#renataplaylist2012

Love Interruption by Jack White on Blunderbluss

I want love to: roll me over slowly, Stick a knife inside me, and twist it all around. I want love to: grab my fingers gently, Slam them in a doorway, Put my face into the ground. I want love to: murder my own mother, Take her off to somewhere, like hell, or up above. And I want love to: change my friends to enemies, Change my friends to enemies, and show me how it's all my fault.

While this may seem like a song that is not Caleb at all, I think that the lyrics are completely up for whatever interpretations possible. I like this song for Caleb for that reason, that there are so many ways the lyrics can be interpreted.

I was reading a book called Black Heart by Holly Black and one of the lines in it talks about the narrator's undying love for a girl who doesn't love him back and that is bad for him in so many way. It is mentioned that in a psychology class, the narrator learned about how all people have a "death instinct." This "death instinct" pulls a person towards danger and Hell. The narrator says that all people have this wish to be be balancing on the precipice of danger for the exhilarating feeling it gives one as a human being.  

I think that Caleb had a feeling like that with Seth, a feeling that he was close to danger or falling to his death. While Caleb did, and does have genuine love feelings towards Seth, I think that maybe somewhere in the back of his mind, Caleb has that "death instinct" running around and that loving Seth fulfilled, fulfills it for him. 

The kind of love this song is talking about is that "death instinct" kind of love. The kind of love that would make you follow your lover off a cliff even if you know the present danger. Caleb had the "death instinct" and when he met Seth, he felt more whole. He wanted love that would stab him and make him feel horrible things. He wanted love to torture him in way that he didn't think were possible. 

If that was his intentions, Caleb sure as hell got them. 

What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction on Up All Night

You're insecure. Don't know what for. You're turning heads when you walk through the door.

...

You don't know you're beautiful; That's what makes you beautiful

This is so super cheesy but this song always makes me think of Caleb when I hear it. I don't even care okay. This song is perfect and don't tell me otherwise. The lyrics speak for themselves. If you know anything about Caleb, you know he is a sweet boy with a huge heart, but his insecurities don't let him see that about himself. He doesn't understand that he is a beautiful person inside and out. He has a beautiful personality that makes people fall in love him with from the moment they meet him. It also doesn't hurt that he has an angel face. Everyone, except Caleb himself, sees the beauty in himself. Plus the lyric about smiling... Yeah Caleb has a stunning one of those. 

Happy Ending by MIKA on Life in Cartoon Motion

This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, Like it's forever. Then live the rest of our life, But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep I can think that we just carried on

This song reminds me of Caleb because of how he sings about waking up in the morning and stumbling on his life. Lately Caleb feels as if he is just stumbling though life. He is still very much heartbroken after the way things ended with Seth. Caleb blames himself for how things ended and he carries that around with him everyday since the day they stopped. Caleb is broken and he knows people can see it. (This is the way you let me. I'm not pretending.)

No Hope by The Vaccines on Come of Age

And I, I don't really care about anybody else when I haven't got my own life figured out. 'Cause when you're young and bored and 24 and don't know who you are no more, There's no hope, and it's time to come of age. I think it's a problem. Does it ever go away? I know I am so self-obsessed, I guess, But there's, no hope, and I hope it's just a phase. Oh, I'll grow.

Love for a Child by Jason Mraz on We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things. 

And when the house was left in shambles Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around Well I'm far too old to care about that now What about taking this empty cup and filling it up With a little bit more of innocence I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young It's okay to be easily ignored I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child

This song is a very personal song for Ryan. First I am going to say what I think the meaning of this song is, not in relation to Ryan. This song is about a child whose parents met and got pregnant with said child. This child is born into a family that most likely had the child not out of love but just because it happened. His parents raise him and he knows they don't love him like they should. They get a divorce and no one is sure whose fault anything is. Now that the child's parents are divorced he can "work the floor" and get away with a lot of things because his parents don't care. 

The lyrics above are the lyrics that stand out to me the most in relationship to Ryan. His parents got a divorce. They didn't love each other and everyone knew that. They left the house and family "in shambles" and it took its toll on Ryan. Ryan had to help take care of things because his father fell into a state of oblivion and Ryan being the oldest boy felt responsibility. Now looking back on the whole situation and who did what and why Ryan's parents got a divorce, he just doesn't care. He's too old and its too long ago and none of it matters. 

Innocent Eyes by Delta Goodrem on Innocent Eyes

I miss those days and I miss those ways When I got lost in fantasies In a cartoon land of mysteries In a place you won’t grow old in a place you won’t feel cold and I’ll sing Seems I’m lost in my reflection Find a star for my direction For the little girl inside who won’t just hide Don’t let me see mistakes and lies Let me keep my faith in innocent eyes

This song is actually the inspiration for the name of Caleb's blog. The title, Innocent Eyes, expresses Caleb's innocent and childish nature. He will forever be a sheltered little boy stuck in a grown up world. Caleb was definitely babied as a child and up into his teen years. He was then forced to grow up, maybe too late or maybe too soon, when he was thrown into a new life when he moved from private to public school. Caleb is an old soul. He, while still being so innocent, is wise beyond his years.