My ACLS instructor reduced me to tears after class today. I was wound hella tight on caffeine and could literally feel my body vibrating (like it still is right now 😬 ) and stumbled through my scenario, leaning heavily on my team. I thought I was going to have to retest.
Instead he tells me that I’m good at what I do, and I need to stop selling myself short as being “just” a shrink and barely being allowed to practice BLS, let alone act as a paramedic in my jurisdiction. That I’m not confident in myself and my knowledge, but I should be, since I’ve demonstrated that I have the knowledge and skills. That I have unique training that not a ton of people in my shoes have and that I can make a difference in a big way.
With a few more comments, I figured out that he sits on the state review panel that cleared me of everything. He recognized my name from the start of class. And he thinks my jurisdictional medical leadership is full of hooey.
Basically he kept building me up to the point that I started crying. But then typical Marine, starts getting flustered and “Doc, sorry if I upset you. That’s not what I wanted.” So I explained that these were the relief tears, the knowing that someone thinks I’m good at what I’ve spent half of my life doing, even if certain parts of my leadership don’t. Someone who’s part of the bigger organization can see that. And then offered pep talks and introductions because there’s so much more beyond the world of that one little jurisdiction and I have so much to offer.
Not what I was expecting to come out of class today. Definitely not what I was expecting when he asked to see me after the test. My therapist will feel vindicated, since he’s been saying some of this all along
