What’s wrong? What’s wrong?
What’s wrong is that you make me feel like I don’t matter. You literally talk to people the time we’re together - you never fucking put your phone down. But when we’re apart, you can’t text me back. You literally ignored me for basically two whole days. Why are you ignoring me? Are you doing something you don’t want me to interrupt? So I look because now you made me feel like you’re sketchy and sure as fuckingshit. You’re ignoring me and you invite HER to go look at cars with you. Knowing how I feel about her and the whole situation.
You ignore me to try to invite her to do something. I already fucking hate myself and now I’m looking even harder at myself and everything I fucking hate. I just fucking went to bed last night because I sitting there fucking going down the list in my head making sure I didn’t forget to tell myself how fucking disgusting I am. I mean, look at her. She’s perfect. She’s not mentally ill, she likes cars, she’s blonde, she’s pretty, she smiles, she has it all and i’m literally a fucking pile of shit compared to her.
But god forbid I tell you what’s going on because then you’ll make me feel like shit over feeling like shit because you made me feel like shit and then you’re mad at me for being upset and mad at you for making me upset and nothing ever fucking gets resolved anyways - you just get mad and refuse to talk to me and then when you do, it’s like nothing happened. We don’t fucking talk about it. Because why bother fixing things with someone you gave up on. Why bother making me feel secure when it’s so much funnier to you to just fucking act like i’m not there.
I said to you last night. “I wish you talked to me like you talked to them, instead you ignore me, you literally like everything more than me, i’m the only person you ignore” and you laughed and said I love you and that was that. It’s not funny. “Fix yourself” you said. You can’t fucking fix borderline and i’m trying so hard to be better and you’re making me want to be worse. what the fuck.