#return and remember

waywardoakdown: 

{Okay so I must say I don’t quite know what this is except that dear Koschei still has to come and explain his reasons for leaving after Execution and make the Doctor remember what happened with him after mars.  And I haven’t talked to you in ages so here, I miss you to all hell darling.  Have something that hopefully, at the end, won’t be painful.}

   The Master knew there was only about an hour’s space of time between the two Doctors landing, but now that the younger version had left and forgotten, it felt as though he had been here for ages.  Waiting for the telltale sound and the chance to make his Doctor understand.  To remember what the Master had done, and what, at the time, the Doctor had actually understood.    His reasons for leaving.    He hadn’t wanted to go, but he couldn’t stay when they were at each others throats every second.  It felt too much like-… Like he was slipping.  Back into that mindset, that place he just wanted to escape.  No more running from Theta, or making the other run from him.  It should be done with.  He wanted it done with.  The fighting had made that difficult.  The damage both had done to each other, though not physical, after the execution.  It had just been the end of a fuse, waiting to run out and cause the mess both Time Lords were currently in.    A mess they had both caused.  Perhaps the Master moreso.  He understood why Theta had just let it happen, but at the same time he hated him for it.  For giving up.  Just because the link had gone.    But he had let that go.    He knew it was hard when Theta relied so much on the link for his stability.  The Master just didn’t want to admit he relied on it as much as the other, even when he did.  He needed it to keep the nightmares away, and even then it didn’t always work.    When that groaning broken noise did reach his ears, the Master reached out for the link.  Slowly, carefully.  He didn’t know how the Doctor was going to react to his return.  Or to any of this.  It might not be enough, even with the memories, if he didn’t understand…     He had to at least hope that it would.  His words were sent carefully and quietly, before the TARDIS doors had opened.  Each one chosen carefully.  He was not sorry for leaving.  He was not sorry for what had happened while he was gone.  Only that he had been away from the other so long. I’m sorry for being gone so long.

It was easy to ignore the constant silence in his head by then. The link to the other Time Lord lulled down to a small background noise, time ticking away louder than it’s noise. He had found a way to ignore it. The easy part was a complete lie of course. 

Silence hurt and it took a while to find enough distraction to make it bearable. 

“So where now, old girl? Beijing in the 67th century? I do love those little sweet ball things on the stick. Or... England. I didn’t see Will for a while, but well.. don’t fancy more arrows being shot at me. I wonder what I did to Bess to deserve that...” the Doctor said out loud, spinning around the console. Talking out loud helped. It just did. He had asked Alistair to come with him for one or two trips, Sarah Jane and her son as well, Jack.. but they had their lives to return to. 

The ship gave a whirrling sound as they materialised on a small planet outside any timezone he had actually thought about visiting.  Frowning at the screen he ran his hand down his jaw.  “Why here? It’s literally nothing here at all..” he started when he realised something. Someone was touching his mind. The link was getting stronger every millisecond he was on that planet.  Eyes widening a bit, he quickly turned to the door, but didn’t walk up to it to let the other in. He didn’t reach back either, but didn’t the Master out of his head. Tentatively he let the touch linger, threads of the link falling into place far too easily.  The small message, send gentle and.. an apology?.. made him come out of his small trance and even though he tensed up a bit, he took the few steps to the door and opened it. 

Looking at the other Time Lord he stood still, the light of the TARDIS behind him enlightning the small space in front of the ship and barely reaching the other’s face.  ‘Yeah...’ he simply answered, not wanting to say much more to not start a fight again. There was still that anger from months ago in his mind, but also the desire to touch and get close to the other again. It was a bit of a mess as much as they were both in general.