#ripcar

Let me preface this by saying I’m calm.  I’m deathly calm.  In fact, I’m so calm, it’s like I rose up to the highest point of anger, and came around full circle to calmness.

Well, it’s not like that because that’s exactly what happened.

My car is totaled.  The accident wrecked my car.  That bitch wrecked my car. 

I call her a bitch because she is slowly becoming one in my book.  I forgave her for the incident, but what has she given me in return?  Nothing.  No insurance, no anything.  She is ghosting me.

I’m done.  I’m done being nice.  For all I know, all she told me was a lie.  And if it wasn’t, it still doesn’t help me.  I’m without a car and am forced to pay for another one with my own money, or fix up the one I have (which costs more to repair than the car is worth) which seems like a more frugal, but short term option.

I just want a car that runs and I want people to be responsible.  I’m livid that I have had to give up the car and I am even more pissed that the person responsible will not be held accountable because I chose not to press charges.  

A decision I still have time to reverse.

I’m going to talk things over with my husband, but for now, I’m beyond pissed.  I don’t even want food, I’m so upset.  Florizel could make me my favorite meal, and it would take me time to build up the desire to eat it.  THAT is how upset I am.  She gets away with so much if I don’t speak up.

I know I shouldn’t be obsessed with the material things.  It’s just a car.  But that’s my mode of transportation.  I have to pay for another car with my own money, my own money that I am having trouble gaining these days thanks to the loan...but once that’s gone, I can scrape something together.

Put a few thousand down on a car.  Something that will get me from point A to point B.

Right now, I just need to cry.  I have a vacation starting in a few days and I want to enjoy it to the full.  I don’t need car troubles to get in my way.  I need to cry it out, focus on what I need to do for the upcoming show and work, and move on.

She’ll get hers.  Somehow.  I need to figure out what my next move is...because I refuse to let this go unanswered for.  If she was up front about having no insurance, I might be slightly more lenient.  However, I cannot be that way now.  I can forgive in my heart, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to teach her a lesson.  I don’t want to drag her through court, but I can settle out of court.

Life is unfair sometimes.  I guess I wasn’t meant to have that car.  Maybe something better will come along.  At least the loan will be covered and that is a nice surprise.  But that still leaves me without a car.

I’ll be forced to ask Florizel to help me get a new car....with his money.  I’ll be forced to pay him back anyway.  I’ll be in debt again.  I need a used car that I can buy for a few thousand dollars.  That’s it.  I’m afraid to buy new.

But if I buy old, it dies faster.  If I fix up my old car, it’ll die in a few years and all that money would be for naught.  But if I buy new, I’m deathly afraid I’ll get in another accident.  Hell, I’m already afraid of getting in another accident.

I just want to get something that runs at this point, I don’t care what it is.  I’m so upset...trying not to focus on the material things, but it doesn’t help that I have to rely on the material things to LIVE.  You know, like work and make money to pay for a car I can’t afford.  

What a load of bullshit.  Fucking bullshit.  And this woman who hit me will walk away from this. She’ll get slapped with a couple of fines and not having to answer for any of the damage she’s done.

My husband and I will most likely have to press charges, even though I promised not to.  She has betrayed my trust.  I will not stand for that.