It would really mean a lot to me if any neurodivergent folks who can relate to what I'm about to write could leave a like or reblog (feel free to tell your own stories too if you feel comfortable) because I want to see just how common this autistic experience is.
Has anyone else experienced what I like to call being "shock-collared" out of doing their most emotionally regulatory stim publically/in front of others (hand-flapping, etc) from an early age that still deeply affects you to this day? Like if you were chastised and shamed for long enough in your early developmental years you just stop doing it all-together when in the presence of others, even when you need to most.
I still can't flap my hands in front of anyone, even those I'm most comfortable with because it just doesnt come naturally to do so in public without deep shame, even if I really want to and logically understand I have nothing to be ashamed about. Most neurotypical people I've told this to don't understand this, even if I just explained and demonstrated the stim itself to prove my point. I'll simply mimick the motion yet receive no "relief" or emotional regulation whatsoever because it's being done intentionally and not organically.
If you read this far, thank you for hearing me out. Much love to you all. ❤️
