hisĀ gazeĀ doesĀ notĀ strayĀ fromĀ theĀ lockĀ atĀ whichĀ heĀ fumbles.Ā left,Ā right,Ā left,Ā open.Ā heĀ grabsĀ hisĀ spanishĀ textbookĀ fromĀ inside,Ā shovingĀ itĀ underĀ hisĀ arm.Ā itĀ isĀ aĀ symbolicĀ gesture,Ā itĀ willĀ mostlyĀ goĀ unusedĀ asĀ heāsĀ sureĀ mr.Ā schuesterĀ wouldĀ notĀ mindĀ ifĀ billyĀ spendsĀ thirdĀ periodĀ workingĀ onĀ theirĀ lessonĀ ofĀ theĀ week.Ā usingĀ hisĀ shoulderĀ toĀ shutĀ hisĀ locker,Ā heĀ thenĀ looksĀ atĀ her,Ā hisĀ immediateĀ responseĀ aĀ sighĀ beforeĀ speakingĀ inĀ sarcasticĀ tones:Ā Ā Ā āĀ atĀ present,Ā someĀ peaceĀ andĀ quietĀ wouldĀ beĀ nice.Ā āĀ Ā Ā
thereāsĀ someĀ truthĀ behindĀ hisĀ jest,Ā theĀ aspiringĀ starĀ couldĀ be,Ā well,Ā aĀ lot.Ā butĀ billyĀ understoodĀ whereĀ sheĀ wasĀ comingĀ from.Ā herĀ desireĀ forĀ control,Ā forĀ triumph,Ā forĀ theĀ spotlightĀ isĀ justified.Ā sheāsĀ aĀ greatĀ performer.Ā betterĀ thanĀ him,Ā betterĀ thanĀ mostĀ ifĀ notĀ allĀ ofĀ them.Ā butĀ itāsĀ billyĀ whoādĀ managedĀ toĀ writeĀ aĀ decentĀ songĀ forĀ regionals.Ā Ā Ā āĀ itāsĀ reallyĀ killingĀ youĀ notĀ beingĀ goodĀ atĀ this,Ā huh?Ā āĀ Ā Ā heĀ wrapsĀ aĀ friendlyĀ armĀ aroundĀ herĀ asĀ heĀ beginsĀ hisĀ strideĀ downĀ theĀ hallway.Ā Ā Ā āĀ fine,Ā iāllĀ helpĀ you.Ā yourĀ headbandĀ thingĀ wasĀ sweet.Ā butĀ youāreĀ sellingĀ yourselfĀ short.Ā iāmĀ sureĀ youāveĀ gotĀ betterĀ thingsĀ toĀ say.Ā ā
she's used to that, the snarky looks and sarcasm-disguised insults as first reactions to her odd and blinding appearance. no one said being a star was easy ā or being at the bottom of the social pyramid in high school, for that matter. a struggle someone like billy d.unne didn't have to overcome. rachel resists her eyes rolling at the back of her head, arms tightly folded below her self-admittedly flat chest, waiting for him to get to the true answer to her very serious question. and when it came? man, did it hurt.
brunette was immediately taken aback: of course it was killing her to not be the best at something. that number one medal was the one thing she based all her self-worth on, and without it? she was expendable, and her ambitious character, too much of a hassle to bear. she'd lose everything at the drop of a hat (or so she thought). what surprised her was, billy had been the first person to take a good enough look at her to notice her anxieties for what they were: fear of not being good enough. her guard was down for a split second, a fleeting smile flinching in and out of her lips as she allowed billy to guide her through the halls, but the trademark jump in her step and tone sharp enough to cut through glass quickly made a comeback, ā of-of course i have interesting themes to write about, there are many, many hardships that come with having such incredible, inescapable talent at such a young age, specially in a small town like this: no one really understands what it's like, that destiny to become something great, so they mock what they can't understand. ā
rachel turns around to look at him and stops him dead in her tracks, demanding his full-attention, as this was her attempt at vulnerability: ā what i think's keeping me from adding songwriter to my impressively long list of credits is the fact that i've grown numb to all those struggles. despite being a stud in status-quo terms and all that, you're still in glee club, so i'm sure you've inevitably gotten slushied sometime. and maybe you feel the first slushie, the first two, the first twenty, but by the time the hundredth hits, the crushed ice just feels like an adjacent part of your face ā like the epilogue in les mis. and that's what i need you to help me with. rediscover the emotional connection to those struggles. if you think you're up to the challenge, of course. ā
