in my chest. My mind feels foreign to me now that it's no longer ruled by thoughts of you. It's like my consciousness doesn't even feel real anymore. It's like I'm floating. viii. My screen lit up. You called. I put my head out the window of my friend's car. I screamed until my throat ached. I screamed until my heart burst. I screamed until I felt release. My screen went black. Release. ix. Wow, what a miracle. x. Look, the sad girl learned how to smile.

i. He wasn’t a breath of fresh air; he was the dust that settled after a fight. ii. My girlfriends tried to help me pick up the pieces to my crystalline heart. They cut their fingers but eventually helped me glue together the broken parts. In the end, my heart looked, felt, and worked differently. My friends put their hands on my shoulder and told me it was even prettier this way. iii. I started a girl gang. We wore custom-made jackets with pride, and raised eyebrows on our pastel-colored bicycles. iv. After school, me and the crew go roaming around town like tigers on the prowl for a good time. Stopping off at grimy gas stations for technicolor slushies and packs of gum. We sit on the curb of our high school and fantasize about getting lost in the city. We can feel the summer sun setting on the backs of our necks. Show’s over folks. v. (I don’t tell them that he called me up on the phone last night. How he told me he missed me as he vomited on the bathroom floor somewhere. He accidentally mixed cherry schnapps with his sleeping meds. I grabbed my keys, but I didn’t leave. I texted one of his friends to get him instead.) vi. I’ve heard that you curse my name in vain. You shout about me to anyone who will listen. You can’t get me off your mind. Remember when you swore that it would be the other way around? vii. “Is this goodbye?” “I don’t know…do you want it to be?” viii. Yes.

I nominate tumblr user troylerrocksmyworld for best edit maker !!!!! she rocks my world ;--)