#rkmar17eval

it gets harder and harder as time goes on to hide his dislike for this two months’ evaluation. he appreciates that it has its merits — after all, he’s had the chance to spend time with minsoo again, learn more about hyuna, and meet hyeri. he’s going to be on television, too, which is nice, he supposes. (at least, he assumes he will be. he kind of hopes he will be, since he doesn’t fancy going through all his nonsense for nothing. on the other hand, he’s almost certain whatever he does is going to be painfully uncomfortable looking, but maybe it’ll work in his favour. maybe he’ll be known by netizens as ‘the awkward loser in that one samsung commercial’. it’s better than nothing.) 

he guesses he should be grateful. it could be worse. it could be solo. (though, then he certainly wouldn’t be chosen, and wouldn’t feel guilty about bringing his team down, either. when will he stop blaming himself for everything? god knows.) 

the big day arrives faster than he expects it to. it feels like it was just yesterday that the cosmetic changes were announced, yet now, he’s suddenly thrown in front of a green screen and told to act as if they’re having the time of their lives, the wind blowing through his hair and the grand canyon unfolding around him. 

it’s sad that he has to think of pre-signing to have even an idea of what that felt like. 

ungrateful. that’s what he thinks he is as he switches between ‘driving’ and eyeing the map app on the phone he has no idea how to use (unsurprisingly, he has no idea how to drive either). this opportunity is... incredible, he knows that— he tells that to everyone he can. truthfully, he’s overwhelming thankful for being where he is, it’s just not what he expected. or maybe it is. maybe he knew deep down that he’d be crippled by loneliness. maybe that’s why, on some level, he was apprehensive auditioning without jihoon. 

still, there is plenty to be thankful for. he’s thankful for not having to change his hair to something he doesn’t like. he’s thankful for getting to go to practices, even the dancing classes. he’s thankful for the chance to debut— to make music, be a real musician. 

it’s just going to be a long lonely road getting there, he supposes. he’ll just have to get on with it; do what has to be done. he plasters on a fake smile for the cameras.

it makes her job easier to sling an arm around one of them as they’re around the campfire for one of the many takes, telling them to make a silly face while her other arm showcases the phone camera taking abilities -- snapping several pictures of them in a row, eyes widening as she marvels at the quality while showing it off to the other ( “this is nice as hell!” the girl states while flipping through them. ) it also helps when one of her marshmellows stay in the fire for a little too long, to the point where it ends up becoming black, melty goo and sunyoung yells, jumping from her place at the campfire and turning quickly so that it landed upon the sand than someone else. “cut” is heard for the umpteenth time that day and she’s told that she’s no longer allowed to roast marshmellows because that’s the 5th one she’s melted within the span of an hour. the director doesn’t sound angry but the girl bows and expresses her apologies, even with the soft laughter of the crew and her own members around her.

( in revenge, she takes part of the molten, sandy goo and presses it to luna’s cheek. )

there’s a scene where they’re supposed to run into the water, carefree and unrestrained, and that in itself takes several takes as well because the director has a certain way he wants them to run and a certain way he wants the camera to be shot and a certain fucking way he wants the water to soar through the air -- he’s way too meticulous for sunyoung’s tastes. nevertheless, she puts on a smile and goes back to the starting point each time, despite how her thighs start to ache in the slightest due to all the fussy running. every time she watches a commercial from now on, she’s going to appreciate all the hard work that goes into it -- this isn’t something that anybody could do in just a couple of hours, she’s learning.

there comes a point when they’re playing within the pool where sunyoung is recording the group having a good time from her own phone, attempts to wave at the group to get their attention when the device slips from her grasp, landing in the watter with a damp plunk and she is so sure that she feels her heart drop out of her body and into the water as well. panic is etched all over her expression as hand dive into the water, searching for it with fear pumping through her veins -- it was only a matter of time for the phone died or fucking exploded underwater ( it probably would happen with her luck ) and then director would blow up at her and katie lee would rip her contract in half and guess whose gonna be blackballed from the whole entertainment industry and would have to work in japan or some shit --

wait. it’s still on when she pulls it out. even when she shakes off the water and scrolls through the phone, no smoke to be seen or even a twitch upon the screen.