#redditworthy

Search for my soul and you will know what I'm talking about

IIn the crowd, when you were with somebody else I was searching for you

I Think it is my fault

MY fault

THat I didn't look carefully enough, or many I was wrong about you

I'm not gonna lie to you, I felt alone I felt lonly cause I felt alone in the crowd

I feel alone when you are talking to me because you are not talking to me, you are talking to the mask I created

Thats why

You saw my smile not my tears

Again my fault, again my fault it always is

my fault that I didn't make enough efforts my fault that I never felt pretty

I Headed 'life is a costume party' and I whent with my real face. It reached my heart and I hope it reaches my soul, the lost child I hope it dose. Maby I will stop feeling alone with my thoughts, my smile my tears. Many I will stop feeling alone with myself. But untill that day, all you see is my smile never my tears I will still feel alone with myself. I will still need my red panda teddybear and squash from the deddybears™ still need the lullaby bunny thats twenty three years old, still need comfort for my nightmares. And yet on top of all that I have autism. I have adhd. I have minor depression. I have severe anxiety. I have ptsd. And all that comforts me is a stupid goddamn book! And red panda! I have no friends that understand my situation. No friends that understand why said book series is so important to me. So I use the same mask I made for you my stupid pittyful ex and ex bestfriend. You betrayed me and made matters worse. So now I dont trust my best friend of forever since now, or my boyfriend. So I don't show. I don't show me. And it all circles back to two people. You and my mum.

TThank you for your time I was crying while writing this😭😭😭😭.