#rlupin

it was a stormy night as the four boys walked to the shrieking shack. it was one of those nights for poor remus and they were not hyped up for it. rainy nights were always the worst. 

 a few hours later the four limped into the infirmary and called out for madam pomfrey. remus hushed them as he gestured to the sleeping figure on a few beds over. it was y/n y/l/n. they had heard about the fight that she had gotten into. 

i wonder what happened to make her snap, remus pondered. she’s normally so calm and indifferent. what could he have done? remus didn’t get the chance to analyze the girl because madam pomfrey had come out to help. 

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it was about noon when remus awoke and it was because of sirius and james arguing over who should sneak into kitchen for food. it seems as though they’re arguing didn’t only wake him, 

“can both of you just go to the kitchen or play a game of rock, paper, scissors because y’all are loud as fuck and i’m nursing a cracked skull,” a low voice snarked. their heads whipped in the direction of the voice to see the smaller girl slowly trying to sit up. she had a purple cheek, split lip, and cast on her left arm. 

“well, well, well, i see the ravenclaw did you in, huh?” sirius jested. “maybe you shouldn’t fight 6-foot boys when you are half his size.” 

she rolled her eyes and sarcastically chuckled, “he had it coming. he was a douchebag and he should be glad that one of the prewitts found me before i stomped on his stupid face.” she curiously ran her eyes over the four of them, “if you’re so great, then why do the four of you look so black and blue, huh?” 

the four boys stiffened and glanced at one another. sirius opened his mouth just as she started, “don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone that remus is a werewolf. i’m a bitch, but that kind of bitch.” their mouths bobbed open and closed in shock. “listen, i know that i’m not the smartest person in the world, but i am pretty observant. i notice things and i noticed that y’all always disappear at the same time every month and remus comes back with a new scar or a limp. no one else knows. just me.” 

remus gulped, “listen, y/n–” 

“no, you listen, remus. i don’t care what you are. whether you are pureblood, half-blood, or no blood. i don’t care what race or sexuality you are and i certainly do not care if you’re a werewolf. that doesn’t change who you are as a person, ‘kay? so, relax,” she gave him a soft look. “my parents are the kind of people who care about that, but i don’t. don’t group me in with those assholes, ‘kay? that’s the fastest way to make an enemy outta me. and y’all can see what happens to people who anger me.” 

she gestures to the lump of person in the corner of the room. it’s the ravenclaw she fought. there are few spots on him that aren't covered by a bandage and if you can see it, its purple. 

remus just gave her a firm nod and watery smile. 

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that kind of changed all four boys’ perspectives on her, but especially remus's. remus had never really thought of her much before because she always seemed so unattainable. she was one of those people that are only ever themselves when they are around specific people so it’s hard to talk to them and it’s intimidating when you get the chance to. 

it was a late thursday night and remus was serving detention for a prank in slughorn’s room when y/n walked in. she still had a bruised cheek and cast on. 

“what did you do?” remus asked. 

“beat the shit out of a ravenclaw, remember? apparently, you still have to serve detention even if he’s the one who tried to pull down your skirt in a hallway at nine o’clock at night without asking first,” she rolled her eyes as she scrubbed the cauldron aggressively. “it’s not like anyone but mcgonagall believed me, anyway. who would believe the girl in a pile on the floor bleeding with her shirt ripped over a ravenclaw prefect? ‘pparently no one.” 

remus screwed his eyes shut when he realized what had happened, merlin, that’s awful. 

she continued to struggle to scrub the cauldron, “how the fuck am i supposed to clean this with one hand? how is that fair? i can’t even carry one of these when i don’t have a broken arm.” she looked up at remus with watery eyes and a trembling lip. 

remus reached a warm palm out to grasp her non-casted arm and pulled the cauldron out from under the other arm. he crouched slightly so he was eye level with her. 

“okay, love, it’s okay,” the weight of his warm palm was comforting on her back. “ ’m sorry he did that to you and i am even more sorry that no one believed you. i think it’s amazing that you stood up for yourself like that; you’re so strong, but it’s okay to be upset about it, yeah? don’t force yourself to be okay.” he soothed a hand over the front of her head, pushing the strays out of her face. her body shook harder.

“doesn’t that feel better, lovie? to let it all outta ya’ chest like that? a good cry will solve anything, hm? wanna come here?’ he offered her the chance to close the space; he gave her the option. she hesitated and glanced him over. then she hopped down from her stool and shuffled forward into the space between his left arm and side. her right hand clutching the back of his shirt and she cradled her casted hand to her chest and tucked her face into the space between his shoulder and chest. 

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that night changed y/n’s behavior more than her perspective. she had always had a softer spot for remus than she did the rest of the boys. he was just so nice. he always gave her that crooked smile that was so warm; she couldn’t resist. 

the following morning, y/n was having a slight panic session over what to say to remus over the whole thing but she just decided to be calm. be calm, it’s just remus. he’s like the nicest person ever, he won’t judge you. besides, even if he does, you know his secret so a little black mail never hurt anyone. she rationalized. she knew this was a harsh way of thinking but this was how she was raised and it was ingrained in her. 

y/n bumped into remus as she was walking, like literally bumped into his shoulder. she turned around to give the person who bumped her a glare, but immediately paused when she noticed who it was. 

“oh, hey, remus. umm–” she harshly tucked her hair behind her pierced ears. he steadied her with warm hands and she peeked up at him through thick lashes and brows, “i–um– are we cool? ‘cause last night was a lot and– you’re shaking your head at me. are we not cool?” she took a step back, out of his hands, “did i make you uncomfortable? i promise i didn't mean to.” 

remus took a step forward and grasped her biceps and tilted his head down to meet her eyes once again. “y/n, breathe, love. everything is fine. the only thing i am worried about is the fact that you have not once taken a deep breath this whole conversation. relax fo’ me, yeah?” he soothed over her biceps. “good, good. back to what you were saying, nothing has changed, hun. i don’t look at you any different than i did before. everything is fine and i hope that i didn’t make you uncomfortable.” 

he gave her a charming smile and she shook her head and “no, you didn’t” quietly. “good, did you eat? c’mon, we can eat together. need some fuel in the pretty belly of your’s.” he turned her around and lead her to the hall with a palm on her back. he was just so warm. 

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a few months had passed and remus and y/n had formed a nice friendship. they hung out a lot; him doing homework and her doing whatever she decided to do that day: reading, writing, homework, sleeping. she slept a lot. no one really knew where this friendship came from, but it was adored.

y/n had pondered the idea of being something more and so had remus. remus really liked the idea, and so did y/n but she hesitated after talking with marlene:

“what do you and lupin even talk about, y/n?” marlene demanded. “you guys are nothing alike. he’s so nice and outgoing and you’re… well, you’re not. usually people go for people that are similar to them, so how does that even work?”

those sentences rang through her head every hour, like church bells telling her the time of day. she felt herself distancing from remus. she didn’t know what to do. y/n hadn’t realized how much she liked remus and hoped for a relationship with him until marlene said that and made her realize how unrealistic she had been. god, i’m so stupid. she chastised. 

she was hiding on the grounds of the school in a small nook by the great lake. it was a chilly day and she was bundled up in her house sweater, leather jacket, jeans and booties with remus’s beanie on. it was much too big for her so she had to keep adjusting it from falling over her eyes. 

“hey, you,” remus called out to her. he had been looking for her for over an hour. she hadn’t been at lunch. “what’re ‘ya doin’? its freezin’ out ‘here.” he sat down next to her and nudged her shoulder with his.

she looked up at him with a cherry nose, “just thinking. it’s so loud inside. i just wanted it to be quiet for a little.” 

“what’s the matter, bug?” he asked. “you’ve been off for a while now and ’m starting to miss ya’. yer’ my girl and it’s like yer’ gone all’a the sudden. ya’ left me alone out ’ere.” he gently coaxed. 

she suddenly got up on her knees and shifted so she was facing him while sitting on her heels. she picked at her fingertips and bit her lip, “rem, do you think we are too different?” he gave her a confused tilt of his head. “it’s just– you’re so warm and great and smiley and talkative. so many people love you and everyone knows your name and you’re so smart. then, here i am and i’m not warm and not great and not smiley. i never talk and when i do, no one ever hears me. people are scared of me more than they like me. do you think we are too different to ever be anything?” 

“well what do you want us to be?” he prompted. he knew what she was hinting at but he didn’t want to assume. she gave a pouty shrug of her shoulders. he heaved a sigh. “it hurts my feelings tha’ you think so little of yourself, baby. yer’ my favorite girl, my best girl. i don’t think it’s fair that ya’ hold me to such a high standard and then speak about yer’self like this.” 

he tilted his head down to look at her, “what made you think about this so abruptly? you were fine a few days ago.” 

“marlene said something about how we are too different and how she doesn’t get how we are so close because we are nothing alike. and i guess it just made me feel like the insecurities i was feeling are real and not just in my head,” she mumbled. she was embarrassed.

“love, look at me. i love ya’ for who you are. yer’ my best friend and i wouldn’t trade ya for anything in the whole world. and we can be anything that ya’ want us to be, okay? ya just gotta tell me what ya want,” he reached out and fixed the beanie from hiding her face. he tugged the sides down to better fit her head. god, she’s adorable. i love her so fucking much.

“can–,” she started then stopped. he encouraged her with a nudge of his head, “can we maybe be more than friends?”

he grinned, “but we are already best friends, what more can we be?” he teased. her pink cheeks turned cherry red to match her nose. she huffed and pouted. “‘m just kidding, love.” he leaned in to give her forehead a kiss, but she tilted her chin up and placed a soft kiss on his lips. her ice-cold nose touched his cheek and he inhaled sharply. she pulled back and lookup at him nervously. he reached out and pulled her into him, her legs were sprawled next to him with her lower back leaning on the outside of his right thigh. her upper body was curled into his lap with one hand cradling her back and the other on her head. 

“let’s try that again, huh?” he grinned and leaned in to place a kiss to her lips. 

you sat down on the soft bed you’d called yours for the past six years, closing the yellow drapes around you. the plants of the hufflepuff dormitories crept in through the openings above, vines wrapping slowly around the simple wooden bed frame, securing it from your dorm mates if they were to walk in.

you remained in silence for a few moments, the only noise to be heard in the room was the sound of your breathing. sunlight streamed in through the windows, casting faint shadows across the dorm. in theory, it was peaceful, an environment many would find to be soothing. but when your thoughts were running wild with the worst possibilities, those same comforts became mere background noise in the zoo of your mind.

ten minutes passed in silence before a knock sounded at the door, awakening you from the nightmare that had begun to form in your mind. “y/n?” said the voice, quickly recognizable as kate’s. she opened the door, the sound of her light footsteps replacing the silence in the room.

she pulled back the drapes to find you laying back against the headboard. you looked distraught, anxious, a state no one would want to find their best friend in. “what happened?”

“remus. remus lupin happened,” you replied quietly.

“what did he do? do I need to kick his arse?”

“just... exist. you don’t need to do anything, he did nothing wrong.”

“then what’s the issue?” kate asked.

“he did everything right,” you mumbled, looking up at her. “I got an owl from him a few minutes ago inviting me over, and I’m uh- I’ve just realized some things.”

“you like him?” she inferred excitedly.

“um, yeah. I guess so.”

“Y/N! finally!”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“do you know how many bets I’ve made on you two? it’s about time!”

“sure, kate. don’t get your hopes up!” you warned.

“are you sure it’s my hopes you’re worried about?” kate smirked. “honestly, though, I’m ninety-nine percent sure he’s liked you for a while. just write back to him already!”

“oh, shoot, yeah. good idea,” you said, glancing at the owl sat on the window sill. 

“I’m full of those.”

she got up off the bed, and you moved to sit at the old writing desk by the window. you got yourself a small piece of parchment, then opened the inkwell. you dipped your quill in the black liquid, letting the excess drip off before you placed it to the parchment. your quill danced across the page as you wrote your response, apologizing for responding so late and telling him you’d be there in ten minutes.

you rolled the parchment and tied it gently to the owl’s leg. after giving the owl and extra treat for waiting so long, you sent it off, then performed a quick cleaning charm on your hands to rid them of the ink. waving kate goodbye and promising to meet her at supper, you set off to the gryffindor common room.

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the walk through the castle to gryffindor tower had become a familiar one. you travelled it most days, so in just minutes, you had arrived at the portrait of the fat lady that controlled the entrance to the common room. “oh hello, miss y/l/n. did mr. lupin tell you the password again?”

“you know he always does. pumpernickel,” you smiled, remembering how upset she used to get with him whenever he shared the password with you. when she realized he wasn’t going to stop, though, she’d begun to take a liking to you. the door swung open, and you climbed through the portrait hole into the commons.

students were scattered in various places throughout the room, very few fazed by your entry. the marauders were all seated by the fire, along with frank, alice and lily. you were the only member of the group who was in a different house, and while that had caused some issues at first, they, too, had learned to love you just as remus did- but platonically.

lily was the first to spot you, calling your name over the chatter. she beamed as you walked over, sitting in between her and remus. “I missed you,” she said, drawing out the end of the sentence.

“I was here yesterday! but I missed you too, lils,” you laughed. aside from remus, lily was your closest friend of the gryffindors. you’d known her for just a year less than you had remus, but despite this, you’d become almost as close.

“what a lovely welcome for the rest of us, y/n. thank you for coming!” remus joked, sarcasm ringing in his words.

“come on, rem. you know I love you just as much.”

sirius and james looked at remus knowingly, as he spoke again, blushing, “of course I do, and I love you too.”

“so when are you two finally going to sneak off and snog?”

“james! we couldn’t and wouldn’t! besides, if that’s what we’re considering ‘tension’, you and sirius would be right up there with us,” you exclaimed, trying desperately to refrain from blushing.

“who says we’re not in love?”

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with each passing day, you were finding it harder and harder to be in his presence. you needed to get away from your thoughts, from other people. so after supper friday evening, you waved kate goodbye and set off to the seventh floor corridor. 

the room of requirement had been a soothing place for you since you and remus had found it in third year, and you often visited it together and separately. normally, you went in search of a place to be comfortable, but you didn’t need the reminder of remus right now. you just needed to get away from the possibilities, so that’s exactly what you thought to get rid of.

“I need to know the truth, I need to know the truth,” you thought, pacing in front of the old stone wall. within moments, a door had appeared for you. you sighed, relieved that it worked. you opened the door, looking around the unfamiliar room curiously as you took a step in. when you finally looked straight ahead, the sight ahead of you stopped you in your tracks.

lily and remus were stood there, closer than they usually would be. remus was facing away from the door, lily looking right ahead at you. their position wasn’t what threw you off guard, but the words that remus was speaking. “I know you probably don’t like me back, but um, I was wondering if-”

“y/n,” lily whispered, panic overtaking her features as you quickly turned around to leave. 

“what?” remus asked, stopping in the middle of his sentence.

“um, nothing, don’t worry about it. I just need to go find her, something’s wrong,” she explained quickly, suddenly becoming antsy.

“how do you know that? do you need help?” he worried, afraid that something had happened that he didn’t know about.

“I said not to worry about it! I’ll catch up to you later, remus!” she replied as she ran out the door. she sprinted down the corridor, glancing down each of the branching hallways as she went by. nothing, you were nowhere to be found.

you only ever went to two places when you needed to think, the room of requirement and the hospital wing. considering you had just been at the former, lily set to the first floor of the castle. when she arrived, she found you replenishing potions at a student’s bedside.

“y/n, I swear it wasn’t what it looked like!” she spoke frantically.

“lily, be quiet! they’re sleeping!” you exclaimed in a whisper. “I’ll talk to you in a moment.” you placed the bottle back down on the nightstand, fixed your apron, then turned to face her. “what was it, then?”

“I- I can’t tell you,” lily mumbled, looking down at her feet.

you smiled. “I’m happy for you two, lily. I’m glad you found each other.”

“y/n, are you jealous?” you just looked up at her, and the look in your eyes was all she needed to know. “you are. you are jealous! you like him!”

“why are you happy about that?” you questioned, looking at her like she was crazy.

“just don’t worry about it. gotta go!” she said, then sped off.

“lily! wait!” you called, but she was already out the door. you stood in place for a moment, before turning to madam pomfrey. “did you…?”

“yes, dear, and I think we’re thinking the same thing,” she smirked at you.

“I think I’ll just play it safe,” you said to the young matron. “they looked quite happy when I walked in on him asking her out.”

“whatever you think is best, y/n. you know remus better than anyone.”

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saturday went by too slowly for your taste, but you knew exactly why. you hadn’t talked to remus all day, even going to the extent of sitting with the ravenclaws at the quidditch match. he knew something was up; usually, you’d stay together whenever you could. but as much as he tried to get it out of lily, she wouldn’t budge. 

you weren’t in the great hall for any meals, but as the gryffindors were leaving supper, he saw kate with an extra plate of food. so it was true, then, you were avoiding him. when they reached the common room, remus was quick to pull lily aside. “okay that’s it, you need to tell me what’s wrong with y/n.”

“she likes you, and she walked in on you practicing to ask her out, and she thought you were asking me out, and I couldn’t explain to her that you weren’t because that would ruin it for you, and now I’m rambling, and I’m sorry,” she babbled worriedly, scared of his reaction.

“wow. okay um, first of all, she whats?” he asked, somewhat in shock.

“she likes you, rem.”

“there is absolutely no way she does. you’re kidding me, right?” a small smile spread across his scarred face.

“no! she really likes you! I’m sure she has for a while, but you know how she is. you need to talk to her,” she spoke excitedly.

“that’s easier said than done, lils. she won’t even talk to me!” he sighed, unsure of how he could at least get you to listen to him.

“well of course she won’t talk to you, she thinks you’re in love with me. you need to start dropping hints that you like her and not me!”

“I don’t know how.”

“let me tell you something. I’ve known you and y/n for four years, and y/n and I talk about things you’d never be allowed to know. she’s easier to get to than you think. but because I’m a good person, I’ll try to help,” she compromised, knowing she’d have to help anyway. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, lily. thank you so much,” he expressed, his features softening.

“of course, rem. I’m always here to help when you need me.”

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going to breakfast on sunday was inevitable; kate refused to bring any more food down to the dorms for you. you woke up as early as possible to get up to great hall, in yet another attempt to escape remus. you walked past your sleeping dorm mates and through the common room, you double-checked for your wand before exiting through the hidden entrance.

the walk to the great hall never took too long, but it seemed to drag on for hours with the possibility of having to face him at breakfast. you couldn’t let him know that you’d fallen for him, and if he came over after friday’s incident, you’d have the added burden of his relationship with lily.

lost in your thoughts, it was purely your subconscious that lead you to the right location and around any of the other early risers. that is, until you heard a familiar voice calling your name, “y/n! can you just listen to me, please?”

“no, remus. I’m not in the mood,” you replied, walking away from him.

“you need to hear me out, I promise you won’t regret it,” he pleaded. you turned around to look at him for the first time in days, and finally, you understood. he was a mess, and judging by his reaction to seeing you, you were, too.

“rem, what… what happened to you?” you asked, concerned by his distraught appearance.

“you, you happened. when you stopped talking to me I had no idea why, but lily told me and I just… I don’t know. I really missed you, way more than I should’ve. I know what it looked like, and I can promise, gosh y/n, as much as I love lily, I could never date her. she was just helping me get practice in for if I ever were to ask a girl out, that’s all.

she gave me some advice on how to get you to talk to me, but I uh, I ignored that, and now I’m here, talking to you, apologizing for taking her to our special place. I’m sorry, y/n,” he looked at you with teary eyes as he spoke, and even though he didn’t know the real reason you were upset, it definitely eased your frustration with him.

“rem… I’m so sorry too. I was being stupid, I shouldn’t have overreacted like I did,” you smiled sheepishly at him.

“so we’re good?”

“yeah, we’re good,” you beamed. “care to join me for breakfast, mr. lupin?”

“why of course, miss y/l/n. you needn’t even ask,” he replied, mimicking your posh speech.

when you finally entered the great hall and sat down together at the hufflepuff table, a few more students had arrived, looking confusedly at the pair of you. you only felt relief, though, and honestly, you wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

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another week passed, and nothing happened between you two. well, nothing that either of you wanted to happen. it was normal, too normal, considering the tension that had arisen when remus found out about your feelings. what made it worse, though, was that you didn’t know that he knew. he found humour in it, seeing you trying not to blush or slip up, it was flattering, even. but he still didn’t make a move, he knew you would when you were ready.

that time came on thursday, when you went up to him after supper. he was sitting with the other marauders, as always, laughing at a joke peter had told. you walked up from behind, and tapped him on the shoulder. you waited for their laughter to die down before speaking up, “hey rem? can you, uh, meet me in the seven when you’re done? I’m heading up now, so I’ll be there when you arrive.”

“yeah! yeah, of course, y/n. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he said, smiling gently at your nickname for the room of requirement.

“okay, great, I’ll see you soon!” you confirmed before turning around to leave.

when you were gone, james turned to remus, “you think she’s finally gonna shoot her shot?”

“I hope so, I’m so ready,” he laughed.

“we are too, moony. the tension between you two has been unbearably thick this week, we need it to stop.”

“come on, prongs. we aren’t that bad!”

“yes, you are. now get going!”

with that, he sat up from the bench, and set off for the seventh-floor corridor. he walked fast, his long legs adding to the speed that had already been augmented by his anticipation. luckily, the castle and stairs were working in his favour. in five minutes, he was pacing in front of the door, thinking of your usual phrase, “I need to be home, I need to be home.”

the room was a perfectly comfortable mixture of your house and his, and it became even more homely when he walked in to find you on the sofa. he knew that now, you were home to each other. he smiled at you as he entered, and sat on the cushion opposite yourself.

“hey,” he mumbled.

you looked up at him. “you’re making this way more awkward than it needs to be,” you giggled.

he laughed, “you’re the one who invited me here!”

“I guess I’ll get straight to the point then,” you said, adjusting your top anxiously. “I think… I think I’ve fallen in love with you, remus.”

“great minds think alike, I guess, because I think I’ve fallen in love with you too,” he spoke quietly, intimately.

“you have?” you sighed in relief and shock.

“it’s hard not to, y/n,” he blushed. “I’ve done it for three years.”

“really? third year? you really do like me at my best and worst,” you smirked, memories of third year flooding your mind.

“well, your hair was awful, and your makeup was going through some stuff, but I guess I’m just more attracted to personalities!” he chuckled.

“gee thanks, love you too.”

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