#reading experiences

It's not surprising, that the authors, who put their heart and soul in their writing, have mixed feelings when they post the final chapter. They are happy when they brought their fics to a conclusion and achieved their goal, that they maybe had in mind from the very beginning or that only developed during the journey – especially if this was their first multi-chapter fic ever to finish, as was the case with the amazing “let gravity be my sculptor” by luminoussbeings @gaysie, who called it a “learning experience” and wrote “I’m glad I tried this” (me, too). And probably every author one day has the certain feeling, that there is nothing more to tell. “It was time to wrap it up”, @alernun once said to me in a reply to my comment on “Atonement”. Thunder_Puss @pickingbelovedoffthesofa put it into similar words, when they summarized the last chapter of “Houseboy Molloy” simply with “Putting a bow on it”. But they also made no secret of the more frightening aspects of finality: “I get nervous when finishing stories. I have thoughts like ‘but what if I want to go back to that world and add something?’” It’s not unlikely, that it can be painful and sad, when you have to leave your beloved characters, who were accompanying you for a considerable amount of time. “This is such a bittersweet moment to me – I can’t believe it’s over!”, @graygiantess wrote at the end of “Camboy Molloy”, and you commiserate with her. Does it even scare some authors to finish their stories? For sure, I can imagine. Maybe all of a sudden you lose the confidence in your abilities, a dark abyss of doubt yawning before you. Will you measure up to the readers’ expectations, and even worse: will you measure up to your own demands? And maybe in daily life nobody knows how highly talented you are. But you are – the love of your readers has long been yours.

Not only writing, but also reading the final chapter causes mixed feelings, at least in my experience. After having read the first few chapters and very often right after chapter one, sometimes even after the first few sentences, I fall in love with the story and carry it in my heart. And when the story develops, I pretty soon wish, that it would never end. That’s why it’s such a delight, when the chapter number constantly spirals upwards and the authors realize, that they have much more to say. Therefore @welcomingdisaster admitted in their final chapter: “I had no idea this fic would end up so involved or so long […].” And yet you also want to know what the story is heading for. So one day you open the final chapter with a languorous and wistfully sigh, ready to get all the answers, ready to devour with bated breath until the final revelation. “The good nurse” and “let gravity be my sculptor” are perfect examples for this kind of plot structure – I think I never cried so hard as I did while reading the final chapter of the latter. Others finish their fics with an epilogue, and how wonderful is that! It feels like a delicious dessert after the tension has already been resolved. Once, as the author had announced an epilogue as final chapter, I compared this with a really hot orgasm’s afterglow and honestly, what could be better?! And funnily enough back then this epilogue really was about an afterglow setting – have a look at the great “Holy Trinity” by @animalceramics. “Houseboy Molloy” has an epilogue, too, and Thunder_Puss @pickingbelovedoffthesofa called it “in fairytale fashion”. And @graygiantess gave her “Camboy Molloy” an extremely hilarious epilogue. I think these examples make clear, that there is no way I feel scared when I’m about to read the final chapter. No, I trust the authors, who seem to know so very precisely, what I need, who seem to know me in a wondrous way und who speak directly to their readers’ souls with their stories. And the main difference between writing and reading is, that I can reread my favourite fics as often as I like while writing is a one-off process – you won’t rewrite your fic. So to all the authors out there: This is a loveletter to all of you, who took and take the bold step to tell a story over a longer period of time and finish it one day. My heartfelt thanks!

Aaaand once again I apologize for my absence :-/

This chapter is a good one too! Fear Her is one of my favorite episodes because it’s so shippy… It’s so obvious that the Doctor and Rose are in a romantic relationship now. And the new additions that come with Nanon are so perfect! The promises of what is to come on their next trip—sexxxxxxx ;D—is so exciting. I’m ready for them to cross this last major hurdle of intimacy, and I know the Doctor and Rose are too.

But back to the mystery at hand.

I love how protective and worried the Doctor gets of Rose when she calls out for him after opening Chloe Webber’s closet and unleashing the Beast Dad drawing. And I love the telepathic reassurance Rose gives the Doctor.

The scene where the Doctor explains the Isolus has always been one of my favorites from Doctor Who, and now here in Nanon it has more significance. The parallel between the Isolus and its family with the Doctor and Rose is so blatantly, adorably obvious, but it’s even more adorable now that they’re bonded and in a relationship. I love this scene so much.

Ahhh, and their teasing banter on their way back to the TARDIS :’) They’re so cute and I could live in this story. Well, this series. And I frequently do.

Now they’re on the TARDIS and the topic of kids comes up and the Doctor tries to figure out Rose’s conflicting emotions about the Isolus child. I definitely prefer the way Nancy reworked Rose in this scene. I love Rose dearly, but she was a little frustratingly obstinate in canon. I get it, I don’t particularly like kids, but Rose is more compassionate than I am, and to see her write off the Isolus as a spoiled brat irked me.

But here Rose talks out her confusion as to whether they can trust the Isolus, and the Doctor tries to get her to be more compassionate. And the fact that he was a dad once slips out.

I love that the Doctor expands more on this than he did in canon. And I love that Rose is only shocked, and not disgusted or appalled or anything else negative the Doctor might have expected. Of course she isn’t. She loves all of him, past, present, and future, and the fact of his former fatherhood is part of his past.

So, with that piece of information shared and the Isolus ship detector in hand, they set off to find the ship and send the lonely little Isolus home…

…Except the Isolus takes the Doctor and the TARDIS. Uh oh. But at the same time… yesssss. We’ll get to see protective!Rose/badass!Rose in action, and I love that Rose so much :D

-- by @lastbluetardis

First, my deepest apologies for that sudden and unintentional hiatus. But I’m back, and excited to continue this!

So, we’re on to one of my favorite sections! The post-bonding, pre-shagging fluff! Let’s be real, this is exactly what the episode Fear Her is, even in canon. There is no way to deny that they were totally shagging by this point, what with his unbuttoned shirt and lack of tie and their teasing roleplaying as two police officers…

Here in Nanon, they haven’t shagged yet (much to the Doctor’s and Rose’s growing frustration), but they’re still enjoying the build-up. I love that they’re both teasing each other with hints of things to come, and it’s hilarious to watch as they head off to the Olympics.

But, not all is as well as it seems.

Not only are there children missing, but the Doctor finally catches onto the Weird Rose Things I’ve been highlighting for months now. Namely, that she can feel the tingle of the ionic energy from the kids’ disappearances. And of course the Doctor needs to know right now about every Weird Rose thing, and is getting more and more concerned/hopeful as she ticks them off.

But they get interrupted by the frightened, angry locals, so they go and talk with the frightened and angry locals to try and get the scoop on what is going on. And they finally find the place where one of the kids went missing, only to bring up the conversation of Weird Rose Things once more. Like how the ionic energy is prickling across Rose’s skin when she shouldn’t be able to feel it. All of this plus the things that Rose mentions to him are making him more hopeful… But for what, we’ll have to wait and see.

They realize that this is neither the time nor the place to be discussing the Weird Rose Things, not when there are kids missing. So, they agree to finish up this investigation and then check it out when they get home.

And here we also get a little insight on the customs surrounding Gallifreyan bonding, more specifically, the rule of never lying to your bondmate when Rose teasingly asks him if he’s jealous of a cat. I mean, that almost seems like a given—you shouldn’t lie to your partner anyway—but I like that it’s an explicit thing the Doctor takes note of because this comes up in a few chapters and causes a bit of a hiccup between him and Rose.

But I’m getting too excited.

So they go off to try and figure out what is harnessing/creating all of this ionic energy and snatching the kids. This is where Rose runs into the scribble creature and the Doctor rushes back to her rescue. This is an adorable moment in canon, and just as adorable in Nanon, perhaps even more so because Rose can feel how worried the Doctor had been for her safety. I’m a complete sucker for protective!Doctor, no matter how small the mention.

And we end this chapter with more sexy roleplaying as they figured out that the scribble creature was probably created by a child’s drawings that somehow come to life. I love that Rose is the one to catch onto this detail; it shows just how well the Doctor and Rose complement each other with him getting the gist of the big picture and Rose finding the little details that help piece it all together. They are such a great team.

And it’s hilarious how turned on the Doctor gets just from Rose being clever. He is so smitten, it’s adorable.

So after a brief but steamy snog, they reluctantly break apart and go after the girl to try and piece together the mystery.

And this is where we leave them, in giddy excitement and in a perpetual state of sexual frustration. I love it!

-- by @lastbluetardis

Okay, let me just start by saying: I FREAKING LOVE THIS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!! I literally cannot convey my love for it well enough, or eloquently enough, so be prepared for a lot of screaming and flailing. So with that, let’s begin:

This chapter picks up the morning after last chapter, and the Doctor is so adorably precious in his nervousness about telling Rose more information about Time Lord courtship rituals, aka, bonding. But the poor dear thinks Rose forgot all about her sleepy request, and is trying hard not to be disappointed.

But then Rose catches him off guard by asking him to tell her more about the bonding!!!!!!!!! This scene is just so precious, with his nervousness and her complete acceptance of who he is and her willingness to understand something that is so important to him. I literally can’t even!!!!!!!!!!

Then comes the Oncoming Babble. I love that he babbles when he’s nervous, and I love that Rose is there to help calm him as she can and assure him that she really, truly loves him, which helps him get past his rambling side note about Dalavathi courtship and customs. His voice here is so on point in this scene, I love him so much!!

Now comes the adorably awkward revelation of telepathic bonding, and how telepathic intimacy is just another layer their relationship could have. The poor Doctor is having troubles tamping down his sexual (and mental) desire for Rose. Patience, Doctor, that’ll come soon(ish) enough!!

But the Doctor continues explaining what sex and physical intimacy was like for his people (nearly nonexistent), which Rose takes to mean that he physically can’t have sex, and he hastily assures her that he very much can (AND VERY MUCH WANTS TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I laughed at his internal comment about how inappropriate for the conversation it would be to bring up vestigial penises. Ohhh, the precious idiot!

So, now that that has been clarified, the Doctor moves on to explaining how a telepathic bond kept two people together even through regeneration, and he highlights the stuffiness of his lot as he tells Rose that bonded pairs were selected and analyzed very carefully for compatibility. How boring. Necessary, and logical, but boring.

It’s so cute how he reassures her that even if he should regenerate (which hopefully won’t be for a good long while!), he would still very much want her, because he is so utterly and completely in love with her. :’) How precious! And he uses one of my favorite quotes to describe the depth of his love for her and how long he’s been in love: “I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.” Nancy and I are always flailing about how Nine didn’t realize he was falling for Rose until he was already hopelessly in love with her, and I love that the Doctor actually tells her this in this story. It’s so precious and romantic.

After breaking for a cute little kiss because they are hopelessly in love with each other, the Doctor continues this in depth discussion about bonding, and how different it would feel compared to what they had now, and how completely intimate it is.

And then we get to the miscommunication, wherein Rose pulls back emotionally from the Doctor when he tells her that a full telepathic bond can only be broken by the death of a bond mate, leaving the Doctor understandably confused and desperately trying to figure out where he went wrong. At first he assumes it was just too much of an information dump, but then Rose goes on about her forever not being long enough for him and how she already knows he’ll stay with her (and she’ll stay with him), but she’s upset that her human lifespan is keeping him from wanting a bond with her.

I love this part so much, because it really highlights both of their insecurities: Rose’s, that she’s too human with too short a life span for the Doctor; the Doctor, that Rose wouldn’t want to have someone like him in her mind. And I love how quick they are to reassure each other once they realize what the miscommunication was all about. Have I mentioned how much I love this scene??!?!?! :’)

The Doctor is quick to assure her that her age and lifespan doesn’t matter to him, but he is nervous about her reaction if she were to see him completely for who he is.

And Rose is so precious here in reassuring him and telling him that she loves him so much, and even though she doesn’t know all of the details about some of his past, she knows enough, and loves him despite all of that, because his past and experiences are what makes him the Doctor she knows and loves today, so she would embrace the gift of sharing in his mind. :’) I FREAKING LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So with that misunderstanding out of the way, there isn’t anything left standing between them. LET’S GO BOND!!!!!!!!! Well, sort-of bond. Provisionally bond. Like an engagement. I love that bonding is a tiered process, and they can have this “trial period” before deciding if they want a fully-fledged marriage bond (YOU DO, YOU IDIOTS!!!!!!)

The Doctor takes her somewhere special for this occasion, and it’s that rocky planet we get a five-second glimpse of at the beginning of Army of Ghosts (yeah, you know the scene I’m talking about, with the “How long are you going to stay with me?” and the “Forever.” :’) ). So he takes her there, a place where the Medusa Cascade is visible, and he explains to her the importance of the Medusa Cascade:

«Rose’s teasing retort was forgotten when he opened the doors. She gasped in awe as she stepped out of the TARDIS into a deep canyon filled with amazing rock formations. The planet’s sun had just risen, and the pinkish light of dawn lit the tops of the canyon walls. Above them, two giant rays soared through the sky.

“S’beautiful, Doctor,” she breathed. “What is it?”

“This is Makuyu. And that up there,” he pointed to a streak in the sky glowing blue and pink, “is the Medusa Cascade, where there used to be a rift in time and space.”

“Like in Cardiff?”

“Well yes, but this is really much prettier.”

She felt he was holding something back, but after all the revelations of the day, she didn’t push him on this point. The Medusa Cascade was special to him in some way, and he’d chosen to bring her here. That was all she needed to know. “You said it used to be a rift. What is it now?” she asked, watching as the band of colour faded in the brightening sky.

“Now it’s a causal nexus. Out there, the fabric of time was once rent in a way that should have caused a universe destroying paradox, but instead, it became relatively stable. It’s still a place where the timelines are in flux, though. In a manner of speaking, from here, anything could happen.”

When they couldn’t see it anymore, the Doctor tugged Rose closer, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Can you see them?” he whispered.

Rose closed her eyes and tried to pay attention to the gold strands she’d started to see recently. She saw the ones belonging to herself and the Doctor, but she instinctively ignored those, instead following a different one at random. At each point along the timeline, there were four or five variations of events, some drastically different and some just mild alterations.

She drew in a sharp breath as time flowed around her. “Yeah. Yeah, I see it.”

“It’s a place of infinite possibility, which isn’t how I usually see time. But here, anything can happen—even things I thought were impossible.”

Rose finally started to catch on to his purpose. “I like being in a universe of the possible, instead of the impossible.”»

Ahhh, this scene is just so freaking precious!!!! The Doctor still is a precious, nervous dork, so Rose helps him get on to the actual making of the bond by reaffirming that she wants it. The Doctor explains the stuffiness of the old ceremony back on Gallifrey before he finally starts initiating the bond, and Rose accepts the offer of a bond. That iconic “How long are you going to stay with me?” “Forever.” exchange is the perfect scene to have them make an engagement bond.

And then there is some really hot and sexy snogging going on after the bond is made, because now they can feel each other’s want and arousal. Things are progressing quite nicely, and they’re about two seconds from shagging on that rocky planet, when the Doctor regains a bit of his senses and stops them from going any further, much to Rose’s (and my) frustration. But Rose understands his desire to get used to their bond before progressing their relationship physically.

And this is where we leave our adorable, sexually-frustrated, newly-engaged/bonded couple.

I just love this chapter so much!!! It really marks a major shift in their relationship, and makes it seem so much more permanent and ever-lasting. I love telepathic bonding so much, and this fic is absolutely beautiful with it, and is the epitome of a fantastic, romantic bonding fic :’)

So, now we get to watch them bask in this new step in their relationship and simmer in sexual frustration for a few more weeks!

-- by @lastbluetardis