#rip lmao

Get over here, ima BAP you >:3

Kingdom Come Deliverance 2, doodles 1

+ bonus

Sue me, I had more shit to say about this fic upon completing my second reread of it lmao.

I fear Cardinal Lawrence might’ve taken that one a little too seriously. 💀💀💀

Geralt is a witcher. Cats tend to distance themselves from witchers. Sometimes Geralt wonders what cats are like. So one day he asks. "Cats are lovely. Beautiful little sweethearts." The old woman who owns the inn says to him. "Cats are annoying varmints, always yowling in the middle of the night when they're in heat, they SCREAM their little heads off, can't catch a wink of sleep with them around!" A man passing by him in the market complains, with the anger of someone who has clearly thought about this a lot. "My cat isn't the biggest fan of being touched, but she's a good girl. Catches the mice." "They're evil little hellions, nothing compared to dogs. Don't even like their owners." "I'd like 'em a whole lot more if my way of living wasn't being a fisherman. They climb in at night and steal my best catches." "They're adorable!" "My cat is the cuddliest sweetest snuggliest little kitty to ever live, I think. Nobody will ever love me as much as he loves me." "My friend has a kitten! She already knows to chase the feathers we wave in front of her! I hope she still plays when she grows up." Opinions are varied in the town, but the majority seem to love them. He wants to know what they're like, not if they are liked. He sits down with a friendlier townie one afternoon and asks in detail what cats are like. What's great about them, what's bad about them, what do they like, what do they hate, what can they do, what have they done? The more she describes cats, however, the more Geralt can't help but be reminded of Jaskier. "They're playful. They love making noise and chasing things."

"Geralt, please, can't I play my lute? It's been fourteen whole minutes of SILENCE! Let me play a song!" "Why do you stay?" "Maybe I just like following you, Geralt. It's nice only having to pay for half of everything, after all."

"They're moody little things. Cats will want to cuddle you one second, and be left alone the next, and if you can't read their mind, they'll give you an annoyed little pouty face, as if you were meant to know better!"

"Geralt, do you mind if I...?" "If you what?" "Sit here?" "...My lap?" "That is where I'm sitting, yes. May I?" "...Mm." "Great thanks!~" "Geralt, you pissing idiot! I can't believe you! Don't touch me! Don't even look at me! How could you do something so so so SO stupid!?" "This is my job, Jaskier." "And apparently sewing up your arm is mine!" "I can take care of it." "Oh, I'm meant to just trust the man who went off and got mauled by a werewolf, then?"

"They enjoy a good sleep. Cats nap more than my old man, if you can believe it. They love comfort and luxury."

"Geralt, can't we stay at an inn? It's been so long." "Can we rest? Just for a bit? Pleaaaase? I want a nap. Don't I deserve it?" "Geralt, not to be ungrateful, but I think sleeping on the dirt would be better than this inn. Don't tell me you're making us sleep here. There's probably snakes nesting in the pillows."

"But at the same time, they love the grittiest bits of the outdoors. Chasing rabbits through tunnels, climbing trees after a songbird- My childhood cat used to dive in the swamp to catch frogs."

"Geralt, taking a shortcut through the bog is the easiest way to get to the competition in time! Now hurry along! Either I cross the bog alone, or you come with me!" "Geralt, I went looking for potion ingredients while you were skinning the deer!" "Geralt, are you going to cut the damn thing's head off or what? Wait, darling, are you alright? Are you hurt? Let me do it-"

"They sometimes bring you dead critters because they want to feed you. It's oddly very endearing."

"Geralt, I bought you some honey buns!" "I found some lovely cakes, do you want one, Geralt? You haven't eaten at all today." "I- I killed it. It was coming straight for you and I panicked. Am I bleeding? I can't quite tell because of the adrenaline, so am I bleeding or not, Gerelt? Can you tell me? Are YOU bleeding? Did I get it in time?" "I got so many tips last time I played, Geralt, you can get a bigger meal."

"They get themselves into trouble a lot, though. Places they shouldn't be, things they shouldn't touch, things they shouldn't eat."

"Geralt, I didn't mean to cause all of this. I'm sorry." "It's nothing, Jaskier. I'm just glad you're unharmed." "...Um... Geralt? Can you let go of my wrists now?" "Don't. Touch. Anything. The plant's spines are poisonous." "Jaskier, spit it out! SPIT IT OUT! I told you to stop fucking eating things in Yennefer's place" "Then why was it colored like a nice candy?"

"When they're scared or angry, they can make a right mess out of you. Don't let their cuteness fool you, they can do some damage."

"What else was I supposed to do, Geralt?" "Not punch him!" "He said you were a monster!" "I am!" "Do you want me to punch YOU?" "Geralt, I lost my dagger. It was in one of the bandits we chased away." "Geralt, will you teach me how to use a sword? Nothing fancy, just how to kill something."

Raphael fucked up with Crown of Karsus and had isekai'd into our realm. The main character (reader or OC) almost ran him over with a car, but Raph used his last magic mojo to save himself. Now he is alone, powerless, with YOU, pathetic mortal. Reader knows him of course, and now stuck with babysitting the devil. Also poor reader is, well, poor and his house can be taken away by law.

"Raphael, bebe, can you read this book?" "Don't call me like that. What is it? 'All about American Jurisprudence, Law and Order for Dummies.' Hmm."

So evil pookie Raphael rolled up his sleeves ("I need a good suit, Mortal. Now."), saved the reader (and himself) from eviction, and also.. The reader has a heavy ADHD, and few times Raphael almost blew himself up from all the mess around, but in the end he designed PERFECT daily organize system for a reader. I mean PERFECT. The reader now is tidy and ready. To everything. But not to him leaving. "Maybe we can make a contract, and when I die I'll be with you? Please? Pretty please?"

Some decades later. Raphael came back from annoying Hells meeting to found out outrageous chaos at his own House. Who has dared?! Nasty wet cement footprints lead on to his boudoir, and there, wrapped in his towel, sitting on pillow nest, bubbling like a baby parrot to amused Haarlep, was..

"YOU!" "Pookie!"

An hour.

That’s all the time you had together before….

An hour.

An hour before the one you married was killed.

An hour before they were banned.

An hour that you didn’t even really spend together, your beloved being pulled away by others that were more important.

An hour you feel you wasted, flying around with Laur and Jay, showing the newest VIP a few landmarks you knew.

An hour you could have tried to make the most of with her.

An hour you didn’t.

An hour now lost.

An hour until you’re alone again.

An hour until another person leaves you.

An hour until you’re reminded you aren’t worth staying for.

Not even when married.

In vita et aeternitate.