#redlines5sos

Skylar’s POV

 I was on the way home as I stared at the lines of the road, thinking over everything that had happened in the last month. I wondered how my father was doing. I guess he went back to Bellevue but would he still be police chief? I hoped he was out of the hospital by now but I couldn't be sure. I kept wondering if he recovered well, or did he take a turn for the worse? I know hospitals can screw up. He could be dying now for all I know. I'm his only child. What if he needs me?

 Shut up, Skylar, he let you go, he knows how the witness protection program works. He wants you to be safe and happy, he'd understand.

 Do I understand?

 I would never regret being with Ashton. I love him. But my heart still hurts when I think of my dad. And I think of him a lot. I feel so guilty for leaving him the way I did. I know I had no choice but it still bothers me.

 And Ashton. He looked so afraid this morning, looking to me for some miraculous answer that I couldn't give him. I want to take his pain away, all of it. But I know I can't.

 He wants me to be his Dr. Skylar. I am so afraid to say the wrong thing, to counsel him in error. Not only is it his life but Katie's and mine that hang in the balance if I fail. But he wants only me to be his therapist.

 He's just afraid to open up to someone new. He's chosen us to be in his little circle and no one else is allowed in, ever. He doesn't trust anyone, he doesn't seem to give anyone else a chance. Every time we meet someone nice around here, he finds some reason not to like them. It was a small miracle that he left the house today and allowed Katie to go to school. I think the only reason he did is because I got a little demanding with him this morning before he left. He responds to that and I hate it. I have to be so careful not to use that too much or go too far with it. I don't want to be his Dominatrix.

 Well, it might be nice to tie him up and have my way with him once in awhile. Ugh! My mind is so filthy these days. And I know why. Ashton opened this door into a wonderful, sexy part of me…and I changed from shy little geek girl to a woman who was just discovering her wants and desires, dark as some of them may be. And now I feel like that's over or at least on hold for awhile. I love Katie but she's always there. I can hardly even kiss Ashton when I want to. And when she's not there, Ashton is afraid to be too loud or of waking Katie up. I think he's avoiding me.

 Even last night, he touched me and I was so thrilled. Then as soon as I came once, he was off of me and said we should go to sleep. He won't tell me his nightmares. And that just hurts me more than I can say. It's like he's punishing me for not being Dr. Skylar by closing off to me completely.

 I know Claire is in those dreams, and Katie…I can figure out what that means. But there's something more. Something he's not told me about. I know he needs to tell me but we don't get much of a chance to discuss adult things anymore.

 I'm glad, as much as I know I can't really erase Ashton’s problems, that I'll have a session with him tonight as Dr. Skylar. I know how he loves to hide during therapy, and that may never change. But I don't want any secrets between us. No matter how ugly his past may be, I want to know what eats at his heart. I have to know or I can't help heal it.

 I say help because I know I can't heal his pain alone. He must have a good psychiatrist. I'm thinking a man might be better for him. I hope he'll listen to me and call someone, at least talk to them and see if he clicks with one of them.

 I'm glad I have some good names and numbers to give him. I know nothing about this town's psychiatric care so I hope my counselor didn't steer me wrong.

 All my worries and complaints aside, it was a very lovely day. Casper College is beautiful. The huge campus lawns and terraces around every building, the light tan exterior with glass and bright red piping, giving it a modern look. And how many colleges are nestled in the foothills of her town's mountains? Every window you look out of you can see them. It's like the rocks are protecting it, shielding it from the world.

 In the information I read today about the college, I recall that there are 28 buildings on campus, on a total of about 20 acres of land. And I think there are about 5,000 students attending right now. And I also believe I know why they put us here in Casper, Wyoming. This college has the lowest tuition in the United States, because of some tax base Wyoming has, due to their exports: gas, oil, coal.

 I can't complain, though. This is not some little country college. It has everything. Everything I need. It will take me longer to get where I want to, but I told myself to forget that. All that matters to me is being with Ashton and Katie. They need me. And I need them. Everything else will work itself out. I really believe that. But we have to all work to make it happen. And that includes Ashton.

 I pulled into the driveway of our cute little house and felt a smile coming on. I never had a place of my own, I mean a house. I had to admit it was small and not filled with luxuries or fancy furniture, but I loved it. I can look around and see what it can be, and once this trial garbage is over I can help work too and we will be able to afford paint, curtains, and all the little things that make a house a home. I didn't mind waiting. The last thing I wanted to do was put pressure on Ashton to earn this big living right away. He would have to get used to working a regular job. I will try to be patient I said again to myself.

 I do try but sometimes it is so hard, watching him struggle. And I can't really help him.

 He can't find all his successes in me. He already acts like I'm a superwoman but I'm not. I'm a college student he happens to be in love with, one who stumbled on an escape route for him.

 The truth is, I got lucky with the whole Claire situation. Our friends and family helped us…and we squeaked out of it all by the skin of our teeth. My dad was maimed for us. Our friends risked their lives. If not for them, we'd be dead now…or worse, owned by Raven somewhere enduring daily sexual torture together. I shuddered just remembering it, when I was chained up and whipped by those parasites. Ashton is the reason I got through it at all. He was nose to nose with me, making me look into his eyes, taking the bulk of the pain for himself to spare me from it.

 And if I am disturbed by my one little experience, I can imagine how Ashton feels all the time. He covers it up, smiling, saying he's fine. I know he's not. The thing I need to do now is get him to admit it.

 I turned off my engine and picked up my books, walking up to the front door with keys in hand. I couldn't wait to hear how Katie's day had been. I knew it would take my mind off some of the big things off my mind for a little while. I went inside and found Katie, Ben, and Angela at the round kitchen table. There was a nice stack of paperwork there, waiting to be filled out. I remember my dad grumbling about all the forms he had to fill out for me on my first day of school every year. I almost laughed, picturing his face.

 "Hi Skylar!" Angela smiled at me and Katie looked up from what she was writing, her face beaming with excitement.

 "SKYLAR!" Katie came running up to me, "I was in school today!"

 "I know!" I laughed as Ben and Angela chuckled from their seats.

 "How was it?" I asked enthusiastically, already sensing she had a great time.

 "It was sooo cool!" she gushed, taking my hand and slowly leading me back to the table, "My teacher is the nicest person! Her name is Miss Betty! She was telling us ghost stories! Do you know there are a lot of ghosts in Casper?"

 "There are?" I asked, sitting down as she stood in front of me, "I hope they're all friendly ghosts."

 Ben grinned at me, getting my little joke, but it went right over Katie's head. I don't think Casper the ghost is on TV anymore. How sad.

 "No!" her eyes went wide, "Some of them are bad!"

 "Really?" I asked with a grin, "What do the bad ones do?"

 And she told me a few juicy ghost stories. I had to admit I loved them. I prayed she wouldn't tell Ashton too many of them though. I'm already trying to exorcise Claire’s ghost from his life. I didn't need new ones to battle.

 For a split second I checked my conscience to see if I felt any guilt about setting fire to that bitch. I hadn't felt any at all since the moment I'd done it. And now? Nope. Still not guilty. I wonder what that says about me.

 I used to think that there was no such thing as an evil person. I considered them disturbed, in need of help. Now I knew better. There are lots of evil people out there, men and women. Claire was an evil dog who needed to be put down. I was glad I was the one to do it. But I was sad that it didn't erase the hold of fear she had over Ashton. I was angry that she still found a way to torture him every night. I wanted to step into those dreams and take her fucking head off. But I can't do that. That is Ashton’s right…that is his journey…and once he takes it, he will be free of her someday.

 "And did you know that Casper started out with a lot of Irish people in it?" Katie asked.

 "No I didn't know that, either." I replied, "You learned a lot today."

 "Yeah, and you know what else?" she finally sat down, telling me more about Casper, Wyoming, "We have a baseball team, the Casper Ghosts! Daddy will want to see them play, he loves baseball!"

 "That will be great for him." I said, looking at Ben and he smiled, nodding his head at Katie, as if proud of her for finding Ashton some much needed medicine.

 "I'll check it out in the spring." Ben made a little note on his post it pad. Ben loved to write notes. I guess because his memory's not what it used to be. It was cute, though, once I found a note on the toilet seat that said "The Mrs. is going to the store today. If you need anything feminine, tell her."

 I cracked up for over a half hour on that one. Anything feminine. I wanted to go nose to nose with him and say, "Do you mean feminine hygiene products, Ben? Pads? Tampons?" But I chickened out. Even the thought of his face during my little scenario was enough to make me chuckle now if I needed to.

 "Spring is so far away." I sighed, "I wish we could find something fun for him to do now."

 "He'll be alright, Skylar." Ben's gravelly voice was like a gentle old bear's. It reminded me a little of my dad’s.

 Katie was deep in thought about what else we could do to make Ashton smile.

 "Hey!" she lit up inside suddenly, "We're going to put on a play at Christmas time! My friend told me!"

 "I know he'll love that." I smiled at her cute little ivory face. I see Ashton there so clearly…a happy, innocent Ashton. One that was never touched by whips or chains or sick women.

 "Definitely." Ben agreed, scribbling down the words Xmas Play.

 "POP POP!" Katie yelled, snatching his pencil away, crossing out the word XMAS. "That is terrible! You don't put an X – you spell it out!"

 And she did. Only trouble was, now the entire post it was filled with her giant words.

 I had to laugh at this look on Ben's face. He looked absolutely reprimanded. He liked to growl and look hard but when it came to Katie, he couldn't even raise his voice to her. I was thankful for that. I can imagine Ashton if Ben liked to yell at his daughter all the time. It wouldn't be pretty.

 "Sorry kiddo." he nodded, knowing she was correct, "I was just trying to abbreviate. Not much room on these little pieces of paper."

 I couldn't help laughing out loud. They were so cute together. It was easy to see their bond, although at first I never would guess that a little girl and a stubborn old man would have such a connection to each other.

 "You need a bigger pad." I teased and he looked up at me over his big glasses, as if daring me to go a little further. Then his little mouth tipped up at one side, giving him away again.

 "Yeah!" Katie tore off his post it note and wrote herself a new one, "That's what I'll get you for Christmas! A big, bigpad!"

 "That would be great!" he said in complete agreement, "Make it a blue one!"

 "Okay – blue!" she wrote that down too.

 "There you go." he peeled it off and gave it to her, "Save your money."

 "I know." she took it and went off to her room.

 "You know you're passing your post it note addiction down to your granddaughter." I informed, standing up to go get a cold drink from the refrigerator.

 "Oh she loves it." he snickered, coughing a little bit afterwards. I got him a glass of water and placed it down in front of him.

 Angela was in the basement, where the washer and dryer were located. I could hear the metal door slam below me. There wasn't much that could happen in this house without everyone else hearing it.

 I was pouring a glass of milk when the phone rang. Ben and I tensed at the same time, looking at each other in silence.

 Let me explain.

 First, we have a strange phone here. Since we're in the protection program, we aren't able to make or receive any calls except to two places, the police station and the doctor's office, if one of us gets sick. If we need to call anywhere else, we tell the officer at the police station and if he thinks it's alright, he'll connect us. We definitely can't call outside anywhere outside of Casper, that's a rule.

 So if the phone is ringing now, it's either a police officer or the doctor calling to say hello. We both knew it was the police. Right away I thought of my dad. I knew my paranoia was right. He was hurt.

 "I've got it." I heard my voice crack as I went to the little coffee table by the sofa and yanked it up, "Hello?"

 Ben slowly came up beside me as I heard a man's voice on the other end.

 "This is the Casper Police, Detective Robin here. How are you today?" he asked with a kind voice, as if he actually did care.

 "We're fine – what happened?" I snapped back in response.

 "Is Ashton okay?" Ben asked behind me and right away I felt horrible. I didn't even think about him, I was so wrapped up worrying about my father.

 "Is Ashton okay?" I asked, more urgently now, picturing my baby with a gun in his face…what if they already found him? What if they already…killed him? And I pushed him out the door today! Oh god!

 "Calm down, calm down…" he assured, "Everyone is alright. I'm sorry if I startled you. But you have to realize not every call we make to you is going to be bad news, okay? We check in all the time, we even come over unannounced sometimes. It's for your own safety."

 "He's okay." I said to Ben and we both breathed again. I turned and saw Katie standing in her bedroom doorway, she was shaking. I waved her over and put my arm around her as I answered the detective.

 "We aren't used to this." I said to him, my voice a little stronger. I'm a cop's daughter and seen a lot of things but I've never been in the shoes of the people who go through it. My dad had sheltered me a lot, I saw that now.

 "I know and I'm sorry, Ma'am." he said, his southern accent sounding very nice and old fashioned to me, "I know today was the first day you all ventured out your separate ways, so I thought I'd check on you."

 "That's nice." I spoke exactly what I was thinking and felt a little smile form on my lips, "We're not used to the police thinking about how we're doing, you know. We're from New York, where the only time you see the police is when you're being arrested."

 I tried to laugh but it came out so forced.

 "Well, get used to it." he sounded like he was smiling now, "This is Casper. We all know each other here, we all care about each other. You're one of us now, and we all stick together. So don't be afraid, alright?"

 "Alright." I played with one of Katie's braids, and she wasn't shaking anymore.

 "One little thing I need to tell you." he said and I tensed again.

 "The marshals are coming over tomorrow night to talk to all of you." he informed, "They check in sometimes too. Nothing to be worried about. They should be around after dinnertime, about."

 "Oh, yeah." I shrugged, "Sure."

 "Alright. You have yourself a good night now, Ma'am." he said politely, and hung up.

 "You too," I replied before he was gone.

 I put the receiver down and they were both staring at me.

 "Everything is fine." I repeated, "We have to calm down and not freak out every time the phone rings. Ashton is fine. Everyone is fine."

 I saw Katie looking up at me and little tears were in her eyes.

 "I thought daddy was dead." she said and then a second later burst out crying.

 I instinctively sat on the arm of the sofa and held her close, her little sobs tearing my heart open. She even cried like her father did. I felt tears in my own eyes, too. Ben turned away, looking angry with nowhere to direct it.

 "Shhh…" I gently took off her hat, touching her hair and kissing her bangs, "Nothing will take your daddy away from you, nothing. He's with you now and he's staying with you. I'm sure you won't even get rid of him when you get old and married. He'll probably move right in with you guys…and go on the honeymoon too."

 I hoped it would make her laugh but it didn't.

 "I want my daddy." she said so small it crushed me. I looked at the clock and saw it wasn't even four yet. I doubted he'd be home that early.

 "I'm going to get him." Ben turned and was going to the door, taking my car keys off the hook on the wall.

 "Ben!" I turned, "Come back here now! You are nor going to get him! You don't even know where he went."

 "I'll find out." Ben went to the phone, about to call the police department again.

 "Stop!" I put my hand on the receiver, stopping him, "Everyone calm down! If we go get Ashton now he'll never go back to work again! He'll be sitting next to Katie in her high school classes! Sit down Ben, please."

 By now Angela was coming up and I thanked God to have her to help me with Ben.

 "Angela, watch your husband." I directed her as she put the laundry basket down, wondering what the hell was going on.

 "Come here with me, Katie." I took her into her bedroom, half closing the door. I sat on her bed and put her on my lap.

 Here comes Dr. Skylar. I hoped Ashton wouldn't find out she was here for Katie before himself. I just had back to back sessions today, I'm swamped.

 "Here, baby." I gave her a tissue out of her little box next to her bed.

 I let her take her time wiping her eyes and to take some deep breaths before talking to her. I didn't want to lecture her or tell her she was being silly for being afraid. Katie had been through some hard shit, too, not just Ashton, and she also needed some counseling. I am just not good enough to do all this for everyone. I am going to insist Ashton calls for someone first thing tomorrow. I don't care what he says.

 "Tell me what's got you so upset, hon." I began, allowing her to talk and get it out.

 "I thought the bad people got daddy." she said simply, her voice so frail, her eyes down. Just like Ashton’s.

 We had told her about the "bad people" so she'd understand why we had to move, and why our last names were different, why we couldn't say much about ourselves. It was hard to explain and I thought we'd done a fair job of it. Until now.

 "No, baby, the bad people are far away from here." I said and wondered if that was right to say. There were bad people everywhere. I didn't want to say she was totally safe – what if a stranger comes up to her tomorrow? This is so hard.

 "They don't know where we are." I said, more honestly, "They won't find us, I promise."

 "I thought the police always caught the bad people." she sounded confused, looking up at me.

 "They try to." I explained, playing with the fringes of her vest, "They want to. Sometimes it takes awhile to do that. So until they do, we're going to be country folks. We're going to fit in and make good friends, and wear the cowboys hats…so we don't attract the attention of the bad guys. Do you understand what I mean?"

 "Like a disguise?" she asked. God, she's so smart for her age.

 "Yea, like that." I rocked her a little, "Like when Superman dresses up like Clark Kent, remember that movie?"

 "Yeah." she smiled, "I like him as Clark Kent. He's funny."

 "Yeah, me too." I admitted, "Clark is sweet."

 "I would love to see daddy dressed up like that." she smiled more, giggling a little.

 I giggled too. "So would I." I just pictured his hair all slicked down to one side, and him tripping over everything, wearing those big black glasses.

 After she stopped giggling, a small pause rose up between us. I knew she was still worried, just like him, but I had to make her feel secure in some way.

 "Daddy fought through a lot of bad people to get home to you." I felt tears come to my eyes as I said it, "He was so brave but he did it for you, sweetie. He hates that we had to move away so far from everything, he blames himself. He would never want you sad or hurt in any way. But this is what we have to do so the bad people never bother us again. It won't be forever."

 Katie's brow furrowed. "You mean we'll move again someday?"

 "I don't know. Maybe." I shrugged, "Do you want to?"

 "No." she put her hands on my hands that laid in her lap, "I love it here. Everyone is so nice. The whole class said they were my friends. Nobody screams when they see me anymore."

 "Kids screamed at you?" I asked, not aware of this.

 "When I was little." she said without any pain, like it was a fact she'd gotten used to, "They said I was ugly and they were scared of me. They screamed when I tried to play with them. Then the nurses took me back to my room and said I couldn't play with the other kids anymore."

 "Katie." I felt a tear escape my eye now and run down my face. Those were the years her face was burned, during her surgeries. This little person had been through so much pain. Losing her mother, her father, her life almost. Being disfigured, having children scream at your appearance…and yet she's so brave she went to school as if she couldn't wait for it today. This girl is the meaning of strength.

 I wiped it away before she could see it and I held her tighter, laying my chin on her shoulder.

 "I think you're beautiful, Kate." I whispered to her, "Those kids were stupid. You deserve all the friends in the world. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish I was there."

 "Me too." she hugged me back, "Skylar?"

 "Yeah?"

 "If the bad people do get my daddy…" she took a heavy breath, "Will you leave too?"

 Oh God, this poor little thing. I didn't realize she was thinking about all this for all this time.

 "No Katie." I said without hesitation, clinging her to me, "I'll never leave you. And neither will your dad. He loves you. I love you."

 This is the first time I've really said those words to her. And I felt bad about that.

 "I love you too." she whispered, and I rocked her some more as I held her.

 After a few minutes of quiet, I spoke again.

 "Now on a more serious note…" I cleared my throat, "Daddy needs our help now. Adjusting to this life is not going to be easy for him, either. He's no cowboy. Yet. Now, when daddy is at work, you have me, you have Grandma and Pop Pop. And that is all the love in the world times three. We have to let daddy find his place here. Do you know what I mean?"

 "Daddy's place is here." she looked puzzled.

 "That's true, but…" I thought as I spoke, "Daddies feel good if they can go to work every day and if they like their work, it makes them happier. I know that whatever daddy's job is, it's probably going to be very hard for him to get used to it or learn to love it. He loves you more than anything and if you call, he'll run to you. And that's good – if it's an emergency. But if it's not, I'm afraid he'll never want to leave your side ever if he thinks you need him more. You saw how he wanted to go to school with you today."

 She didn't say anything. I hoped I was doing this right. I shouldn't be doing this.

 "You have school and your new friends." I pointed out, "Daddy will have work and have his new friends. And then at night and on the weekends, we'll all have family time together. I like it here, too. We have to help daddy love it here also. Because we may have to be here for a long, long time. And it's better if we all like it, don't you think?"

 "Yeah." Katie replied, not adding much.

 "What's the matter, Kate?" I asked, recognizing the avoidance her father loved so much.

 "I don't like being without daddy." she said, right to the point, not the brilliant hider that Ashton was when he was being counseled.

 Katie…she was so afraid she would lose everyone all over again. I read once that what you fear the most is what's already happened to you. Now I understood that. I was also afraid to lose him again, too. I knew I couldn't go through that again, those days he was back with Claire…those days my dad didn't tell me what was going on with him. It was the worst kind of Hell.

 "I don't either." I said truthfully, "But he'll be home soon. I know you have a lot of time to make up with your dad, and I understand. I would love to have him around all the time, too. But we have to keep being strong and do what's good for each other. It's hard for me to explain to you, but believe me, going to work every day will be good for your dad. He needs to. Just like you need to go to school."

 Please let her understand and not get the wrong message from me, I prayed. Ashton was one thing, but if I ever hurt Katie by saying the wrong thing, I could never forgive myself.

 A little knock tapped on the door and I knew that was Angela. Ben's knocks were like angry soldiers about to break in.

 "Yeah?" I asked, wiping my eyes.

 The door moved open more and Angela was there, smiling sweetly.

 "Everything okay?" she asked, looking at me.

 "I think so." I looked at Katie's face and she looked at mine, "You okay?"

 "Yeah." she sniffed, still holding her little damp tissue, "I guess I just needed a moment."

 I almost laughed out loud as she hopped off me and left the room. Once she was out, Angela did laugh.

 "I say that all the time." she shared and I chuckled with her for a second.

 "Did Ben tell you?" I asked her.

 She nodded. "Yeah." she sounded a little mad, "Damn policemen, scaring us half to death."

 I looked at her, feeling a little pissed that she lumped all police into that statement.

 "Oh, I don't mean your father, dear." she hugged me quickly, letting me go, "I'm sorry. I don't care for the police too much. Long, boring stories."

 "It's okay." I said, walking out of Katie's room, "Let's go see if Katie has any homework."

 We went into the kitchen again, and Katie was seated at the table, opening her little purple bag.

 "Any homework tonight?" I asked, moving my fingers through her bangs that hung in her bright eyes. I felt like I had a beautiful little piece of Ashton with me right now, so it made missing him a little bit less terrible. I had been worrying about him all day long…and I was still worried. I was still shaken from thinking what I was thinking a few minutes ago. It reminded me how real this whole danger is…and how any second we could get a real phone call that would kill us all.

 Ben was gone and I looked at Angela.

 "Where's Ben?" I felt myself stiffen as if I was about to go on a mission to retrieve him.

 "He's here." Angela said quietly, "I hid the car keys. I think he just went out back to get some air."

 "I'm glad he cares so much." I said, meaning it completely, thinking how lucky I am to be part of this family.

 "He cares too much sometimes." Angela said, "He's got a lot on his mind lately."

 I thought about things from Ben's side for a minute. And I found a lot of pain there also.

 Their only daughter is gone, they had to care for Katie all those years without Ashton, dealing with the pain she went through every day, not knowing if Ashron was dead or alive sometimes…except for when he called at 3pm every day. And now that they have him back, it must be scary for them too, wondering if something will take him away next.

 We all need therapy. I know I sound like a broken record, but I couldn't help it. I cared about all these people. I wanted to see them whole again.

 "Ashton is not just our son in law." Angela was washing a dish, "He's our son."

 That's all she said and I nodded, understanding. I think Angela was crying but it wasn't obvious to Katie so I changed the subject to her.

 "So…sorry, Katie." I grinned at her across the table, "No homework?"

 "Nah." she looked disappointed, "It's the first day of school so they didn't give any."

 "Oh." I shared her disappointed expression, "Sorry."

 "You know, sometimes I think this town is just too nice all the time!" she exclaimed, looking very hostile. I had to laugh.

 "I know what you mean." I grinned, "The only cranky person here is POP POP!"

 She laughed more at that and I hoped I wasn't making Angela angry at me. It was just good clean humor. I wanted to see Katie smile some more. Especially before Ashton got home. If he came in and saw that she'd been crying…

 "He's not cranky, he's just old!" she chortled.

 I put my hand over my mouth and tried not to laugh as hard as I wanted to, afraid I'd spit out the milk I'd been drinking.

 I was relieved to see Angela smiling over at the sink.

 "Wanna help me make dinner, Squidge?" I asked, it was my thing to call her something new every day. I just made up all kinds of weird names, sometimes they just came tumbling out of my mouth. My favorite one so far has been Ooop Ooop Ooplefski.

 But today was rough on all of us so Squidge was the best I could do.

 "Okay." she shrugged, not looking too enthused.

 "You must be the only kid who doesn't like cooking." I tossed a dishtowel at her as she followed me.

 "Sorry." she said.

 "It's okay." I opened the fridge, looking around inside, "This is 2013. You can make your husband cook while you go to work every day."

 Angela was on her way outside and laughed at my comment. I guess she was going to talk to Ben and I was glad about that.

 "I don't want a husband." Kate informed calmly, watching me take out a defrosted chicken covered in plastic wrap.

 "Oooh, a modern woman!" I said, "I like that. You go, girl."

 I wasn't stupid enough not to see there was more behind her words, but I wanted to keep tonight as light as I could, especially after that damned phone call. I vowed to go deeper with her about this another day. I would do all I could to investigate every inch of Katie and what pained her.

 Was it the heat of the oven that scared her? She had been horribly burned. Was it that she used to cook with her mother a lot? Maybe she cooked with Ashton all the time, and only wanted to do it with him.

 Maybe she just doesn't like to cook, my inner brain rolled her eyes at me.

 Later, as I was cooking, and Katie was on the floor watching Spongebob, I smiled, remembering the day I first heard Ashton watching Spongebob in my apartment. It's too bad he was missing it now. I remembered Ashton saving me when I was stuck in my bathroom, and us in the shower. He was so playful and alive then. It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't. I can still feel his lips on mine, so hungry…as if I were the only woman he'd ever kissed before. Was that really him…or a part he was playing? Does he really love me? Or is he confusing that with the thrill of being free?

 And just then, something inside me started to hurt.

 Yes, I know, I need counseling too. Shut up Dr. Skylar.

 A little while later, a honking sound blared outside and I heard Katie racing to the window by the front door.

 Then a war cry – "DADDY'S HOOOME!"

 I put my spoon down and ran to the door too. I heard a deep thud and by the time I got there, Katie was screaming and Ashton was on the floor right inside the doorway, face down.

 "Ashton!" I went to the floor, clutching at his arm to turn him over, fearing I'd see blood.

 But he was on his back on his own and was shushing Katie, trying to calm her down.

 "I was kidding!" he said, "Just kidding! I'm alright. I was just tired, that's all."

 "That's not funny dad!" Katie yelled at him and then threw her arms around his neck.

 I prayed she wasn't crying.

 "Sorry baby." he held her gently, kissing her cheek, "It was a bad joke, I'm sorry."

 He looked at Katie's face, free from tears, and Katie smiled, putting out her lips like a duck.

 "There's my ducky lips!" he sounded so happy, as if he'd won a million dollars. And he picked her up, kissing her on the lips.

 "How was school?" he asked as if he couldn't wait to hear.

 He walked right past me, not saying a word. What the hell?

 I spun around and went back to the kitchen, slamming around everything I could find. Is that what I am now, the little woman in the kitchen, making her man his dinner? I don't even get a hello? Why doesn't he just call me fucking Wilma Flintsone?

 Maybe I see now why Kaela had to get out of the house. There was no room for her between Ashton and Katie.

 Stop it, Skylar – my inner shrink said to me. You're just suffering from lack of sex, get control of yourself woman.

 I could hear Katie near the TV in the living room and I peeked out to see Ashton was sitting on the floor with her, watching Spongebob and listening.

 His head was leaned back a little on the sofa behind him and his hat was on Katie's head now. You could hardly see her under there.

 "And Mrs. White, who owned the hotel, comes out at night and goes up and down the halls…" Katie was telling her ghost stories to Ashton, who looked like he was enjoying it immensely.

 "And some people said they heard a knock on their door and then the doorknob turns, like she's trying to come in!" Katie was going on and on.

 "No way!" Ashton breathed. And in a second, I fell in love with him all over again. But I was still pissed and he'd be hearing about it later.

 "Way!" Katie responded, "And then when they went to the door – NO ONE WAS THERE!"

 "We're not staying at that hotel." Ashton shook his head, looking back in my direction.

 "No duh!" Katie said, her eyes huge.

 "Hey, I'll be right back, okay ducky?" he asked, trying to get up. I withdrew and hid back near the stove, half of me hoping he was coming for me, the other half hoping he wasn't.

 Oh who am I kidding? All of me wants him.

 "Help me up, help…push me…" he was groaning like an old man, "Ughh, thanks kid."

 Katie giggled and I could hear cowboy boots coming, clicking on the floor, coming in my direction.

 I put on a face of indifference and checked on my chicken in the oven.

 He came up behind me and I pretended not to hear him….oh god– or smell him! Whew, what was that?

 I inhaled my chicken and hoped we had strong enough soap in the shower.

 I felt his hands, both on my back, moving down me…and my eyes closed right away. This man's hands were pure magic and I was trapped in their spell.

 He moved them down and they stroked down each side of my legs, on the outside. He leaned his mouth down and kissed a bare spot of my shoulder, moving my sleeve a bit to the right to get more.

 "Skylar…." he whispered, "You have no idea how good you feel right now…"

 He kissed closer to my neck now, and I could feel his tongue…Jesus.

 "You can see me now, can you?" I wanted to sound angry but it came out so sexual…my damn voice betraying me.

 "I always see you." his voice was deep and dark and he had his hands around my stomach, pushing me back against him…so hard. Wow…this reminds me of the fun we used to have in my kitchen when we first met.

 Then his tongue licked up my jugular and I felt his teeth softly move into my skin there.

 "Oh God, Ashton…" I nearly cried, "I missed you…"

 And I wasn't just talking about today.

 I turned to him and dived on his lips, grabbing his hair so hard he let out a sexy little grunt. His hands held me so tight to him and I felt myself moving and pushing against his rock hard erection, wanting him right then and there. To hell with the odor, I didn't care.

 "Hey!" Katie's voice cut in like a knife.

 Ashton pushed me off and I frowned before I could hide it.

 "There's children in the house, you know!" she glared more at Ashton than me.

 Uh oh. Ashton, you're in trouble. He started it.

 Ashton cleared his throat and folded his hands, placing them in front of his enormous penis.

 "Sorry." was all he said, not having much else to say in his defense.

 "Spongebob is back on." she waited, her arms folding like she was a school marm.

 "Okay, I'm coming." he said, making a confused face at her and then to me.

 I shrugged and he silently followed her, mouthing an 'I'm sorry' to me as he went.

 I nodded and stuck my face in the freezer after they left, gritting out a little scream into it.

 I hoped that I would have my time with him tonight. Katie had to go to bed early now that school was in session. And Ben and Angela could watch 24 together, as they usually did on Monday nights. I would give him Dr. Skylar…and then he will give me Dr. Frankencock.

 His voice was in my head now…'You may have your way with my brain…and later, my body. Although I think you may enjoy one more than the other.' I could see him laying on my old couch….seductively displaying himself for me….his arms up around his head, his eyes closing softly. His mouth is so beautiful…all of him is so beautiful…

 I felt my eyes close, dizzy with lust and a loud 'BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZ' almost gave me a heart attack.

 Oh, the timer on the stove. Stupid timer. Shut up. I flipped it roughly until it stopped buzzing, glad I had killed it for messing with my memories.

Ashton’s POV

 I hate Bob. Yep, it only took two minutes for that to happen.

 "Boy, you're pale right now!" he observed right to my face, staring, "Where did you live before here? The moon?"

 I grinned as he guffawed at his own lame joke.

 No, I was locked in dungeons you moron.

 "Just jerking your chain, Jay, don't fret!" he laughed a little more.

 "I'll try not to…fret." I looked away and rolled my eyes, holding the hat on my head as the truck sped up, making the wind whip around my head.

 "So, what kind of work do you do at the rodeo?" I asked, squinting through the grayness. I really had no idea.

 "I'm not going to be in the rodeo, am I?" I probed further, "I don't know how to do any of that stuff."

 "Oh, no, you won't perform." Bob took a big gulp of his coffee, "That takes years of training. There's even colleges that teach rodeo! You'll have to see where they put you. Most times, if you're brand new, they'll have you tending the horses. If you work real hard, and learn fast, you can move up to taking care of the bulls!"

 "Oooh, advancement." I mumbled to myself, picturing it. A two thousand pound bull chasing me as I ran clutching his food dish, the fucking horns almost up my ass.

 I like the idea of the horses. Maybe they have a pony area I could start in.

 It didn't take long for us to arrive and I was glad. I was looking forward to ditching Bob.

 The truck passed a huge and empty parking lot, then passed by the arenas where the bleachers and big round pens stood, also looking rather empty at the moment.

 A few people were milling around, most of them with cowboy hats perched on their heads. I didn't see any horses or bulls at all.

 Bob was watching me closely and informed, "Stables are around behind everything."

 Oh, okay. I would be working behind the scenes. That made me relax a bit. I couldn't hide from the world if I was in the middle of the stage being chased by bulls.

 I was impressed with how the outsides of the stable looked. It wasn't old or broken down like most things I saw out here. It was modern and white with a perfect gray roof and a huge emerald field of grass in front of it, strong fences surrounding the perfect lawns.

 "That's where the horses just graze and relax." Bob pointed there, teaching me, "There are other pens back there where the horses run and get their exercise."

 I nodded and felt myself smile at how beautiful it was back here. The sun was starting to come up and glow orange warmth all over everything. It struck me that usually at this hour, I was dead to the world, asleep, exhausted from being awake all night "working."

 I felt cheated that I couldn't remember seeing a sunrise before. It was so…I don't know…but suddenly I felt different, saved…clean…good. It's like something heavenly was looking right through me…and where I'd usually feel cheap and dirty, for a split second, that was gone.

 "You okay, Jay?" Bob slapped my back and I blinked back the wetness starting to form at the edges of my eyes. I couldn't dare cry here, in front of the cowboys. I'd never hear the end of it. This was nowhere to get in touch with my emotions.

 "Yeah, I'm good." I said, feeling the grumpy old man in my soul disappearing.

 "Don't worry, you'll love this." Bob smiled at me as the truck slowed to a stop.

 Okay, maybe I was too harsh hating Bob so soon.

 Everyone here, in this sweet little town called Casper, seemed like nice, decent family people. I know the problem is me, not them. I'm like a square peg and all the holes here are round.

 It was easy to see when we first moved here that the landscape was something that seemed to arise out of my dreams. Green as far as the eye could see, fields that reached out to eternity, trees so tall and strong that you couldn't see the tops of them. The air was so clean, I could feel it when I inhaled. My lungs took a few days to get used to it.

 You could drive down the roads here and pass by mountains, red clay giants that, once the sunset shone against them, you couldn't pull your eyes away even if you wanted to. Any moment it seemed possible that an Indian chief would come charging out to the cliff edge on his painted war horse, chanting and singing.

 And when the sun went down, this amazing peace seemed to glow everywhere. The skies were filled with so many colors, I couldn't even do it justice to talk about it. The moon was always in full view and you could see it easily from anywhere around here. You didn't have to peer through a little apartment window and twist upwards to get a glimpse of it. It seemed closer here. I could walk outside our front door and there it would be, right above a majestic set of purplish, jagged hills in the distance. I loved standing out there, just looking at it. It was magical. It made me feel safe, even though I knew I wasn't. Another deceptive goddess.

 Everyone we met when we first went into town seemed to be expecting us, they all knew we were the new city people who moved here, and they all went on and on about what a nice place this was to live and raise a family. We couldn't tell them much about us or our past, and all we did tell them were lies and half truths. I felt like I was still pretending, still hiding.

 And most of all, I felt, deep down, that Skylar didn't want anyone to know what I was…I think she is ashamed of my past and wants me to just leave it behind, as if it never happened. I wish I could do that. For her…for Katie, I would. But I don't know how to stop thinking about it, to stop remembering it…to stop being so afraid and such a weakling. They deserve more than me. And I know it.

 Ben and Angela, Skylar and Katie, seemed to belong here, seemed to embrace everything here so easily. But I feel out of place here. This town is too sweet…too wonderful. I feel even more repulsive as I walk down the little quaint streets, looking at all the happy people wandering around. Something in my head keeps telling me that I don't deserve to be here, that everyone knows what I am, as if I reeked of smoke and dark clubs and body oil and sex. It's only a matter of time before I'm discovered and driven out of here by hooded villagers with pitchforks.

 What if Katie finds out? What if the trial details come out somehow? What if all the kids are talking about it someday and she hears all the things I've done? What if Skylar meets some decent cowboy type and decides my past is just too much to bear? In reality, Skylar and I just met over two months ago. She's so young, what if she decides she's too young to play mother to Katie? What if she wants something lighter, more fun in a relationship? My stomach hurts.

 Even in the middle of all these negative thoughts, something in me kept trying to keep hope alive, even know as I stared at the stables.

 Maybe, somehow, I could fit in here. Animals aren't like people. They don't judge you or make you feel unwanted.

 Bob opened up the cage again to let us out of the truck bed and we all leapt off one by one. Everyone else knew where they were going, straight towards the front door where the single word stable was etched into the wood above it.

 I followed the crowd, hoping someone would know what to do with me once inside. Thankfully, the second we stepped in, Bob called to me.

 "Come on, Jay, I'll introduce you around." Bob put his arm around my shoulder and I tensed the second it happened, before I could stop myself.

 "Sorry." I felt my cheeks get red hot as I swallowed thickly. Sir Kevin popped into my mind for a split second along with several memories of him that I wished would die forever. Maybe that's another reason I hid behind Katie all the time, and didn't push the issue when Skylar took her own bedroom. I had no problem making her come, or touching her…but when she began to touch me…I felt panicked and strange.

 "No problem." Bob gave me some space and didn't try to touch me again.

 "Sharon!" Bob started calling as we entered. Everyone was going into a kitchen area and putting their lunchboxes into a huge silver refrigerator. There was plenty of room in there. Bob and I did the same as the others and then he waved for me to follow him out another door and down a long hallway.

 "Sharon is in charge of the stable." Bob said, "She loves these horses like they were her babies. So don't do a half assed job here, she'll kill ya."

 "I'll do my best." I promised, hoping I sounded as true as I felt.

 "That's good enough for me." he said, smiling, no hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 We got to the stable area where the horses were, and again, I was impressed at how clean and new everything looked in here. I guess the rodeo makes good money.

 Yes, there was the horse smell but I expected that. But everything in here was light colored wood and black iron, fluorescent white lights high overhead. The floor was gray cement and spotless. A hose was laying on the floor, running up the entire length of stalls, each one with a wooden door at the bottom and black metal bars on top.

 "God, there's so many of them." I said before I realized I was talking.

 "Yea, about 60 horses here." Bob put his hands on his hips, looking around, "And each one of them have their own little personality, too. They're show horses so they all have a little bit of a diva inside 'em."

 We laughed for a second and then this little woman with a long white braid and a red baseball cap approached us. She wore no western wear, just a gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants, sneakers. She was a little plump but you couldn't call her anything but cute. She had such happy eyes – that's the first thing I noticed about her.

 God, did I always find something attractive in every single woman…or was that Claire’s training still in me?

 "Ah, Sharon Booke, this is Jason Sullivan." Bob introduced us. I put my hand out to shake her hand but she opened her arms to embrace me. I almost froze, unsure what to do about this. I knew I had to let her hug me, she was my boss, and before I had time to analyze myself, I just instinctively felt that you don't deny the boss lady anything.

 "Nice to meet you, Jason." she said as she did so, and Bob cut her off.

 "Jason doesn't like that, hon." Bob began to say, his hand touching her arms, gently moving them downward.

 "Oh, no…" I shrugged, "It's alright."

 And I quickly hugged her, patting her back a couple of times. It was a weak embrace and I knew it. Claire would slap me across the face for doing such a half hearted job – and have me hug her again, properly, if she were here. And that went twice for anyone she wanted me to show affection to, not just herself. I was to make any stranger feel loved by me, at a second's notice. I became good at it after awhile.

 Usually, I would give a woman like this a huge hug, so she could feel my embrace all the way down to her toes, and then I'd even give her a big kiss afterwards. I knew I wasn't at Fire anymore and that wouldn't go over very well. This was a nice little G rated town and I'd be sniffed out for being weird right away.

 I glanced at Bob with a little bit of annoyance and I'm not sure why. He was just trying to make me feel comfortable. But again, the feeling was there that he was trying to hurt me somehow by his little gesture.

 I used to be a great hugger. Women used to call me the sweetest man ever. But I don't want to be too affectionate to strangers – they might see right through me.

 "Welcome, honey." she beamed up at me as I straightened, "And aren't you cute?"

 I couldn't help but laugh at that. I was relieved that I'd pleased her, as sick as I knew it was.

 "He would be so perfect for Jenna." Sharon looked at Bob and he nodded his head, assessing me even more now.

 "Um, no…" I said quickly but politely, "I'm…spoken for."

 "Tsk." she clicked, "Too bad. But I'm not surprised, handsome as you are."

 "Thank you though." I was feeling uncomfortable now as they stared at me.

 "Alright, enough matchmaking, let's get to work, huh?" she asked then said, "Bob will show you the ropes, listen and learn. And take good care of my horses, that's all I ask."

 "I will, Sharon." I assured her, already sure I didn't want to let her down.

 "Good boy." she said, not meaning any harm but the sound of those words turned my stomach upside down. I quickly got over it and followed Bob, waving goodbye to Sharon as she went in the other direction.

 Was she mad at me? Did she not like me now?

 "First thing we do is feed 'em all." Bob announced, "And they all have a different diet, depending on their health and what vitamins they need. Sharon's organized it and each stall door has a plastic slide on it that tells you what to feed 'em and when. See?"

 He pointed this out on the nearest stall where the back of a light brown horse was facing us. As we moved closer, the name on the stall said Kiss and Tell.

 "When you feed one, you initial and put the time right here in this box, see?" he pointed out as I nodded, "That way no one else feeds 'em after you've done it."

 And then for the next hour I was shown the grain, the pellets, the oats and corn. Then I was shown where to find the hay. I always thought hay was light but God, was I wrong. It's heavy as a bitch. Thank God I'm used to working out. I guess I don't have to worry that this town has no gym for me to exercise in.

 I must've brought a million blocks of hay to Bob today. As soon as I placed a block or two down in front of a stall, he'd just say, "Two more, Sullivan. Hurry up."

 "Why can't the fucking hay be close to the horses?" I muttered to myself as I went.

 Finally, after my shirt was stuck to my back with perspiration, and I began to feel dizzy, Bob stopped asking for hay. Now it was time to deliver huge plastic bowlfuls of food to their rightful owners. Each bowl had a name magic markered on its side, it wasn't hard to figure out. The tricky part was getting into the stall to give the horse his plate while he nearly attacked me to get his snout into the bowl before I could put it down.

 "Hey!" I shouted at the third horse I delivered to, a cute white horse named Butterfly.

 "Don't bite me!" I jumped back, seeing her teeth near my hands, "Eat the food!"

 I tossed the bowl to the ground and spun around to leave the stall – but before I reached the door, I felt a strong, hard snout smack me in the ass – and toss me face first out of her stall. The only thing I was surprised at was there was no pile of shit there for my face to land in, the way my day was already going.

 Ashton vs. Butterfly: winner: Butterfly. I am so pathetic. How am I gonna convince people that I'm this tough man's man – cowboy – when I couldn't get past a little thing like Butterfly for God's sake?

 I could hear Bob laughing out there, then later, a few other voices were snickering along with him. I was getting pissed. I hate being laughed at, mocked. I usually endured humiliation everyday without even a whimper. But I thought I was past that part of my life now.

 Bob was kind enough not to come over and help me up and I preferred that. I got right back to my task, hoping the other horses weren't so cheeky.

 But they were worse. Butterfly was actually a playful little girl compared to some of the males. One horse named Krazee flat out pissed right on me when I entered his domain.

 "They won't let me get in and put their food down!" I finally complained to Bob, "Is there some trick you're not telling me about or something?"

 "City!" a voice from far away cried out, and more laughing ensued from the other side of the stables.

 I frowned fully at Bob now, waiting.

 "There's no tricks, Jay." Bob tried to straighten his face, "The horses know you're new. I told ya, they have personalities too, all different. But all of them are hungry in the morning. They won't politely wait for you to come in and place the bowl down. You have to show em who's boss."

 This sounded like good advice at first. But the more stalls I tried to enter, the more I was shoved around and snapped at. Bob said in time it would be better. I hoped so.

 Next, every horse needed water. Thank God there was a hose and I didn't have to saunter down to a well or a pond to lug buckets of water back and forth. I snuck a peek around and when no one was looking I shot some nice cold water down my poor back. It was a September day, but a warm one, and I was already roasting. Whenever I glanced at the clock on the wall, it seemed like only ten minutes had gone by. Fuck. Time was dragging by like death.

 "SULLIVAN!" Bob called for me again and I kept forgetting that was me. Bob must think I'm retarded when he calls me and I don't answer.

 Bob handed me a pitchfork and shovel and grinned, saying, "Time to muck the stalls."

 Then he smiles more and waits, staring at me. He's enjoying watching me squirm. Maybe he has the hots for that Sharon and he's jealous of me or something.

 "What does that mean?" I asked, feeling even more stupid, hardly able to hide my contempt and frustration.

 Other men were letting the horses out of their stalls, leading them to the open double doors at the end of the row, out to where a huge pen waited, only soil on the ground there, no grass. Those other men were getting on the horses, riding them around the circle.

 "You don't ride, you said, right?" he asked.

 "The horses?" I asked, confused, "No."

 "When you can ride, you can help with the exercises outside." Bob informed, "But for now, you shovel the shit. We've all been there before. New guy does all the crap work, unfortunately. Nothing personal."

 No problem. I've done the crap work for the last six years of my life. I told myself I'd rather shovel horseshit then do what I used to do for Claire.

 Bob pushed a wheelbarrow up beside me and opened the first stall that read Bam Bam.

 There were giant piles of horse poop here and there on the hay. I tried not to inhale or make a face.

 "Scoop up the manure, put it in the wheelbarrow." Bob talked like I was slow, "Any wet hay means it was urinated on. Wet hay goes in the wheelbarrow. Make it nice and clean, if you need more hay, well, you know where that is, doncha?"

 I couldn't help the look my eyes gave him. I wanted him dead in that moment.

 "Yeah." I sneered and squinted my eyes at the same time before I realized I was doing it.

 "Kay." Bob smiled, still as friendly as ever, "You do this side, I'll get the other."

 "This side?" I realized I was about to muck about 30 stalls back to back – alone.

 "Yep." Bob informed, "Don't half ass this part, Sharon hates bad muckers. Horses can get sick or infected if it's not clean in their stalls."

 And now a sick feeling arose in my stomach again. I knew what it was. Fear of making the boss lady angry. Hey, I analyzed myself that time.

 "Muck you." I mumbled to myself after I was sure Bob was out of earshot.

 Then I started mocking Bob. "Oh, you're gonna love this, Jay! Don't fret none!"

 This seemed to make me smile a little and caused time to fly by faster, and it took my mind off my sore back and legs, the horse piss cologne I was soaked in and stuck with all day, and the intense heat just made my flannel shirt that much cozier. Isn't there an air conditioner in here?

 I know it's wrong, especially with my past, but I want to claw every stitch of clothes off my body and hose myself down for a good hour. Right away, I was filled with shame. Maybe I was just a whore at heart, no matter what surroundings I was in. I was spoiled and lazy as hell. God, I'm weak. This is my new chance, the miracle I was praying for and got…and I was failing already. I'm glad Skylar can't see me now.

 I decided to try harder and stop thinking about my own discomfort. Do it for Katie and Skylar, I kept telling myself.

 About two hours later, just as I was almost finished with the 30th stall, I could hear the men and the horses coming back. Oh, great. I just got it all clean and here they come to fuck it all up again.

 My hair was soaking wet, in my eyes. My hat was glued to my head and my nice leather cowboy boots were not only muddy, shitty, and disgusting now, but they were killing my feet. Every bone and muscle in my body is throbbing. And did I mention that I stink like urine?

 In short, I was an inch away from bursting into tears. I looked at the clock and saw it was only 9:13am. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I feel like I've been here for two weeks! Katie just started school at 9. I wonder how she is. I swear, if any kid there hurts her feelings or teases her, I'll tear their face off.

 Yea, Claire, laugh your ass off, you bitch! I can hear you.

 Bob came up behind me as I was fluffing the clean hay, covering the last bare corner.

 "Good work, Sullivan, you're alright." Bob assessed with a tinge of pride.

 God, did that little compliment make me feel good. I almost launched myself into his arms.

 "Yeah?" I felt myself beaming, clutching the handle of my pitchfork to hold myself up.

 "Yeah, pretty good." Bob said, "Just move a little quicker tomorrow, that's all."

 My face fell. Move quicker? I might be in traction after today.

 "Alright, break's over." Bob snapped at me with his fingers, "Time to groom the horses."

 Break? Did I black out and miss something? Did I just have a break? Maybe he's talking about my fucking back! And just like that, I hated Bob all over again. I decided then we'd be having a love hate relationship. He was my new Claire.

 I followed Bob like a mummy, feeling void and numb inside, my eyes staring ahead like two empty orbs. God, this walk is familiar. The only thing missing is my god damned leash.

 We decided to start grooming Apollo, a male horse. Bob attached a leather strap to both sides of his head to hold him in place while we groomed him.

 Bob started by showing me how to comb all the knots out of Apollo's tail. There were so many combs and brushes. Bob was fingering through the long black tail as if it were a beautiful head of woman's hair.

 I really tried not to make a face. I hope I didn't.

 Then he told me to take little strands of the tail hair one at a time and gently comb through each strand until the whole tail was done. And to stand to the side – never behind the horse. I had no idea why and I didn't ask. I was past the point of curious banter with Bob at this point.

 I learned the three different kinds of curry combs and what each was for. Bob let me do it but he stood back and instructed me. He had me start at Apollo's neck and just use nice circular motions. This I liked. The horse seemed to enjoy it too and I understood that. I, too, enjoy to have my hair played with or brushed…ugh, I'm comparing myself to the horse now. I need a lobotomy. I'll write to Santa tonight.

 And funny, with Bob around, the horse seemed to behave himself. I wasn't fooled. This horse was one of the big assholes during feeding time today. I felt myself scowling at the back of the horse, thinking, I used to think horses were such sweet creatures, but now I know they're the sneakiest fuckers on earth!

 I learned how to wash the horse's face with a wet sponge, cleaning around the eyes, wiping out the nostrils, which was very interesting by the way, and I learned how to lift the hooves and clean the dirt and little rocks out from under there. A couple of times I nearly got kicked in the face but I did as Bob said and kept a tight hold on the hoof until the horse relaxed, then it was easy to bring it up between my legs and do my job. And don't think for a second I wasn't terrified with the hoof of one of these guys right between MY legs, either. But no one kicked me in the balls, so I guess someone was watching over me for awhile.

 And I learned how to find sweat marks on a horse and how to clean and brush them off the horse's coat. One thing about this rodeo, they wanted their horses clean and looking perfect, I guess because they were also performers in the show.

 I saw what Bob meant about the horse's personalities as I groomed a good bunch of them. Some were sweet and gentle, even a little playful with me as I worked. And others were just rude, trying to give me a hard time, even making a little whinny or nickering sound, as if laughing at me sometimes.

 One of them, Psycho was his name, even took a very steamy dump right on my legs as I brushed his ass. He got a great deal of pleasure out of that.

 I guess I know now why you don't stand directly behind the horse.

 "I don't like you." I gritted at him as he tossed his head around with glee, hysterical.

 "Dear Bob…" I grumbled to myself as I took the hose and turned it onto my own legs, "It was nice working with you…but I'm sorry to inform you that I'm suddenly allergic to horses…"

 And as the cold water soothed me and half erased the manure stink, I knew it was just a pipe dream. I couldn't quit. This was what the police assigned me. I was stuck here, being the horses' bitch.

 I held back a little sob as I realized that. God, I'm such a girl. I tried to remember my old ways and suck it up, take it in silence and put on a happy face. I wish there was someone mean around here who would tell me off and order me to get to work. I could deal with that.

 After I was done hosing myself off, soaking wet from the waist down, Bob appeared.

 Great.

 "Sullivan, the horse gets a bath, not you!" he chuckled good naturedly.

 I glared at him again and was about to go off when I forced Claire into my mind.

 "You useless little bitch!" she hollered at me, slapping my face, "You suck! Clean up this mess and stop looking at me that way!"

 I cast my eyes downward and breathed in relief.

 "I'm sorry Bob." I said, almost inaudibly, "I'll do better. I'll clean it up."

 "It's okay, Jay." he smiled, "It happens. You okay?"

 "Yes, Bob, I'm fine." I replied with all the warmth of a robot.

 "If you're hot, you're allowed to take your shirt off." Bob was guessing my dilemma.

 No I can't, I thought silently, my eyes on the hay below me, I'm covered with scars – lash marks from Raven's whip. They had healed somewhat, but they were not going to go away. I can hardly take my shirt off in front of Skylar. And I can never do it around Katie. We went swimming in a pond three days after we moved here and I had to wear a t shirt in the water. I felt like such a fool.

 "I'm not hot, I'm fine." I said, still using my submissive tones, praying he wouldn't figure out how I was coping.

 "You're sweating!" Bob was about to take my hat off, seeing the wetness of my hair, and that's when I snapped.

 "Don't touch me!" I bellowed, my jaw so tight I thought it would break. I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to see him put his hands on me.

 I waited…and I didn't feel his hand touch me. I froze in that stance for about a minute as he said nothing and didn't move either.

 Finally, he said, in the calmest voice I ever heard, "Sorry. That was my fault. I forgot. I'll let you finish up."

 I felt something in me let go when he disappeared and I felt my vision blur. Great! Fucking tears again. What the hell is wrong with me? I want Dr. Skylar now.

 And it's only around 12. How many more hours do I have to be here? I wanted to run…to haul my ass as far away from here as I could. But where would I run to?

 I blinked and felt wetness on my face. I ignored it and went about cleaning up Psycho's manure, and then, finishing his own bath so I could go get another horse and start the whole nightmare all over again.

 Bob was probably out there now, spreading the word on what a pussy the new guy is. Not that I cared. I didn't want any of them to be my friends.

 I kept peeking out, hoping Sharon wasn't going to come over here and fire me. I didn't know why but I really didn't want to disappoint her.

 Katie must be having lunch now, I thought as I rinsed out Psycho's ass.

 I hope she has someone nice to eat with…I hope she's making friends.

 I led Psycho to his pen and backed out of it, not taking my eyes off him as I went, and closed his door, locking it with a metal bar that went down into the holes of the door.

 "You've got the right name." I commented now that I was safely on the other side of the bars. He just stared me down, daring me to make a move.

 I was just about to go and open the next door, a horse named Scratch Me Not, when Bob shouted out from behind me.

 "SULLIVAN!" he called.

 At this point, he'd now called me Sullivan so many times, I believed it was my real name.

 "Yes?" I turned to him, feeling my eyes move downward against my will.

 "I'm up here, Jay." he joked, motioning with his finger to his face.

 I forced my eyes up, half apologizing with them as they looked into his happy, carefree face.

 "That's better." he grinned, "It's time for lunch."

 I almost wept.

 But on the outside I just said, "Oh, okay." I sounded void of any personality at all. I didn't even recognize myself.

 I didn't know if there was some kind of lunchroom but I knew I didn't want to sit in there to eat next to other people. I was dirty and smelled of shit and piss. And I was still very wet.

 "Uh, we can eat outside." Bob waved me after him as I followed. I thought maybe he read my mind but maybe he was right. Maybe he had been through all this before, too, and understood.

 "It's a nice day out." he explained as he opened the fridge and handed me my own lunchbox, "And maybe if we eat fast enough we can take a dip in the lake out back."

 That sounded so heavenly but then I realized I'd have to take a dip in my clothes. I still wanted to do it, though, but I knew the stories would be flying around about what a nerd I was. Why I cared I have no idea. Yea, I do. I crave approval. Skylar told me that once.

 I already started making up stories about how great my day was, something I could tell her when I got home. Katie would want to hear cute horse stories. I began to create in my mind as we walked out around back, behind all the fenced in pens and fields. Thankfully, there was not one single horse in sight.

 Hi, I'm Ashton Irwin and I hate horses. Oh God, Katie would murder me for even thinking that.

 The two of us walked out way away from the stables until we got close to this pretty little lake. The sun was full on above us now and I thought maybe it felt even hotter out here than it did in the stable.

 Bob sat down on the grass and began taking off his work boots, his lunchbox to his left.

 I just stood there, watching like an idiot. I didn't like this. We were far away from everyone else…what if he started taking off his shirt? Maybe I can make up an excuse and go back.

 "Come on, Jay." Bob took off his second shoe, then his sock, "I know your feet are sore."

 "Yeah." I said, as if it should've been obvious.

 "Hurry up, then," he smiled, "Lunch is only 40 minutes. Then we gotta feed the horses again."

 Ugh. Didn't they just eat? It didn't seem that long ago that I was attacked about 30 times in a row.

 Bob laughed at something my face must've done.

 "It'll get better, Jay." he assured, as if he knew, "Come relax. I won't bite."

 I wanted to apologize. I wanted to confess everything and say 'I'm sorry I'm like this'. He had good intentions and was a good man and here I am acting like he's about to rape me because of something someone else did to me. One of these guys probably wouldn't touch a man in that way even if you held a gun to their noses.

 I sat down at Bob's side, a little distance away so I didn't appear unsociable, and put my hands to my right boot, gently peeling it off my aching foot. I winced and clenched my face as it came loose and as I took a breath, Bob chuckled, "Felt like it might come right off in the boot, didn't it?"

 I laughed at that, too, because that's exactly what I was afraid of.

 "I feel like such a wimp." I admitted, taking off my sock, "I had no idea horses could be so much work."

 Bob made a snort and moved his feet in the water as he opened his lunchbox.

 "It's a hell of a job." he said, taking out a wrapped sandwich, "When I first started, I wanted to leave one hour in."

 I clamped my mouth shut internally. I had wanted the same exact thing myself.

 "But I kept at it." Bob looked out into the water, "My family needed the money. There aren't many jobs I could step into around here. So I kept trying. Every day I got a little better at it. Every day I got a little closer to the horses, and they got used to me. Your body adjusts as you do this every day. It'll get easier, in time."

 I saw now that Bob and I had some things in common. That made me feel so much better. And now I carefully stuck my feet in the water.

 "Uhhhh…" I heard myself moan out, my eyes closing as my head fell back a bit.

 Bob chuckled and nodded, eating a bite of his sandwich.

 He instructed me that this job could be easier if I knew a few things. First, no fancy leather cowboy boots. Work boots were best, or rubber ones. Second, dress in comfortable clothes. Bob told me I didn't have to dress up like a cowboy if I wasn't comfortable in it. T-shirt, jeans, or even sweatpants were fine. Whatever I wanted. He told me to keep the hat, it would keep sun off your face, and shield your eyes from snow and wind as well.

 I listened, opening up my box to see what my beautiful Skylar had put in here for me.

 Right away, I saw a little post it note looking up at me. It was pink and said, "Good luck today. I am so proud of you Ashton."

 That was Skylar’s handwriting. Then, below it, Katie squeezed in her own words.

 "We love you daddy." it simply said.

 I felt like such a piece of useless shit right then.

 I heard Bob ask, "That is, if you're coming back tomorrow. Are you?"

 I tried to answer but found my throat all choked up. I nodded my head and tried to smile at Bob. Then my voice came half way back.

 "Yeah." I cleared my throat, "I will be here."

 We ate in silence for a bit, and it didn't feel strange or awkward. I felt myself taking a deep breath, letting go of the last few hard hours, trying to start a clean slate after lunch.

 I devoured my thick steak sandwich, the gravy from our leftovers the other night almost made me come right there next to Bob. I had never had a lunch break like this one before and I discovered that I liked it. I even got a little pudding pack, probably Katie's idea, and gulped down a very cool can of coke. That satisfied my sweet tooth, although I was still in search of a slurpee machine in this town and would not give up yet. I will find you!

 I enjoyed my meal so much that I almost forgot what I smelled like. Then Bob was climbing into the lake, totally dressed in his shirt and jeans.

 "Come on, Sullivan." he waded out until he was up to his waist, "Ohhhh it's so nice!"

 I was glad no clothes were coming off and I followed his lead, going in up to my own waist.

 "Ohh God yes…" I stretched my toes out below as I let the cool water erase all the day's disasters from my body. Bob dived in, his hat tossed aside on the grass, and when he erupted from beneath the water, he looked soaked but blissful.

 I wasn't much of a diver, so I waded in until I was up to my neck and then I laid my head back and let my hair drown in the coldness.

 I ran my hands through a few times and couldn't suppress my enjoyment of it all. I squatted and let my face dunk under a couple of times and sighed out loud, closing my eyes again.

 "See?" Bob smirked, "You're fine."

 "This was a great idea." I said without any hesitation, then added, with utmost sincerity, "Thank you, Bob."

 "Someone took me under their wing when I started…" he shared, moving his arms around him, "That's all I was trying to do for you…and…I'm sorry if I got too grabby with ya. I know that's a problem I have…"

 "Oh God, no, Bob…" I heard myself stopping him, as I looked away, "It's not you…don't apologize. I have…issues. You were just trying to help me, I know that now. I'm sorry."

 "Well, it's none of my business." he said kindly, "But if you think I'm getting too touchy feely, you just say so, alright?"

 I couldn't hide a smile. "Alright. Thanks."

 "Alright Sullivan." Bob grinned, "Race you to the other side!"

Ashton’s POV

"How many is that, slut?" her voice was so close behind me I nearly jumped out of my skin.

 I could feel my arms straining above me, dying to be free from the shackles that held my useless wrists high over my nose as I tried to look up. I had to be on my tiptoes to take the pressure off the bones there, and for a second it felt like my hands might just rip off if I were to dare to put my feet flat down on the rough cold floor beneath me. I almost cried out but I clenched my jaw shut, knowing what would happen if I broke the silence she always demanded.

 Now I knew the reason I couldn't look up. I was blindfolded. And worse, I could not remember if I had been given permission to speak…to answer the question before me. How many is that? I had no idea. Oh God, I lost count? I never lose count. I'm a dead man.

 "Wake up, you little whore!" she bellowed, delivering a hard blow across my face, making me flinch against my will now.

 "I asked you a question!" she shoved verbally, her hand grabbing at the back of my hair, so close to the scalp I knew I lost a good handful at least.

 "I'm sorry, Mistress…I'm not sure…" I heard myself whimper and hated the way I sounded instantly. God, I'm weak.

 "Are you not paying attention?" she released my hair and I let my head drop, awaiting her wrath.

 Lash!

 I felt a long thin slice bite through my back, right near the spine. It slashed my flesh and cracked against the bone at the same time. I knew I should have taken it without sound, but I had no control of myself somehow.

 "Ahhh!" I roared out without restraint, feeling wetness in my blind eyes. My fists clenched above me, trying to will the pain away faster.

 "You are so pathetic." her voice added to my discomfort. Then she said, it seemed to someone else nearby, "He sucks!"

 Then came the worst possible moment of my existence.

 "Leave my daddy alone!” my little girl's voice screeched, in even more pain than I thought I was feeling.

 "CLAIRE!" I snarled, suddenly filled with strength and fight, "LET HER GO! DON'T YOU TOUCH MY BABY YOU BITCH!"

 "Paying attention now, sweetheart?" she put a fingernail on the cleft of my chin as I flinched away from her touch.

 "WE HAD A DEAL!" I heard myself say before I could even think. I felt tears moving down my face now, escaping out from under my blindfold.

 "That deal was broken the second you ran off!" she cut in immediately, her voice filled with venom, "I told you – you can never leave me Ashton! Not in life, not in death even! You are mine and you'll always be mine! Now you'll pay."

 "No, Cla—MISTRESS, please DON'T!" I begged, yanking so hard on my wrists I wouldn't be surprised if they were both broken.

 "Come make daddy feel better, sweetie." Claire’s poisonous voice was like a snake and I felt her hands around my waist, unsnapping what felt like tight leather, releasing the one clothed part of me.

 I shouted out, my feet trying to fight their way out of this ballerina position they were in, but it was just hurting me more, not freeing me.

 "Open up, little girl." Claire instructed and I felt little gasps of breath coming closer to my crotch.

 "NOOOOOO!" I roared, leaping and hurling my arms out into nothingness.

 "Ashton!" I heard in the distance but it didn't register. I kept fighting in the blackness, hoping I could save Katie.

 "It's okay, it's okay!" I heard a sweeter woman's voice far away but my brain was too wild to pay attention.

 "KATIE!" I screamed, sobbing like a child.

 Suddenly, there was light and a pair of arms tried to encircle me. I almost lashed out at them but I'm glad I was too exhausted to try. I knew it was Skylar there with me, but my body had not figured it out yet.

 "Is he alright?" a small sleepy voice sounded very concerned off to the left of me. I couldn't see anything right now between the sudden bright light and my tears.

 "He's alright, honey, I promise." Skylar was saying close by as I felt her arms tighten around me, "He just had a bad dream is all. He'll be okay."

 "Skylar…" I choked out and clung onto her, shaking despite my best efforts to appear I was just fine now.

 "I have those sometimes." I could hear Katie saying.

 "Here daddy." she handed something soft and sweet smelling to me, "It's Jinx. He'll take good care of you."

 I clung to it like it was my life and saw her blurred face there in front of me.

 "Thank you baby." I heard my voice shiver and still hated how weak I sounded.

 "Okay, I'm going to bed then. I have school tomorrow you know." she reminded for the three thousandth time today.

 "We know." I heard a chorus of voices all say at the same time. I looked around and saw Kaela's parents standing there in the doorway of my room, also worried but very tired looking.

 They chuckled as they watched Katie hop away to her room right next to mine. Everything she did, they always watched with awe as if she were an angel who might fly away at any moment. I know I do the same thing. Only in my mind, she doesn't fly off on her own. Someone comes and grabs her away.

 "Breathe, Ashton." Skylar made me look into her eyes and I realized I had escaped the dream world again. Her bright eyes always soothed me, always brought me back to the real world again.

 I felt and heard myself take a deep breath and let go of a horrid little strangled sound in the bottom of my throat, wetness trailing down my face.

 God, what an ass I must look like to all of them, I suddenly thought, crying and clutching Katie's teddy bear, or whatever animal it is I'm strangling.

 "I'm sorry…" I clawed at my eyes to erase the tears, "I don't want her to see me like this…"

 "It's fine, baby, she's fine." Skylar had her hands in my hair, nose to nose with me, placing a small kiss on my salty wet lips, "She understands nightmares. They're not just for kids, you know."

 "I know, but…" I breathed.

 "Shhh…" Skylar held me closer until her mouth was next to my ear, "It's alright. Don't apologize. We all love you. We know."

 "Maybe Katie should stay home tomorrow." I said aloud, knowing the reception I would get.

 "Ashton, that will kill her." Kaela’s mother, Angela, said from the doorway, coming in a step or two, "She's been going on and on about it for two weeks now. She's so happy to be going to school with the other kids finally."

 And for a split second, I hated Kaela's mom. I know it's wrong. They've done more for Katie in her life than I have, they gave her a family life I never got to offer her. But she wanted Katie to go out there, into that sick world alone. How would I get through the day tomorrow, waiting for her to come home? What would I do as the seconds crawled by?

 Oh yeah, my new job. Or I should say, my cover job. I still had no idea what I'd be doing. I just knew to wear boots and something I didn't mind getting dirty. Swell.

 "Ashton, I know how hard it is, letting her go." Skylar tried, making my glare soften a bit as I stared down at my quivering hands.

 "But this is a nice little town, far away from New York." Skylar continued, stroking my hair, staring at my face, "She will be fine. She's going to love school. You'll see. You can't keep her locked up all her life."

 "Besides, you have two of the officers at the school, dressed up like teachers and janitors to make sure she's safe." Kaela's father reminded.

 Thank you, Ben. Everyone is against me.

 "Yeah." I took another breath, then winced.

 "But even policeman make mistakes and there's so many kids there…" I began.

 "Um, can I talk to Ashton alone for a minute?" Skylar asked the folks at the door.

 "Go on, I'm going back to bed." Kaela's dad waved a hand at us, leaving quickly.

 "I'll make some tea if you want, Ashton." Kaela's mother offered, such a nice gesture after I nearly gave her the evil eye.

 "Oh, no thanks, mom. You can go back to bed, I'm fine." I said, and got her warm smile instantly. She loved it when I called her that. And I meant it. She was more like a mom to me than my own.

 She nodded and quietly left the room, closing the door slowly behind her, giving us our privacy.

 "I know, I'm in trouble now, aren't I?" I asked like a child who'd misbehaved.

 "Loads." Skylar said without hesitation, "Katie is going to school tomorrow. You are going to work. If I find out you blew off your job and are hanging around that school tomorrow–"

 God, she knows me too well.

 "It's not an important job!" I suddenly yelled and looked up at her, expecting to see fear. But she surprised me again, as always, and faced me sternly as I ranted like a baby.

 "I'm probably gonna be jerking off cows to get their sperm or something!" I went on insanely, "That's probably the only thing I'm qualified to do around here!"

 She waited and didn't say a word. God, I love Dr. Skylar. She never lets me get away with anything.

 I looked at her and saw a brick wall. I didn't know what to say now.

 "Are you done?" she crossed her arms, waiting. Man, she's like Katherine, my beautiful irish nanny back home.

 I let out a breath, defeated. "Yes." I gave in.

 "Ashton." she gently took my hands into hers, kissing one of them, "When are you going to make an appointment to see someone, baby?"

 "I don't want them, I want you." I said for the sixtieth time, "You know me, you know my whole story, why can't you be Dr. Skylar for me? You did it before."

 She rubbed her eyes and for a second I thought she was crying. I felt like such dog shit.

 "I told you, I'm not good enough." she said for the eightieth time, "I'm a student, still learning, I can't counsel you. I never could. I should've never even tried in New York…I could've done serious damage to you…"

 "You saved me." I corrected, "You're the best. I know you're a student, but you're so good…I feel safe opening up to you…"

 "I love you…" she kissed me softly on the cheek, "That's what you were feeling, not my brilliant techniques. I don't know half of what I should before counseling anyone. I just got lucky with you, that's all. I wanted to know you…I fell in love the moment I saw you in that crappy club, in that horrible cage. I wanted to take you away from all that shit you were tangled in. That's why I think you opened up to me, because you wanted out of there too. If I met some stranger today who I had no connection with, I doubt I'd be able to help at all. You need to see a real doctor, Ashton. You can't go on this way. You nearly belted me in the nose just now."

 "I thought…" I swallowed, "…you were her."

 "I know baby, I know." she cradled my face and moved damp tears away from my right eye, "But I can't see you suffer like this anymore. It's been almost a month since we've been here and almost every night you have these dreams, and every night worse than the last. Aren't you tired of it?"

 "No, actually, it's kind of fun…" I drawled out sarcastically, rolling my eyes a little.

 Being a wimp, showing my daughter what a weakling I am…being a pussy in front of my girlfriend and Kaela's parents…God, what they must think of me…

 "Please…do it for Katie…do it for me…and most of all, do it for yourself." she kind of shoved me as she said the last word. I grinned at that and saw she was grinning back at me.

 "Jerk." she added teasingly.

 "I am a jerk." I looked down at myself with a smirk, "Look at me, clinging to this thing."

 I looked at Jinx and saw it wasn't a bear at all. It was a purple elephant that looked older than me. But it also looked very loved and happy. It should, it's been with Katie for longer than I've been.

 "You're very cute, holding onto your little elephant." Skylar smiled more, trying to hold the giggling inside.

 She kissed my lips this time, very briefly but tenderly. I wanted more but I knew it was the dead of night and she also had school starting tomorrow.

 There was a small college about ten miles from here and she was all registered to attend. We got a rental car paid for the local police department, a little Ford Fiesta that could probably be blown away by a huge breeze. But it was red so Skylar loved it. She never had her own car before, living in New York one didn't really need a car. Thank God she had a license and knew how to drive though.

 God, I miss my Volvo. Poor little innocent car of mine. Poor little innocent DECEASED car of mine.

 I was in luck, though. My job was close by and a truck would come by at 6 am to pick me up. I pictured a heap covered with hillbillies that had straw clenched in their teeth. Ever since we got here, every voice outside this place was like something I only heard in old Andy Griffith episodes. I didn't mind southern accents, but around here, it was very…yee hah. Skylar liked it, she said I'd get used to it. But I doubted it.

 I keep telling myself all I care about is being with Katie and Skylar, of course. Katie could live here and be safe and happy, although I couldn't imagine her marrying one of these people. She would be a small town girl here, not the cultured, elegant presence that Kaela was. I knew it would be a good thing. Skylar was a small town girl and I couldn't think of a better woman.

 "Will you stay with me for the rest of the night?" I used my saddest face to convince her.

 "Oh you bastard," she laughed out loud, knowing exactly what I was doing, "You just think you're irresistible, don't you?"

 "Yes." I smiled wide, unashamed.

 "So bad." she muttered as she clawed at the quilt and got under it with me.

 I enthusiastically laid down and kicked my feet to create some much needed heat inside the sheets.

 "Shh." she checked the alarm clock on the nightstand and flicked off the lamp, "I don't wanna get busted by Katie so behave."

 "I will." I smiled as she turned to face me on her side. The moonlight was giving me a slight view of my Skylar’s face and I was glad to see her smiling back at me.

 "I don't believe you." she saw right through me.

 "I promise…" I smiled fiendishly, hidden in the dark, "For instance, I promise not to do this…"

 And in seconds, I was stroking my hands up and down, and then in nice circles over her ass that was nicely wrapped in a pair of fleece pajama pants.

 "Uhhh…" she instantly tried to resist me, knowing how close Katie was.

 "Ashton…" she hissed, trying to move my hands from her derriere.

 "And I promise not to do this, either." I vowed, moving my right hand between her fleece legs, firmly stroking up and down….real slow.

 "You–" she tried to stop me but her heavy breathing told me otherwise.

 It was sad but lately, since we moved here, our nights together had become very G rated. Skylar understood and was wonderful about it, even to the point that she offered to sleep in her own bedroom here in the house…but I missed her. And I hated it that she was sleeping alone after leaving her father, her friends – EVERTHING behind for me. I never wanted her to regret choosing me.

 "Ashton!"

 "Whaatttt?" I asked as if I couldn't comprehend what was bothering her.

 "Please stop doing….that." she was trying to grab my hands but I wouldn't have it.

 "Wait, I have more promises to make to you…" I said, slipping my quick hand into her bottoms.

 She gasped out loud, not seeing that coming.

 I let out a satisfied hiss when I felt the wetness waiting there for me already. I never saw a female so ready so fast. She misses me too.

 "Shhh…" I covered her protesting mouth with my kisses, and in between I whispered, "Just for a few minutes…let me make you come and we'll go to sleep, I swear."

 "Liar." she said back in a deeper kiss.

 I answered that remark by wiggling all my fingers and she nearly screamed.

 I smiled bigger as I watched her squirming beneath me, trying to keep her mouth shut. This is fun.

 It didn't even take five minutes before Skylar was very happy and relaxed. We laid on our backs, side by side, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to claim us. I hoped she would get some rest. I knew I was up for awhile.

 "Do you want to talk about it?" she finally asked, breaking the silence.

 "I thought you didn't want to." I could hear the hurt in my own voice, even though I didn't intend to sound that way.

 "I never said that." she corrected, "I said I couldn't be your doctor, I didn't say I didn't want to hear about it, or talk to you about it. I love you. You can tell me anything. You know that."

 I knew she was right. I let out a deep breath I'd been holding for a long time and just said, "It's too awful, Skylar. I don't even want to say it out loud."

 "That's okay." she laced her finger through mine, holding my hand, "You don't have to."

 "I'm afraid." I admitted, using my strongest voice available, "Not for me. For Katie. I know that's what the dreams are telling me. It's alright if I'm hurt…I'm used to it. But then Katie comes into the dream…and there's nothing I can do to stop it…"

 "She's safe, Ashton." Skylar said again. She'd been saying that since we got here. I never believed that.

 "No one is safe, Skylar." I said without hesitation, "There is no safe place anywhere. This whole fucking world is a playground for psychos. And in a few hours, Katie will be out there all alone…I don't think I can let that happen. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it…"

 "You can't be with her all the time." Skylar said calmly, moving her fingers over my cheekbone, "She's young and has never been to school with other kids. She went through all those surgeries, all those years in and out of hospitals…it must have been very lonely for her. She is a beautiful little girl and she finally has a chance to go make friends. She told me last week, that's her dream. To go to school and make real friends. It's such a small request but it means everything to her. Promise me you'll try to smile and not scare her tomorrow. I know it's hard for you. You've seen such a dark side of life and I do understand that you'd see the world the way you do. But you can't let Katie think the world is filled with evil around every corner. How will she live that way?"

 "She's all I have…" I heard myself say before I could take the words back.

 "I mean, I know I have you too…" I stammered, knowing I was screwing up.

 "I know what you mean." she didn't sound angry at all. See? The best Dr. Skylar ever.

 "She's your baby, I see it every day how you adore her." Skylar smiled, "It actually makes me love you even more than I did before, watching you with her. You're a beautiful father, Ashton. Really."

 "It's been easy this last month, having her with me all the time, summertime in a new place…" I said, sobering up as I spoke, "But it's about to get really hard. Letting her go…again…I'm going to need your help Skylar. You have to shove me out the door tomorrow. No matter what I say or do."

 "I'd love to." she put a finger on my lips.

 "This is nothing you know…" Skylar said with a wicked smirk on her lips, "First day of school is cake. Wait until Katie's first dance when a date comes to pick her up."

 "Ugh." I grimaced just imagining it.

 "Yeah."

 "Try and go to sleep overprotective eagle…" Skylar teased, closing her eyes.

 "That's freed eagle, thank you." I muttered, still very proud of my Sioux name.

 "Yes, you're a free eagle…and you're squawking too much." Skylar grinned, eyes still closed, "Close your eyes…think happy thoughts…"

 "Like what?" I scoffed.

 "Practice your southern accent." she suggested and giggled to herself.

 "I hate you." I pretended.

 "Hate you more, Jase." she said with a really bad southern accent.

 Ugh, Jason! I forgot my new name assigned to me was Jason Sullivan. God, no one would call me Jason and I knew it. It would be Jase this and Jase that. I'd feel like I was trapped in a Goobertown version of West Side Story.

 "Howdee!" I tried to do it without laughing, "My name is er, Jase! How y'all doin?"

 Skylar was laughing and I loved that I could make her do it at 3 am.

 "Wow, that sounds so natural." she commented, "It sounds like you've talked that way your whole life."

 Oh you wicked little bitch!

 "Listen here, little fillie, I don't hold with that kind of lip!" I kept doing my nasally Barney Fife voice while she laughed and tried to quiet it under her pillow.

 "Don't make me put you over my knee, darlin!" I kept going.

 Then I said in my own voice, "Hey, this is getting fun,"

 "Oh god, he's liking it now…" she giggled, "If you don't stop it, I'm gonna make Katie call you pa."

 "Oh no," I laughed, "And I could call her young'un."

 I tried to keep my mind laughing…even though I knew tomorrow would be pure hell for me.

 Skylar had told me over and over again, usually in the middle of the night, after I awoke from another Claire induced nightmare, that it was alright and Claire was gone forever, and could never come back to reach Katie or me. My mind knew that but as soon as I closed my eyes, she was there, and I was in her clutches again. I tried to dream of Skylar and Katie, doing fun things together, enjoying our lives in peace. But it would never come. Claire was always there, just waiting for me to fall so she could have one more lesson to teach me. She was enraged that I'd left her, and even more pissed off that Skylar had killed her. It felt so real. My dreams became memories, as if they really happened. I wasn't given the luxury of forgetting those images and feelings once my eyes were open.

 I know it, even if Skylar doesn't. Claire is still here. Claire still owns me. I'm still not free. I don't feel safe. And I know Katie is not safe either. Skylar is not safe. None of us are. I need Dr. Skylar and she's not here either. I can't talk to a stranger about any of this, we're in the witness protection program. I don't trust anyone around here even if we weren't. I would love to hear her saying, "Ashton – session ten. Hi Ashton!"

 I feel so lost already, one month into this. And now Katie is going to school in one direction and I'm going off in another direction. I hate this. If anything ever happened to Katie, I couldn't go on living.

 Skylar did get up with the alarm clock before Katie woke up. I think I may have gotten ten minutes of uninterrupted sleep so I was fresh as a daisy.

 Katie was dancing around the second she woke up, so giddy about going to school today.

 I did enjoy seeing her so excited but when I went into her room to help her get her outfit on, I was properly chastised and escorted out. She was too old for me to help her get dressed. Grab knife, yank it out of my heart. We used to have so much fun getting ready for the day together, I can still remember it. She used to spike my hair up with her little hands and we would brush our teeth together. It was magical. And it's already gone.

 "I'll help her out." Angela offered, not noticing the giant hole in my chest as we passed each other in the hallway.

 "Just because I'm not a woman…" I grumbled, "I miss out on helping her with her new outfit…"

 I don't remember my sex coming into any other area of our lives before.

 Then I figured out why Angela was in Katie's room with her. Skylar is in the kitchen making breakfast. There have been quite a few fun episodes in this kitchen, now that two women lived here and were used to doing all the cooking. Nights were divided up so it was clear who made dinner on what night of the week. I hardly got to cook ever anymore and I did miss making Skylar and Katie something good to eat. Maybe I can pencil my name in here and there when no one's looking. I wonder what Angela would do if she caught me in the kitchen with no shirt on, cooking my special omelets for my girls. I chuckled at the thought of her expression. Yes, will definitely have to do that soon.

 Then right away I thought better of it. No, I couldn't rub it in Angela's face that I was half naked around Skylar. After all, I was Kaela's husband. And Ben and Angela have been so great accepting Skylar into the family.

 At first, Skylar was going to live separately from us. She almost insisted on it so I could have quality time with Katie. But when they saw my face and heard the whole story of what Skylar had gone through for me, to get me back to them, they told Skylar she was going nowhere. They took me back in also, never once bringing up my time with Claire, or what I had done. I don't deserve them.

 Katie would never hear those stories, but we did sit her down and all talk to her about Skylar. I was amazed at how easy it was, asking her to understand at such a young age. She loved the idea of new people living in the house with us and she grew attached to Skylar very quickly. I never knew Skylar was so great with kids, but I should have guessed it. Skylar told me privately that maybe later Katie and her would have problems. She was prepared for that, she said in time Katie might grow to resent her cutting in on her daddy time or moving in on her mother's territory.

 She didn't understand, though. Katie never really had a full time mother who was always around. Kaela meant well but she was always out trying to make things up to me, trying to earn back what John had taken away from me when I married her. I would give anything to go back and tell her that I understood now and how sorry I was for not understanding then. I wished I could tell her how sorry I was. I can't even visit her grave now because Claire’s or James' family or goons might be watching.

 That was another fun thing on my horizon: testifying in court about all that happened to me – and what I'd seen Claire do, including the murder of that boy, Eli’s brother. I wondered if I'd seen him again in court. I did miss him and Chase. They had been my only friends a month ago. And now I'd probably never see them again.

 This really is forever. Living here in Wyoming, no neighbors around for a mile. I always dreamed of showing Katie the world and finally having a chance to go wherever I wanted once I was free, if it ever happened. I guess I could forget about all that. God, what if after living here long enough, I really did start talking like the rest of them?

 I shuddered and came up behind Skylar as she scrambled eggs. I let my arms curl around her, smelling her hair and then all my gripes about what is or isn't all melted away. Skylar is here. Katie is here. My world is here. And I'm going to love it, even if it kills me.

 "Who are you and why are you cooking eggs in my kitchen?" I teased her with my sexy voice.

 "I'm Ben's girlfriend, so don't touch me." she retorted quickly, making me laugh.

 "Kinky." I wrinkled my nose, imagining--no, I can't imagine that.

 "Stop doing that, old man coming in." Ben announced as he sauntered slowly into the kitchen, taking his seat at the table with his paper.

 "We weren't doing anything." I defended us, still a little unsure when it came to Kaela's parents. I almost felt like I was cheating with Skylar right in their faces.

 Skylar shot me an annoyed look as she put a cup of coffee in front of Ben, whose face was hidden by the newspaper.

 What? I mouthed to her, shrugging my shoulders.

 But she went back to making the eggs, waving a hand at me as if to say shut up.

 Damn. No one likes me today.

 "There's a newspaper in this town?" I tried to read the headline, "What's the big story, cow tippers running amok?"

 I was the only one who laughed at my joke.

 "No, Ashton, but you know what?" Ben asked, "There's no murders, no rapes, no kidnapping…no terrorist activity…this is the best paper I've ever read."

 "You go Ben,” Skylar spun around towards him and gave him a high five.

 "Am I in the twilight zone?" I flopped down at the table, looking around, "No one ever asked that in one single episode…but they knew…they were in the twilight zone…"

 I never heard Skylar say ‘you go’ to anyone. Now her and Ben are BFF's. High fiving each other. Are there any bars in this town?

 "Here you guys go." Skylar was serving plates of eggs with toast and bacon on them to Ben and myself.

 "Hurry up, Ashton, you've got to get dressed and be out there in 20 minutes." Skylar reminded.

 "Well, aren't you the little timekeeper?" I cracked, slamming my fork into my scrambled eggs and getting a bite.

 "Can't wait to hear what this job is all about." Ben put his paper down and looked at me as if trying to read me.

 "Ever hear of cow jerking Ben?" I asked sarcastically but Skylar cut me off.

 "Uh, Ben, what do you guys have planned out for today?" she asked over my question.

 "Oh, I thought we'd go into town and look around some more." Ben was still looking at me as if trying to read my mind.

 "Look around town?" I asked, "There are two stores. A shoe store and a store with everything else in it."

 The Sierra Trading Post I think it was called. Trading Post. God!

 "Oh, look at that, Ashton’s all done!" Skylar yanked me up and spun me around, back towards my room, "Go get dressed – you know what to wear."

 "Skylar…" I started to complain.

 "Jason Sullivan," she shot me with that look, "Go put your town clothes on, you want to look like the other little boys today so they don't tie you to a bull or something."

 "Town clothes…" I muttered, going reluctantly to my room where my cowboy clothes waited for me. I am NOT wearing the hat. I don't care what she says.

 Our first trip into town we all got some new clothes. Skylar had also found me a nice black cowboy hat. Katie forced us all to get dressed in our new clothes when we got home and Skylar took pictures of us all standing in front of our new home. Yes, there was a picture of me wearing the hat, only because Katie made me put it on.

 In short, we looked like the cast of Little House on the Prairie.

 I haven't worn those clothes since. But now I'd have to put them back on. And wear them in front of REAL cowboys. Someone kill me.

 I went with the least horrible shirt, a white and black flannel shirt, black jeans, my black cowboy boots, and I put the black hat on the made bed, hoping if I stared at it long enough it would vanish.

 I could hear Claire laughing in the back corners of my mind, she loved to mock me.

 God, you look fucking stupid, she'd most likely say to me.

 Fuck her – I don't give a damn what you think, Claire. You're fucking dead so leave me alone.

 I looked at myself in the full length mirror on the back of my bedroom door and right away I felt stupid. My hair is too bright, my face is too…I don't LOOK like a cowboy. I should've let some stubble grow on my face. But it was baby smooth. I look like I haven't done a lick of work in my lifetime. Those guys were going to eat me alive.

 Skylar tapped on the door and peeked her head in.

 "You decent?" she asked with a smile, looking disappointed to see me all dressed.

 "Katie's all dressed, you have to see her!" Skylar enthused, leading the way as I automatically followed her out.

 As dumb as I felt dressed this way, I knew Katie would look adorable no matter what she was wearing.

 When I got to the kitchen, she was standing there, beaming, so exhilarated to be going to school today. I wondered how long that feeling would last.

 She was wearing a little denim skirt, light tan cowgirl boots, a white blouse and a cute little hot pink vest, suede, with fringes hanging down from the edges…and to complete the whole ensemble, there was a little white cowgirl hat on her head, hiding a bit of that brown hair. It was in two ponytails that were tightly braided on both sides.

 "Wow." I said as she looked up at me, "You look incredible.”

 I took her little hands in mine and twirled her around so I could see every inch of the outfit.

 "You look good too, daddy." she surveyed me now, "But where's your hat?"

 "It's around." I shrugged.

 "Here it is." Skylar plunked it on top of my head from behind me, half covering my eyes with it.

 Katie laughed at that so I smiled too, adjusting the damn hat so I could at least see.

 "Pull it down daddy, like this." she reached up as I bent down to her. She tipped the hat down a bit, and added, "It looks better this way."

 "Yeah?" I asked, trusting her judgment, "Okay."

 She moved the sides of my hair a little to tuck into the hat and when I straightened up, looking in the mirror near the front door, I had to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought. At least the hat hid my hair for the most part.

 "Now, Katie, don't forget, your name is Katie Sullivan now, not Irwin." I heard Angela reminding my daughter and my heart sank a little. I did this to them. I should stop whining about this whole situation and try to embrace it. No one else is complaining, just me…and it's all my fault we're here in this.

 My daughter can't even use her last name.

 "Hey Jase!" Skylar came up behind me again, right on cue to wake me out of my morose state.

 "Here's your lunchbox." she handed a black metal box with a handle on it to me and I smiled when I saw JASON SULLIVAN written in white across the top of it.

 "Every time you call me Jase," I smirked at her, "There's one more whack added to your next spanking."

 I said it low so only she could hear me and she actually looked delighted at that statement. Katie was sitting down to eat breakfast; Ben and Angela were fussing over her, getting her things ready for school. Angela was writing Katie Sullivan on her little lavender backpack.

 "Tease." Skylar commented, stepping back to assess me.

 "I feel so stupid in this getup…" I put myself down before she could, "I don't feel like myself."

 "You look hot." she put her arms around me and nuzzled my nose with hers.

 "Great, hot." I looked up, "The guys will love that."

 "You know where to go?" she changed the subject.

 "Yes." I said slowly, "Right outside the door, down the walkway, by the road?"

 "Very good." she placed a small kiss on my lips, "So smart. You'll be fine baby. Relax. Just be yourself. The other boys will love you."

 "Why do I feel like I'm five?" I asked loudly enough for everyone to hear.

 "Be nice to everyone dad…and they'll be nice to you!" Katie gave me some advice for my first day.

 "Yeah and if you see a bull, don't show fear!" Ben pointed his fork at me, his thick glasses making his eyes look large, "Stand your ground and don't run!"

 "Thank you Ben." I deadpanned in response.

 "It's good advice." Skylar tilted her head a bit as she gazed up at me, "Stand your ground…and don't run."

 "If I could do that we'd still be in New York." I said back, erasing her smile.

 "And how would you feel if Katie were going to school today in New York?" she asked, raising a brow.

 "Got it." I put a hand on my stomach, feeling it tighten up.

 "Come kiss your daughter goodbye." she pulled me by my hands towards the table and now I felt even sicker.

 "Skylar, I can't do this…" I whispered to her under my breath.

 "The first day is always the hardest." she said, not lowering her voice at all, "But like you said, I am to shove you out the door if necessary."

 "Kiss daddy." Skylar announced as she delivered me to Katie's side. Katie put her fork down and reached up to put her arms around my neck. Our hats blocked us from getting too close at first and I grumbled about that.

 "Damn hats, I can't even kiss my little girl," I muttered, turning my head so my hat was out of the way so I could kiss her little syrup lips.

 "Mmm, pancakes huh?" I smiled at her.

 "Waffles!" Katie, Ben, and Angela all said at once.

 "Pardon, Ma'am." I used my bad accent again. I made Katie laugh and I was pleased about that at least.

 "DADDY, WAIT!" Katie turned, "Come here!"

 Then Katie took a toothpick from a little glass holder in the center of the table and placed it at the corner of my mouth.

 "There, hold it with your teeth!" she instructed, "That looks good!"

 "Thanks." I took it out for a second and squatted down to face her at eye level, "Katie, listen…be very careful out there…and…if you see anyone who looks strange or…not right…then go straight to your teacher and tell him right away…DON'T EVER go anywhere with anyone no matter what they say…"

 "Ashton…" Skylar rubbed her hand on my back, "You're gonna be late, babe."

 I feel like I'm going to throw up. What if they get her? What if she disappears and I never see her again?

 Katie nodded while I was warning her but she didn't look afraid at all. Was I trying to scare her?

 "Do you want me to go with you today?" I asked her, hardly able to breathe, "Cause I will."

 "No daddy, you have work!" Katie looked appalled by my idea of going with her, "And I'm not a baby, I can go alone!"

 God, she's so much tougher than I am.

 "That's right daddy." Skylar yanked me up by my shirt and re handed me the damn lunchbox, "Play nice with the other boys and don't tip the cows."

 "Skylar, please don't make me do this…" I almost begged and I felt my eyes clouding with unshed tears. God, I'm such a big baby.

 "I love you Ashton, but you'll thank me for this later." Skylar was ushering me to the door and I felt like the air was leaving my lungs.

 Then she whispered to me, "Just this once, tonight, if you want, Dr. Skylar will talk to you."

 "Really?" I felt a little hope returning to my soul.

 "Yes." she looked down, "I can't say that I can counsel you, but I'm always here to listen…and do what I can to make this easier for you. I hate that you look so scared. Don't be afraid. Everything is fine. You're going to work today, outside in the clean air…in the sun. I love that."

 I wanted to feel the same way. But I still felt ill.

 "I love you." she whispered to me, hugging me tight, "And I'm shoving you out the door now. Have a good day, babe."

 And she pushed me out, closing and locking the door behind me.

 I took a deep breath and told myself that I had to play my part now. I've played a cowboy before, although not a real one, a half naked, dancing one. I thought my days of putting on masks was over. Maybe life is just wearing one mask after another.

 I'm Jason Sullivan. Former New Yorker who moved out here for a simpler life, a better life for my daughter. No one here knew I was a whore. Would it show? Would they sense something off about me, even if I didn't tell anyone? Could I really do a man's work like them, or would I be the weakling of the herd?

 I swallowed thickly and made my feet move me to the road. I even walked away from the house a bit, hoping it would calm me down a little.

 Before I wanted to, I heard an engine coming from behind me. I turned, squinting as a beat up truck ambled up and slowed to a stop.

 "You Sullivan?" the driver asked. I could only see his giant cowboy hat and nodded mutely.

 "Climb aboard." he thumbed back behind him.

 I went around to the back of the white truck and saw a huge black cage like thing with no roof on it - on the back of the truck, like a metal pen that held about ten other guys inside. One of the men opened a piece of the cage to let me in. I had to climb up a bit to get there and I made it without too much effort.

 "Hi." I greeted the guy who'd let me in as I closed the cage door behind me.

 "Hey, howyoudoin?" the man asked, shaking my hand, "I'm Bob."

 "Ash-Jason Sullivan." I corrected, hoping he didn't hear the ‘Ash’ part.

 Bob looked like a nice guy, brown hair down to his shoulders and a mustache, a white cowboy hat perched on the back of his head. He also wore a shirt like mine, only it was red and gray plaid. He wore jeans that looked very worn at the knees I noticed when we sat down side by side, the truck chugging off abruptly.

 "Nice to know you Jason." Bob said, thankfully not calling me Jase.

 I tried to smile back at him…but all I could see was the house, getting smaller and smaller as we drove away…I couldn't fake my feelings for once. I was terrified for Katie.

 Be safe, Katie. I prayed in my mind, willing her to hear me somehow. Come back to me. Have a great day, angel.

 "Hey!" Bob nudged me and held a thermos in front of me, "Want some Jay?"

 Jay? Maybe I was wrong. Jase wasn't the worst thing I could be called.

 "What is it?" I tried to see inside it.

 "Cow piss." he said and I looked at him in shock while he laughed.

 "Coffee, what else?" he nudged me again and gave it to me, "City boys…you guys crack me up!"

 "How do you know I'm a city boy?" I wondered aloud, taking a little sip of the coffee, hoping we didn't hit a pothole and it would cover me completely.

 "You have that look." Bob shared, "The clothes are right but you have that scared look in your eyes. Don't worry, it'll pass. Before you know it, you'll be one of us."

 I looked at all of them, tired looking, some asleep, all wearing cowboy hats and plaid shirts. Is this really what I was destined to become after all I've been through? One of the herd? I knew it was wrong but the thought stabbed at me like a blade – I used to stand out, I used to be one of a kind.

 Shut up, Ashton! I told myself before I could even complete the thought. You were a nasty whore and there was nothing special about you! This is a good life, an honest life, stop bitching like a girl! This is what you wanted, to be free! To be with Katie and Skylar. Just because it wasn't wrapped in a perfect package doesn't make it any less a miracle. If you shovel cow shit today, you'd better do it with a big smile on your face and welcome the day you won't have to strip naked before starting your workday!

 "By the way, what job is this anyway?" I asked Bob, hoping to finally end the mystery.

 "You don't know?" he looked surprised as I shook my head.

Skylar's POV

    "What about my father?” I felt a huge lump in my chest and my throat was clogging as Chase stood there with his soft, sad blue eyes.

    "I don't know everything." Chase said, glancing at the receptionist desk, "I told them I was William’s son so they'd get him right into surgery. I heard one of them say internal bleeding…"

    I shoved by him and went to the front desk, cutting off another woman who was trying to get information about her husband.

    "EXCUSE ME!" I almost yelled, "My father, William Hayes, was brought in. I want to know how he is. He's in surgery, I think."

    I want to know how Ashton is, too, but he just went in there and was all alone. I pictured a few people in white all around my Ashton, shoving tubes into his throat, sticking needles into him, ignoring his shouts and questions while they worked on him. He's had that enough in his lifetime. I hate that now, after everything tonight, he has to go through it again, by himself.

    Internal bleeding. That's not good. I kept seeing him land on his back…on that table…so hard…I think now I heard a horrible cracking sound. Was that the table…or my father's spine? Was I just imagining that sound now?

    "Just one minute, please, Miss." the older woman with huge glasses put a finger up at me.

    I huffed and spun my head towards Chase and Eli, who were standing at my right side. Riley and Julie were at my left, trying to comfort me. Riley was rubbing my back.

    "How was he in the ambulance?" I asked Chase.

    "He was talking…" Chase began, "He seemed alright. He was even joking, saying you were probably making out with Ashton somewhere. And then he just…conked out and all Hell broke loose."

    I spun back to the lady at the desk and she looked at me now, the other woman beside me gone.

    "What's the name?" she asked, fumbling with some yellow cards in front of her.

    "William Hayes." I stated loudly and clearly, "H – A – Y – E - S."

    "He's in surgery." the woman said. Duh.

    "I know that." I frowned, "How is he? What's wrong with him? Is he gonna be alright?"

    "I have no idea, Miss." she shrugged, "I can't interrupt any surgeries. You'll have to wait until they're through. Have a seat and as soon as I hear anything, I'll call you."

    "Yeah, right." I grumbled, turning slowly away from the desk and stumbling towards the seats in the waiting room, Riley holding my hand and Julie staring back at me with worry in her eyes.

    "How's Ashton?" Chase asked as we all took a seat.

    I was shaking, hating it. The two men I loved more than anything were each in hospital emergency rooms, fighting for their lives, without me. And all I could do was sit here and wait for word from Mrs. Stupid at the desk.

    "I think he's alright." my voice trembled, "But I don't know. They took him into the ER and wouldn't let me come."

    "He'll be okay, Skylar." Eli put a hand on my shoulder, "They'll both be okay."

    I let out a deep breath that I'd been holding and Riley asked if I wanted some water or something. I think I nodded.

    "Eli?" I looked at him, whispering.

    "Yeah?" he looked back.

    "Claire’s dead." I breathed, very low, "I dropped the candle on the bar. I think she's dead. I looked back and the whole bar was on fire."

    Eli looked strange. He looked glad, relieved, and satisfied…but also concerned and worried.

    Chase leaned forward, looking at Eli.

    "Go check it out, Eli." Chase gave him permission to go, "We'll stay here with Skylar. Come back and let us know what happened."

    "Yeah." he stood up, about to rush out but then he came back, looking down at me.

    "Thank you, Skylar." he simply said, then made another cringe at the way it sounded, "I'm sorry. You know what I mean."

    "I know." I tried to grin at him, "Go on."

    A few minutes later, all my questions were popping into my head. And poor Chase. I was asking him everything. Some things he could answer, others he couldn't.

    "When did Eli find that cloth?" I asked, "And why didn't he say anything? We could've skipped this whole night!"

    "Eli has been pretending to be a dancer for a long time." Chase began, "I knew it a couple weeks ago but I never told Claire anything. I used to think Claire was okay…until I saw what she did to Ashton. He was a cool guy, you know. That night I helped him, and brought him into the club…I liked him right off. He was honest…looked everyone right in the eyes…he was strong. He had an opinion. He smiled a lot. He would argue if he didn't agree with you. Once Claire got him, I saw that change a little more every day. It's like she was sucking the soul out of him. Soon, Ashton never looked me in the eye again. He always looks down. He can't hold anyone's eyes for long. And he never argues. He never relaxes. He's always afraid. He never laughs. Not for real. Well, until you came along, anyway."

    Chase frowned, and continued.

    "Anyway…" he sighed, "I told Eli to watch out for Ashton. He was in trouble, I told Eli. I didn't know anything about him being there to avenge his brother. I thought he was an undercover cop or something. He didn't tell me much. I guess he didn't trust me yet. The other night, William saw him hanging out, watching the club. He and I were keeping an eye on the place, making sure Ashton was okay. We always do that, when Ashton is in the dungeon. It's been a long time since he's been in there, being punished. He's usually very well behaved for Claire."

    "William and Eli soon figured out that they were on the same side. William showed Eli the sketch of his brother and Eli…broke down a little. William told him what happened to his brother. Until that moment, Eli was hoping maybe his brother was still alive somewhere, maybe living like Ashton was. But then he knew. And he kind of…went a little nuts. He wanted revenge. He didn't want to turn Claire into the cops. He went along with William, acting like he was in on the plan. But really…he wanted her dead."

    "Eli told me what was going on." Chase looked at his hands, "And we watched the dungeon like hawks. The one night, Claire asked me to bring exercise equipment into the dungeon for Ashton the next day. I had Eli 'help me'. Ashton was asleep, looking alright. He had a big goofy smile on his face. He looked like he was peaceful so I didn't wake him. Then Eli unzipped the back of Claire’s leather table and took out this cloth. It was all dry but red with blood on it. Eli told me what it was and I told him we should bring it to William. But he said no. He wanted Claire dead and if the police got the cloth, he'd be the first suspect. He said it was his brother's blood and it belonged to him now. The police would only mess things up, Eli said. He told me about this dinner Claire was planning. He said it would be the perfect time to let her have it. Police could blame it on Sir Kevin, or James, or Raven…He said this way, he could take out a whole bunch of them. Get justice for his little brother. When he told me what they did to his brother, I kind of agreed. We swore we'd keep you and Ashton safe. We would've been with you all the time, but then we found Riley and Julie in Claire’s office."

    Chase gave me a look then.

    "Sorry." I frowned, "You know, if you guys trusted us and told us what you were planning, we could've all got together and formed a better plan."

    "Eli wasn't thinking straight, Sky. I got so scared when Claire poured her drink into Ashton’s mouth." Chase changed the subject, "I thought maybe Eli poisoned her drink with something lethal. I ran back in there and almost screamed at him, asking him if he did that. He was smart enough not to try that, though, he knows Claire feeds Ashton things at these dinners. Even though he was nuts to get revenge…he tried to make sure you guys wouldn't get hurt."

    "Revenge is a bitch." I agreed, wondering if I killed Claire for revenge…or to stop her from hurting Ashton anymore.

    It didn't matter.

    All that matters now is Ashton and William. If they came out of this alright, I wouldn't care about all the rest.

    "Skylar?" Chase touched my arm.

    "Yeah?" I rubbed my wet eyes, knowing it would probably be hours before I had some news on either of my men.

    "Your dad saved my life, Skylar. I was cuffed but still fighting back pretty well. I head butted one of the guys and had the other one's neck between my legs, ready to snap his neck. Then the one I head butted sat up and aimed his gun at the back of my head. That's when William attacked. He's really cool."

    I'm glad he's using the present tense.

    "Yeah, he is." I felt tears in my eyes.

    My dad is always the unsung hero, never wanting credit for what he does, never enjoying the spotlight, always applauding for everyone else except himself, always holding up another on his shoulders.

    I had given him such a hard time during all this. I wanted instant justice, like Eli did. I wanted fast results and I wasn't quiet about it when I screamed at my dad. Maybe if I hadn't rushed him like I did…maybe this could've gone smoother.

    Maybe he wouldn't be in surgery now. And neither would Ashton.

    Dad, God…I'm so sorry. I told you that a paid escort gave me more love and affection in two weeks than you did in my entire lifetime. That was so fucked up of me. And not true. I stuck a knife in your heart because I was so afraid. I almost thought that you wanted Ashton to die, so he wouldn't be around me anymore. You've been there for me my whole life, dad…in everything I ever did. And at the first sign of trouble, I turned my back on you…and worse…I lashed out at you.

    I love you, dad.

    Please God, give me the chance to say that to him again. Let me get a chance to say I'm sorry and see his dry smile as he forgives me once again for my stupid mistakes.

    You saved us all. You saved Ashton. You saved me.

    When I closed my eyes, tears fell out of them and my head dropped into my trembling hands.

    Then Chase hugged me to him, whispering, "He's gonna be okay. He's a tough old guy. He heard about your sex games with Ashton from the bug and survived. Although I thought we were losing him at that point. I thought he was going to team up with James and Claire and run down to the dungeon to finish you both off."

    "Shut up." I didn't want to smile or laugh but I nearly did.

    "Thanksgivings and Christmas is gonna be an especially fun time for all you guys." Chase smirked.

    "Stop." I tried to hide a grin, picturing my dad and Ashton exchanging Christmas gifts by the tree.

    Chase hugged me tighter, and I let him. I never had a big brother before. It felt like I had one now. I needed one now. So I hugged him back.

    This has been Ashton’s one true friend through some horrible fucked up years. He made sure Ashton was fed and warm on nights when no one else cared or bothered, even Ashton himself. He was the shoulder Ashton leaned on, his protector, his teacher, the rock he clung to.

    He is family.

      Skylar's POV

    I'm not sure how much time had passed when a doctor finally came out and called, "Ashton Irwin’s family?"

    I was already on my feet, along with Chase and the girls behind me.

    "Yes!" I held myself together, holding my stomach as the 35-ish man with tussled black hair and fair skin stood there, in his blue scrubs.

    "You're all related to him?" he raised a brow, not stupid by any means.

    "I'm his brother." Chase said blankly, stating it as truth. It was the truth.

    The doctor gave a nod and began.

    "Ashton is very lucky." he said as my stomach unclenched, "It was a little tough for awhile, we couldn't make the bleeding stop. But then we got a miracle. We sealed up the nicked artery. Ashton will be fine. But he lost a lot of blood. We're trying to locate some…"

    "His blood type is the same as mine, O." Chase said straight away, "I'll give him some right now."

    "Oh, okay, great!" the doctor looked pleased and surprised that Chase would just know this and also have the same blood type.

    I love you, Chase…so much.

    "Come with me, then, and we'll get you set up." the doctor offered.

    Chase turned to me and hugged me again, muttering to me, "It comes up every time we have to get ourselves tested."

    "Thank you, Chase." I squeezed him so tight, tears in my eyes again, "Thank you."

    "No thanks needed." Chase smiled, "I told you, we're brothers. My blood is his blood. I'll be right back."

    Chase was going and the doctor with him when I stopped them.

    "Wait!" I shouted, feeling bad right away, since we were in a hospital, "How is Ashton now? Is he alright? Is he in any pain?"

    "Not at all." the doctor smiled at me, assuring, "I gave him something and he's asleep now. He's fine. I promise. Later, when he wakes up, you can all say hello."

    "Can't I just see him now?" I let a tear fall, not caring, "Just for a second? I won't wake him up, I just need to."

    "Skylar, he's okay." Chase ran a hand down my arm, "Let him sleep a little. He's had a rough week."

    "You're Skylar?" the doctor grinned at me.

    "Yeah, why?" I frowned.

    He smiled a little more. "I was given lots of messages for you while I was trying to work on him. I don't remember them all, but let me see. There was I love you, Skylar, I'll always love you. Then there was – tell Katie I love her, too. Tell her I've always loved her. Tell her I'm sorry I wasn't there for so long. I kept telling Ashton he wasn't going to die, but he still kept giving me messages. That's when I decided to put him to sleep. Down to the last second, he was talking. The last thing he said was weird. He said, 'Tell them I died free…and happy.'"

    "That's our Ashton." Chase smirked, "Always the optimist. Mr. Overthinker."

    "Luck isn't usually on his side." my weepy voice said to both Chase and the doctor.

    "It was today." both Chase and the doctor said at the same time and laughed at each other.

    I even had to smile. He would be alright. If I could right now, I'd fly up to space and back again, howling and laughing all the way. I was crying and smiling at the same time when the doctor glanced behind him and said, "Come on, Skylar. You can have a minute. Just don't tell anyone on me."

    "Oh God!" I sobbed gratefully, "Thank you!"

    "Shhhh…" he grinned, taking my hand and shrugging his head at Chase to follow us.

    Before getting to Ashton’s room, the doctor handed Chase off to a nurse, telling her to how much CC's of blood to get from him. I wasn't listening much. I was almost jumping up and down waiting to see Ashton.

    "Thanks, Doc." Chase went down another hallway, his eyebrows dancing suggestively at us with the pretty red-haired nurse while the doctor took me to the left.

    Room 43. He opened the door slowly and whispered, "Be very quiet, okay? There's another patient asleep inside."

    "Okay." I agreed in a whisper, adding, "Thanks again."

    He nodded and walked off as I went inside.

    The walls were a nice soft yellow and the lights were dim. It was still dark outside I noticed and guessed it was in the wee hours of the morning, no sunrise yet.

    A curtain was pulled so I couldn't see the patient next to Ashton but I didn't need to see anyone else. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the blondish brown hair that refused to behave at the moment…and the even fairer face of the sleeping, peaceful angel a few feet away.

    The yellow blanket looked soft and clean and was tucked under his arms. They were straight at his sides and his bed had his head raised slightly up. He looked so stiff and mannequin-like, like a ken doll, nothing like the curled up god he usually was while he slept.

    As I moved closer, I saw they had an IV injected into the top of his hand, a white piece of tape over the spot the needle entered.

    I felt my chin trembling as I wept, trying to keep it quiet, my hand covering my mouth tightly.

    His lips were in that cute little ducky pout I first saw when I woke up next to him that first morning after. His lips are so deep red.

    I couldn't really make myself say words right now. I moved my fingers, ghosting them, really, over his lips, moving softly over his eyebrows…then his eyelids…the backs of my fingers gliding down those deep cheekbones, both sides…I gently kissed those sweet little boy lips, unable to stay away. Then I kissed his hand where the IV was poking into him, as if my kiss could cure that, too.

    Love is the best medicine for a broken heart.

    He was wearing a blue hospital gown with white trim and that just made his skin appear more transparent to me. He looked terribly pale. That scared me. But then he needs blood. Chase is taking care of that now. I'm sure they have more blood around here, too, somewhere.

    I could see thick bandages over where the gunshot was over the space between his shoulder and torso. I'm sure there was more on the back of him, where the bullet entered. It was then that I realized the bullet had passed through him. It's a miracle it didn't hit me then. I didn't even think of that before, in all the chaos. My eyes widened as a thought began to creep in.

    Did it hit my dad? He was right beside me.

    I had to get back out there in case they had news about my dad, but how can I leave Ashton alone now?

    A couple more minutes, I told myself.

    Sniffing, I wiped my red, swollen eyes and took a deep breath.

    Don't leave me, Skylar…he had said to me in the ambulance.

    I don't want to leave you. Ever.

    I would be in this bed now, if it weren't for you, I mentally told him as I touched his hair, moving it upwards with my careful fingers. I like it wild, up and disobedient. Just as he had been tonight when he saved my life. Just as he was when he fought for his freedom.

    "You are the best partner ever." I whispered, feeling another tear fall, staring at his still eyes…hypnotized by the very tiny but long black eyelashes. I had felt badly about my joke earlier, saying I wanted Eli for my partner. I never want to say anything that hurts him, even in the slightest, ever again. He'd had enough hurt for one lifetime.

    Only you, Ashton, knowing all the greatest pains in the world, would have the heart and the guts to throw yourself into a bullet to keep it from me. You are my protector now. You are my man. Forever. I could never feel anything but complete love and pride for you. You have never been a slave in my eyes, Ashton. You could never look weak or helpless to me…even when you're chained up naked right against me.

    "I love you so much, Ashton." I whispered right into his ear, bending over and cradling his face in my gentle hands, kissing his nose and then his lips very, very carefully, "Love's too small a word for what I feel for you."

    "My little ducky lips." I smiled down at that mouth…so adorable, "Before you know it, you'll be back in my bed, cuddling with me. I can't fall asleep unless you hold me now. You spoiled me rotten."

    I gathered up the blanket and eased his hands underneath it, laying them over his waist, bringing the golden cotton up around his neck, under his chin, the way he liked it.

    "There you go, baby." I breathed, smoothing the blanket over his chest, not going near where the bandages were, "Sleep now. Dream sweet dreams. I'll sneak a cherry icee in tomorrow. I think you've earned it."

    The patient next to Ashton on the other side of the curtain coughed then. My head spun at the sound of it.

    Coughing. Smoke inhalation?

    It better not be. Not in the same room. God isn't that twisted, is he?

    I was at the curtain in two steps and I paused…shivering. Then I tore it open in one hard yank.

    Would it be James? Sir Kevin? What would I do if it was?

    A little old man jumped as I stood there, staring at him, the curtain in my fist. He coughed again, a couple thick blankets over his little body.

    "Sorry." I offered as he covered his mouth, "Are you okay?"

    God, I am paranoid. But then, I have reason to be.

    He nodded and I saw there was a pitcher of water and a few plastic cups at his bedside.

    I poured him a glass and handed it to him. He might have thought I was a nurse in this dim light and he slowly sipped his cup as I slowly moved the curtain back into place.

    "Just making sure you're safe." I said to Ashton as I came back quickly, "We're partners, remember?"

    I cautiously let a tiny sliver of my butt sit on the edge of the bed, not wanting to do anything to hurt him or disturb him now.

    I ran my fingers over his and tried not to cry right now. I didn't want him to hear me sad, not after all we'd done to get to this moment.

    I slipped his friendship ring off my finger and held his finger, sliding it onto his pinky, the only finger small enough to fit inside it.

    "Will you marry me, Ashton Irwin?” I whispered, almost to myself, smiling and letting tears fall.

    His lips just curled up more, looking slightly stubborn now, like he was pouting. His breathing was so deep and calm now…it soothed me.

    "I know, you're the man, it's your job to ask me, huh?" I teased.

    I took a breath and said, "We have a lot to do. A lot to learn. A lot to say…I know. I want this to be good. I want this to be happy. I want this…forever. It's going to take a lot of work. But I'll do the work. I'll do anything. For you. You are my life now. My life always."

    I hope he still feels the same way about me now. I hope he doesn't think he just left one murderess for another. I hope he still thinks I'm different than the other women he's known. I want to be.

    The doctor peeked inside a moment later and I stood up, not wanting to abuse the gift he'd given me.

    "Coming." I said to the doctor and he waited a second as I bent over my sleeping prince one more time.

    "I'll be back soon, Thumper." I smiled, kissing his chin and pulling myself away before I'd never let myself go, adding, "Be good."

    It took all the strength I had to walk away from him but I managed to do it…only so I could go back to the waiting room and wait some more to hear more about my father. The doctor who cared for Ashton said he'd try to find out what was going on with my dad but that was hours ago.

    Riley and Julie were watching The View on TV while I stared at my shoes, still wearing Raven's stolen dress. I wish I had some nice comfy sweats and a t-shirt…some warm cotton socks.

    Chase’s cell rang and he stopped eating his snickers bar, flipping it open.

    "Eli!" Chase almost yelled, frowning, "Where the hell have you been?"

    A series of yeas and uh-huhs came out of Chase and then he sighed and said, "I know."

    Then Chase told Eli that Ashton was fine and was getting his blood transfusions now and that we still hadn't heard about my dad yet.

    "Yeah, she's here." Chase said, "Hold on."

    He handed the phone to me and Riley looked a little hurt that he asked for me over her first. But she was watching me and listening intently.

    "Eli?" I answered.

    "Hi Skylar." he said, "I'm at the police station. I would've called before, but I had lots to tell these guys, you know."

    "I know." I said, feeling afraid that the police would know that I killed Claire.

    "So, when are they coming to arrest me?" I asked, half kidding, half not.

    "Why would they arrest you?" Eli asked, "Sir Kevin is the one who killed Claire."

    I squinted and asked, "What?" The lack of sleep and the worrying was making me a little dumb at the moment.

    "Sir Kevin and Claire were fighting over Ashton." Eli informed, as if it were fact and he was remembering it, "A candle fell over and they both went up in flames. Sir Kevin didn't make it, either. His head lit up right away, since he was covered in alcohol."

    I let out a breath and whispered, "Thank you, Eli."

    I imagined Ashton waking up and finding out I was in jail for murder. My father didn't have that kind of money for a brilliant lawyer and I'd never want to put him or Ashton through some year long trial.

    Ashton would need to get to his daughter as soon as possible. I wouldn't want him sitting in the first row behind me all that time while I sat there at the defense table in my orange uniform. I knew he would, but I would hate every single day of it.

    That would kill both of us.

    Not to mention, Ashton on the stand, lying, trying to save me as he told countless tales of the things Sir Kevin and Claire performed on him. Then the inhuman stripping Ashton would endure as the state's attorney got up and tore him to shreds, calling him a willing whore and Claire’s submissive boyfriend. They'd make him look like a sleazy villain, not a victim. I didn't like seeing him as either of those, but that's what he'd seem to be, as each side presented their cases.

    The news would be all over it. Ben and Angela would hear all about it. Katie would, too. Ashton would be on the news and on the front pages of all the papers, microphones shoved in his face as he tried to leave the courtroom every day, saying 'No comment.'

    Katie's classmates would probably tease her everyday about it. It would have ruined all of us. It would've destroyed our love.

    It would have destroyed me.

    And in the end, I'd be convicted anyway. Because I did do it. And I would never be sorry for it. I couldn't see myself sitting there, enduring all of that, and not leaping to my feet and confessing it all, proudly.

    "James and Raven have been arrested." Eli said next, "I told them all about James. They listened to the stuff William recorded in the dungeon. Claire wrecked the bug when she took it off you, so they just heard everything up to then. They heard James' plans for you, Skylar. They heard Claire saying that she'd keep Ashton, using you to keep him quiet. They know she shot Ashton and your father. They'll be coming to the hospital later today to get statements from all you guys. I gave them the cloth and told them about my brother. They're talking to James now, trying to find out where the body is. And how many more bodies there are. He's not talking yet…but I think he will."

    Alright, I told myself simply. Claire DID die. And so did Sir Kevin. I still didn't know much about that man but I saw that he scared the shit out of Ashton. I'm sure he hurt Ashton, too, in some way. I hoped I was wrong about my suspicions…but I don't think I was. Sir Kevin liked Ashton, he had told me last night. Sir Kevin…had…been with…Ashton. I'm sure he was forced, unless Katie or I were threatened again. He told me he was Ashton’s new master. And it did look like he was caring for Ashton’s wounds after he was shot.

    It must have been recently that Sir Kevin entered Ashton’s life. Ashton had told me in our sessions that he'd never had a man before. And then I wanted to tear my heart out. I let him go back there. I just let him walk away, going to a place where he was raped by a man. That was his punishment for caring for me in front of Claire. That was his punishment for me attacking her that night.

    I knew without being told…that's why the bug was lost so soon. Ashton wanted my dad and I spared that, even if he wouldn't be spared it. He could've said his word and ended the whole thing right then. But he wanted to be a member of the team, he wanted to get real proof against Claire so she'd never bother us again. He gave himself up so we could have a future. He sacrificed his body once more…for us…for his daughter.

    And he says he isn't strong.

    I want to go hug him some more now.

    "Raven will most likely be released with bail." Eli said, snapping me out of my thoughts, "She didn't really do much of anything. She offered you a contract as a sub with her, that's not illegal. And you said yes. I don't think she'll be any danger, even free. Her father is a big deal, owns a corporation. He has to come bail her out with his lawyer. No doubt he'll ship her off to Puerto Rico so she won't embarrass him or cost him any business with this scandal."

    I swallowed and thought of her for a second. She might not seem dangerous to Eli but I've seen her work on Ashton’s body. She is demented and has a major crush on Ashton. But I don't really see her doing anything like coming after Ashton or something. She might just move away and start over, finding some other poor bastard to be her slave. One thing is for sure. There are broken hearted people in every country, every city. I wondered how many Ashton’s there were out there, waiting to begin their Hell, as Ashton’s was just finishing his time there.

    I want to save everyone. I want to heal all the broken hearts out there, before they become victims or slaves…or corpses.

    I want to be a doctor now more than ever. I have to be a psychiatrist. But did I have to stay here to do it? Could I? I had built a whole life here…I had loved it here. I adored New York. It had everything! Bellevue had nothing new, ever. New York could be different every day, it was always changing and surprising me. I saw myself living here forever, just three weeks ago.

    Now, I kept seeing myself in sunny Florida, covered with sunburn, but happily holding Katie's hand as Ashton held the other, and we were walking along the crowded beach, searching for a spot to claim with our umbrella.

    Would Katie like me? Would she push me away? Was it right for me to be there? Katie had waited for her daddy for so long…and now she'd have him…but I would probably take the joy out of that, horning in where I wasn't wanted. Daddy's new girlfriend. She'd probably think that I'm the one who took him away from her all those years. And we couldn't tell her the truth as to where he'd been.

    They deserved time alone together. Ben and Angela would always be there, but Katie needed Ashton all to herself, to discover him again, to see that he still loved her and always would, and that none of this was her fault.

    Would she get to experience all that if Ashton was always upset, telling her to give me a chance?

    I did not want to be the third wheel, trying to analyze everything Katie said or did. I could not be Dr. Skylar for Katie. And I didn't want to be. I don't want to be a new mommy for Katie. No one could ever take her place. She still hadn't dealt with losing her mother yet, from what Ashton told me. He had to deal with it, too, and hadn't yet.

    I want to be Katie's friend. If I had any chance of being that…I couldn't show up on her doorstep holding Ashton’s hand the day he came back to her. That much I knew.

    "Skylar?" Eli asked, hearing only my pained breathing on the line.

    "I'm here. Sorry." I snapped out of it, pushing away the image of Ashton’s face as I told him I couldn't go with him.

    You said you wouldn't leave me. Ever.

    I could hear him saying the words, hurt thick in his voice.

    "Everything will be alright, Skylar." Eli said with confidence, "I want to thank you, too, for how brave you were last night. My brother thanks you, too. I probably won't be seeing you guys for awhile. They're putting me and my parents in witness protection. I'm trying to decide now if I want my hair black or blonde."

    I had to chuckle at that, although I hated the idea of Eli being placed in witness protection. But it made sense. Claire’s family would probably want some kind of revenge…or to get rid of the witnesses so James couldn't be convicted of anything. I wondered if they'd try to get Ashton and I, my dad, and even Chase, Riley and Julie to join it too. Did we have to do it? Did we have a choice? How would Ashton be with his daughter then?

    "Wait!" I almost leapt to my feet, "What about Ashton’s daughter? Is she safe?"

    "Riley found Ashton’s kids’ address in the computer. She wiped out a lot of Ashton’s information, but who knows if James or his family know where Katie is. They have Florida police watching out for them now. They'll definitely be offered the witness protection deal, along with Ashton."

    Well, there goes the dreams about Florida. They'd probably move Ashton and his family to the other side of the world, in some nothing little town like Bellevue. So, if I didn't join the program with them, they'd be gone, hidden in plain sight, to a place I'd never be allowed to know. I wouldn't even be able to join them later on, after Katie had some time with her dad. I'd never be allowed to know where they went or how to reach them…ever. I'd lose him.

    So much for a happily ever after.

    I felt my knees shaking as I tried to think of something profound to say as he was telling me goodbye…but that's when a doctor finally came out and called, "William Hayes?"

    I had to rush a "Gotta go, El, my father! Talk to Chase!"

    I leapt up before thinking about it and tossed Chase his phone. Sorry, Eli. You deserved a nicer goodbye than that.

    "I'm his daughter, Skylar." I almost ran into the older doctor who was balding with a salt and pepper beard, Riley and Julie beside me.

    "Your father just came out of surgery." the doctor informed, a glum look on his face, "He had multiple, multiple injuries, I'm afraid. We took care of the gunshot in his leg and abdomen. It was a miracle his back wasn't broken, considering the fall he took. But his leg, the leg that was also shot, was completely shattered…everywhere. And then, trying to retrieve the bullet out of there…was impossible. Miss Hayes…we had to amputate your father's leg. It was either that or he'd have bled out. It wasn't salvageable. I'm sorry."

    He must have landed on that leg when he fell. My head was spinning. My dad lost his leg. They already cut it off! He'd be in a wheelchair! He'd need a prosthetic leg! He could never be a cop now! He would lose his job! Being a cop is everything to him!

    "No. Wait!" I felt so angry at the doctor suddenly, rational thought gone, "You…chopped off his leg?"

    "We had no choice, Miss." the doctor repeated, "We would've lost him. We worked all through the night, hoping we wouldn't have to do it. But five of us, finally had to agree. There really was no other way."

    "But he's a cop!" I shook all over, "A police chief! What is he supposed to do now?!"

    The doctor looked uncomfortable as Chase was behind me now, rubbing my arms supportively, trying to calm me down.

    "I'm very sorry." the doctor said, looking down, turning and walking back down the hallway.

    "Yeah, fine, just WALK AWAY!" I yelled louder, getting the attention of all the people in the waiting room, "Can't fix it, then just CHOP IT OFF! Fucking incompetent—"

    "Skylar." Chase turned me away from the hallway, "Come on, let's look on the side of – your father is alive."

    "You don't know him!" I cried, "This will kill him!"

    "Come on…sit down." Chase sat me down gently as the girls stared down at me, looking sad for me.

    "Listen, Skylar." Chase began, "Your father is a cop. He's known all his life, that saving others…could mean he'd get hurt in the line of duty. Every cop knows that. They accept it. Losing a leg won't make William less than what he is. I promise."

    "This is my fault, Chase!" I grabbed at my hair, "I made him come here, I made him help us! He'd be safe at home in Bellevue right now if it weren't for me!"

    "Then I'd be dead now." Chase informed, clearing things up for me, staring right into my eyes, "Ashton…would be dead now. Remember who shot Claire’s leg, just as she was about to shoot Ashton in the head?"

    I just cried, hating it that I couldn't regret asking my father to come here to help us. He had played major parts in this whole thing. Maybe he wasn't some Rambo type, but if it weren't for him, it's true. Chase would definitely be dead. Ashton would 90 percent probably be dead, too. Who knows what else could've happened if my dad hadn't been part of it all?

    "It's okay." Chase kissed the top of my head as I hung it in my hands, "Go ahead and cry. It is fucked up."

    Chase soon took me outside, to sit in the nice morning breeze while I bawled.

    It did feel much nicer than being in that awful waiting room, everyone staring at me, whispering about me.

    I began to see just how nice it was to be comforted and cared for by Chase and for a second, I wondered if Chase thought I was a big a pain in the ass as Ashton probably had been for him the last few years. I knew he didn't mind but I also promised myself I'd find a way to repay him for all he'd done, not just for me…but for Ashton. He is this big, scary looking guy at first. But then, when he touches you, he's a giant teddy bear. I was so grateful for Ashton today.

    Or maybe he was trying to thank my dad for saving his life by taking care of me.

    Either way, it was very sweet. But I hated it that I would rather have Ashton here, holding me, kissing me…whispering supportive things into my ear. I also knew he would be very upset hearing about my dad, and would probably do just what I did…blame himself. At that point, I'd have to bring Ashton in to give him the same speech I got.

    I liked it best when he didn't say anything. He didn't fill up the void by talking and giving me all kinds of cute little platitudes. He just let me cry. I pictured Ashton…naked and crying while Chase just sat there at his side, letting him do it, not letting him do it alone.

    Finally, at about noontime, I found myself brave enough to come back to the waiting room. I told my friends to go home and get some sleep. They were still in their little dresses, in their bare stocking feet because they'd kicked off their high heeled shoes hours ago. They went, only when I said I needed a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt, socks and sneakers. They promised to be back in about an hour.

    Chase stayed with me, getting me to venture downstairs into the cafeteria. It was only then that I thought maybe I should call his parents…or maybe Joseph and Katherine. But did Ashton want them to know? What if the police said something to them about what happened? No, Chase and I decided. Ashton could decide if he wanted someone else to come here and visit him.

    Chase made me take a little walk with him around the hospital, now that we had the news on both Ashton and my father. He wanted me to take a little time away from sitting in that waiting room. We walked by the maternity ward and almost wanted to stop and run the other way.

    But Chase was so excited to be there and see the babies. That surprised me. But after he'd been so great to me, I didn't protest.

    We were looking through the glass at the little clear boxes they called cribs inside. Babies names adorned each crib and every little bundle had a pink cap or blue on snugly wrapped around their tiny, soft heads.

    We pointed out the cute ones to each other. Then we pointed out the strange looking ones to each other. I found myself laughing at this one, Jennifer. She wouldn't stop crying. She looked cranky and her little bottom lip kept curling out, pouting. This reminded me of Ashton’s lips.

    "I love babies." Chase confessed, then glanced at me, slightly embarrassed. But I was smiling back at him, so he let that go.

    I could see Chase being great with babies. He'd make a sweet father.

    "They haven't made one mistake yet." he tilted his head as he looked at one, "They could be anything…do anything."

    Dr. Skylar was back, knowing why Chase liked the thought of a blank slate. I'm sure his life with Claire was no picnic, either. And I wondered how many times she'd hurt him, too. I was so focused on Ashton’s pain, I didn't think of all the rest of theirs. I'm sure she shared her sickness with every man who worked for her.

    "You're free now, too, Chase." I crossed my arms, looking at him with a small smile, "What are you gonna do?"

    "Well…" Chase smiled wide, the realization dawning on him that he had a clean slate now, too, and could do anything…go anywhere.

    "First I want to tell the cops everything I know." Chase began, "I want James to rot in his cell and I want to see him in there, even if it's for a minute. It'll be great to see him on the inside for once."

    "Alright, after your duty is done, then what?" I dug a little more.

    "Hmmm…" he grinned, looking at the babies again, "I never even thought about it. Weird. I know I want to work outside – I don't care what weather it is, I want to be outside. Maybe work with animals. I like farms."

    "Farms?" I smiled more as we both chuckled together.

    I understood him right off. After being cooped up in these dark, smoky places it made sense he'd want to be out in the open air, bundled up in the rain and snow, not minding the cold after all he'd endured. And it was nice that he wanted to care for animals. No doubt people looked less attractive to him now after all he'd seen them do than innocent animals, who never meant to hurt anyone. And liking farms…Chase wanted to grow things, where once there was nothing. He wanted to see thins bloom and open up instead of watching people like Ashton shrink inside and close themselves off. He wanted to dig in the soil, feeling clean inside at the end of the day, instead of feeling dirty all the time, inside and out.

    He wanted the total opposite of what he had before.

    "I've never been on a farm," Chase shrugged, "But I think I'd like it. I don't know."

    He was so adorable and shy all of a sudden. I didn't feel bad at all, here, watching the babies, like I thought I would. This was nice. I really like Chase. I'm glad Ashton had this great brother watching out for him while he lived at Fire. It just proves, even in our private hells, sometimes God sends us an angel to watch out for us.

    "I think you'd be a great farmer." I said, "You're big and strong…and you'd look wonderful in those denim overalls and straw hats."

    We were both laughing. And it was wonderful.

    I took his arm and leaned on it, rubbing his back now. And we watched the babies some more. I hoped Ashton would be awake soon. The nurses promised to let us see him when he woke up. It shouldn't be much longer but I felt bad wishing he'd get up so he could be sore and uncomfortable and troubled by the news of my dad. A big part of me wanted him to keep resting, to enjoy his happy place in peace.

    "Come on, Sky." Chase put an arm around me and we were walking again, "I'll tell you the story of how Ashton earned the name Thumper."

    "Chase?"

    "Skylar?"

    "I'm glad you're not dead."

Skylar's POV

      James was driving us to dinner and the silence had been deafening. We were almost there when he finally said something to me.

      "You still don't trust me, do you?" he smirked as he glanced at my face, my eyes staring straight ahead through the windshield.

      "I don't trust anyone anymore." I said coldly, not making any effort to look at him.

      I looked down at my fingers and smiled to myself as Ashton's ring beamed up at me. This is the friendship ring I gave him, the one he left behind for me to guard. I hoped, no matter what he heard or saw tonight, he'd see this on my finger, and know I am still his friend. I am still the one who loves him. I prayed for him to be brave tonight. I kept picturing his expressions and reactions when he saw me coming into the club with James on my arm.

      I was also wearing Ashton's bear claw necklace, and it went nicely with the dress Riley lent me for tonight. I was just going to come in my jeans and a blouse, but Riley insisted I look the part, so she took over my costuming. She almost made me wear three inch heels but I convinced her I might have to do some running tonight, so she allowed me to wear one inch heels instead.

      "You look very beautiful tonight." James said and instantly my skin began to crawl.

      I already know James isn't my friend. Anyone willing to bring me into Claire's club, even with the premise that he's going to help me, isn't worried about my safety. He's taking a chance with my life by bringing me there. He's risking me getting hurt. So in part, my agreeing to go with him, and him accepting that, was a test from me. And James failed. Ashton would never have let me go near Fire after that incident when Claire threatened me. Even if it was to save his life, he wouldn't use me or risk me at all.

      I know who my friends are.

      "I'm just playing my part." I looked out the side window of the car, trying to keep strong, thinking of what I'd have to do when we got there. What would Ashton look like? What would he do? What would he say?

      "I know." James said with a pleasant voice, "I'm sorry you have to do this. Believe me, once she thinks you don't care about Ashton, and he doesn't care about you, she'll be alright. Ashton will be safe. You'll be safe."

      "Mmhmm." I felt myself getting pissed off. This act of James helping me was fooling no one. And it was insulting to think James found me this stupid and gullible.

      We pulled up to the club and my stomach sank. Could I really do this? I have to.

      "Here we are." James announced.

      "I have eyes." I opened my door and got out before he could come around and help me out.

      As James came up to me I said, "It's cold tonight."

      It's not cold. This is May. That was my code to my dad, telling him I was here and going inside now. I wore a little bug behind the bear claw of Ashton's necklace that I was wearing. I looked east and saw the quick flash of headlights, my father signaling he heard me and was there.

      I felt so bad for my father, having to sit out there, waiting…listening…taping everything the bug would hear tonight. I asked him to promise not to do anything stupid if things went wrong or sounded too dangerous. He didn't. I can't say I was surprised or blame him, but I had to try.

      I know he would give his life for mine. I just hoped I'd never have to see him do it, or even risk it.

      "Cold?" James curled his arm around me, his cotton shirtsleeve on my bare arm, "It's like 75 degrees!"

      I hate him touching me. But I let it be for now, letting him think I was going along with his plan until mine began to come together.

      Great, now I'm nauseous. I'd love to throw up all over Claire. I think it would be one of the most significant moments of my life.

      I took a deep breath as he opened the door for me to enter the club. James knew the club and the employees well and he just breezed past the man at the door, taking me with him as he passed the busy, loud club area and went right, unlocking a door that said Employees Only. We went in, and it was very quiet. A long hallway was before us, with plush red carpeting, white walls.

      I could hear beautiful opera music as we neared another door at the end of the hall and James knocked on it, winking at me, tightening his arm around me as I winced a little.

      I wondered who would be answering it. Please not Ashton. Please.

      The door finally opened and I felt a little gush of air escape my lungs as I looked up, readying myself for anything.

      It was Claire. Answering her own door? Where are all her slaves? Maybe she knew it was me and just had to be the first one to confront me tonight.

      She was dressed in a gorgeous gown, a white and black creation that looked like something you'd see Angelina Jolie wearing to the Oscars. Her hair was down but styled very perfectly.

      She smiled at us like we were her best friends in the world. Funny, considering last time we met, she tried to slash my face.

      I tried to smile, knowing I was already in danger of being seen for the fraud I was.

      "James!" she put her arms around James and I broke contact with him, not wanting her to touch me more than necessary.

      "Hey woman!" he hugged her back. They certainly didn't look like siblings who didn't agree with each other's lifestyles.

      Then she looked at me and said, "Thanks so much for coming!"

      And she embraced me, too. I had to force myself to pat my hands on her back, seeming to return her affection.

      "Come in, come in!" she pulled me in by the hand and I swallowed, adAshtong my necklace to make sure it hadn't turned or revealed the bug on it.

      My eyes were almost afraid to see what was inside but my legs were working, following.

      James was right beside me and I felt myself looking for Ashton as the opera music intensified, a woman's voice high and singing gloriously above us.

      There was a medium sized dining room table there, completely decked out with nice china, candles, flowers. As Claire led us to our seats, around the other side of the table, I saw him. He wore no shirt but had on a black leather thong. No shoes. His hands were cuffed by leather and chains behind him and he was kneeling on the carpet at the side of the chair at the head of the table, his head down, his face calm and dormant…a leather blindfold over his eyes.

      I let out a little disturbed breath but no one heard it over the music. James stroked my hair in the back, sensing my thoughts as we looked at him. He had still not heard me speak, I'm sure he didn't know I was even here. But as Claire seated us right next to her chair, on her left side, putting me right next to Ashton, I feared the secret would be out very soon.

      James pushed in my chair for me and took his seat next to mine. Claire was watching me closely as I ignored Ashton and took a sip of my water, pretending nothing was there, at least while she was staring at my reaction.

      "We have one other guest coming." Claire informed, "Please make yourself at home and order a drink while we're waiting."

      She walked away and I saw Chase come in from another doorway to the right. Probably the kitchen area. When he saw me, he looked surprised but held it together better than I was.

      I smiled slightly at him, feeling myself exhale. It felt good to see a friend here.

      But I had to act like I didn't know Chase.

      I glanced at Ashton now, Claire out of my sight, and saw something. It was very subtle, but I noticed. He inhaled. Then his face, well, his mouth tightened a little and his brow creased. Was he smelling my shampoo or soap? I was using the strawberry combo again, as usual.

      He stayed as still as a statue, and I noticed his scars were almost invisible. His hair was perfectly groomed and I ached to touch it. I would only have to lean over a bit to reach him.

      Hang on, baby. You're not alone. I'm here to take you home.

      Chase asked James, "What can I get for you, Sir?"

      Good. He was trying not to alert Ashton to my presence yet.

      "What would you like, sweetheart?" James took my hand again.

      I frowned and shook my head at Chase, not wanting a drink right now. I needed one, but, for some reason I didn't want Ashton knowing I was here. I tried to put it off as long as possible. I wasn't sure if he could handle it yet. I wasn't sure if I could handle it yet.

      "Rum and coke." James ordered, "And bring my girl a red wine."

      "Yes Sir." he looked up into my eyes and gave me a warm little smile, turning and heading back through the door he came in through.

      "Dinner smells good." James leaned in, almost whispering in my ear, "You smell good, too, Skylar."

      Prick! Ashton heard that. I hate you James!

      I turned and felt tears mist in my eyes as Ashton's mouth opened and then his jaw tensed. His brows slanted in anguish and his breathing began to quicken. But he didn't break his position. He remained there, as ordered, and wordlessly wrestled with all the emotions raging in his head at the moment.

      "Ashton…" I breathed, almost so low that even James didn't hear it.

      But then Claire was coming back in, saying, "Our last guest has arrived."

      I couldn't tear my eyes from Ashton but made myself do it as James stood up, greeting the newcomer. I stood and turned my head in his direction, and my body froze.

      "Raven, nice to see you again." James kissed her cheek and embraced her, "This is my date, Skylar Hayes."

      I heard Ashton let out another hard breath behind me and I was holding one of my own in as I tried to act like I've never seen this woman before.

      "Hello." I cracked a smile, "Nice to meet you."

      "Nice to meet you as well." she smiled wickedly at me and I'm sure she knew who I was.

      I heard Ashton give a little groan behind me, clearly not enjoying our conversation at all.

      "Excuse me." she smiled and moved around us to approach Ashton. I half spun, watching her like a hawk.

      "Ashton!" she took his face into her hands, tilting it up towards hers, "You look so beautiful!"

      His lips tried to smile and she added, "You may speak."

      "Thank you, Raven." he said and I thought my heart would break at the sound of it. I felt like I hadn't heard his voice for two thousand years.

      Claire watched them, smiling like Raven was playing with her dog, as if to say, isn't that cute?

      "She is obsessed with my pet." Claire shared with James.

      "Come." Raven tapped the side of Ashton’s cheek and he winced slightly, opening his lips and kissing her mouth as she leaned down, giving it to him.

      I couldn't look away, even though I wanted to. I'd never seen him performing his slave duties to these bitches, I'd only imagined it. I can't imagine how hard it must be for him normally, let alone now. I didn't feel much jealousy or anger towards Ashton. This was his way of life for so long, it's how he survived…and helped Katie survive. I only felt a deeper sadness for him as I watched the kiss intensify and deepen.

      "Mmmm…" Raven placed three more small kisses on his shiny lips and stroked his hair with both hands, "I love those lips."

      She brought his face to her chest and was really stroking his scalp through his hair as she looked at Claire and said, almost irately, "When are you going to let me have this pup? I've waited forever!"

      Claire laughed and shook her head, "I told you, when I'm bored of him, he's yours. It's not my fault he never gets boring."

      "And he keeps getting cuter and sexier, too." Raven took another look down at the blindfolded face.

      Then she grabbed the back of his hair and her other hand pinched at his right nipple, hard.

      Ashton moaned out, cringing a bit, making a beautiful submissive expression, his head pulled back by the hair.

      He hissed as Raven toyed with him. I could see he was trying to hold it together and pretend I wasn't here, watching this. It might have been easier for him with the blindfold on.

      "Good boy…so good…" Raven twisted his nipple as Ashton stayed in position, enduring it quietly.

      "Come on, sit down and have a drink." Claire rolled her eyes at Raven, taking her own seat at the head of the table.

      Chase was coming back into the room with our drinks and placed them down. Raven tried to sit in my chair next to Ashton but I darted in front of my seat, blocking her.

      "This is my place." I stated firmly, my eyes not afraid to glare into hers.

      Raven smirked at me and took a step or two back, moving to Claire’s right side, sitting down and ordering a hard drink from Chase.

      James and I sat down, and again, James pushed my chair in for me.

      "Come here, boy." Claire patted her leg and Ashton stiffly moved to her side, very close to her.

      "Let's take this off." she unbuckled the blindfold at the back of his head, "Those eyes are too gorgeous to keep hidden for long."

      "That's the truth." Raven watched admiringly as the blindfold laid on the table and Ashton's eyes blinked open a couple times.

      Raven gave a light gasp, enjoying the view, "Magical…" she whispered.

      I forced myself to look away, anywhere else. I was afraid to see how he would look at me. He had told me to stay away from here, to be safe.

      "No female subs?" James smiled, "Doesn't anyone ever bring me a snack anymore?"

      Claire laughed, "Shut up, James, you have a gorgeous woman of your own now."

      I looked at her and at Ashton. His eyes were cast down at the floor, but the pain there was obvious.

      "That's the truth." James repeated Raven's statement from earlier, putting his arm around me again, his nose touching my hair as I smiled weakly.

      Under the table, I wiggled the middle finger wearing Ashton's friendship ring at his downcast eyes.

      It wasn't easy to do with Claire sitting there, but I did it. And I think Ashton saw it.

      His eyes rose up a bit, finding mine as I glanced at him, winking for a quarter of a split second.

      "So how long have you two been dating now?" Claire asked, sounding happy for us.

      I let James answer that. He was already jumping in anyway.

      "We've been dating on an off for about a year now." James said, "We've had to be careful because she's still a student and I'm a teacher. But, we're really together now. Your pet, there, Aaron, really helped Skylar see some important things."

      "Ashton." I corrected, hating James and his yukky story about us.

      "Whatever." James grinned, "She told me that their sex was great, but there was no real emotion involved. It was all so mechanical. It made her realize how much better it is to make love instead of just fucking in different sleazy little scenarios. As soon as he left, she came to me and we've been together ever since."

      You cocksucker. I only pray Ashton's not believing a fucking word of that. Poor father…he can hear all this too. He's gonna kill me.

      "Lo Mein." I said clearly and Ashton's eyes nearly sparkled as he eyed me carefully, not being caught by anyone.

      "What?" James squinted, smiling.

      "I thought I smelled Lo Mein." I grinned at Ashton, "In the kitchen."

      There you go, sweetheart. Don't you believe anything except that I love you. I moved my fingers over my necklace and Ashton noticed that, too.

      Smart Ashton. He understood. He smiled at me.

      "No, I don't think so." Claire pondered, totally out of the loop on our secret word.

      Chase was bringing Raven's drink to her now and he asked Claire if she cared for anything. She ordered a vodka on the rocks.

      The conversation stalled for a minute or two but then Claire sighed and glanced at Ashton.

      "Come here, baby." she beckoned to Ashton and he moved on his knees towards her. I saw Raven's eyes staring at his perfect ass as he was turned to his side now.

      She gently moved his head to her lap and turned his face towards me, laying his cheek on her dress as she played with his hair, casually, as if she hardly was paying him any attention.

      He looked at me and his eyes shined a little as Claire was talking idly with Raven. A hundred things were being said to me from those eyes.

      Why are you here?

      I'm sorry.

      I'm afraid for you.

      Get out of here, Skylar.

      Don't see me this way.

      I hate what I am.

      Save yourself, Skylar.

      I'm so ashamed.

      I might have been showing too much emotion as I looked back into his eyes, but I couldn't look upon him with cold, uncaring eyes anymore. My eyes kept saying I love you over and over again. They said hang on. Be strong. We will survive this. We will be free. We will be together.

      His eyes closed and his body shivered a little and I looked up at Claire, wondering if she'd feel it…it would give him away.

      "What do you think, Skylar?" Claire asked me, and Raven was looking at me too.

      "What?" I asked, feeling like a kid in class who wasn't paying attention to the teacher as he spoke.

      "Do you prefer dominating…or are you a sub?" Claire asked, adding, "And James, you shut up, I want her to answer."

      I almost wanted to say, 'Neither. I'm normal.' But I knew that wouldn't be taken lightly by this crowd. Ashton opened his eyes and they widened a little at me.

      I knew I had to lie. I was weighing my options both ways and I realized I was taking too long when they both laughed at me.

      "See, this is a play party." Claire spoke to me like I was a toddler, "After dinner, we will begin to play. We were just curious what you are. It'll help the games."

      Ashton was panting harder now and I felt Claire stroking her fingernails along the back of his neck as if he were a silly puppy she were soothing, hardly giving him a thought.

      This is a play party. James you fuck.

      I almost said I liked to dominate but I'd die before I put myself in the same category with these sick bitches.

      So I dared it.

      "I'm a sub." I said squarely right back at them, unafraid.

      "NO!" Ashton lunged at me a bit but Claire smiled, ready for that, and yanked him back to her lap.

      Anything you are, Ashton, I am too. If I have to choose a team, I choose Team Ashton.

      "Shhh, boy." she said to him but kept smirking at me, playfully covering Ashton’s mouth, inserting a finger into his mouth as his eyes closed, pained.

      "Yeah, the best sex I ever had was when Ashton tied me to a stool in my apartment and spanked me." I felt so brave suddenly, mentally apologizing to my dad as I said the words. I'd be in a convent full of nuns if I ever made it out of here alive.

      "Ughhh…" Ashton was muffled by two of Claire's fingers now in his mouth but I stayed strong. Show no weakness. Show them what it looks like when someone stands up to them. Let's see how dominant they are now.

      James gave me a strange look, as if I were doing something wrong. I just smiled at him, crossing my arms as Chase placed Claire's vodka glass down before her.

      "Thank you Chase." she smiled up at him and he returned the smile.

      She took the glass in her hand as Chase began to walk away, glancing back at her.

      "Come here, baby, drink." Claire jerked Ashton's face up and poured the drink into his mouth.

      Chase spun around, his mouth falling open as Ashton swallowed the bitter drink.

      I felt scared, seeing Chase's reaction to this. What was in that drink?

      Ashton coughed a little, taken by surprise by the drink suddenly, and again, he was looking at me, fear painted in his eyes.

      "Good, I can tie you back to back with Ashton here, and we can have a little contest to see which holds out longer." Claire giggled, delighted with her idea.

      Chase blinked in disbelief and rushed back into the kitchen.

      "I like it." Raven grinned, "I volunteer to handle Skylar."

      "Bring it on." I put on my tough game face, smirking.

      A ragged breath came out of Ashton, I knew this was putting him through Hell and I hated it, but we would have to go through Hell to get out of here. I was willing to do that for him…and us.

      Chase soon brought out the food for all of us and I found myself just picking at it, keeping my mind on all the details of our plan.

      Claire hardly ate, either, but she did enjoy feeding bites of her food to Ashton, who knelt at her side obediently, looking at me every so often, his eyes lost and frightened with intense sorrow.

      James ate like there was no tomorrow and Raven ate some of her food, not all of it.

      Claire fed Ashton a piece of steak and the steak sauce was on her fingers. Without a word, she held her fingers to his mouth and he looked at me in shame, licking off and sucking each fingertip, tears almost filling his eyes as he stared at me, closing his eyes as he reached the third finger, unable to face me anymore during this task.

      Raven's eyes were always on Ashton and I noticed that. She envied Claire. She wanted Ashton and she looked heartbroken every time the two interacted.

      Maybe I could use that. Turn Raven and Claire on one another. Psychology could come in very useful here, I thought, surprised and amazed by that fact.

      I joined in the conversation and said, "So, Raven, Ashton tells me you are one wicked dominatrix…maybe even more intense than Claire."

      Claire's smile stalled as she regarded me but I smiled more, looking at Raven's pleased face.

      Ashton couldn't help it, his eyes darted up to me and rounded in shock.

      "Is that so?" Claire looked at Ashton and picked up her steak knife, slightly placing the sharp tip to Ashton's ass cheek, getting a gasp from him.

      "No, Mistress." he breathed, "You…only you."

      I held my breath, glancing Raven's way now. Good, Ashton. Hang in there.

      "Of course he says that when there's a knife in his ass." Raven took a sip of her drink, "But Ashton talks to clients about me, even when I'm not around…or you, Claire."

      "Don't be so sure, Raven." Claire sneered, "He does anything I say. If I ordered him to go fuck my brother right now, he'd do it."

      Ashton groaned, closing his eyes as James scoffed, "Leave me out of this. I don't want Aaron fucking me, thanks, though."

      "His name is Ashton, James!" I scowled at James.

      "Whatever."

      "I say we settle this tonight, once and for all." Raven suggested, frowning, "Whoever gets the safe word out of him, wins him."

      No. No. No. This is taking a wrong turn. Fix it, Skylar!

      "I don't have to fight for something that's already mine." Claire frowned defensively, "End of discussion. Ashton is mine. He's going to remain mine. And if you keep pissing me off, when it's time, I'll give him to Sir Kevin instead as a birthday gift."

      Wrong bitch. Ashton is mine. God, am I no better than them? I felt so guilty for that thought, but it just slipped into mind. Maybe deep down we're all doms and subs.

      "You're just afraid that you'll lose." Raven challenged, "When Ashton's with me, he says he loves me, he adores me."

      "He's PAID to!" Claire stood up, grabbing Ashton's hair tight as he winced, "He's very fucking good at it! Even this dumb little bitch believes he's in love with her!"

      She jerked her head at me now and Ashton opened his eyes, struggling a little in his cuffs as James chuckled.

      "Claire…" Ashton began to struggle a bit more, his wrists tightly pinned behind him. He began to rise off his knees but she shoved him to the floor, onto his ass.

      "Chase!" Claire screamed and I froze, looking at Raven's face as Chase entered from the kitchen.

      "Yes, Claire?" he asked respectfully.

      "Raven…" Claire frowned, removing her belt and looping it around Ashton’s neck securely, holding him close to her leg, "Are these the two who rescued Ashton from your place that night?"

      She looked at me and then again at Chase, confirming it.

      "Yes." she crossed her arms.

      "Dead shit, Chase." Claire sneered as two large men came up behind him, a towel tightly capturing his face as they shoved him to the wall, handcuffing his hands behind him.

      "Take him outside, in back. Beat him unrecognizable for starters..." Claire ordered as Ashton struggled harder, choking from the tight grip the belt had around his own neck the more he fought.

      "It was my idea!" I jumped up, tears in my eyes, "Don't hurt him!"

      "Chase!" Ashton said in a strangled cry, growling as they took Chase away.

      "It was her fault!" Ashton groaned loudly, "She intended to keep me again! She had no plans on letting me go! It was past the time I was supposed to leave!"

      "Don't care." Claire sneered at him, "He broke the rules. You broke the rules. I told you, you're not allowed friends. You can kiss Chase goodbye."

      "No, please don't, Claire!" Ashton pleaded, "I'm sorry, so sorry! Please!"

      "James, do something." I said to him, knowing he was a traitor and a liar, but this would be my proof of it.

      "I will." he said, and the next thing I knew, I was being thrown into the table.

      "Skylar Hayes…" James was handcuffing me and I heard Ashton yelling at the top of his lungs.

      "NO!" I could hear Ashton's guttural screams while James grabbed me up by my hair.

      "You belong to me now." James seethed in my ear as I focused and saw Ashton, being overtaken by those men that had taken Chase a minute ago.

      "All of them, downstairs." Claire grumbled, displeased as she followed the men who were shoving Ashton around. James had me by the hair, shoving me after them.

      We went through another door that led downstairs without having to go through the club, no one would see us.

      Raven was walking along with the group, not saying a word but the noise was obviously all coming from Ashton.

      "Not yet dad." I said in a low voice into my necklace, drowned out by Ashton's screaming voice.

      It was dark going down this hallway. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him.

      "You WILL NOT hurt Chase OR SKYLAR!" he was roaring, "I won't let you, you murdering BITCH! TAKE YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME, YOU GOD DAMNED CHILD MOLESTERS!"

      The traffic stopped then in the narrow hallway and I screamed as I heard a scuffle and fists punching flesh. Ashton's shouts quieted and then I heard him coughing wetly in the dark.

      "Got anything else to say?" a man's voice asked.

      "Ashton!" I shivered.

      "Don't hit his face." I heard Raven say in Ashton's defense.

      "If you hurt them, Claire…" Ashton’s voice sounded evil and almost psychotic now, "I'll kill you with my own hands."

      I heard Ashton shout out again, as if the wind had been knocked out of him, as if he were being punched in the stomach – hard.

      "STOP IT!" I tried to move towards them but James' arm curled around my neck, holding me to him, "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

      "Move this into the dungeon." Claire said, "Every few years this pup needs a little reminder."

      "NO!" Ashton roared as we began moving again, "SKYLAR! RUN!"

      "It will be okay." I said quietly into my necklace, giving my father a message, "It's okay."

      James thought I was assuring myself of this and he chuckled behind me.

      "You'll be okay, Skylar." he whispered to me, "A little punishment for you and then we're outta here. We can begin your training first thing in the morning. You'll like it at my place. My dungeon is much nicer than Claire's."

      "I knew it." I gritted, "Having just one sick fuck in the family was too good to be true."

      I could hear Ashton ahead of me, resisting very hard, it sounded like as they were taking him into the dungeon again.

      "Chain him there. Hoist him up." I heard Claire demanding as James and I walked through the darker end of the hall.

      "It's alright, sweetie." I heard Raven saying to Ashton in the background, "Just relax."

      "SKYLAR!" he shouted, panting, growling in protest as I began to see a red light and a doorway.

      "Where's SKYLAR?!" he screamed as I heard a chain clanging.

      "Don't worry, she's coming." Claire cooed, "This punishment wouldn't be half as effective without her."

      "No, Claire!" he was struggling fiercely when I was brought in.

      I could see him now, hanging by his wrists, on tiptoes, wildly thrashing around in vain as the two men left the room, not needed anymore.

      "Guard this room." Claire told them, "Kill anyone who tries to come in this hallway."

      Good, my dad heard that. I didn't want them trying to come in until we found something or got Claire to confess to something that would stick. I pictured Riley and Julie, wearing their disguises, sneaking into Claire's office to hack into her computer and find any type of incriminating evidence against her. They wore wigs and pretended to be women in the club, customers.

      "Calm down, angel." Raven was trying to relax Ashton but he kept roaring out, enraged.

      "He's never like this with me." Raven commented, shaking her head at Claire, watching as James brought me closer to where Ashton was hanging.

      "Hang her right next to him." Claire said to James as Ashton kept struggling.

      "NO!" Ashton yelled, "Don't touch her! I swear to GOD, CLAIRE!"

      "LET HER GO!" Ashton screamed out louder.

      "Ashton…it's okay." I tried to sound tough, although inside I was freaking out.

      I never saw Ashton this way, so out of control. He could barely form real words as James uncuffed my wrists from behind me, then Claire was cuffing my wrists with leather restraints in front, clipping them into a hook.

      Ashton was growling and struggling like a tiger, screaming out and almost whimpering as he looked at me and Claire moved back to a lever, turning it, making my cuffs raise up on the hook, slowly brining me to my tiptoes right across from Ashton.

      "No, please, Claire! I'll do whatever you say!" Ashton panted, tears in his eyes, his teeth gritted in frustration as he bared his teeth and lunged again, uselessly caught in his own cuffs.

      I winced, already finding it hard to keep up on my toes, pulled so high up this way.

      Raven was behind Ashton, rubbing his back affectionately as James began unbuttoning his own shirt, slipping it off and tossing it aside. Claire just turned and went to another corner of the room

      Ashton's breathing was deep and fast, his fists jerked in his cuffs. He sounded in pain.

      "Claire, I'm begging you!" Ashton was looking at her, his eyes wild, "Please! I've given you everything I am! I've never asked for ANYTHING! Please…just give me this one thing. Please let her go! PLEASE!"

      I took this small little opportunity to help him. I knew they were watching me but I didn't care. Claire wouldn't listen to him, as heartbreaking as his plea was, I knew it would do me no good. But I loved him with all my heart for saying the words.

      "How adorable." Claire smiled, "Trying to protect your girl."

      I put my forehead to his and closed my eyes, my nose nuzzling against his.

      "Shhhhh…." I whispered and right away he began to quiet a little, "It's alright. Shhhh…we're together again. Nothing can hurt us now. Breathe…"

      Ashton whimpered, trying to relax…but I'm sure he knew better than I did what these people could do. And that there was plenty that could hurt us now. But I also knew we weren't alone here. I wish I could've told him that. I was certain my father could now help Chase and I prayed those men didn't hurt my dad instead. It was two against one. But I'll also bet Chase is pretty dangerous, even handcuffed. He once beat two men that were hurting Ashton in that same back alleyway.

      "Sweet, aren't they?" James commented behind me.

      "RRRRRRRRRR!" Ashton frowned again, lunging at James, but his chains jerked him back again, and he cried out in a bit of pain.

      "See, I don't blame you, Ashton." Claire was coming back over to us as I felt James behind me, lifting my right leg and taking my shoe off.

      "You're a man." Claire continued, "You are always so proper and obedient. Once in awhile, the testosterone must rise and then you burst out, like you are now, a writhing beast that wants to challenge me. It's natural. I don't mind going through this with you every so often. But I have to correct your mistake. And enforce my rules."

      James had my other shoe off now and Ashton was growling again, low in his chest as he watched James.

      "Skylar…" Ashton cried softly, shaking.

      Then James stood and I felt the zipper of my dress in back pulling down my spine, the little sound almost echoed in the air.

      Again, Ashton screamed out and tried to thrash at James, but he only hurt himself.

      I braced myself, feeling my insides turn to jelly. Being naked in front of strangers was something Ashton had to live with but I'm also sure he clearly remembers the first time in Claire's office when he had to strip and let her look him over while the loan sharks were waiting downstairs to kill him. Be brave, I told myself, using my mind to fight them. Keep in control. Don't let this break you. That's what they want. Pretend you still have clothes on. They can't hurt me. They can't hurt me.

      I felt a scissor snip at the shoulders of my dress while Ashton's pained breathing kept getting more and more hollow and anguished.

      This was the cruelest punishment of all for him. Not being hurt himself, having to watch someone he cared for being hurt right in front of him, and him helpless to do anything about it but watch.

      "Shhhhh…." Raven was trying to ease Ashton now, hugging him from behind and moving her hands over his perfect chest softly, she laid her head on his back but he still didn't calm down at all.

      I could use Raven here. When the time is right, I can use her to my advantage. She cares for Ashton. She's a sick bitch, but she cares. I can use that.

      A hard tug on the fabric and my breasts were exposed now, my black bra staring Ashton in the face as he bellowed obscenities at James.

      The bottom half of my dress fell to the floor in a puddle and I was in my bra and panties now.

      I went to the one place I could be brave. I leaned my head back to Ashton's and closed my eyes, hearing him crying and feeling his tears on my own face as I felt the scissors cutting at my underwear, being roughly yanked from me. I shivered but I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I was with Ashton. I am okay. I am fine. I kept willing my brain to accept these messages as truth.

      "I'm sorry, Skylar." he sobbed, "I am so fucking sorry."

      "I'm not." I said and his eyes opened to stare into mine, in awe at what I'd just said.

      "I'd rather be here with you now…than anywhere else in the world." I whispered to him. James was talking to Claire and Raven a couple feet away now, no doubt preparing their little game.

      "I've missed you, Ashton." I whispered, letting my body touch his, hearing his breathing calm a bit, "Be strong. We will get out of this. I love you. I love you more than anything, Ashton Irwin."

      He let out another tortured sob and whispered, "I love you, Skylar Hayes."

      I kissed his salty lips with all the passion I had in me and he returned it tenfold. For a moment, I forgot the situation we were in, where we were.

      A hard lash whipped out and Ashton's back arched a bit, his growl loud and labored.

      "Break over." Claire announced, holding a chain whip in her hand.

      My necklace was still on and I was glad. Even if they took it off me and tossed it to the ground, the bug would still work, so it didn't really matter. But I liked it that Ashton could see it. Maybe it would bring him strength…it would bring us strength. We would need it now.

      I was terrified of the pain they would inflict upon us. I was afraid of dying here. But, looking into Ashton's eyes…I felt braver. For him, for the love he's given me, I would gladly endure anything they could dish out. His touch is worth a hundred thousand deaths.

      But Ashton defied her and gave me another soft kiss.

      James was stroking my hair and moving his fingers down my bare back as I clenched my eyes shut.

      "I knew you had a tight little body under those sweaters." James reached around and cupped my right breast in his hand.

      I tensed and let a little scream escape me and Ashton shouted again, a shout of anger and pain.

      "Let's get started, shall we?" Claire asked, "Let's start with our new toy."

      "She's NOT a TOY!" Ashton roared.

      "She is now." Claire said, playing with Ashton's hair, "She is James' new toy. So don't be afraid. I won't kill her. But she deserves a little punishment for leading you astray. Then James will take her home. Maybe, if you behave, and after Skylar learns her place, we can all play together sometimes, like we are now. This way, I know you'll behave…and so will she. If either of you steps out of line, all we have to do is call each other and set up a play date."

      "Fuck you!" Ashton raged, jerking away from her hand in his hair, struggling and yanking on his arms again.

      "James…begin discipline on your bitch." Claire took a step or two back, unsnapping the leather thong from the front of Ashton's crotch, making him as naked as I was.

      "So difficult to decide what to do first." he was touching me again, palming my ass as I closed my eyes and tensed, trying to block it out of my mind, using Ashton's face near mine for courage.

      "She's so new to all this." James pondered out loud.

      I opened my eyes and found Claire and made my voice loud.

      "At least you won't be chopping off my fingers and eating them." I sneered at her and Ashton's eyes snapped open, looking at me with terror.

      Claire just stared.

      "I know you've killed people in here before." I stated, "I know about Jason White. I'm sure he's just one of the many people you've murdered!"

      "Skylar, don't." Ashton breathed.

      "I don't know what you're talking about." Claire gave me a lethal glare, "Shut her up, James."

      Then I felt a thin, hard instrument crack down hard across both my ass cheeks.

      The force of it and the bite was super intense. I couldn't help it, I screamed out like a savage, tears welling up instantly in my eyes.

      "You FUCKING BASTARD!" Ashton raged, "That cane is not for beginners, you FAGGOT!"

      I don't think they're considering the etiquette associated with responsible masters and safe, sane, consensual players. The tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks as I shivered violently and breathed heavy…trying to wait the pain out, hoping it would fade.

      James laughed and so did Claire. I didn't hear anything from Raven.

      Ashton was kissing my forehead, then my cheek, trying to calm me, his own body trembled as his eyes closed, another tear or two trickling out of the corners.

      He just kept whispering over and over again, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

      I kept thinking of what Ashton told me about pain and pleasure…I wish I could learn to be tougher. I needed it right now. My body wasn't hardened or ready for this. Ashton would see me hurt greatly and I wouldn't be able to hold it in or pretend.

      "Maybe he's right." James chuckled, handing it to Claire, "Ashton is no beginner, is he, Claire?"

      "Absolutely not." she smirked, taking it, "Although the way he's acting tonight, who could tell?"

      "No." I whimpered, knowing they'd hurt Ashton now.

      "It's okay." he whispered to me, almost inaudibly.

      "Now, Ashton, every time you scream, Skylar will pay for it." Claire informed.

      His lips pursed together and his jaw tightened as I felt James' fingers caressing the line he'd made across my butt. I wanted to get sick all over him, right now.

      "Five lashes to start off." Claire said behind Ashton, "Count off, boy."

      I heard the cane slice through the air, a horrible WHOOSH sound and then a very loud crack snapped in my ears.

      Shivering again, tighter than before, Ashton bit down harder, his face trembling and his eyes closed as he silently endured the first lash.

      "One." He gritted through his teeth.

      CRACK!

      Ashton's back arched and his forehead left mine as he looked straight up at the ceiling, breathing deeper and giving a small growl.

      "Two."

      Tears fell from my eyes again as I blinked, hating this. I know how it hurts and he is just taking it, without even the luxury of getting to scream or howl out to release a little bit of that torment. I began to cry, softly, unable to hold it in anymore as the third blow was struck.

      With a sudden jerk of the head, his face was back near mine again and his whole body quivered in pain.

      "Three." he breathed hotly across my face.

      "Ashton, scream if you have to, please." I pleaded tearfully, kissing his chin, the closest part of him near my lips.

      "For what?" he tried to smile at me, "This doesn't hurt."

      SLASH!

      That last comment by him made Claire angry and I could tell this particular blow was very hard. Ashton shook harder, against my body and squeezed his eyes tight, panting for air.

      "Four."

      "One more." Claire bit on her bottom lip and really swung it this time.

      Ashton nearly did scream out that time. But he held it in, his head bending down tight and his fists struggling above him, clanging the chains. His breaths came in fast, hard gusts…and when he looked up at me, and opened his eyes, tears trailed down on both sides of his face.

      "Five." he choked.

      I saw Raven behind Ashton, now taking a moment to ease his pain. Claire stepped away while Raven planted soft kisses over the welts the cane left behind. She began licking the harsh lines as Ashton nuzzled his face into my neck.

      "No screaming." Claire said, slapping Ashton's ass hard, "That means you get another turn and Skylar gets a pass this round."

      Ashton let out a sigh of relief and I swear I think I saw him smile. He had spared me some pain, for now, and he looked so proud of himself for finding a way to protect me.

      I hadn't heard anything from James that whole time. I wondered why.

      "What's your problem?" Claire said to James behind me.

      "I don't know." James sat on a table a couple feet away, "I feel so…out of it. Tired."

      "James told me all about Jason White." I inserted now, watching Claire's face, "He told my father everything, too. NYPD knows, too. He's telling everyone everything about you. He's sick of playing teacher. He's tired of babysitting you. He wants what's yours. He wants this place. He wants to be free of you…for good."

      "Bullshit!" James sneered as Claire looked at him, a look of distrust now there.

      A chain looped around my neck then and it tightened, James closing it behind my neck as Ashton screamed.

      "You better start telling the truth if you want air, you little bitch!" James sneered as I felt the chain dig in a bit, making it very difficult to breathe.

      "NO!" Ashton screamed, pleading, "CLAIRE, STOP HIM!"

      "Tell her the TRUTH, SKYLAR!" James tightened it, "NOW!"

      Gasping, I kept to my story. She would never believe I was lying to them while being choked.

      "Eli is in on it with James." I choked, "Eli wanted to work the bar so he could spike your drinks tonight. He spiked yours, to put you to sleep so he could kill you easier. But you made Ashton drink it. Just watch, Ashton will start to get sleepy any minute. He'll fall asleep."

      "Let her go." Claire demanded to James, "She's telling the truth, isn't she?"

      "Oh, come on!" James argued, letting go of the chain around my throat, "You're gonna believe her lies after all we've been through together?"

      I gulped up the air and stared into Ashton's relieved face, feeling his cheek stroking itself up and down mine to give me whatever comfort he could. His lips reached down to the marks in my neck, kissing them away.

      "Sleep." I whispered to him, placing my lips so delicately upon his.

      I saw Ashton's crooked grin then and felt as if we were already free. A second or two later, his eyes fluttered and he let out a hard breath, whispering, "Claire…"

      And then he let his head drop weakly, his arms hung limp in their restraints and his feet relaxed, slumped on the concrete floor.

      "Ashton!" Claire lifted his chin and his tear stained face was so peaceful, so dormant. He is one great actor. Even Raven walked over to check him, concerned.

      "SEE?!" I shouted, "He's just waiting to get you, one way or another! He told me to play along and that he'd let us go once you were taken care of! But I never trusted him!"

      "Go ask Eli if you don't believe me!" I said, "He's still upstairs, waiting for James! My necklace is a bug James gave me! Eli is listening!"

      Claire snatched the necklace off my neck and looked at it.

      Then she looked at James, a deadly stare.

      "You fuck!" she raged and hit James across the face with the iron cane.

      He went down on the first blow, his real dose of sedatives taking effect along with the crushing strike of the cane.

      One down. Two to go.

      James lay in a heap on the floor, twitching for a moment before going completely still.

      "Watch them!" Claire pointed at Raven with the cane, "I'll be right back!"

      She tore out the dungeon door and walked into the hallway, ordering the two men out there to follow her. She was going after Eli. The necklace and bug went with her, in her hand, so we were off the record right now.

      Ashton stayed asleep, playing his part to perfection as Raven shoved me away from him, jealously, tapping his face, trying to awaken him.

      "Come on, baby, wake up." she coaxed, "You have to stand or you could hurt your arms and legs, please…"

      "You should lower him down maybe." I suggested, "Let him lay down until he wakes up."

      "Yeah." she looked up at his wrists and winced to herself, going to his lever and slowly cranking his hook down, eventually laying him on the floor on his back. It was beautiful the way he never tensed, his body always limp and still as she lowered him. Even I believed he was unconscious.

      Raven went to the corner of the room and came back with water, spilling some onto her own hands, gliding the cool water onto Ashton's forehead and cheeks, trying to bring him around.

      I smiled down at her and after a moment or two, I said, "You really seem to care for him, more than she does."

      "I do!" she glanced up at me, cradling Ashton's head in her lap, "He loves me, too. But Claire will never give him to me. We want to be together."

      "You should have him, then." I said softly, "Why wait for her to sell him to you? Just take him. Claire's going to jail, if she lives through this night. Ashton will go to jail, too. She'll no doubt blame him for everything she's done. She has his blood somewhere. She can frame him and he could go to prison for life. Then you'll never get him."

      Raven was looking down at his beautiful face, stroking it, thinking about it. Then she jerked her head up at me.

      "Why should I believe you?" she squinted at me, "You're the one who saved him from my place! You care about him, too. Why would you tell me to take him now?"

      "I care about him, like you said." I breathed, "I'd rather see him with you than rot away in jail – or dead. Claire might kill him before he's even arrested. She could shoot him and James and blame the whole thing on the two of them, saying she was an innocent victim caught in the middle."

      "You're pretty cool." Raven smiled at me, "Smart. Maybe I'll take you with us, too. I see my Ashton likes you. I want a happy pet, not a sad one, like he is now. That's the way to keep a pet, to make him happy. Then you never have to go through all this kind of drams. If I take him, would you come too? Would you be my pet, too?"

      I didn't see that coming. But it works.

      I smiled, surprised, "Really?"

      "Yes." she smiled affectionately. I thought I'd see Ashton tense up but he never did.

      "I would like being with Ashton, even as a fellow submissive. And you do seem like a kind mistress." I thought aloud, "A whole lot nicer than James."

      "We'll go to the other side of the world, to be safe." Raven added, "I have my own place in Puerto Rico. No one would find us there. You'd get to play on the beach every day, swim, it's so beautiful there. I wouldn't be cruel to either of you."

      "Yes." I answered firmly.

      "How are we going to get Ashton out of here?" Raven asked as she lowered the lever that held me up on my tiptoes. In seconds, I was standing on my feet again and she came over to unlock my cuffs.

      Ashton rose up behind Raven then and, using his own chain between his cuffs, he had Raven by the neck. She gasped and tried to reach around behind herself to Ashton but he had her.

      Tightening the chain slightly, he sneered, "STOP! HOLD STILL!"

      "Take off the dress, now!" Ashton ordered and I took a step towards him, seeing his eyes take on a wicked little glint.

      "Ashton." I said.

      He looked up at me and said, "You need something to wear, Skylar."

      Oh. Right. I crossed my arms over my breasts and Ashton looked down at Raven who was fumbling, trying to breathe and get her dress off at the same time.

      Finally, it slipped off her waist and to the floor.

      "Kick it towards Skylar." he ordered with less venom now and Raven moved the dress away from herself and at me. I could bend down and pick it up without worrying about her kicking me in the face.

      "Shoes, too." he added to Raven, but her shoes were very high heeled stilettos.

      "I have shoes." I hurried myself into the dress and slipped my feet into my comfortable one inch heels.

      Raven had a bra and panties on, both purple with black trim. Ashton took her over to the cage dangling from the ceiling and opened the door, pushing her inside it and closing it, locking the padlock to seal her inside.

      "Here's a chair." I found one in the corner and moved it into the center of the room, "Sit James over here."

      Ashton had pulled himself away from glaring at Raven now and was yanking James up off the floor, carrying him to the chair and plopping him onto it, a nasty gash across his eye and the bone of his nose, blood on his face.

      Ashton quickly took off his own cuffs and placed them on James' wrists, pinning them behind him, lacing them through the chair.

      "The plan is to wait here now." I said to Ashton, putting another chair next to James, "Eli and my dad went to help Chase and they'll all bring Claire down here."

      "Ashton, don't listen to her." Raven was holding the bars of the cage, tears in her eyes as she watched us, "Claire's gonna kill you both for this! Please, just come with me! I can save you, Ashton! I'll take good care of you, I swear!"

      "Shut up, Raven." Ashton said through gritted teeth, ignoring her as he put his small leather thong back on, "Shut up. I'd rather die than go with you."

      She looked truly hurt now and I almost felt sorry for her. But I made myself block that out.

      "Skylar." Ashton closed the distance between us and held me tight, his arms shivering again, "Are you alright?"

      "Yeah." I felt tears in my eyes again, pushing them away, "My ass hurts a little, but other than that, I'm fine."

      I put my arms around his back, loving the smooth, warm feel of him.

      "Are you alright?" I asked, "They hurt you more than me."

      "It's nothing." he shrugged it off, holding my face and kissing my lips tenderly, "I'm fine. I should get real clothes before your father comes in here. I can just run to my room for a sec."

      "NO!" I grabbed his arms, "Don't! They could get you! Stay here!"

      "Alright, alright." he held me tighter to him as Raven glared at us from her cell.

      "Oh, here!" I broke away from him and went to where James had taken off his shirt, handing it to him, "Wear this."

      "Okay." he quickly tore his arms into the sleeves, starting to button it, "Thanks."

      "Did I really drink something bad?" he asked, looking down at me, concerned.

      "I don't think so." I looked at the dungeon door, making sure no one was coming in, "I think Eli said he wouldn't spike Claire's stuff because she tends to feed you from her plate, but Chase made a weird face when she fed you her drink before, so I'm not sure now."

      "If I start to conk out, don't try to drag me along." he held my arms, looking at me sternly, "Just get yourself out of here. I still can't believe you're here now! Whose plan was this?”

      Now he sounded angry. And I guess I would be, too, if I were him.

      "All of ours." I answered, wishing he'd lose his tense tone with me, "The plan is to bring Claire back in here, and get them to confess what they did. Give other names of victims. Tell where the remains are. That will be enough to get them behind bars."

      "And you spiked their food!" he smiled a little, "That was a stroke of genius!"

      I peeked over at Raven and she was asleep now in the cage. I grinned. It's about time hers took effect. Maybe she only drank a little, she didn't eat much, either.

      "That was Eli's idea." I grinned, "He seems to somehow know all about sedatives."

      I went to the dungeon door, peeking out the crack. The door had been left open but I closed it nearly all the way, just in case someone on the other side came across this room.

      "Oh, Raven's out." Ashton noticed as he followed me with his eyes.

      "Good." I huffed, "She was getting on my nerves."

      "She made that beach and ocean sound good, didn't she?" he teased, shaking his head, "She's a real manipulator. She could get Jesus himself to sell his soul to the devil."

      "I don't see anyone out here yet." I worried aloud, "It's been awhile. Where are they?"

      "I hope they're alright." Ashton worried with me, going over to the walls of the dungeon, taking things that might make good weapons for us, just in case.

      That was brilliant on his part, I thought with a sly smile.

      "Me too." I said, "My poor father…he's never going to be the same after hearing all that. I'm sure if he was fighting during that scene, it was just making him more and more dangerous to his opponent."

      "He's never going to forgive me." Ashton handed me a large whip with jagged, sharp metallic links of chain hanging from it, "Not that he should. It's all my fault that even had to happen to you."

      He frowned at himself and I turned to him, frowning too.

      "Hey." I said in a harsh voice, "Stop that self loathing shit. I'm not Dr. Skylar at the moment. We'll handle your therapy later, deal?"

      His smile nearly peeked out then.

      "Deal." he agreed.

      We waited for another ten minutes and nothing. I was trembling and nearly crying when I had to admit the truth.

      "Something's wrong." I looked at Ashton, "They should've been here by now. We need to find them. And Julie and Riley, too."

      "They're here too?” Ashton frowned again, hurting my stomach, "JESUS, SKYLAR! Did you need to risk everyone's life in this? I'm amazed my parents aren't here, too!"

      I looked down, not enjoying him yelling at me.

      "ARE THEY?" he asked.

      "NO!" I turned to him, crying now, "Don't yell at me!"

      He sighed. "I'm sorry, Skylar, I'm sorry." he held me, kissing my forehead, "I'm sorry. What should we do?"

      "We can't use James as a hostage if Claire has them." I thought aloud, "She thinks he's her enemy now. She won't care if we hurt him. Raven means nothing to her, either."

      "She wants me." Ashton said, "You can use me as a hostage if you want."

      "No way." I cringed, just thinking about it, "Risking you is not part of the plan."

      "I think you've paid for your little lapse of judgment." Claire said, tying the belt of her white robe, her smile forgiving and sweet on the surface as I stared back at her from the X cross, my ankles and wrists bound to each metal post at the ends, a wide leather strap around my naked waist, holding me securely to it.

      "Tomorrow, you can get the club ready for our little party at about eight-ish." she suggested, "Make sure the chefs have all they need, clean everything as meticulously as always and make yourself pretty. I'll let you know around six what you are to wear."

      "Yes, Claire." I answered, feeling a bit ripe already after a couple of days without a shower, and the perspiration all over me was foul smelling and thick, "Thank you."

      I thanked her because she was letting me off punishment so early and a big part of me was paranoid about that. She never let me off so soon before, and for no good reason. I began to fear about this dinner party she was throwing tomorrow night. I think I'm far from through with her punishments. This is just another mind game she's playing. Make me relax and then spring the next thing upon me.

      I hate feeling this uncertainty all the time. It's like a disease that is killing me slowly…from the inside out.

      I want to talk to Katie. I want to watch Spongebob with her again. I want to smell Skylar's hair. I want to sit in the kitchen with Katherine. I want to play piano with Joseph. I want everything I can't have.

      My only little spark of hope rose from the ashes in that she was going to let me roam around the club freely all day tomorrow, maybe even tonight.

      That means I can find that bloody cloth I hid, get my things out of my room and run. Maybe I can even find my blood sample somewhere in Claire's office, if it's there. That might be too much to hope for, too convenient. It's probably at her house somewhere, hidden and locked up well. I didn't care. I'd have proof of murder against her. And finally, I would be free.

      She unlocked my cuffs, both wrists and ankles, then the one around my waist and ordered, "On all fours and crawl after me, love."

      I obeyed, and internally growled that she'd be taking me out of here now. And here is where the cloth is that I need. I told myself it didn't matter. Tomorrow I'd be left here alone to prepare everything, and that included the dungeon. It needed a good cleaning since I'd been living here, constantly being punished for the last couple of days. I was sure she'd give me the key.

      "Yes, Claire." I said in a calm voice as I began to crawl slowly after her as she led me out of the dungeon.

      The only other way back in here would be to anger her in some way and get myself punished again. If plan A failed, that was plan B. I kept my eyes down but I heard her locking the dungeon door, as usual.

      She was walking up to the club and the music was loud and customers were up there, screaming and cheering. I was stark naked and wanted to hesitate as I crawled up the stairs towards them. I was hideously unkempt, unshaven, and smelly and I felt ill inside at being in front of clients this way, but she had told me to follow her.

      "Don't lose me in the dark." she glanced back at me, "If you get lost, you're on your own."

      So she meant to have me crawling after her, nude, through the club and every woman there. Fuck.

      "Yes, Claire." I managed to say but could hear myself the empty ring in my voice.

      My only solace came from the fact that it was dark when we reached the hallways of private rooms. Once in awhile, I would hear a woman or two coming out of a room and cackling loudly at the sight of my naked ass on all fours following my owner. I winced as internally as I could, keeping my eyes on the backs of Claire's bare feet, knowing if I lost them, I was raw meat in a den of hungry lions, once we crossed that red line going into the club.

      I tried to concentrate on something else as I crossed over the red line into the chaos. Women's voices engulfed me and I just kept my eyes on Claire's feet, a dim bluish light coloring them as I followed, quickly as I could.

      "Oh my God, look at that ass!" one woman's voice said and my eyes squinted, hating the sound of it as a variety of hands began to touch me there.

      One or two of the hands felt soft and caressing against my right ass cheek. A couple others squeezed and pinched, almost kneaded my flesh as I kept crawling, hoping I wasn't moving too fast or too slowly.

      Offending some of these women was an unforgivable rule. Some of these women were angry, man hating, victims of cheating men and would punish any man who seemed to spurn them or their advances. I learned that lesson early on here and I would never forget it.

      Women aren't helpless, frail things. They could be every bit as wicked and strong in their rage as any man.

      I tried to keep up with Claire but she was getting a few steps ahead of me. Then I felt someone sitting on my back, riding me like I was a horse.

      "Woooo!" a younger woman's voice exclaimed as I kept trying to move in silence, "Giddyup!"

      I felt something thin and tight circle around my neck and it was choking me. I heard different voices laughing and I stopped crawling and reached under my throat to loosen the grip of the strap there. Claire kept walking and I almost couldn't see her anymore.

      "Claire." I choked but I'm sure she couldn't hear me above the music.

      "Oh no you don't!" the girl on my back tightened the strap of her purse around my neck and I opened my mouth, feeling the last little bit of air escape me.

      "He's trying to get away." she giggled and I put my hands back on the floor, not moving, knowing I was stuck now. Please the clients. That was my number one rule and I always did that. I'm sure this is what claire wanted all along when she brought me out here. Maybe this is a test, to see how I interacted with the ladies now, after being with Skylar.

      "He is cute!" another voice commented as I gritted my teeth and looked at the floor and let them fondle me. They soon got bored with my ass and then my cock was being grabbed and examined.

      "Oh GOD!" an older woman's voice announced, "You've got to feel this! It's fucking GIGANTIC!"

      The whole room spun over and when I landed on my back, I realized they flipped me over and had me spread eagle below them.

      I heard a couple of gasps and one of the voices said, "Ohhhhh, his face is beautiful!"

      "I'm not even looking at his face!" another woman replied, laughing heartily as their dark silhouettes danced around me in the blackness.

      I felt a firm hand around the shaft of my penis and it was being pulled almost violently as a chorus of surprised reactions rose up from the women around me. They laughed and watched as my cock began to harden in the grip of the faceless one who dared to jerk me off.

      Then I felt other women touching me. One pair of hands were grabbing my ankles and circling her thumbs over my ankle bones as she held them down. My mouth was smothered by a pair of lips from upside down over me that wore heavy lipstick and thrust her tongue into my mouth. Another woman sat on my chest and before I knew it, my hands were above my head, being held by a couple other women. I could've fought them off but I knew I wasn't allowed to do that. This was part of my job, too, as a dancer here. And Claire is watching me, no doubt, watching for any differences in me. I had to show her no differences, even if there were a million of them deep inside me.

      I moaned as another woman swooped in to kiss my mouth next and I tried to kiss back but I was too distracted by the many mouths licking and sucking on my cock suddenly as the rough hand kept manipulating me without mercy.

      The strap of someone's purse was still around my neck but at least it wasn't tight right now. In fact, my head was resting on the purse below it as I struggled to make my lips open and kiss back with every new pair of lips presented to me.

      It sounded like all the voices were happy as I submitted to them. I heard myself start groaning and growling as I was being shoved further and further towards my release. The only good thing about reaching it was maybe the girls would let me go once it happened.

      "Come on, give it to us…" an older woman's voice demanded overhead as different sets of teeth were biting down on my nipples, followed by hungry tongues.

      When I finally let go and shouted out, it was drowned out by someone's tongue reaching down my throat. I exploded, closing my eyes, even though I was blind in the dark, and felt wet mouths lapping me up and devouring me as I finished.

      A few more sets of lips kissed me but then, with a few comments, all the voices and shadows slowly withdrew and I was alone on the floor. Even the purse was yanked out from under my head as they left me.

      I almost went to stand up but recalled Claire's orders and returned to my crawling position, making my way quickly up to her office without further incident.

      I went to open the door but it was locked and I exhaled raggedly, knocking loudly as my knees rested on the steps. After a few moments, the door popped open and I breathed out in relief, crawling into Claire's office, a little more at ease on the soft carpeting as I stopped before her desk on all fours, waiting, my eyes on the white carpet below.

      The office door locked behind me and I felt her fingernails tickle over my ass cheeks and up my spine, playing in my hair as she sat upon the edge of her desk, looking down at me.

      "Have a little extra fun on the way here?" she teased, giggling a little to herself.

      "Yes, Claire." I answered, just counting the seconds until I was left alone tomorrow.

      "Awww, it wasn't that bad, was it?" she smirked and I made myself smile up at her.

      "No, Claire." I lied, pretending it had been a nice little release for me.

      "My little tramp." she sighed, adding, "Come here."

      I stood up, knowing what 'come here' means with Claire. She wanted me and it was time for me to put on a happy face, a hard cock, and perform for her.

          Ashton's POV

      By the time Claire let me out of her office, it was after closing time, maybe around 3am when I was dismissed and told to go down and clean things up.

      The first thing I wanted to clean up was myself and when I went into the dressing rooms, no one was there, thank God. I was naked and spent and didn't really want to see anyone until after a nice hot shower and a shave. I must've spent about 45 minutes under the hot water, just letting it soak me and soothe my body before I even shampooed and soaped up. I was at the sink, shaving, almost through, when I heard someone out in the dressing area.

      It was Chase and Eli, talking and changing into their street clothes, their pants still on but chests bare. Eli was taking off his military uniform and Chase was shedding his tarzan outfit. They were a sight for sore eyes and my voice nearly cracked when I alerted them to my presence.

      "Hey guys." I grinned, using a small towel on my bare shoulder to wipe some shaving cream off the edge of my jaw.

      "Ashton!" Chase looked surprised while Eli just stared, "You're out!"

      "I know." I shared his shock and made a face like his, "I guess I was paroled early for good behavior or something."

      "Are you alright?" Eli looked at me with an intense seriousness that I never saw in his eyes before. He was usually happy-go-lucky all the time. Not right now, though.

      "I'm fine." I wiped the rest of my face off, feeling a lot more human now, "I mean, I'm dead tired, but fine. I'm actually going in to clean everything on the floor and then I'm going to bed. I feel like I haven't slept for a month."

      "I'll help you clean up." Chase offered and Eli chimed in, "Me, too."

      "Awww, thanks" I accepted. Claire never had a problem with that. Many times we would dance to our favorite music while we cleaned things up after the night was over. I think that's where we all bonded.

      I was in my jeans and t-shirt a few minutes later, bare feet, as usual, and we were turning the chairs over and placing them on the tables, removing tablecloths, too. The conversation was light at first. We caught up on what was new in the last couple weeks. Eli mentioned he had another date with Riley and while I was glad for him I couldn't help feel a twinge of sadness, missing Skylar. I wondered what she was doing and how school was going. I knew at the moment she was in bed, asleep, under her favorite quilts and I almost couldn't breathe for wishing I were there with her now.

      Our two weeks together had gone by so fast. Too fast. They were gone. I clung onto tomorrow and getting that bloody rag. If that went wrong somehow, I was dead.

      Claire's office lights went dark and her heels were coming down the steps. I tensed as Chase looked at me and I turned my back to where she'd be appearing soon, stripping a new table.

      "Goodnight, eye candy." she stood there, waiting for us to all collectively bid her farewell.

      I turned and cast my eyes down but Chase and Eli didn't. They were allowed to look her in the eye.

      "Goodnight, Claire." the three of us said at once, Chase putting more enthusiasm into his statement than Eli or I did. In fact, Eli was frowning a little. I wondered what that was all about.

      "Ashton." she called and I looked up a bit.

      Then she did something miraculous. She tossed me the keys to the club. Her key ring. The keys to the dungeon.

      I caught them right in the center of my palm as she added, "My directions are on my desk for tomorrow. Do a good job."

      "I will, Claire." I promised with my tone, although my heart was doing back flips that we were a morning away from getting out of her for good. I will be with Skylar tomorrow! I wanted to sob out loud from just thinking of it.

      "See you at six." she puckered her lips at the air in my direction and walked out towards the dressing rooms, going out the back exit usually.

      I shoved the keys into my jeans pocket and returned to turning the chairs over onto the table and a strange silence seemed to rise up now between the three of us.

      This was weird. Usually, after Claire left, I could be more myself and talk freely and so did they, knowing our situation. But now, nothing. Maybe I should break the ice.

      "So, what kept you two here so late?" I asked. The dancers were out of here by 2am normally.

      "We had a private thing…" Chase said, "A private session with this woman. She liked both of us, so…"

      "I thought you didn't…" I looked at Eli, "do those things, Eli."

      "Have to now." he shrugged, "I have a cash flow problem. Claire signed me up for extra stuff."

      "Oh." I felt so badly for Eli and I felt my stomach sink, "Sorry, man. What happened?"

      "My mother." he shrugged, "Health problems."

      "Uh, Ashton." Chase cut in unceremoniously, "Want some help tomorrow cleaning and all? I know Claire’s got some fancy dinner thing happening in the back room tomorrow night. I'm gonna be the waiter anyway."

      "Yea, me too." Eli said, "Bartending. Then dancing later. I can join you later in the day if that's alright."

      "Something's weird here." I smirked and they both froze for a second, "You both are volunteering to help me all day, on your free time, with no pay? Am I being punked?"

      "We just want to help out." Chase shrugged, "We're your friends, damn, Ashton."

      "I know, I'm sorry." I smiled, "Didn't mean to sound so…ungrateful. I just meant…I can handle it. I'm okay."

      Chase and Eli looked at each other, not saying anything and for a split second I got a shock of fright that they knew about Sir Kevin. There was a definite gaze of pity for me being passed between them in that moment but I busied myself instead of bringing this up now.

      As far as I was concerned, that story…that DAY…would die with me. I could never tell Skylar about it, either. I'd die. She'd never look at me the same way again. As it is now, I feared she'd never look at me again without that pity in her eyes that I just watched my only two friends share because of me.

      "We know you're okay." Eli was flipping a chair as he smiled with affection at me, "But we have your back, Ashton. We don't mind being around to help when you need us."

      I know they are aware that I'm going to be in slave mode tomorrow night, just by this message Eli was giving me. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that they were both going to see me this way, out in the open, not behind the dungeon door. Chase had seen me in some pretty humiliating situations before, but never Eli.

      Whatever, maybe tomorrow night would never happen anyway. If I got access to the dungeon and got my cloth out of its hiding place, I'd be at Skylar’s before noon. I'd have to call Ben and tell him to get away from his house for a couple days, just until I could be sure that no one would come there looking for any kind of revenge. I had to get into Claire's office, too, tomorrow, and take anything that had my information in it, most of all my daughter's address, and Skylar's too.

      I thanked my buds for their loyalties and then the rest of our cleanup time seemed to go by silently. Once in awhile, I'd hear Eli whisper something to Chase and they'd stop talking when I looked over. Maybe they knew how much I cared for Skylar and they felt they couldn't trust me anymore. Maybe they thought I was against them and Claire now, somehow. I kept thinking of something to say to perish those thoughts, but nothing came to mind. It wasn't like I wanted to lie to them, anyway, denying my love for a normal girl, a normal life.

      Soon, the club area was pretty clean and Chase and Eli were saying their goodbyes to me as I followed them to the back door of the club.

      "Uh…Eli?" I said as we neared the door. Chase exited already and wasn't looking back to see if Eli was following.

      "Yea?" he turned to me and smiled, holding the arm of his duffle bag and tossing it over his shoulder.

      "I…" I began, almost looking down as usual, but then I raised my eyes up and said it, "I am really sorry about…you…needing more money for your mom."

      "Oh." he glanced away for a moment, looking slightly ashamed, "Don't worry about it, Ashton, it's okay."

      "No, I mean…" I sighed, "I wish I had some money saved…to give you. What I wanted to tell you is…isn't there another way for you to get the money?"

      "Maybe." Eli had a strange look on his face, "What do you mean?"

      I cleared my throat and said, "I…was like you not so long ago. I know what it's like when you feel like you have no other choice. And you'd do anything to provide for your family, even…extra things here. But I want to tell you something no one else ever told me. Don't."

      Eli frowned and was about to speak again but I cut him off.

      "You start out dancing. Then you do a few little extra things. Soon, you offer to do more. Claire will offer you insane amounts of money for one night's work. It'll sound so good to you at first. Then, before you know it, you belong to her."

      "Ashton…"

      "Get a loan from the bank or maybe ask other relatives to help out." I suggested, "Rob a bank first if you have to. But don't let her suck you in. You'll never get out."

      "I know, Ashton." he said, an intent gaze in his eyes as he put a hand on my shoulder, "Please don't worry about me, okay? I'm not going to get sucked in, I promise."

      "Alright." I decided to end my lecture for now, but I also knew I'd be keeping an eye on Eli to make sure he wouldn't be tempted to even look down this path, let alone walk it. I would hate to stand by and watch someone else become what I am now. That would be the most terrible crime of all, the crime of standing by doing nothing.

      "Be safe, Ashton." Eli said as he left, punching me lightly in the shoulder, "See you tomorrow."

      "See ya." I waited for him to leave and then I locked the back door.

      I nearly ran as I spun around, heading out of the dressing rooms, into the private rooms, then down the stairs to the lower levels of Fire. I got to the dungeon and after a couple of wrong key attempts, I found the correct keys that fit the locks and the door opened.

      I am inside the dungeon…alone…free.

      It stunk in here, I noticed as I flipped the white light on overhead. Funny how you don't notice the smell while you're trapped inside, only when you've tasted fresh air and return is when you realize what a zoo cage this room is.

      "I am out of here." I growled in triumph as I flipped over the padded leather table and unzipped the underside of it, reaching my hand deep in, feeling for the rough cloth I had pushed in here.

      Claire loved this table and told me how it was her first piece of bondage furniture. It had sentimental value and I knew she'd never get rid of it. Plus, the cloth was inside the leather, sealed in, safe from heat and dirt.

      Where the fuck is it?

      I kept reaching up into the leather, not finding anything but the rubber layer inside.

      "Come on." I breathed, feeling queasy as I reached in further, all of my arm up to my shoulder inside the unzipped leather sleeve.

      I growled, yanking the leather skin off the whole table, not even caring if I ripped it or not.

      "No…no…" I searched and shook the leather, getting nothing. No cloth. Nothing.

      "What?" I shivered as I looked again, feeling inside the leather sack now with both hands, "Please…"

      After ten minutes of groping the table and turning the leather inside out, I still had nothing.

      I sank to my knees, gripping my hair tightly with both hands, feeling tears blurring my vision as I tried to think of an explanation, anything...

      Only Claire plays in here. Well, Sir Kevin was in here with me all day that first one, but I never saw him do anything to this table. It couldn't have been him. It had to be Claire.

      She found it. Shit.

      I blinked and felt tears skating down my face as I just stared at the open leather sleeve in my lap.

      If she found it, she knows I put it in there. If she knows I put it in there, she knows I'm trying to screw her. Maybe that's why Sir Kevin was set loose on me. But she'd been so nice since then, or at least acted that way. What is she playing at?

      "Skylar." I breathed, standing up and rushing back out into the hallway, leaving the door ajar and racing up the stairs, two at a time, going to the front door of the club and unlocking it, whipping the door open and standing out in the street with my bare feet.

      "WILLIAM!" I shouted, looking into the night, seeing nothing. But I know he's out there somewhere and can see me, "GET IN HERE NOW!"

      I went back in and paced a few times, wiping my eyes with angry hands as I waited for William's arrival.

      The sound of the door opening alerted me and there was William, looking at me questioningly as I stood still, ready to say the horrible words I had to say.

      "What's up, Ashton?" he said in his quiet, low voice.

      "It's gone." I said and my body hurt everywhere.

      "What's gone?" he stared at me, his voice stronger.

      My life, my daughter, my Skylar, my hopes, my dreams…

      "The cloth!" I choked, "I just got the chance to go in there alone and it's GONE!"

      "Shit." William sighed deeply, looking at the floor.

      A dead silence filled the air. I am dead…and I know it.

      "Go protect Skylar now." I almost ordered him, "Claire might have someone coming after her. If I know her, and I do, she'll be wanting to teach me a big lesson, a lesson I won't forget, like last time. She's gonna do something horrible to put me back in my place. Last time, it was the boy. This time, it will be her."

      "What about your daughter?" William asked, looking very concerned.

      "She won't do that yet." I thought aloud, "My daughter keeps me close to Claire, she won't lose that card to play against me. She knows if she hurts my daughter, all bets are off. I'll go after her with all I have, I won't submit to her anymore. She'd only hurt my daughter if I ran away or vanished. She wants to keep me obeying her, wanting to be hers. Just trust me. Go be with Skylar."

      "But what then?" he asked me.

      "Take her home to Bellevue.” I could hardly say the words, "She'll be safer there and after awhile, I'll convince Claire that I'm not thinking of running away. Keep a close eye on her for awhile, then it should be safe."

      "But what about you?" William squinted, confused.

      "What about me?" I looked at him with a stern eye.

      "How are we getting you out of here now?" William asked.

      "We're not." I looked at the floor, "I'm staying."

      "But, we have—"

      "I can't GO!" I closed my eyes, shouting, more angry at myself than at him, "If I had some evidence against her, if I had that cloth, I'd be free and she'd be going to jail. Without anything, there's no way I can leave. She'll get my daughter."

      "Listen, Ashton," William began.

      "Please go, William." I went to the door and opened it for him, staring at the handle of the door, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes now.

      "Protect your daughter." I added, "Please."

      He sighed and began to slowly walk towards the opened doorway.

      It seemed like forever before he stood there and turned to me one last time.

      "What do I tell Skylar?" he asked very quietly, sounding morose.

      My eyes stung at the mention of her and my insides twisted in agony. No message I could send would ease anything. She would suffer. Her heart would hurt, like mine always would now. I could only offer one message.

      "Tell her I'm sorry." I avoided eye contact with Chief Hayes," I never meant to hurt her this way. She'll forget me, in time. Take her home to Bellevue. Get her out of this fucked place."

      "I heard that." William agreed, stepping out now, "Ashton…I will be back. I'm not giving up that easy. Once Skylar is safe, I'm coming back to get you out of here, too."

      "Okay, William. Take care of her." I smirked, not really believing that completely, but I did know that William was a good man and cop and wanted to help me. But even he, being a cop, knows that sometimes, some people can't be saved. Some people slip through the cracks and don't get a happily ever after. I was now one of those people.

      "Goodnight." he said as he turned and began to walk away as I closed and locked the door.

      I had work to do in a few hours. The first day of the end of my life was tomorrow and I at least wanted to get a little rest before having to endure it. I went back to the dungeon to straighten everything up and lock it up again before I went to bed.

      Now I just had to wait for Claire's lesson, and her reveal that she knew of my little piece of evidence I had hidden in her table. I prayed for Chase and Eli, along with Skylar and William and Katie that night. Yes, I prayed. I prayed no one else would ever hurt because of me again. Then I thought of Katherine and Joseph. I couldn't stop crying as I lay on my bed in the darkness, seeing so many faces.

      I will never get close to anyone again. Every time I do, I get them hurt. It's better to just stay alone, like I was before.

      Skylar will be the last person I'll ever love.

      I could go up to the roof now and let myself fall off. I could go into the dungeon and sharpen Claire's razors and open my veins. Maybe I'd lock myself in my cage first, just to send her a message.

      Yes, I'm still your slave. But I'm a dead slave. You can have my body but you can't keep me. You've lost me. You never had me.

      No. She'll hurt Katie then. Maybe would even kill Katie and her grandparents along with her, just to have one last strike at me, even in my death. She hated to lose games. This was all a big tournament to her.

      I am so alone. I am so trapped. I honestly thought I'd be with Skylar tomorrow, free and happy. And I cried again, sobbing like a child as a future with Skylar slipped further and further away.

      Skylar and I at the park with Katie…gone.

      Skylar and Katie proud of me as I worked an honest living, looking up smiling as I came into the house after a day of work…gone.

      Skylar in a white dress, holding rosebuds and walking towards me, tears in her eyes…Katie ahead of her, the flower girl, tossing pink pedals onto the white silk on the floor below her…gone.

      The dream of Skylar pregnant with my baby…and me kissing her huge round stomach…gone.

      The funny image of William in a black tux escorting Skylar down the aisle towards me, his face like stone, his eyes filled with murderous rage at me as they approached…made me laugh through my sobs…but also…gone.

      I didn't get any sleep…or rest. And when I looked at my digital alarm clock, the red numbers said 8:43am.

      Time to get ready for the day. I had a lot to do. Slaves always do.

          Skylar's POV

      I had spent the night at Riley’s. After talking to her, she decided to come and get me so I wouldn't be alone. She promised to help me. She said Julie would help, too. We would find a way, make a plan. It wasn't impossible.

      I must have been really tired because all her assurances sounded so real to me. I believed her, because her tone was so filled with passion and strength, I felt it too.

      I tried to sleep, but I kept waking up, sweating, calling out for Ashton or thinking Riley was him, and holding her or stroking her as I slept. Poor Riley. She was always so nice and understanding. She never once got mad at me.

      Note to self: Nominate Riley for sainthood after this is all over.

      It was about 6 in the morning when she gently woke me and said, "Your cell phone rang. It was your dad."

      She handed the phone to me and I sat up, rubbing my eyes, sighing.

      I listened to his message that he left me.

      "Skylar, where are you?" he asked, "I'm at your place now, you're not here. I'm worried. Call me back as soon as you get this. Thanks."

      "What the hell!" I yelled as I dialed him, "He's supposed to be watching Ashton!"

      "Skylar!" he answered, sounding relieved.

      "Dad, what's going on?" I asked, the fear in my voice thick, "What happened to Ashton? You're supposed to be watching him!"

      "Skylar, where are you?" he asked, ignoring my questions.

      "At Riley’s." I snapped back, "Tell me!"

      "Ashton is…okay." he sighed, "It looks like that evidence he hid is gone now, somehow. He got a chance to get it tonight and it wasn't there. Odds are Claire found it and destroyed it. I'm coming over there. What's Riley’s address?"

      "Dad, no, go back and protect Ashton!" I frowned, "Just because there's no evidence doesn't mean he's not still in trouble. If Claire found that cloth, then Ashton could be killed! Don't let that happen! Go back to him!"

      "Skylar, no." he said a bit more loudly, "Ashton told me to protect you. He thinks Claire might come after you to teach him a lesson. I want to get you out of here. We're going home to Bellevue today."

      "DAD!" I felt tears come to my eyes, "No! I'm not leaving him! I called you for help, not to escort me back to Bellevue! This is my home! Ashton is my home! If you want to bail out, then bail out. But I'm staying here. I'm getting Ashton out."

      I heard a sigh and then dead silence.

      "Dad…" I said, "There's more I have to tell you. I have a plan. You won't like it, but…James, my psych professor, came to me the other night. He told me he's Claire's brother. And Claire invited him and me…over to the club for dinner…tonight. I told him I'd go."

      "What?!" my dad growled into the receiver.

      "We are trying to make a plan." I stayed calm, "I would like you in on it. But I'm a member of the team now, not an outsider."

      "You're bait, Skylar!" he shouted.

      "If you don't want to be in the plan, I'm hanging up and we'll call you after it's over." I warned, "Yes or no?"

      He growled again, hating this.

      "Dad…" I heard my voice crack, "I'm in love with him. So in love. I won't be able to rest until he's home with me. I need him, dad. Please. Help us. I need you, too."

      Another pause of silence.

      Then…"Give me the address, Skylar."

Skylar's POV

    At 10:07pm I reach Moe's Pizza. It's not far from school, a few blocks away, a college kid hangout, a little cozy Mom and Pop kind of place with great old fashioned Italian cooking.

    But I'm not here for the food. I push the door open and scan the little place. I see him in the far corner, wearing the kind of clothes a student would. T-shirt, jeans, boots, brown leather jacket. His eyes light up a bit when he makes eye contact with me and I frown in response, swallowing and going to his table, not sitting yet.

    "I have some things to say, Dr. Collier." I began with an ice voice, "First, I am your student. Second, I don't like you showing up at my apartment uninvited. And third, I have a gun in my purse right now that's pointed at your tiny cock. If you asked me here for anything that's not proper, well, you'll get banged, but not the way you pictured it. Am I making myself clear?"

    Wow. I am awesome. I could've never said that to anyone before.

    He looked surprised and smiled.

    "I'm not here for anything improper, Skylar, I assure you." he said, sounding so smooth and arrogant.

    "Can you please sit down now?" he asked, "I ordered us plain."

    Is that a crack about me? That's it. I'm shooting the gun now.

    "I don't want pizza!" I growled, "What do you want, James?"

    "Alright." he took a breath, "I'm going to go for broke and trust you. It's the only way I can say what I have to say. I want to help you, Skylar."

    "With what?" I asked, playing dumb to see what he knew…or what he thought he knew.

    "I read some of your reports today." James said cautiously, "About Ashton. About Fire. I know…Claire. Even though in your report, you call her Clarissa."

    I didn't say anything. I couldn't. If he was a friend of hers…all that came out of me were hollow breaths of air.

    "I don't know Claire." I lied, then realized, I don't really know her. I wish I never heard of her. And that Ashton hadn't, either.

    "Skylar." he leaned in slightly, whispering, "I'm taking a big chance coming to you like this. Please. I know you don't know me well, but haven't I been a good teacher? I've never done anything strange with you before you've had this subject, have I?"

    That much was true. But I still don't trust him. I can't. Ashton’s life is on the line. I can't even trust my father who hasn't called me in two days!

    I didn't answer but James read my response in my face.

    "I know it's a lot to ask, but I wish you would trust me." he said, almost in a whisper, his eyes always watching behind me or out the window as he spoke.

    "Trust has to be earned, James." I said, hoping he saw that I was calling him that, since he didn't want to act like a proper teacher, I didn't have to address him like one.

    "I agree." he said, looking straight into my eyes now, "How about if I can check on Ashton for you? Would that earn me your trust?"

    "What?"

    My mind was all over the place. I didn't trust him. I wanted news and someone to check on Ashton. I needed a friend on the inside. I have no idea what's happened to my dad. But I still don't trust James.

    "Skylar…" he leaned in more, whispering lower now, "Claire…is…she's my…sister."

    My stomach lurched and I felt all the air suck out of my chest. I didn't know what to say.

    "She…understands that I am not the same as she is." James continued, "My whole family understands. They were actually proud of me when I became a teacher. They created a new identity for me. They aren't all bad. They're glad I wanted something different, nobler than their way of life. They see Claire as a loose cannon. But a necessary evil. She's always being watched. It's kind of my…duty…to watch her, to be close by and make sure she's…okay."

    "Well, good job there, James!" I spat out, "Do you have any idea what she's doing? What she's done?! You've been sleeping on the job, COLLIER!"

    "There were times I wanted no part of being her babysitter, Skylar." he whispered to me, the music in the air helping to hide his words from others, "I just wanted a normal life. I didn't do my job, I know that. I found out…things she'd done…things I should have prevented but didn't. I'm on the job now. I know I have to be."

    "Did you know about her and…Ashton?" I was afraid to even ask.

    "I did." James looked down at his glass of water in shame, "After she…acquired him."

    "Acquired." I huffed, "Nice word."

    "Alright, Skylar." he frowned slightly then calmed himself, "He was good for her at first. She was happy. She forgot drugs and some of her more illegal activities for awhile. He was unattached. When I saw them together, he wasn't chained up. He was a dancer, free to come or go, that's what I saw. He appeared to be a willing partner. I thought he was a submissive."

    "Wait." I frowned, "Ashton saw you in my doorway. He didn't recognize you."

    "I've changed my look since I saw Ashton last." James replied, "Besides, I mostly saw Ashton in dark clubs, while he was performing. He never got a very good look at me before. Claire's very big on keeping everyone as far from that guy as possible. The thing is, I recognized him, that day I came to your place."

    Or he was sent there by Claire, to see if I had Ashton after the Raven escape. Him coming there the very next morning was no accident. Claire knows we saved Ashton from her. Shit.

    "He is not a willing partner." I also pointed out, defensively, "And he's not unattached. He has a family."

    "In Florida, right?" James raised a brow, "I know."

    My heart sank and I became super scared now.

    "How do you know that?" I almost shouted at him, but I kept my voice down.

    "That's not important, Skylar." James' face was more serious now, "The thing is, I'm afraid for Ashton now. Something is happening. I can't put my finger on it, but it's the way she talks about him that's not right."

    "I can't tell you anything, James." I felt tears brim my eyes as I glanced behind me, out the window.

    "I know." he sighed, "I understand. I talk to Claire on the phone a lot. She trusts me, at least I think she does. She's invited me to dinner there in a couple nights. Skylar…she asked me to bring you as my date."

    My eyes went round with terror.

    "What?!” I heard myself almost scream.

    "I didn't even know that she'd met you, or knew anything much about you." James said, "But if you were a client of hers…if you…paid…for Ashton, then she had to have met you at some point, gotten information on you."

    "I didn't pay for anything." I seethed, not wanting to share private details of my time with Ashton with him.

    I still don't trust him.

    "I don't care about that, Skylar." he sighed again, "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything. I'm just trying to help."

    "What does she want me over to dinner for?" I growled, "What are you trying to pull?"

    "Nothing!" he frowned back, "I'm just telling you the truth! She's trying to get you over there for some reason. If I don't bring you, someone else will! I didn't have to warn you, I could've just shown up at your place – or asked you to stay after class! If I weren't a friend, I could've taken you there by force!"

    "You could TRY." I did my best lethal stare back at him, and I cocked the gun in my purse. Ashton's empty police gun, left in my possession accidentally after the whole Raven thing.

    James heard the click and realized I wasn't playing.

    "Skylar, you DON'T want to shoot me." James almost grinned, "The repercussions would be ugly, believe me. I'm my father's favorite son. And my family has guns. Lots and lots of guns."

    "What do you want from me?" I gritted my teeth, "Want me to be your date? Dress up nice so I can walk right into Claire's dungeon, too? If she wants me, let her come and get me. But I'm not walking in there on my own. Not after all Ashton's going through to…"

    Are you STUPID?! Don't say another word to him!

    I shut my mouth and was about to stand up, to tell James to go to Hell and take his whore sister with him.

    But he said, "Don't you want to know how Ashton is? Maybe get a message to him? Get a message back from him? I know she has him back. I know she's punishing him. She tells me about it. She's never been this rough with him before. I don't know what's going on but she acts like she's afraid somehow. Like she's afraid she's losing her grip on him. I know it sounds weird, but in her way, she does love him. She won't give him up easily."

    "I can't hear any more of this." I said but then I wanted to know what he knew. What rough punishments she was inflicting upon him.

    "What is she doing to him?" I asked, tears completely filling my eyes now, "Is he hurt bad?"

    James looked at me and something in his face changed.

    "Oh my God." he said quietly, looking very grave suddenly, "You're in love with him."

    "You think I'm ashamed to admit that?" I said, letting a tear or two fall, "I'm not. Yes, I love him. Sorry you didn't get a turn with me, Doctor."

    Can't I shut up, ever? I'm so fucking dumb!

    "Skylar, I don't care about that, either." he said again, then said, "Well, alright, I do care about that…but, I'll live. I'm not ashamed to admit that I like you, Skylar. But I'm not a nut like my sister. I wouldn't want you in a cage or in chains. And if you're in love with someone else, I'm glad for you. I wish you well. But, Skylar, if you don't take my help, I don't think it'll BE well. You see…she's killed before."

    "Really?" I acted like it was new information to me.

    James wasn't fooled but he said, "Yes, really. In the beginning, she wanted to prove to our father that she was as badass as the boys who work for him. She impressed him alright. They use her place to make people disappear sometimes. Once in awhile, she kills…usually it's a person who's hurt her. Former lovers, men who've cheated…submissives who've bored her. If she suspects Ashton doesn't love her anymore…"

    "He never loved her!" I snarled like a beast, "She bought him like a used car and threatened his life! Then she used him like a piece of meat for years and she has the balls to call it love. It's not love at all. It's slavery. It's rape. Torture and murder."

    So much for not saying anything else.

    "I know, Skylar." he said, "Believe me, I know. No one who's ever hurt her is still breathing. I missed some chances to save people, Skylar, because I didn't want to hear it. I don't want another person dying on my watch. I can't sleep. I have nightmares all the time."

    "Good." I shot back.

    "What do you want me to do here, Skylar?" James asked, leaving it up to me now, "Tell me and I'll do it. Give me a test. I'll prove to you I'm on your side. Let me go check on him. I know it's hurting you, not knowing how he is. I saw you crying today in class."

    "It's none of your business!" I sighed and wondered if I should give him a chance. I had to tell my father about all of this. Maybe I could have him talk to James and see if he agreed to let James in on this. But then they'd all be in the loop and I'd still be out.

    I hated being kept outside this. My father had told me everything was fine. But it wasn't. James said Claire was going rough on him this week, rougher than ever.

    Is he lying to me now? Or is he being honest? Had I said something to get Ashton hurt?

    James doesn't know about my dad watching the club. He can't know. If I tell him that and he tells Claire, my father and Ashton are both dead. No, I can't trust him. I won't. I'll let my father handle this. I trust him, even though he's not doing a damn thing, much less telling me anything.

    "Ashton is strong." I felt another tear fall from my eye, "I believe in him. He'll be alright. He left me, he said he couldn't be my boyfriend. He said he belongs to Claire. He chose her."

    I was lying to try and protect Ashton now after my mouth had run too much. I hope it works.

    I wish I didn't sound so weak while I said that.

    "He is strong, but he's helpless in the dungeon." James informed, "I've seen her work in there. Even a grown man, a strong man can't defend himself in there. She's a very knowledgeable dominatrix. She knows how to make men weak. She takes her time, Skylar. She doesn't just inflict physical pain. She specializes in mental anguish."

    "I can't trust you." I stood up and flung my purse over my shoulder, turning my back to him to leave, "If you truly cared about good, you'd have shot the bitch in the head yourself already."

    "I'm going to check on him tonight anyway." James said, clutching my heart with his words, "I'll call you from a disposable cell phone. Be awake. I'm not sure what time I'll be able to call."

    I half turned my head towards him then forced myself to run out of there, sprinting down the street, clicking my father's name on my cell phone, wondering if he'd really ignore my call again.

    Then I heard the familiar recording. "This is William Hayes. You know what to do."

    "DAD!" I screamed into the phone as I quickly walked down the street, "I can't BELIEVE you haven't called me back! Is this some secret club I'm not allowed into or something?! I want you to call me NOW! Something's happened! I need you, DAD! Don't ignore me anymore! Call me NOW!"

    I pressed the end call button with a very angry thumb and saw my building, but I passed it. I was going towards the train, I was going to go to Fire. Then I stopped before I even got to the stairs going underground. Can't do that. I promised Ashton I wouldn't. I could screw everything up if anyone recognized me anywhere near there.

    I have to go home and wait for James' call. My dad's call.

    At home, I paced my living room floor, thinking things through.

    Should I have given James a message for Ashton? Should I trust him? Should I trust him if he calls me tonight and lets me know how Ashton is doing? He could be lying. Claire's brother. He could get close to her and Ashton, if she trusts him. Or he could be setting me up to walk right into her trap and tell what's going on, that there's a cop watching her place. Ashton would pay for that. No, I can't trust anyone.

    James said Claire kills people who she loved, and was hurt by. Ashton said she sometimes told him she loved him, on birthdays and Christmases. James said she was being rough with him.

    I cried again and again, always hitting a brick wall, always afraid to do anything because it might get Ashton hurt even more, or killed.

    Why doesn't my dad call me? What if he's caught, too? For all I know he could be in the dungeon WITH Ashton. And I sit here doing nothing.

    I have to call Chase. That's not so dangerous, is it?

    I can't think of anything else to do. I'm losing my mind and I'm so scared. I'm giving my dad two hours to call me back and then I act on my own.

      Ashton's POV

    "Ashton – session ten." Skylar’s voice said.

    I opened my eyes, confused, wondering how she got in here and instantly I felt ashamed, having her see me naked locked in a cage, cuddled up like a happy cat in the mattress.

    But I wasn't there. I was sitting on the sofa, in the nightshirt Skylar gave me, and cozy flannel pajama pants. My bare feet felt so warm on the carpet beneath them.

    And there's Skylar. Dr. Skylar. Sitting in her chair, ready to begin, her eyes serious. Her mind, sharp as a razor.

    "Dr. Skylar." I exclaimed, a wave of joy pouring over me at seeing her again, at being with her again. It felt like years since I'd been here.

    I wanted to run up to her, throw my arms around her and cover her shiny lips with my kisses. But Dr. Skylar was in now – not just my Skylar. There would be no playing like that now – on her time.

    Besides, I need the therapy.

    "Hello Ashton." she smiled her warm, patient smile at me. I feel so warm and safe now.

    "Hello Dr. Skylar." I return my greeting, as usual, unable to hide the dumb smile on my face.

    "How are you doing, Ashton?” her expression seemed to look right into my soul as she began.

    I tried to keep a brave face on and was about to say something like 'Fine' or 'Not bad' but instead, my real feelings came out and leaned forward, my arms huddled around my chest as I let a small sob escape me.

    "Something's wrong." I heard my deeper, emotional voice say, "I used to be able to take so much more. Claire would have to work on me for days before I'd break. In the beginning, she had to kill someone to bring me to my knees. I'm so weak, Skylar. It's only been a couple days and I'm her BITCH already! I told her, more than once, that I love her!"

    I hadn't seen her move but suddenly she was at my side, her arms around me. I clung onto her, letting a relieved breath out as if I'd just been thrown a lifesaver. I let my head rest against hers and closed my eyes as she spoke.

    "I was afraid of this." she said, almost to herself, "I showed you that it wasn't your fault, what happened to Kaela…and Katie. Before, you could take the punishment because you felt you deserved it and it eased your guilt, every lash, every slap. It almost felt good for you then. Now you don't have that anymore. I stripped you of your armor, in a way."

    "I want to kill her, Skylar." I confessed, feeling tears in my eyes again, wondering if she'd be disgusted by me now, "I keep dreaming of it. A thousand different dreams of it keep stabbing at my brain. They won't go away. Make them go away."

    "What'd you think I have, a magic wand or something?" Skylar asked in her Skylar way and I laughed…only she could make me laugh now.

    A moment passed and I kissed her hand, getting more power from that as she just let me breathe for a minute or two.

    "I was so strong a couple days ago." I reminisced, "I felt like I had the world by the throat. Why do I feel like all of that is gone now? I feel even weaker than before we met."

    "Alright, Ashton, listen to me." she said sternly, eyeing me as she replied, "We both know you're not going to kill anyone. If you do, you'll go to prison. You'll never be free to be with Katie. And worse, you'll be in prison mentally. You don't want to go there. You'll never forgive yourself. You've punished yourself all these years, thinking you were to blame for Kaela and Katie. What will happen to you if you're TRULY responsible for another death? Even hers? You could never look Katie in the eyes again. You don't want that."

    I could already feel the insanity crawling away from me as she talked. I held her tighter to me, wanting more.

    "I understand." she said, "She's put you through so much. Your mind is not taking the pain and internalizing it on yourself now. You know you don't deserve it now. So your mind is looking at Claire, blaming her. And it wants revenge. And that's normal. You finally want to strike back, instead of taking it and taking it. That's a good response. But you can't kill her. Promise me you won't."

    "Skylar…" I breathed, not knowing if I could promise that.

    "Come on." she gave my body a little nudge.

    I tried to make myself say the words. But they wouldn't come.

    "Think of it this way." she said, "If you do it, you have to be committed. They'll put you in a hospital, Ashton. They'll decide what you eat, when you sleep, what drugs to try out on you. And it'll be up to them if or when you leave. You won't be able to call or see Katie. Or me."

    "No." I groaned, not hiding how disturbing that was for me.

    "Then promise me." she pushed.

    "I promise." I said, meaning it wholeheartedly.

    I remembered saying those words in the vampire cage, and Claire's words – 'A vampire's promise. If you trust that, come on up.'

    "I love you." her angel voice came back to me, "I am so proud of you. And your strength isn't gone. It's still there."

    "I love you, Skylar." I kissed her temple, snuggling my head into hers, "You're the one person who thinks I'm strong."

    "No I'm not." she said, "You know it, too."

    "Skylar…" I whispered, loving her and the peace she could always bring me. I was kissing her lips deeply and hungrily, never getting enough of her, ever.

    Between kisses, I kept saying her name, a magical word that kept healing my soul with every utterance.

    Bright white light poured into the room suddenly, and Skylar disappeared, along with the sofa, the chair, the whole room. Everything was blank, a white page that stung my eyes. And a horrible clanging sound was there instead of Skylar’s soft rhythmic breathing in my ear.

    "Time to wake up, sleepyhead." a sinister female voice shouted above me and when I opened my eyes, a wooden cane was running back and forth along the cage bars beside my face.

    Claire. Fuck.

    I was naked and in my little cage again, but I didn't feel quite so frail and tiny anymore.

    "That sounded like some dream you were having." her knowing voice didn't sound very happy and I rubbed my eyes, trying to see and adjust to the light, feeling the rough stubble on my face.

    Oh shit. Don't tell me I'm talking in my sleep now.

    "What was the name of your wife, again?" Claire was walking around next to my cage, "The one you let fry in the fire? Do you even remember?"

    I heard myself growl and my fists flew to the bars over my head, my defiant eyes staring Claire down.

    She smiled down at me and tilted her head a bit.

    "You think Skylar, or any woman, would want you, knowing how well you took care of your first family?" she asked.

    A violent, broken breath came out of me and my fists shook around the bars now, my eyes on fire as she giggled at me.

    "I better not hear her name again, Ashton." Claire seethed, walking away from me, "Unless you want to see me work her over while you lay here and watch. Apologize."

    After a very hard minute, I heard my voice say, "I’m sorry." But the feeling in my words told another story. I knew she'd heard the anger and resistance in me.

    "I have some guests coming to dinner tomorrow night." Claire crossed her arms, looking down at me, "I would like to trust you to be there, too. Is that going to be a problem?"

    I wondered if this would be a dinner like some we've had before. With me on my knees at her chair side, a metal bar stockade holding my hands up beside each side of my head, also locking around my neck as I'd silently wait for a morsel of food now and then from her dish. She'd feed it to me and I would respectfully thank her, only getting up at times when one of her guests would need a new drink.

    With a bend, my hands could pick up and deliver a glass to someone.

    Sometimes, Claire's guests were male doms that had female submissives. I would watch from the floor as they were ordered to crawl under the table and service their masters while they ate. Their tight, bare asses would stare me in the face while they licked and sucked the cocks from inside the opened trousers above them.

    A couple times, the male doms would get bored and order their girl subs to come pleasure me. Everyone would eat and talk while the girls subs had their way with me. Sometimes it was a couple of women on me at once. We were entertainment.

    That was then. Back when I felt sure Claire wouldn't let male doms touch me. Now I was so unsure and afraid of what she was up to.

    Or maybe I was all wrong and this would be a normal dinner, with me dressed and sitting at the table.

    "As a slave?" I asked, taking my hands off the bars, trying to hide my aggression.

    "Yes." she answered, squinting her eyes a little.

    I took a breath and waited, then asked, "Is…Sir Kevin coming over?"

    My eyes pierced into hers and she knew what I was asking. I wanted to know right now. Would I be raped again?

    "That's up to you." she said, a wicked tone in her voice, "Do I need to call him back over here?"

    "No, Mistress." I tried to sound behaved.

    "If you behave, I'll never have another man touch you again." she informed, "But if I sense you can't handle girls, if you keep falling in love with your clients, I'll have to make some changes with you. You'd have to service men only."

    "No!" I heard myself yell, and then I quickly brought my voice down, "I mean, I'm not in love with any clients! I swear! It's only you, Claire. I love YOU."

    God, I hate saying that to her. I feel so filthy. I feel like a whore when I betray Skylar and say those words to anyone else.

    She uncrossed her arms and silently went to the door of my cage and unlocked it, raising the door up, giving me an opening.

    "Come out of there." she demanded, moving away from me.

    I rose up on all fours, feeling well rested as I did so. I backed up, not having the room to turn around and go out head first.

    "Over here." she pointed in front of her and I crawled over, kneeling there.

    She was touching my hair, without speaking, stroking it…she touched my face and brought my chin up so I was looking at her.

    I tried to have a pleasant look on my face then, but maybe it wasn't that convincing because she said, "Smile."

    I did, unsure of how sincere it might have appeared to her. But I tried.

    She smiled a little back down at me and moved her finger along my bottom lip.

    "You are so beautiful." she said with a little sadness, "So beautiful…always."

    "So are you, Claire." I replied, making my lips kiss her fingers. She was smelling my love for Skylar in the air and she wasn't liking it. I had to throw her off the scent.

    I closed my eyes, trying to forget Claire's face and picture Skylar's. Claire couldn't rule my thoughts and for that I was truly grateful.

    "I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you," she said, allowing me to lay my face on her little stomach.

    "You own me." I said, internally gritting my teeth, "You won't lose me."

    "Go work out." she breathed, letting me go, snapping and pointing to something new in the middle of the room…a treadmill and a stair master beside it.

    "Which one, Claire?” I asked.

    "You choose." she said, and I thought she must be sad. She never lets me choose anything. She even picks out my clothes when we're entertaining or going out together.

    "Treadmill?" I chose, asking if that was alright. And again, I needed Skylar.

    "Fine." she said and I crawled over to it, standing and stepping onto the rubber pad where my feet would be running soon.

    I waited as she came over and pressed a few buttons while I held the bars at my sides. The pad I was standing on reclined slowly, and in seconds, I was on a very steep incline.

    "Stay." she ordered as I steadied myself, waiting.

    She walked over to the wall and came back with a couple pairs of handcuffs.

    She smiled at me and I grinned back, knowing her fondness for these.

    "You're under arrest." she cheered a little, slapping one cuff over my wrist, the other around the bar beside me.

    She moved around to my free hand, doing the same there.

    "What's the charge, officer?" I played along.

    "Being naughty in your dreams." she slapped my ass hard and chuckled as she made her way to the front of the machine, hitting START.

    The pad under my feet began to move and I held onto the bars, running at a medium pace to keep up with the speed of it.

    I wondered if I should lie and say I wasn't dreaming of anyone else. But that would piss her off more, me lying to her. And I'm not sure what she heard me say.

    "I'm sorry, Claire." I suddenly felt very afraid for Skylar, "I don't know what I was dreaming…I don't even remember it now…"

    "It's fine." she watched me run, "I don't mind you fucking in your sleep, it won't be long before you're out there again, doing what you do best. Just make sure your dream clients are paying you well."

    "Yes, Claire." I smirked, feeling the burn start to rise in my lower legs, relieved.

    It sounded like she just heard me making aroused noises, maybe kissing Skylar in my dream, instead of me calling Skylar's name and saying that I loved her.

    Skylar is safe. Skylar is safe. I hated thinking Skylar was out there, exposed, such an easy target. I wished she had listened to me and stayed with Riley or Julie.

    Claire walked around behind me, hopping her butt up on the leather table I'd been on the other night, watching me from behind, probably fixed on my bare ass as I sped up, wishing I could be running away from her…forever.

    Soon.

    Soon.

      Skylar's POV

    My cell phone rang and I flipped it open right away. I had been staring at the little black phone for the last two hours, unable to do anything else but worry until I heard from both of the men I was waiting on.

    The name on the screen said Dad on it when I hit the answer button.

    I tried to keep my voice patient and nice but I didn't do a very good job of it.

    "DAD!" I shouted.

    "Skylar, please." he sighed, "Why are you leaving me these crazed messages?"

    "Maybe because I AM CRAZED, dad!" I felt myself frowning, "Why haven't you called me? Why won't you tell me anything? Don't you know how worried I am here?!"

    "Skylar, I am working.” he said, as he always did in the past when I'd be having a crisis and I'd reach out to him, hearing that phrase instead of what I wanted to hear.

    "Is he alright?" I asked, shivering, "What's happening to him?"

    "Skylar, I can't tell you that." he sighed again, "Just let me handle it, please?"

    "Why can't you tell me how he is?!" I felt angry tears in my eyes, "I have a right to know!"

    "I don't know!" he growled, scaring the shit out of me, "Alright? That what you wanna hear? We lost the bug somehow. I can't hear him at all. Never heard a thing."

    "Oh my God." I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, "What does that mean? Do you think—"

    "He's alive, as far as I know." he said, "I've been watching the club like a hawk. No bodies have been taken out. And the chip still says he's inside. This Claire woman comes and goes, and that Chase checked on him once in the middle of the day."

    "But dad!" I cried, "He could be trapped – and hurt. Bleeding to death in there! We have to find some way to put a new bug in there. Maybe Chase could help us."

    "I don't want to risk Ashton by involving more people employed by Claire in this." he said, always the voice of reason, "How do we really know we can trust this Chase?"

    "He cares about Ashton." I informed, not really wanting to tell my father all about him being my partner in the whole Raven rescue. He'd fry my ass.

    "I know we can trust him, dad." I said, wishing for once he'd just take my word for it.

    My father wasn't saying anything.

    "He's on the inside." I pushed harder, "He knows Claire. I need to know what's going on in there. I'm not waiting around for him to walk out or be carried out! He's all alone in there!"

    "Skylar, don't get emotional, it's gonna screw up the whole plan here." he said, his voice still monotone and void of any feeling.

    "You BET I'm emotional!" I yelled, "That's the man I love in there! I want him out now!"

    "Skylar, he's not an imbecile!" my dad growled, "Let him have his few days, like he wanted. Let him get the chance to get what he needs out of there. Once he does, we'll have Claire in custody and he can go back to his life – and you can go back to yours."

    "What does that mean?" I frowned.

    "It means we're still having a talk about all this." he informed, "Don't call me and yell at me, Skylar. I'm trying to help you and your friend. You started all this. You're the one who bought a hooker!"

    I gasped, enraged.

    "I'm GLAD I bought a hooker!" I screamed, "Maybe I got more love and affection from HIM than I ever did from YOU!"

    I heard only dead silence on the other end. Right away I regretted saying that. My dad wasn't a big hugger or kisser, but he was a good father. He was always there for me when my mother wasn't. I remembered what John and Sophia were like to Ashton and I felt guilty for bashing my father when I obviously had it so good. I knew I was loved. And now I was hurting him because I was so afraid.

    "Dad…" I said, with tears in my voice.

    "Don't call me again." he said, like a machine, "I'm working to make sure your…friend…is alright. Let me do my job. I'll call you when I'm on my way back with him."

    He hung up and I winced, knowing that's how he reacted when hurt.

    "I'm sorry, dad." I said now, even though he couldn't hear me.

    I let my face fall on the pillow under me and heard myself crying as I remembered the wonderful way the bed sunk a bit when Ashton joined me here, the smell of him that still lingered in the quilt, the gentle masculine tone of his voice when he asked me, 'Can I hold you until you fall asleep?', and finally, the miraculous feeling of his hot, muscular arms curling around me, as if afraid to break me by holding too tight.

    I tried to recreate the sensation of his body spooning behind mine as I lay here now, but the memory wasn't enough. I wanted to FEEL it again…for real. It seemed like a million years since he'd laid here with me. I want to see his little ducky lips in the morning…his arms curled up around him, my sweet little Thumper.

    I don't know how long I laid there crying before my cell rang again. When I went to open it, I noted the time was 3am. The name Dr. Collier on my screen.

    I answered it and frowned, saying, "What?"

    "I told you I'd call." James said, sounding insulted at my tone.

    "So, talk." I readied myself, "How is he?"

    "I think he's okay." James said and I hated how vague he sounded.

    "You THINK?" I asked.

    "Well I went there, acting like I was just there to hang out." James said, "We hung in her office for awhile and eventually I asked about Ashton. She said he was sleeping."

    I huffed, "Sleeping?"

    If Ashton was free, and she thought he was asleep, he'd have a chance to get that evidence, maybe.

    "That's what she said." James let out a breath, "I couldn't ask too much more or she'd get all weird and suspicious."

    Maybe he passed out…or she knocked him out. That seemed more realistic. I couldn't picture her tucking him in for the night, kissing his forehead.

    And again, I was terribly worried about Ashton. James was supposed to try and ease my mind, not that he would even if he told me Ashton was fine.

    "Gee, James, thanks for putting yourself on the line and checking on him." I said, my voice thick with sarcasm, "I guess now we can be partners. You have my complete trust now."

    "I know, I got nothing tonight." he said, "But I'll check again tomorrow afternoon."

    "Whatever." I sighed, feeling a huge pain in my forehead.

    "So…what about going with me…to Claire's?" James asked, "What should I tell her? I mean, I wouldn't really take you in there, but I have to tell her something. It'll buy us a little time if I tell her yes."

    Part of me thought it wouldn't be a bad plan to go in there with him, acting like I was falling into her trap, and then turning things around on her. If I could trust James, I would do it in a minute. It would be faster than my father's plan of waiting and peeking in garbage bags in the back alley of the club. I could wear a bug on me or sneak it in if she took me to Ashton. But then I would need my dad.

    God, Ashton would freak if Claire and James came dragging me in there. And I would freak if I saw something horrible happening to him on the other side of the coin. Maybe if I bought bullets for Ashton's cop gun, that would be wiser than just clicking the trigger. I knew how to shoot, being William’s daughter, and I knew how to buy bullets.

    But could I really shoot at a human being? Even her? And what if she got my gun somehow? Ashton could get hurt. I could get hurt. My dad, too.

    How do cops do this every day and not go crazy? Everything I think up is so risky, for all of us. But the only thing worse than any of my plans was no plan at all. I have to do something. I can't sit here anymore and wish upon a star for my happy ending. Our happy ending.

    I have to get out there and make it happen.

    I picked up the phone, glad to see Riley was a flashing name on the list. Would she get mad at me for calling at this hour? Probably. But she's Riley, so I know she'll forgive me. I know she'll want to help us. I know this is a good place to start.