#request 15

“Haha today was crazy! That sub did not care at all, the class was wild. Man wait til Ms. Emery hears about this when that one kid snitches on us, omg did you see his face? He looked as if he watched a family get slaughtered or something, omg today was an actually a fun day at school. How often do you hear me saying somethin’ good about school?” you ask Jeno, gushing about your day at school.

“I know, did Y/N actually enjoy school today? Where's my Y/N who absolutely loathes school? I didn’t hear her talking about that one couple who’s always making out before math or how ‘shitty’ lunch was or how Mr. Piller assigned, and I quote, ‘literally 5 hours of bio homework’. Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?” Jeno asks joking, stopping to look directly in your eyes with his hands behind his back.

You scoff as you shove him lightly, “Don’t think you’re being a lil too extra? Let me just enjoy this day,” you say simply as you stretch out your arms to the air, embracing the sunlight.

Jeno just replies with a chuckle and asks you, “Hey do you want an ice cream cone?”

“Yes? Why you still gotta ask me, you know I’m always down for ice cream,” you reply.

He just smiles to himself and buys you a cone from a ice cream vendor and joins you to continue the walk to the park you two always go to hang out by after school. You enjoy your vanilla cone contently without a word to Jeno as you think out how you want to confess to him. Yea, sure you knew this was a cliché, a best friend falling in love with their best friend. What you didn’t know or expect were the following words from Jeno’s mouth.

“You know Grace right? I really like her and I was planning on asking her out tomorrow,” Jeno says super casually as he continues to finish off his cone.

Your heart drops to your stomach and you stare at Jeno with your jaw dropped down in shock. You quickly recover and shout, “WHAT! JENO! HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON GRACE AND SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SO BRAVE? AM I NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW THE DAY BEFORE YOU ARE GUNNA FREAKIN ASK HER OUT?”

He starts to laugh, oblivious to the fact his laughter sounds and replays in your head everytime you go back to this memory. “You see I wanted to tell you this sooner but I wasn’t sure how I really felt about her but now after talking to her a lot, I realized that I really like her and stuff. She’s really nice, has a nice smile, and she reminds me a lot of you in a strange way and I donnu how I feel about that but-”

His words blend together as you stop listening to what he had to say about Grace and tried to not let your eyes well up with tears. Your eyes were burning because they desperately needed relief but you denied them. ‘Not now, not in front of Jeno,’ you think to yourself.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Jeno asks concernedly as he waves his hand in front of you.

You snap out and widen your eyes in shock, “Yea, sorry. I was just hurt you didn’t tell me sooner. Listen, I gotta go, I just remembered I got some stuff to do at home. But good luck for tomorrow, I’m sure she’ll say yes because you’re a great guy and you’ll never hurt her,” you force a sad smile. You hastily give him a hug and start to head off to your house, not giving him the chance to stop you and making a mental note to not come to this park for a long while.

The thought of Jeno being with somebody else is etched in you mind and all other thoughts of anything logical zones out to shine the spotlight on Jeno and that bitch Grace. Anger boils inside of you but sadness overcomes you. ‘Why, why her? Who the fuck even is she? She doesn’t know him like I do and she never will because if Jeno ever dares to talk about our memories with her then they will all just be a story to her but it will always remain a memory between because we fucking lived through it and that lil bitch will never get a taste of what that was like. Why is she so damn nice too, like I can’t even say she’s ugly ughhhhhh why? Fuck Jeno, I don't care, he can be with who he wants, I don't own him. If he never bothered to tell me about her before why should I pretend to care now? That explains why he’s been a lil distracted recently, I bet he doesn’t even think of how much he really means to me. Who knew such a sweet guy like him was capable of causing so much pain without even knowing it? All these years and now I decide to develop feelings for him when I can't have him. All these feelings only to go unrequited and shattered. Hmm well, I guess I better get used to it, damn this really hurts. Why does this is hurt so much, its not like he’ll ever know? Damn, I’m a mess... such a fuckin mess,’ you think as you slide down your front door and break down into your hands after you locking it.

                                                              * * *

5 and a half empty months later, you find 7 missed calls make their way back on your lock screen. And they were all from your ‘best friend’ who hasn’t bothered to call the past few months. You simply ignore them, just like how you were ignoring the feeling of longing you craved from him. Then there came the notification of a voicemail. Your heart dropped once more because you dreaded hearing his voice. The soft croak that he always has whenever he starts talking always gets you. But with lots of hesitation and a heavy heart, you unlock your phone and go to listen to his voicemail. Your thumb lingers over the button but you press it to reveal his message.

         “y/n, hey um its been a while and im sorry. i wanna meet you, th... there’s

         something i need to tell you in person. i know you always check your  

         voicemails and stuff so just meet me at the park after school tomorrow.

         ok um bye y/n, see you tomorrow,

                   i miss you”

A single tear fell but only at the muffled part where he said ‘i miss you’. His voice was so gruff and thick with emotion and you can imagine him speaking with a blank face on his face as he tries to distract himself by staring at something meaningless. You wiped your tear and wondered if you should really go or not.

‘What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like he’s gunna be on his knees, crying, telling me that he loves me or somethin bizarre like that. I miss him too, I’ve known him for 5 years so these 5 months made me realize how much we’ve really been there for each other through practically everything but this. We’ve grown so much together, I wonder how much he’s changed without me by his side. Damn, I really miss him too..’

--------

The school bell rings and you take your time to walk to the park. You’ve have never this nervous to meet up with him but then again you’ve never went a few days without seeing him in the past. The past few months have been really hard, it sucks when you lose a friend to their significant other and it sucks even more when its your best friend. You see him at school often but never interact for whatever odd reason but mostly because it just stung whenever you saw him. And it didn't help that you two had almost all of your friends in common so you would bump into him a lot, most of the time it was just pretty awkward.

When you arrive at the park, you saw Jeno sitting at your usual spot looking very distressed. Your heart sinks and you will yourself not to run up to him and hold him. Jeno looks up by hearing the sound of your feet scuffling and there was a certain look that replaced his cheery gleam in his eyes, this gleam seemed much more somber. A small smile stretches onto his face and he stands up to properly greet you.

“Y/N, you came,” he says quietly, almost to himself. “Hey, how have you been?”

“I’ve been ok, how ‘bout you? How’s Grace?,” you ask with a slight bitter tone.

He looks confused then his face starts to loosen up as he replies, “Oh yea, she’s ok I think. We broke up a while ago so I don’t really know. I don’t wanna talk about her, I wanna talk about us.”

“’Us’? I think that ‘us’ went away along with Grace because there hasn't been an ‘us’ in a long time Jeno,” you mutter softly, avoiding eye contact.

“I know and I’m really sorry about that. No one is ever worth me losing my best friend, the only one that has stuck with me through thick and thin, the only one that I can honestly confine in. Y/N, you have no idea how much you fuckin mean to me, I’ve been a complete mess without you. So much so that I realized that I love you. I always have, it’s just that I never knew if I was in love with our friendship or with you but it’s both. I feel so stupid to say ‘I love you’ at a time like this, I should be mending our friendship first instead of jumping straight into.. this. And I don’t even know if you even feel the same,” he mumbles, his voice faltering towards the end.

“I did. I loved you. But its too late now Jeno, I don't think I wanna pursue a relationship with you. I’m sorry, it just hurts too much. When... when you told me that you were gunna ask out Grace, I just went home wondering ‘why, why her?’ What did she have that I couldn't give you? And that’s the same day I wanted to tell you how I felt about you and I thought it would be a great day but oh, was I wrong. I donnu how I feel about an ‘us’ right now but I miss you and I need you. In those months I realized how much I needed you because you were always there then, suddenly you just weren’t there anymore. It just didn’t feel the same to pick up the phone and tell you that I’m over because I missed your cat. Nothing felt the same anymore, it felt as if somebody took a part of me that explained my very existence. Jeno, as much as I want to let you back in, how do I know you’re not gunna hurt me again because Jeno, I’m scared, I’m really scared,” your voice breaks as you shiver in the wind.

“Y/N,” he reaches out for your hands and falls on his knees with his buried in your hands. “Y/N, I’m so sorry I hurt you like that. I promise, I will never abandon you like that again. I don't know what I was thinking, I didn’t even like Grace honestly. I give you my word because I never wanna bare going 5 whole months without talking to my best friend, my favorite person in the world. I don't wanna lose my best friend for good, no one can ever take your place, ever. Y/N, forgive me I know I’ve must’ve hurt you a lot but I can proudly tell you that I love you even if you don’t feel the same because I just want you back, best friend or girl/boyfriend.”

You put your hand on his shoulder, kneel down, and put your finger beneath his chin to make his moist eyes meet yours. You place your hand on his check softly, as you begin, “Jeno, let’s take it one step at a time. Lemme be your best friend again then I’ll be your girl/boyfriend because as much as I was hurting, I don’t think I can ever ‘unlove’ you. I don't ever wanna risk losing you like that again, that was too scary and too close. But we’re here now, and we aren't going anywhere, well except to get ice cream because it was my turn.”

You smile gently as a tear fell down your face but you chuckle and ruffle Jeno’s hair makin him smile again, knowing that things were going back to normal.

*yall know how hard it was to find a gif where he wasn't smiling and that’s good because he should always have a smile on his face

*also its been a while since i wrote so i feel rusty lol and is it just me or does this scenario seem very similar to ‘one last time’

* also also this scenario hit kinda close to home bc I went through a very similar situation to this except i never got the happy ending haha bc like no body really goes down on their knees anymore lol