(started on Monday, 30/03/2020)

This is going to be hard to write. Not because I haven't gone over it in my head time and time again, trying to get to grips with the situation... But because I am very much aware that I am privileged in having nothing to worry about except my research. And yet I have to unload these thoughts somewhere, somehow.

The biggest worry is that, because the pandemic means I have to change my design, I don't think I can have a project that will answer any actually useful questions which are interesting to more than just me (if that). And I don't know who to ask for help with this, or how. I don't know how to make any connection between the questions I can think of off the top of my head and any real-world concerns. Even if I say, well this qualitative analysis could help to develop a more robust (read: interesting) research project where actual problems are – maybe – solved, I still can't think of how that could even happen.   I am also worried that this crisis has exposed how little I know. I know it sounds dramatic, so let me explain.  

(continued on 18/04)  

My project was based on data that I could only obtain face-to-face, and the interaction cannot be replicated online. Now, I have to transform the project into something that works with data gathered online, which by necessity is a different type of data (for example, I can still carry out interviews with participants, but I can no longer set up mock police interviews, which means I can no longer OBSERVE interpreter behaviour.) Different data => different analytical tools => different questions. I truly feel like I have to start from scratch, to study what kinds of methods I can use with this data (that I don't have yet – that's another story) and what kind of questions those analyses can answer, because right now I just don't know. And, I feel like by now (6+ years of studying Linguistics) I should have a few ideas in my back pocket.  

There's another possibility, or a complementary explanation. Over time, it's become more and more obvious to me that to carry out this project I need to be creative. I need to have imagination. It is possible – if not indeed probable – that the more 'out there' ideas about how to collect data, how to analyse it, what questions to ask etc., are constantly being preempted by fear. My critical voice comes in before those ideas can even be formed or put into words, and shuts them down. 'No, that won't work.' 'No, that's scary to do.' 'No, you don't actually know how to do that.' (where "that" is unknown, or as yet hasn’t, erm, risen to the level of consciousness?)

Another thing that I'm missing, which I wasn't aware of earlier on, was the intellectual community, which is not something I'm sure I had before the quarantine because I didn't pay attention to finding or building one for myself. I need this because now, a couple of weeks of not attending to my research – or any intellectual pursuits – at all, I feel really far removed from all of it – physically, intellectually, emotionally. (I don't do work as an interpreter anymore, so I'm removed from that community as well, which I'm sure doesn't help.)

“Research Notes: Runehounds--

I love my dogs. I really do.  Until I broke out of the monotony of the Dalaran actually met people, my entire social life consisted of Perdita and Hotspur-- and a few short encounters with individuals who were interested in them. Note for posterity: walking dogs is a great way to meet men. It’s absolutely astounding at how extensive a Runehound’s intelligence is. Within the first few months I began to train them, they absorbed verbal commands to the point where I was almost certain they understood the Common language entirely. We’re going to start working on Thalassian, soon. Dwarvish might be next. Surpassing their intelligence is their loyalty. Though loyalty is a shared trait among canines to their masters, I find myself wondering how much of it is genuine and how much of it is because they are compelled to obey.

Runes have near endless applications. An infamous, and unfortunately frequently used application robs the will of whomever it’s placed upon. From dragons to stone elementals, runes etched upon the skin would bind an individual to the will of the imbuer and they are essentially ensorcelled slaves at that point.  I don’t recognize many of the runes on my dogs, but I at least identify none of them to be this type. Out of uncertainty, though, I am left wondering about it... Either I can be a cruel master and bind the runes, myself, or someone else might do it.

Most of the runes I can identify would accommodate the Runehound’s initial purpose. Perhaps inspired by the felhounds of the Legion, these Runehounds are created with the same principle in mind: Kill mages. These hounds are highly impervious to magic and their teeth and claws seem to be capable of disrupting a mage’s ability to cast, not just from the pain of an attack. The runic flow creates a severely warped arcane layer upon them, lacking any substantial effect and merely flowing without purpose. Thusly, when in contact with a Spellcaster, it causes a magical interference and prevents a successful cast. A Runehound’s altered senses can track magic and Spellcasters, and it is rarely fooled by flashy tricks and sensory illusions. Clearly, their tailoring for mage hunting shows. The difference that separates them from felhounds is that they were also constructed to obey mages, specifically the ones serving the Blue Dragonflight at the time. Mage Hunters that were created to obey Mages. Stupid. 

Perdita and Hotspur were from a few litters that I found while doing some ground work. Puppies, already bred and carved with runes. Animal abuse, by the way. I had to get special permission and training in order to foster these pups. I found that they would bond with mage owners a lot faster than the average individual. Further proving this theory-- As I have taken up residence in Sir Lloyd’s property, the dogs seem to have taken a pleasant interest in him, which surprises me as he has constantly vocalized that he is not a dog person and it shows. This either means that his presence as a mage is unique enough that it intrigues the dogs or that he smells like beef on a regular basis. It’s probably the former.”

This one has more bad stuff than good stuff, sorry.

The Good (sort of)

I’m generally upset and angry these days. I won’t bother you with the details of how little work I’ve managed to do, but I will say that since the first post on this topic I’ve had what they call here an interim review mid-December. I had to massively rewrite (=beef up) my research proposal for that, which had some very nice consequences:

i gotta start a real fucking research diary at one point i guess but today’s not the day and this is still better than jsut making voice memo after voice memo so