#repyourpast

Here’s the thing, ya’ll - we all come from somewhere. And sometimes, that somewhere gets a little bumpy. Some people can/will figure out to swerve when that happens. And some people fall the fuck down for a minute. Who are you to say that a little character wouldn’t be so good for the home team? Basically, what I am saying - is that if you look deep within, no matter where you are from, or how far you have fallen - you can get back up. And it is totally not a bad thing to fall down for a minute. We all do. And if you don’t, you should - because that means you are holding onto a whole bunch of stuff that you need to let go. 

And that’s the thing with choices - and the whole “Your Plan/God’s Plan” theory. How long do we have to strive for perfection before we realize that perfect is so last year…and that really the past sucks for everyone in some form or another. And in other forms - the past, dirt and all, should cut a clear path for some heroic Wonder_da_hood_ Woman type shit to take place. What’s that mean to you? Run with me…let’s see where we go. 

It doesn’t matter the type of hood that you grew up in - went to - are currently in - or strive to be in. We all live and we all learn. And sometimes, we wouldn’t be who we are if it wasn’t for who we were. See, I came from a pretty good family. Meaning, we didn’t want for a damn thing and the house was true with intent and love. BUT we didn’t talk about any of the hard-type-of-shit. And I kinda grew up thinking that we all lived in this little perfect Disney Land - kind of - world, filled with little fairy god-princesses. And then I actually grew up. But before I was technically ready to grow up. I started making grown up choices before my brain was even close to making grown up decisions for me. And I came from a family that didn’t technically see the world for what is really was/is. 

We didn’t talk about shit in my house…let’s just keep it real. I didn’t get the “Sex” talk…really we didn’t even talk about the possibility of the creeps that could be out there, and we def had to fast forward through all the sex scenes when we watched movies as a family. And to this fucking day - talking about shit like that makes me uncomfortable. But in a backwards and twisted scenario. Let’s get down to the dirty now. I have two OLDER brothers…who I have always been very, very close too. And sometimes I like to joke around and say that they raised me…or that I was raised by Werewolve’s. And that’s because they were my role models from an early age…only difference was that they were boys and I was (and still am, in this new growing-age) a girl. Clearly - that was a map for disaster...

I was also the "oh so shy with a mean type of temper” kinda girl, which I got from my dad’s side. Oh and I am still sometimes that same"oh so shy with a mean type of temper” kinda girl, just repping my own last name…which came from my dad’s side. And to restate the obvious, I am also still born on what I like to call the worst of Gemini’s birthdays…and go Twins..so basically - I was kinda doomed from the day I was born. And I had each one of my brother's by my side until the day they graduated high-school, and went on to fly with their newly_and_ever_so_freshly_built_wings. And you guys - guess what, right when the last brother left, I had never felt so alone…and guess why? I was going through puberty and had my very first big girl traumatic experience - which was getting cut from my soccer team. And from there, I had no back up. So I found new friends - that had my back - at the time. And  then I came to crossroads with different devils, by myself. And found new “friends” that didn’t have my best intentions in mind…but be real - I def didn’t either…and even during my worst moments, around the worst people that I once hung around as friends, and in the worst types of areas (like real-deal type hoods) I still met people that had my back. Which is a very solid reason that I am still here, living_and_breathing_and_writing. And just so you know…it isn’t all bad...the hood can actually be a very beautiful place to be…if it is filled with the right type of people…because it definitely has the right type of art…

And that’s why your past shouldn’t follow you, in the wrong type of way - but only if you choose to walk in a different type of light. See, it doesn’t matter where your actual feet are walking, currently. You can still find good people.Even in your darkest moments. And you never know...you might just find that different types of hoods will cross paths with other type hoods, just born and braised by different type meat, and they might just do it at the same time - just in order to grow together.