#remusl

But there was nothing that he could do. He couldn’t even let his gaze look upon your innocent-appearing visage for too long. You were an outsider, new blood to these creatures. The ones that didn’t try to suppress their inner cravings or attempt to live as a human in the world. You were found on the outskirts of their perimeter. In rough shape according to the reports that he had picked up over time, and had been lucky for. And they had taken you in as a child that needed a family. You were lucky that they didn’t just eat you. Remus had no idea what had happened to your parents, if they were alive, what convincing it took to let all of this happen. He had to quell that, no parents would let this happen to their kid, they must not be around anymore.

What used to be the hard part of these meetings was having to confront what he was. He shared something in common with these people, even though people was a bit of a stretch. They all had the same problems. They all had similar scars, just in different places on their bodies. His was on his face. Yours, he couldn’t see because you were one of the few in the meeting wearing clothes. There might have been something on your legs, beneath the dirt from living in the woods for the last couple of weeks and only bathing in the river to get somewhat clean, but he didn’t look. He didn’t bring any attention to you lest it compromise your own mission. He might not agree with it, but he had to respect it. Now the hardest part was to override his protective instinct and just get you out of there. But he couldn’t give you the least bit of attention lest they suspect anything.

Walking away after the pack didn’t give their answer was the hardest thing that he had to do. He met up with Dumbledore and other members of the order afterwards and he couldn’t stop himself from shouting at the old man. It was the first time that he had ever raised his voice towards him. He’d been a most respected teacher. But sending out a student, sending out someone who was still going through puberty for Christ’s sake! Like Harry Potter wasn’t bad enough? Like keeping James Potter’s son in danger constantly wasn’t the worst of it, they sent you into the wolves den!

Albus took it calmly, which just made him rage more. It took Minerva McGonagall to take his arm gently. The stern look on his face brought back memories of being a teenager and made him feel like a sullen child again, sitting down, exhausted after a tantrum. She didn’t agree with this eitiher, he could tell by her face, the way that everything tightened up when your name was brought up.

“It’s in their hands now,” Minerva said, shooting Albus a look of her own, but sighed wearily. “I will send you an owl if anything to awry, Remus.”

-

Once a year. That’s all he got. A footnote on a letter from Albus. ‘The child is alright.’

The war was progressing and since Remus couldn’t count on the pack coming and helping them, he hadn’t been able to make more visits. They would make their decision or they wouldn’t. But he hoped, still. You were still in mind. He would hate to see you fall into the hands of Voldemort. He hated that this was still a thing. That children were being affected by something which they should be kept safe from.

Once a year. He watched Harry Potter and his friends grow up, grow from the little ones on the train to adults. Aged before their time because of the stresses of war. He had watched them go from youth to old souls right before his very eyes. And he remembered yours. He remembered the way that you had looked at him, not asking for help, but just taking in your new role.

He hoped the war would be over soon. He hoped that you would still have some chance at a childhood. A year or two before legal adulthood set in. But he lost track of the time. He lost track of the numbers. And before he knew it, there you were, standing in front of him. At Hogwarts, of all places. During the biggest battle that had ever been fought upon the school grounds. Somehow, your pack had come through. There you all were, fighting against the enemy. He was frozen in place when he realized that he couldn’t recognize you. He saw it was you. But there was no trace of the child. There was a haunted look behind your eyes as you used primitive magic. You had lost your education, and had ended up relying on the others to teach you what you needed to know.

Bright blasts came out of your wand. It looks like it had been broken a couple of times. It’s wrapped up in vines. The wood is two different colors, like half of it has been replaced. But it still shot out strong magic. A beam narrowly avoided him, making him snap back into it. With a welltimed curse, he took out a Death Eater. By the time he looked for you again, you were gone.

The war waged on. There were many casualities, on both sides. A lot of your coven seemed to go under. He saw the bodies, and then he saw you, standing among them. Reaching down to take hold of their hands. He wanted to approach, he wanted to come and say something, but the alpha of your coven came forth. Put his hands on your shoulders. You hugged him. Remus stayed back, as much as his heart longed to come and see you. He felt attached, somehow. Being a wolf and a teenager going through all of those hormone changes? He recalled it well. But it would be quite strange for him to come and embrace you in front of your coven. They might start to suspect something.

But you did catch his eyes over the man’s shoulder. You were standing up as tall as you could muster to look over it at Remus. And to his complete surprise, you winked, gave a little smile, and then turned your expression back to neutral as the hug ended and your werewolf brethern looked at your face. Remus looked away, looked down, and reality seemed to fall back upon him.

He had losses of his own. He lost his best friend, his wife. That broke his heart. Watching Molly go through losing one of her sons. Watching the people that he considered his closest friends and family losing so much. Was it weird to feel like he had lost you too? Now that the war was over, what was keeping you from returning home? He didn’t have time to ask.

-

He settled in at Grimmauld Place. Harry had offered him a room there to stay in for as long as he liked. He settled in Sirius’s old room. He had never visited during his school years. Sirius wouldn’t dream of putting anyone through meeting his family, meeting his mother. But those memories had been scrubbed clean and it became the headquarters of the Order. And now? Now it was just a home. Harry and Ginny were filling it with happy voices, with little loved ones. He was Uncle Remus, the oldest uncle, but a moniker he wore proudly all the same. He was the live-in uncle. The favorite Babysitter. Though it had been ten years, he hadn’t moved on from Nymphadora, and he didn’t think that he ever would.

These kids were enough for him. James, Albus, Lily. Ginny had told him once that if they had another boy, they’d give him the name Remus but he had shook his head to that, thinking that he had done nothing to deserve that. Neither had Severus, but that wasn’t the point. And he still had his anger at Albus, death aside.

“There’s someone at the door for you, Remus,” Ginny called from the living room. His ears had picked up on the knock but no one ever came to visit him anymore. Not specifically for him, anyhow. Ron and Hermione would have pleasant conversations, more so the latter, but they usually came from Harry or Ginny. He stood up from the table where he was enjoying a nice mug of tea and started to walk his way to the front door, curious as a cat. Minerva, perhaps?

No.

It was you.

The baby fat was gone from your face. You stood taller than you had the last time that he had seen you, when you had been hugging the alpha of your back. You looked nervous to be there. Continued to look at the number which was on the door. You nervously fiddled with your hands when you saw him.

“Come in, please,” Remus said, reaching to touch your shoulder. To see if you were really there. That you were alive, wearing a coat to fight off the early Spring chill of the city.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Ginny said with a smile, leaving the room, brushing Lily along with her, the little redhaired girl clinging shyly to her leg.

“Thank you,” You said, and stepped inside, closing the door behind you. You took your coat off, and Remus offered to put it onto the coat rack. You were no longer the child that he had first seen. You were no longer the barely teenger that had charged head first into the war. In fact, you looked like you had left the pack behind, dressed like someone who lived in the city rather than the durs that the pack often wore. “Do you remember me?”

“Do I -” Remus asked, and then shook his head with a little laugh, his hand going to his cheek with disbelief. “I haven’t forgotten since the day that I saw you.”

“Oh,” You said, laughing a little. “Yeah, the same for you. The man that came to visit the pack after I was integrated. I could see it in your eyes, how much you disagreed. You’re lucky that the others didn’t.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” He said with a little laugh. He invited you to sit on the sofa, pushing aside Albus’s toy broomstick. You took the seat and looked around.

“Is that your wife, then?” You asked. Remus’s eyes widened and he looked back towards Ginny and let out a laugh, and shook his head. “What’s so funny?”

“Do you ever read the newspapers?” He asked. It was your turn to shake your head. “That’s Ginny. Harry Potter’s wife. I just live here with them. I - I lost my wife that night. In the war.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” You frowned. “I lost the person who became like my mother that night. We  lost a lot of good people.”

“We did,” He agreed. Ginny came back out with a cup of tea for you, which you thanked her for, and then went to make herself busy elsewhere in the house. “What brings you here?”

“I’ve never forgotten you,” You repeated, hands wrapped around the mug. “You’re one of the first memories that I have. They wiped me, or rather, Dumbledore did, before putting me with the pack. I couldn’t give away a mission I didn’t know too much about. I couldn’t miss parents that I couldn’t remember. I did a little research, they died before my mission, that’s why I was chosen.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus frowned. You shrugged.

“Like I said, I can’t remember. But you... you stuck with me. I saw you sometimes, when you didn’t see me. After the war. I stayed with the pack for a while, they did become a sort of family to me. But I kept feeling like ... like you might need me. It was just something that kept on running through my mind. Looking back, you must have felt so much guilt at leaving me behind the way that you were forced to. I saw you in London. And ... and you looked so lonely, Remus. So I spoke to Minerva McGonagall, at Hogwarts. She told me how to find you. She agreed with me.” You looked up at him from underneath your eyelashes. “I left the pack. I’m looking for a new family. I was hoping you might like to be a part of it.”

You were so young. But you clearly weren’t looking for some sort of lover, some sort of husband. He felt something more akin to a father, or - or the uncle figure that he had become for the Potters, and the Weasleys. His stomach felt like it was stuck up in his throat as he forced a nod since he couldn’t form any other response. You smiled, and it was the brightest expression that he had seen on anyone’s face in a long time. Even in these post-war times. The tea mugs went onto the table, and he finally had the chance to scoop you up into a hug and protect you from the evils that had been thrust upon you while you were too young to comprehend. And you, you hugged the person who felt like a savior to you, simply because you had seen from  his very kind eyes that he was not like the rest. He didn’t make you feel like a child used.

“Remus,” You protested, trying to reach out for him. Usually a hand on his shoulder or a kiss on his cheek was enough to calm him down somewhat. But he wasn’t in the mood for that today. He backed out from your touch, refusing himself that little bit of comfort. And refusing you that comfort as well. It hurt like hell when he got up and left the room, the cloud of bad temper over his head. You just watched, mouth agape, the sweet boy that you had been dating for four months, walking away like you were nothing.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean that...” James said, running his fingers through his eternally-messy hair.

“Yeah, he cares about you a lot,” Peter added in.

“It’s just his moon time, you know how he gets,” Sirius insisted.

But despite them staying with you and trying to convince you that everything was fine, you felt that sting in his words. He had meant them. You shouldn’t have been so stupid as to bring up scars, knowing that they were an insecurity for him. He often went on and on about how you had such perfect skin. It was like he was ignoring that you had scars of your own. That you went through your own pain and troubles and got to the other side of them. Nothing as intense as his of course but - it wasn’t a competition. It shouldn’t have felt like one.

“I don’t want to be here when he gets back,” You said, getting up after a couple of minutes of the boys trying to cheer you up. “Even if he didn’t mean what he said, he still said it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You left the three boys looking sheepish and upset - they rarely ever saw Remus snap at you like that and it left them feeling uncomfortable. James eventually got up and said he was going to go look for Remus, Peter went up to do some homework before the sunset and they would be going out, and Sirius sat there and stewed. He was close to both of you, closer to you than James and Peter were, anyway.

Remus was going to regret this when he came back to his senses after the Full Moon but Sirius had seen the hurt that was on your face, and wanted to make him regret it even more. A plan started to come together in that devious head of his, and he knew he had to talk to you first thing tomorrow.

-

“That’s ridiculous,” You said at breakfast, watching as the sleepy boy piled food onto his plate. The full moon was a rough night for everyone. You weren’t like the others, you didn’t change your form to try to be with Remus, but you spent the whole night worrying about him anyway. You tried not to, you tried to stay mad at him for attempting to break up with you over something as silly as scars but you loved him too much for that. You stared out the window of your dorm all night, waiting to see the weeping willow freeze and the boys come out of it. So you were much too tired to put up with Sirius’s strange ideas.

“No it’s not,” He said, stabbing a breakfast sausage and shoved it in his mouth. He spoke with his mouthful, making you grimace. How did so many of the girls in this school find this attractive? “It’ll work, I’m serious.”

“Yes, yes, we all know you’re serious,” You said, rolling your eyes at his weak attempt at a joke. “Look, best case scenerio is that he’ll come down for breakfast, he’ll apologize and everything will be okay. Worst case scenario is that he won’t. Why do you want to make an absolute worst ever scenerio by trying to make him jealous?”

“Jealous always works, haven’t you noticed? Plus this will totally help me score a date with that blonde Ravenclaw. Hogsmeade is coming up,” He sang, grabbing the maple syrup to drench his food. “We’ll be doing each other a favor!”

“Sirius...” You said, shaking your head.

“I do love the way that you say my name,” Sirius said, blowing kisses at me. The thought of kissing him, and knowing where those lips had been, made me grimace. But that soon abated when scruffy haired Remus walked past him, bumping into him, and continued down to the end of the table to eat with some third years. Sirius had gotten a head start on the plan before you even realized that Remus was in the room.

You watched him as he sat down and only took a piece of toast for his breakfast. You frowned, getting to your feet so you could tell him to eat more, but Sirius lightly put his hand over yours. “Just let him be for a little while, it was rough last night.”

“You’re one to talk about letting things be,” You said, but lowered yourself back down to continue your breakfast. That didn’t stop you from shooting looks back to Remus though. He looked so lonely down there. Peter eventually joined him, while James bothered Lily near you. He seemed to be trying his best not to look back at you. If he was going to be stubborn, there was nothing really that you could do, except for wait it out.

And that’s what you would do. You’d wait for Remus until the end of the world if you had to.

--

You finally gave into Sirius’s plan, but only because it meant that you wouldn’t have to walk alone to class or study by yourself in the common room. He kept you company, and was a laugh most of the time. He’d tell you about some of the pranks that you had missed out on the group doing, paying careful attention to Remus’s part in them. It had already been two weeks since the full moon, and he still had not spoken to you. You got to the point of trying to send him a letter through your own but Sirius stopped you from doing that.

“Don’t appear too clingy, it’ll blow the plan,” He said, grabbing the parchment from you when he caught the name written on the top.

“I just want to make sure that he’s okay...” You admitted.

“He’s fine,” Sirius said, rolling the parchment up between his fingers. “My brilliant plan is definitely working, though. You should have seen the way that he glared at me after I hugged you goodnight last night.”

“Yeah, why did you do that? It’s not as if the Ravenclaw girl was around to see it.”

“I like to throw myself into the role. Call me a method actor,” He ran his fingers through his hair, flipping it back behind his shoulders. “Plus I like the practice. This girl might actually make me settle down, if I can just get her to notice me.”

“That’s big for you, congratulations.” You said, more than a little surprised. Sirius Black, being serious? Almost unheard of. “But you know, just asking her out might be better than all of this-”

“I already asked you out, I don’t need anyone else,” Sirius said, his whole demeanor changing. He took hold of your hands, running his thumb over the back of them. He didn’t have to tell you that Remus was in the room for you to know that Remus was in the room. “Besides, who could focus on anyone else when there’s you?”

“That’s enough,” Remus’s voice came out in a sharp tone from behind you. You turned your head around, and saw that you were finally able to catch his eye. But instead of the warm, honey look behind them that you were used to, he looked angry. Downright pissed off, actually. “Sirius, what the hell? You could have any girl you wanted, why y/n?”

“I’m sitting right here,” You said, starting to stand up, but once again, Sirius had a good grip on your hands, pulling you back down.

“Calm down, pumpkin,” Sirius said, eyeing his friend. “It’s not my fault you gave her up, mate. She became fair game the minute you broke up with her for whatever stupid reason-”

“You’re a bastard,” Remus said, shaking his head, glare evident. “You’re a bloody bastard, Black, and I regret that I ever thought you were my friend.”

“Remus...” You said, breaking out of Sirius’s grip as the dark haired boy sat dumbstruck. “It’s really not what you think-”

“Save it,” Remus said, the anger in his voice turning to hurt as he addressed you. “Looks enough like you moved on.”

“I didn’t - let me explain, let me talk to you...” You pleaded. This was getting the attention of the others around the common room, and both you and Remus paused as you noticed the stares. “Please.” You said, one more time.

“Fine,” Remus said, taking your hand and pulled you up towards the boy’s dormitory. James was laying out on his bed, passed out, a book about Quidditch resting on his chest. Remus pulled the curtains over him so that he couldn’t see, then sat on the edge of his bed, watching me. “Why did it have to be Sirius?”

“Wow, he must be a better actor than I thought he was, if he had you fooled,” You said, crossing your arms. “Sirius, seriously?”

That usually got the guys to chuckle, but there was nothing this time. Remus’s eyes still looked at you coldly. You sighed. “He’s trying to play you and some Ravenclaw girl into being jealous. I was against the idea, by the way. But then Peter took your side, James was obsessed with Lily and I had no one else to hang out with so ... I sort of went with it. But I didn’t like it. It got all weird when he was start playing with my hair or trying to hold my hand. It never felt right. Not like it did when you did it. Now can we just put an end to this ridiculous mess, and be together again?”

Remus stood up, and paced in front of you. His usually sweet face was contorted into something angry. As confused as you were, and as much as you were wanting to be over, it was pretty hot. He came in close, his warm breath on your face, and took your chin between his calloused fingers.

“All of that - was a ploy - to make me jealous? Is that really what you’re going with?”

“It’s the truth,” You said, unable to look away from his eyes. “There’s absolutely nothing between Sirius and I. I swear.”

He gave a little grunt, and you couldn’t tell whether that meant he believed you or not. After a long moment’s silence, still gazing into one another’s eyes, he finally spoke. “Good, because seeing you with him...” This time a growl came from between his lips.

“Does that mean his plan worked?” You questioned.

“That smart bastard,” Remus muttered. “He knows that you’re my weakness. Seeing you with anyone else makes me a little crazy.”

Rather than feel angry, you felt a bit happy. Relieved. He still cared about you. He still had your chin between his fingers, and he pulled your face in towards his to meet him in a kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself in even closer. Chest to chest. He surprised you even further by letting go of your face, just to go for your  legs, pulling them up so that they were wrapped around his waist.

Sweet Remus Lupin. You knew that he had something of a dark side, becoming a wolf whenever the moon was full, but he was in between cycles right now. This was all him and yet - there was something animalistic about it. Sexy about it, even.

He took a few steps backwards, turning you so that you would fall onto his bed while he was on top of you. With barely a wave, the curtains closed around the two of you, granting you privacy from the sleeping Potter in the next bed. “I thought I was going to go out of my mind,” He admitted, his lips detaching from yours for just a moment. “You’re mine, y/n, and seeing Sirius’s hands on you. Thinking about what you might have been up to...”

“Absolutely nothing, my love,” you said, keeping your legs wrapped around him so that he couldn’t get away from you again. “I’ve always been yours.”

He pressed possessive kisses all up and down your neck, down to your collar bone and then back up. Right at your jawline, he sucked, kissed and nibbled harshly, leaving marks. You didn’t mind at all, but rather you moaned beneath each and every touch of him. Two weeks had been much too long without him. And he clearly felt the same way about you. Hands were running over your ribs, over your chest. He was repeating your name, his arousal felt between your own legs.

The amazing moment of your reunion was interrupted by something bumping against the curtain, and falling down upon the floor.

“Great, you’re back together,” James’s sleepy voice came through. “But do you mind keepin’ it down? Trying to sleep over here, bloody hell.”

“Sorry James,” You giggled.

“I’m not,” Remus grinned.

“Gonna go sleep in the common room then,” James mumbled, and he disappeared out of the room and down the stairs.