#relms

Relms face practically lights up. “Oiy’ve kinda always wanted ta play th’ lute, but oiy can’t carry a tune in a bucket, and the strings is a bit small fuh my sausage finguhs, accordin’ to th’ other assassins.” He chuckled a bit. “Don’t stop me from hummin’ every now an then though.”

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Olivine answers in her usual deadpan. “I really don’t think you want to know but…” She launches into a small tirade.

“Maya is…” She scrunches up her face, trying how best to put it. “She cares. And that’s a problem. It’s weird that she wants to try and be friends; trust me, I am not worth the effort of trying to become friends with.” Something broke the deadpan for a second, she seemed almost angry about this for some reason. “I…Whatever. I can live with her just fine, and shes fun to mess with at least.”

“Claire is also someone else I can live with. More easygoing than Maya, more…stab-happy than Maya…” She shivered at the thought of Claire’s extensive knife collection, “And occasionally she actually joins in on something fun.”

“As for Kia, she is an entirely different piece of work. She’s the most terrible person I’ve ever met, she only gets worse every year. We are the best of friends. Kia is probably the only reason my sanity is still intact, personally.”

By Nicky Karwacki

Chances are high that, if you spend a fair amount of time at The Court Tavern, you’re aware of the list of songs by local artists that everyone knows.  You’ve probably witnessed certain songs coming up on the iPod and everyone subsequently singing along.  The fact of the matter is, there are certain songs that are mandatory sing-alongs at The Court Tavern.

Given those parameters, there will be weeks where my “Song of the Week” picks will sort of choose themselves.  When I found out Relms, an acoustic duo from Asbury Park, were going to be playing at The Court Tavern on July 23rd, I immediately knew what my song of the week would be for that week.

“Stages” by Relms is one of those aforementioned mandatory sing-alongs when it’s either performed at The Court, or it comes up on the iPod, with good reason, too.  The chorus is insanely infectious.  Give this song one spin and you’ll be sitting there screaming “For god’s sake, stayyyyy awaaaaaake!” in no time.  It’s funny how such a sad, somber song has such an effect on everyone, though.  I guess that’s just the way things go sometimes.  I don’t have a whole lot else to say about this one, as the song really speaks for itself.  So do yourself a favor and give it a listen if you haven’t, and when you hear this song at the Court, you better sing along.  “Mandatory” isn’t an overstatement.

You can see Relms perform at The Court Tavern on July 23rd with Bent, Hoag & The Weasel, Tim Hickson, Anthony Carrera, The Fox and The Rose, and Girl Hands.

Gonna go with Relms this time because dunmer babs need more love

1. He has a really dumb “Solstheim” accent. And I put this in air quotes because i realize it is just terribly butchered cockney, the kind you hear the random henchmen some incredibly british evil villain in some spy movie would have.

2. He was supposed to be a badass heartless assassin, but I couldn’t think of any dramatic one-liners for him offing people, so I just started stalling myself by talking way too much. This eventually just...stuck as a permanent thing he does. Nuffin Puhsunal.

3. He carries a bit of extra weight in his midsection, which he blames on too much red meat. It is so much easier to get in Skyrim, and he definitely enjoys that.

4. Good Morrowind booze is, however, much harder to get, and he pretty much hates Nord mead (or as he calls it in private, pisswater). This may be a good thing, otherwise he would be drinking far more often.

5. He has a tendency to think every living thing is “koinda cute, innit?” much to the chagrin of literally everyone who has been around him for five minutes or more.

6. Despite being a Dark Brotherhood member, he could care less about the whole night mother thing. He was technically raised Morag Tong, but since they are practically defunct he ended up with the assassin’s guild that could actually afford to pay. He knows his father would gut him on the spot if he found out his career choice though.

7. He has technically never set foot in mainland Morrowind, but if he were born 5 years sooner he would have gotten to see Balmora at least. Too bad Vivec’s floating city fell into the Red Mountain, causing it to explode into a cataclysmic volcanic eruption and then the Argonians to the South taking revenge for years of slavery by marching against those who were left and taking the ruined Morrowind for themselves...

8. Speaking of which, Argonians are the only race he can’t really tolerate. He calls them “giant lizuhds”. As for those Argonians in the Dark Brotherhood, they’ve “earned” people status at least.

9. He absolutely loves cooking, it is his favorite hobby and someone has to keep all the little dark and broody assassin types fed. He dads all the little babby assassins to death.