anakin: no i’m not mad. i’m happy, i’m thrilled. i love looking like an idiot.

Chapter Six of the fic "The General's Lady"

A teaser:

“What is he talking about?” Ahsoka mouthed, trying not to giggle.

Padmé gave a small shrug, using her foot to move her chair from side to side. She watched Anakin take a breath, and gently broke in. “What about Obi-Wan and Satine? In Basic please?”

Anakin looks like he’s in the middle of propositioning Obi-wan. 

(Behind a crate? Real romantic, Skywalker. I see your strategies haven’t changed since you tried to woo Padmé with your opinions about sand.)

So I'm sure plenty of you have seen this comic - as explained by the Youtube channel “Star Wars theory” here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwe7BKSUPTI 

(hopefully the link works)

...which reveals that had Anakin and Padmé lived, he would have named Luke “Jinn.”

To reiterate what Star Wars theory said - Anakin wanting to name Luke “Jinn” and not Obi-Wan or Ben makes sense, as Qui-Gon Jinn was the one to save him from Tatooine.

Qui-Gon, whom was a maverick Jedi and completely like Obi-Wan, whom Vader despised in the end.

But I don't want to talk about the sad! Oh no, I want to talk about the happy AU where everyone survived and everything was swell.

-Where Anakin and Padmé fought over names once it was revealed it was twins. For the girl, they can't decide between Leia and Shmi - but they have a massive row over their boy’s name.

-Anakin wants Jinn, for his grandmaster, and Padmé wants Luke. “It's light in Nubian, Ani!” “But Qui-Gon brought us together!” “Get Obi-Wan's blessing if you want the name so bad.”

He sighs heavily, and trudges to the Temple the next day because there is no arguing with his very crabby and pregnant wife.

Obi-Wan is teaching a group of younglings meditation techniques in the Room of Thousand Fountains. It's eerily still and humid in there, and Anakin can feel himself smiling as he sits in the back of the class next to a wide-eyed little girl. He puts a finger to his lips, deciding (for once) to give a good example and begin meditating.

When class is over, Anakin asks his question

Obi-Wan stares at him for some time, unblinking and quiet. Finally, he claps a hand on Anakin's shoulder and goes, “Nope.”

“Wha - what? Master!” Anakin all but whines while they walk through the Temple. He gets a couple of side-eyes - news of his marriage had shaken the Order to the core, but given the events of the past few weeks (Palpatine), no one had time to question him. “Why not?”

“Because, Anakin,” Obi-Wan is impeccably calm while he walks a few feet ahead of his padawan. “Satine claimed the name for our child - a daughter, hopefully. A tad confusing, don't you think, to have two names in one family?”

Anakin skids to a halt, mouth gaping. “You - the Duchess but - wha? How-?”

Obi-Wan was smirking when he turned around. “Well Anakin - when two people love each other very-”

“I meant when,” Anakin practically screeched, covering his ears. “Ah - I do not need that image in my head.”

“You asked,” Obi-Wan said with a shrug. “Really, Anakin, must you be so immature? It's basic biology.”

“But you're - and -”

“When did we leave Mandalore? Six, seven weeks ago? Could have been earlier than that, though. She’s not exactly certain about the timing. I believe - Anakin, close your mouth, you'll catch flies.”

Anakin snapped his mouth closed, shaking his head incredulously when he spotted his own padawan coming towards them. “I always thought Korkie was your - oh come on! Him too?! How many children do you two have?!"

"Just Korkie and the new baby - what? Something wrong?"

Anakin shook his head. "How come you never told me? Told anyone about - wait, are you two married?!"

Obi-Wan shrugged again, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. "No, we're not. As far not telling you - it didn't seem necessary. My private life and affairs are mine alone."

"It would have been nice to have some help, Master."

"Regarding a quiet affair?" Obi-Wan murmuered delicately while he strode to the nearest window. "Well...I cannot make up for my mistakes in the past - but you have both Satine and I, Anakin, to aid in caring for your brood - and I'm quite sure half the Order and GAR will help you too, once the shock has passed."

"You're...staying in the Order? But what about the baby?"

"Satine thinks it might be best to give the throne to Korkie and take Tal Merrick's place in the Senate, as it's still vacant."

Anakin ran a hand down his face, his face impassive for a free moments before he started giggling.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked catiously.

"Master...you guys did it."

Does anyone actually KNOW what happened on that planet?

Or is it so ridiculously embarrassing for Obi-Wan he stops all anyone who speaks of it?

What happened?

He even stops Cody from talking about it - so it must have happened early in the Clone Wars.

So…

Did Cody tell new recruits about it? Were there strategy meetings of the Third Systems Army where no one could look at Obi-Wan with a straight face? Did Anakin tell Ahsoka, and did Obi-Wan groan because “Really, Anakin, that was months ago - no she really does not need this information. Stop talking, please and thank you.

What happened in the Temple? Did the Jedi Council mutter about it? Was Obi-Wan given a particularly tricky situation, and did Mace deadpan, “Make sure it's not another Cato Neimoidia?” Did Obi-Wan slouch in his seat when Yoda snickered, “Fall into a nest of Gundarks, you should not, Master Kenobi."

Was this widespread throughout the Republic? Did hackers try to figure out what happened? Did Obi-Wan hire people to take down information about it, because Force forbid someone find out his stellar reputation had flaws in it?

Did someone eventually take pity on Satine (cough*Anakin*cough), and did she think it was absolutely hilarious?

Did Obi-Wan eventually snap, and for some obscure reason, when Luke is cleaning R2, there's a holorecording of THE Obi-Wan Kenobi chasing Anakin Skywalker around a ship bridge yelling, “That was supposed to be confidential, Anakin Skywalker!”

Luke can't figure out who the blonde woman laughing is in the background, or the two clones shaking their heads, or the Admiral muttering, “Why didn't I request a transfer?” He does ask Ahsoka about it, on one of her rare days where she is around and she just winks and says, “The Force works in mysterious ways, young Skywalker.”

She doesn't tell him that Obi-Wan is yelling from the Cosmic Force: "Ahsoka! Ahsoka, for the love of the Force - DO NOT TELL HIM!" Followed by Anakin, whose saying, "Tell him tell him tell him!"