#reader b

Is this what Sonny felt like as the head of the motorcycle club? Taking hit after hit, heavy piece of news after the next? Feeling rocked without a chance to regain his footing before the next hit? If so, you owed him an apology for not seeing it sooner. Turns out the matriarch has a huge blind spot, too. 

You winced as your teeth sank too deeply against your bottom lip. 

The robe stays on.

You glanced at the couch as you passed by it again. The gun on the coffee table sat unassumingly nestled between the remote and a candle. The yellow tape marked it as the play gun. The real gun, yes, but the one that had never been loaded, never been shot, never been used for anything except play. You had always assumed Sonny hadn’t looked too hard at why he got off to gun play, but maybe you were wrong. Sure, you had been the initiator, but you also knew that Sonny adored you. Especially in the early years, he was incredibly cautious with you when it came to anything physical between you. “Early years Sonny” was not current day Sonny.

The sound of his motorcycle got louder as he drew towards the house and it drew your attention back to the room. Back to the refrigerator which was humming loudly in the kitchen. Back to the sudden dryness in your mouth. Back to where the fuck to be in the room when Sonny came through the door. 

You rolled your eyes at yourself and shook yourself slightly. Sonny would see the gun on the coffee table. He would see the robe and probably, truth be told, the tension in your body, and he would get it. Before you could drift again, keys were jangling at the door a beat before it pushed open.

Your feet took you across the room and you finally got to do something with your restless energy. Sonny turned to greet you with a ghost of a smile across his face. Crinkles appeared around his warm eyes, but you didn’t miss the way his gaze snagged on your robe before coming back to your face.

“Welcome home,” you murmured before he could say anything - ask anything. Hands reached towards his vest before you closed the distance between you and used the buttery leather to pull you in to him. 

“Missed you.” Murmured again, but this time against his mouth.

“What a welcome,” Sonny breathed into your mouth. 

His head angled and he deepened the kiss momentarily. A hum reverberated between you as your teeth sunk into his bottom lip now. You weren’t even sure who it came from. 

“Guy could get used to this.”

You huffed a laugh into his face and stepped back half a step before sinking down easily. Sonny’s boots were so dusty it was almost hard to make sense of the knotted laces. There was a strangled noise from above you as your fingers began gently untangling them.

“You don’t have to doll that, doll.” Sonny’s protest was low. You thought of the gentle peaks of meringue as tension in the room spun a little thicker.

“Wanted to give you a proper welcome home.” 

Your words were spoken to his feet as you gently tugged on his calf so he would lift up. Each boot was heavy as you pulled and coaxed one after the other off of his feet. They made a small thud as the fell to the floor slightly askew. You fought the urge to straighten then just to have something to do with your hands and a reason to delay the inevitable. A big part of you didn’t want to stand back up.

Finally, you let your fingers drag against the rough denim over his shins, squeezed gently, then slide back up and caged closely against him. Sonny’s expression flickered again as you made eye contact, but you didn’t have enough time to parse his first expression. Now…now, he was looking at you like you were something very important. He was looking at you with an expression that reminded you of when you first got together. The single-minded intensity stripped you more bare than you were ready for and you allowed your gaze to dart in the direction of kitchen as the humming in the background ceased.

His hands framed your face in a warm and calloused grip. The skin against his the balls of his hand stood in stark relief to the softness of your face. It was the warmth and the grip that steadied you briefly. His shoulders hunched up to his shoulders as he hunched down to kiss again in a brief but searing kiss. 

Sonny’s fingers dropped and tangled in yours as he tugged you in the direction of the living room. “Come with me, doll.”

Your heart kicked up an impressive rhythm as you trailed behind him obediently. But it wasn’t in the direction of the coffee table or couch that he led you. Instead, Sonny cut a path to the large armchair juxtaposed next to the couch. His legs spread open wide after he turned and sank into it. With a slouch, he tilted his head subtly.

“You look so nice,” he rasped with a heated gleam in his eyes. 

The sweep of his eyes was followed by goosebumps and you swore you could feel where his eyes traced and where they lingered. The corners of his mouth turned up a little and he sank a little lower into the chair.

“Could I get a full three sixty?” 

His tone was pleasant, but hard to parse. Was he trying to set you at ease or put you on edge? On one hand, his lack of questions set you at ease. On the other, having you stand while he gazed at you was not what you had in mind. You wanted him to touch you.

Without responding audibly you nodded and chewed the inside of your cheek as you turned around slowly. What the actual fuck was going on with you? You’d been with Sonny more times than anyone could hope to count and here you were, married, in the living room of the house you owned, feeling bashful in a robe as you turned in a circle? Wilder things had occurred in high school than what was happening right now. Knowing that didn’t cool your cheeks that felt warm with something uncomfortable and too difficult to name as you slowly came to face him again.

The skin between Sonny’s eyes tugged down and the corners of his mouth mirrored them.

“Doll?” His tone was still quiet, but he looked concerned now. 

You shrugged and glanced up towards the ceiling as the discomfort grew. “Can you touch me?” you asked. “Please.” You added in a small voice.

“Oh, I’m going to touch you” Sonny reassured and the edges of his words were warm. “I’m just enjoying the view first, if that’s okay.” 

Okay, so he was not trying to make you uncomfortable. He was probably trying to figure out what the fuck you wanted. 

“I spent my day in a wood shop looking at a bunch of guys,” Sonny said with half a sigh. “To come home to this view? I have to savor it a little before I muss you up.” 

A smile flashed across his across and the skin of your cheeks cooled and then heated again for another reason. Emboldened by his admiration, you let your fingers trail to the sash of the robe. You glanced between it and his face and this time when you sank your teeth into your bottom lip it was in tease and not anxiety.

“By all means,” Sonny said with an amused smile and dramatic roll of his wrist.

Satin slipped through your fingers as you tugged and let the loose bow come undone. The robe didn’t open much as he sash fell against your thighs, so you helped it along and let the collar drift from your shoulders to your elbows.

“Jesus Christ,” Sonny swore as he stood in one abrupt movement.

He crossed the distance between you two in two steps before he sank to his knees. Warm hands framed your hips as Sonny nosed against your abdomen. You clenched and felt your arousal slide out of you honey slow. It was too tempting to let your hands fall to the top of his head, so you didn’t fight it as you let your fingers sink into his head. 

“Gotta taste you,” Sonny rasped wetly against your skin, thumbs hooking on the edges of the robe and pulling it further down.

His nose trailed a line to the top of your mound and he coaxed your legs wider apart. One of his hands drifted to rest on your belly. His thumb parted your lips and bared your clitoris to him. Without pretense or hesitation, he latched onto you. Alternating between short quick stroke strokes and long firm strokes of his tongue pulled a noise from the back of your throat. Your hands flailed out, grasping at nothing but air as you fought for stability.

Sonny used the opportunity to coax your thigh over his shoulder and he let the hand drift away from your abdomen to form a strong support at your back. Caught between the cage of his grip, his mouth, his heat and you finally felt your brain quiet. Two fingers slipped into you and you were brought back to the moment. Sonny’s glance flicked up to yours as you gasped audibly this time. 

“Sonny,” you half gasped half whimpered. You didn’t even know what you were asking for, but it came out like a plea.

“Got you, doll,” Sonny promised in the same low voice. “Let yourself fall apart for me.”

His thumb circled around your clit as his fingers thrust into you and your hand flew up to grip his free shoulder in a tight grip. A hum of approval traveled up his arm and you shivered with arousal. 

“There you go,” Sonny praised. 

You preened under the approval and when you glanced at him again the smile ghosting around his lips told you he noticed. “Good girl,” he murmured in approval again. He picked up his pace, driving his fingers into you in an unrelenting pace as he thrummed at your clit.

“Pretty girl, come for me whenever you want.” 

“Fuck,” you swore as surprise and arousal ripped through you again. 

Sonny wasn’t exactly quiet in bed, but this level of attention and coaxing was going to make you combust after the day you had had. It was like he had nothing else to do and nothing else in mind. He was still fully clothed and when he pulled his fingers away to swipe at you with a leisurely lick of his tongue this time your knees buckled. He caught you easily and eased you to the ground. 

“Beautiful.” His gaze lasered between your thighs as he wedged his shoulders between them.

Before you could brace yourself, his mouth was dropping to your sex again and he <devoured> you. You let sensation wash over you as you writhed in his arms, thankful not for the first time that you lived in a house. Especially when Sonny sank three fingers into you and sucked your clit at the same time. His shoulders prevented your involuntarily tensing and he only sped up his ministrations. Your eyes drifted to the gun on the table and a wisp of a thought brushed against your brain - weren’t you intending this to be the other way around? - but your orgasm lit through you before you could say or do anything more.

“Good girl,” Sonny was saying as your moans tapered off and you whimpered, writhing in his grip. “I got you, doll. Come for me.”

“Fuck - Sonny!” you moaned again and another wave ripped through you, a second orgasm pushed over the edge by his words and the steady pace of his fingers. His gaze pinned you in the moment and you held it as you coasted down.

A giggle slipped through your lips involuntarily and Sonny smiled up at you. 

“There’s my girl,” he rasped and you giggled again. 

He pulled himself up to drape over you. The robe was cool against your skin as he pulled up an edge to cover the bits of your torso that his arm couldn’t cover. You couldn’t stop laughing as the chemicals in your brain spiked.

“I got you, doll,” Sonny said quietly against your temple.

Your laughter twisted abruptly into a sob and Sonny’s hand came up immediately to brush the suddenly falling tears.

“I got you,” he repeated firmly.

“Sonny, Sonny.” You couldn’t form a sentence between the sensation and the tears. All you could do was say his name like a prayer.

“I know,” Sonny answered as if you had said something coherent. “I know. I’ve got you, doll. I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

You cried harder and turned into his chest. His t-shirt was soft against your face and the smell of leather, cigarettes, sweat, and Sonny’s aftershave surrounded you. 

“I’ve got you,” he repeated firmly.

“This was supposed to be about you,” you managed to choke out. His hum tilted up like a question. “You were supposed to come home and I was supposed to be your gift.”

“You’re my gift every single fucking day,” Sonny said with a fierceness that startled you enough to stop your crying as abruptly as it had started. 

“Every day,” he said again with the same firmness as he thumbed at the last of your tears. 

“You know what I mean,” you mumbled. His skin was warm under your fingers as you gripped his forearm. 

“I know what you mean,” he allowed. “But you needed something different.” 

He said it like it was that simple and you realized you were right. Sonny would know. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “For letting me handle things with Daniel at my own pace.”

“I know you can handle yourself, but you do not have to do it alone. Okay? Don’t forget that.” Sonny peered down at you and brought his hand up to brush against your forehead.

“Why should I believe you?”

The car behind them blared their horn, but Veronica didn’t budge.

“What the—why would I lie about this? What benefit could I—Jesus!” Cameron stumbled over their words and startled back against the door when the car behind them swerved around them, still laying on their horn and swearing out the window. Veronica didn’t even turn.

“I don’t know how your mind words, Cameron. I’m not a—”

“This is real, okay?” Cameron cried as they threw their hands in the air. They fumbled with their phone and thrust it in Veronica’s face. “It’s clearly not nothing. What, do you want me to jump out the car and strip? Prove I have no weapons!?”

Veronica was silent long enough that Cameron’s eyes started to bug out of their head and they reached for the bottom of their shirt. Finally, Veronica looked away and shook her head. The light was yellow now, but she accelerated the car and starting moving in the same direction again.

“I’m tired of this shit,” she muttered under her breath, more to herself than anyone else.

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Her headlights cut through the growing darkness and as they edged nearer she slowed. In a split second decision she turned her headlights off when they were a mile away, nearly inching down the road before drawing to a stop just on the other side of where the dot on the map was still blinking. She kept her hands on the steering wheel and the car running. The intensity in the car racketed up and she grabbed her phone, ready to call Razor the second anything felt slightly funny. Not that there was much of a baseline considering how creepy the entire thing already felt. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she swallowed hard as she tried to peer out the window.

“Okay. Now what?” she asked quietly.

“Should we get out…?” Cameron asked. “Get a closer look?”

“A closer look? A closer look at what? It’s creepy and dark and I don’t see any other cars.” Veronica peered harder, nose nearly touching the glass of the window.

“The driveway is a little ways further down. It curves and then leads straight to the lake house.”

“Have you seen any horror movies?” Veronica hissed. She turned away from the window. “They get out of the car and split up and then something happens and they die. The car brakes get cut, someone’s ankle gets sliced off. I am not getting out. Frankly, between the two of us I’m not sure who would die first,” she muttered. “We’re horror movie fodder.”

“Okay, well we didn’t come this far to just—”

Two figures staggered out of the tall grass near the shoulder where the car was sitting and Veronica shrieked. Her hands fumbled around the steering wheel for the headlights. When she flicked them back on she had to blink hard, not believing her eyes. She leaned forward, already reaching for the car door handle with her hand.

“Is that…?” Cameron trailed off.

“Sonny’s old lady?” Veronica finished. She nodded and swore under her breath as she yanked the door open. “And Nick’s? Yeah.” She hopped out of the car, already bringing the phone up to her ear.

“Razor? We’ve got a situation. Get Nick.”

She wedged the phone between her ear and her shoulder and reached for the women. They were breathing hard and had twin terrified looks in their eyes. Clutching at each other and stumbling, it wasn’t until Veronica got closer that she noticed the zip ties still around their wrists and ankles. Cameron bounded towards them and dropped a shoulder to slide under and brace Sonny’s old lady as Veronica tugged the other woman towards her and into a hug.

“We’ve got to get out of here,” Veronica grit out as she turned towards the car. “What the fu—what the!? We’ve got to go!”

They made it all back to the car and Veronica punched the button to lock the doors. Razor finally got back to the line.

“Meet us at the parlor,” Veronica instructed. She glanced in her back seat. “It’s bad.”

“No,” Sonny’s old lady interrupted. “We’ve got to do something about the body. Have them meet us here.”

“Well, excuse me. You push me into a dark room—”

“The lights are on.”

You refused to be derailed by Sonny’s sparkling eyes and the smile playing around his lips.

“…and tell me you have a surprise. We just got married. What else is a girl to think?” you huffed and tried to maintain your stern expression, but you had gotten tripped up on the word married and you felt the fake frown melting off of your face like cotton candy in rain.

“This is better,” Sonny replied simply.

You felt your jaw drop. “Better than your—”

“You tell me,” Sonny cut you off as he leaned towards the bookshelf that was against the wall to your right.

You hadn’t even noticed it before, hadn’t noticed much of the room in general, to be honest. Now you took the time to glance around. It was a pretty standard all purpose kind of small event room; the kind that could be rented for a child’s small party or Bible study. The bookshelf had a three in one player on it and you couldn’t remember the last time you saw something that played cassettes and CDs. You couldn’t even remember the last time you saw a CD.

But now, Sonny was turning it on. He fiddled with the buttons for a few seconds and after a staticky haze music started coming through. The sound was surprisingly clear, even though the thing looked old, and he turned back to you and offered you his hand with a little bow. You slipped your palm into his immediately and let him pull you close. The memory of the two of practicing slow dancing in the living room seemed like lifetimes ago and you giggled at the memory of him pretending he had two left feet. Anything to get close to you and keep you entertained.

“This is the surprise.”

Sonny smiled down at you and rocked slowly side to side. You gave him a slightly quizzical look, still half smiling as you let him rock you. Something about the song was familiar, even though you hadn’t heard it before. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

“What, did you write me a song?” you half joked.

Sonny smiled and this time it didn’t quite reach his eyes and suddenly it hit you all at once. You could tell the moment he realized you were putting the pieces together. He tightened his grip around your waist and bit his bottom lip.

“It was Matty’s idea, kind of,” Sonny said. His smile still wasn’t reaching his eyes as he nodded in the direction of the player. Matty’s voice continued to croon and Sonny went on. “Said I needed to get you something special and reminded me that you don’t give a damn about material things. He said go with something sentimental.” Sonny shrugged and licked his lips. “So I asked if he’d put a poem I wrote to music. Thinking, hey, maybe I can write something and record it and he can do a little instrumental in the back. But, you know Matty.” You gave him a watery smile and sniffed. “He suggested I write a song and he’d sing it, since, and I quote, you don’t want to scare the girl with your voice.”

You scoffed and laughed, releasing some of the pent up emotions you were feeling. “Little does he know that you sing in the shower. That ship has sailed.”

Sonny laughed. “True.” Another small nod. “Anyway. So here it is. It’s been finished for ages, it was one of the first things I did after we got engaged, if you can believe it.”

“I believe it,” you replied softly as you looked up at him. You reached up to wipe the corner of his eye and he leaned into the touch. “I’m glad he could be here with us on our big day.”

“Me too,” Sonny cleared his throat and looked away briefly. You watched as his lower lip trembled and you leaned in closer to him. “It’s better, right? Better than you and I—”

“Better,” you agreed immediately. “The best.”

You shut the door behind him and when you turned back to Sonny he had an incredulous expression on his face. He sat down heavily in the chairs on the other side of your desk and dropped the take out on the only clean space he could find. Even though you were technically still transitioning from the floor to administrative work for the hospital, you were spending plenty of time getting caught up which meant lots of files to review. It was tiring in a different way than having patients for a solid twelve hours, but you were mostly just grateful that the hospital had even created this position for you.

“Don’t start,” you warned Sonny as you took a seat next to him. You began tearing open the bag of food and your mouth watered as the smell wafted towards your face.

“Don’t st—who the hell is that!?” Sonny’s arms waved in the air and you rolled your eyes at his dramatics.

“A doctor in the hospital who hits on anything that moves and isn’t a patient,” you replied in a calm voice. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to wor—“

“Are you going to parrot my words back to me or feed me?” you interrupted with a pretend pout. “There’s absolutely no reason to feel any kind of way other than amused by his antics.”

Sonny huffed, but leaned forward to help you unpack the food. You smiled and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek before grabbing plastic ware and handing a set over to him.

____________

later that night

“So, I did some digging,” Sonny announced out of the blue.

You hadn’t even heard him come into the bathroom so you startled. Clutching your chest, you sighed and exhaled hard before pulling back the shower curtain.

“Hope it was a shallow grave, because if you scare me like that in the bathroom again that’s where I’ll be headed,” you scolded.

His expression was contrite and he raised his hands in apology before moving your clothes out of the way so that he could sit on the closed toilet. You eyed him for a long moment before returning the curtain to its previous position and resuming your shower.

“Digging about what?”

“Your friend, Dr. Shaw.”

You let the shower water wash soap from your back and looked heavenward briefly. This was not your idea of a relaxing shower after work; Sonny digging around in some unimportant doctor’s life to make himself feel better was something you had no interest in hearing about.

“He’s not even my friend,” you corrected. You had to raise your voice a little to be heard over the rushing water, but you were a tad bit more forceful than necessary. “He’s a colleague. Not even one I spend a lot of time talking to.”

“Seemed to not be the case today,” Sonny replied blandly.

You reached out to shut off the water and yanked the shower curtain back.

“I was looking forward to a relaxing shower after a long day of work and you seriously come in here talking about some random guy?” Your exasperation made your movements choppy as you climbed over the tub and yanked your towel off the hook. You wrapped it around you and stared down at Sonny with a flat look. “Like, for real, Sonny?”

“I get a weird vibe from him!” He waved his arms around and got to his feet. Sonny rubbed brisk hands over the towel and gently unwound it to dry you off. “Something’s not right about that guy.”

“You saw him for—oof,” Sonny caught you in the face with the towel and you prodded at him to get him to move it. He snickered and moved it away to dry your arms. “You saw him for, like, ten seconds. Don’t you trust me?”

His smile dimmed and he nodded emphatically. “You’re not the one I don’t trust. I swear, Scout’s honor.” He looked earnest and held the fingers of one hand up by his side.

“Isn’t that the symbol for Girl Scouts?” you eyed critically. “Also, you were never a Scout and you’re a criminal. So about that honor bit…”

He clutched his chest and pretended to stagger back. “Ouch.” In the next beat he was fighting laughter and you tugged the towel out of his grip to finish drying off.

“And a menace, I might add.” You flung the towel back over his head and reached for your oversized t-shirt.

Sonny tugged the towel from over his head and let it drop to the floor. At your reproachful look, he hastened to pick it up and hang it back on the hook.

“I’m your menace.”

He edged closer to you with a warm look in his eye. His hands reached out for you and you batted them away and picked up your panties.

“Yeah, yeah. You ruined my relaxing shower so you owe me some relaxation before I go to sleep, buddy.” You stabbed a finger in the center of his chest after pulling the panties over your hips.

His eyes traced your motion and you pursed your lips at how singular minded he could be.

“I think I know just the—”

He was reaching for you again with a purposeful survey of your body, but you cut him off with a flat hand to his chest. You pushed him back a step and reached around him to open the bathroom door.

“No,” you cut off that line of thinking with a sniff. “I want something else.”

Sonny followed you out of the bathroom. “Something like what?” he asked in a confused tone.

You hid your smile against your chest, happy that he was behind you so he couldn’t see your face.

Nick spinning himself into circles over things that were resolved wasn’t new, but he had forgotten how much he tended to fixate. Losing touch with Nick over the years meant that the people they were now was worlds away from who they used to be. For a lot of different reasons. Still, every once in awhile someone would feel so achingly familiar that Sonny would feel like high school was just yesterday rather than over a decade ago.

“Yeah…it’s a long time. She came back, though,” Sonny reminded him as gently as he could.

Sonny sat up straighter and a frown creased his brows.

“Never what? Left? No, she’s never left. What the hell are you talking about? Why would you say that? Why would you bring that up?”

Sonny was aware that his voice was raising with each word, his body taut and grip on his phone tightened. His heart was racing in his chest and as the wind whistled around the house he felt an ominous weight.

“Pay you no—why would you even say that, Nick, huh?” Sonny raked a hand through his hair roughly. “Look, I know you’re hurting, but that was low. Even for you.”

A pause.

“Does that mean jail time?” he asked.

Another pause.

He sank back into the couch and scrubbed the same hand over his face now. Truth was, he was worn out. He was tired of putting out fires and reassuring people and being the bigger person. He needed a long vacation, far away from here with just his girl by his side. He needed peace.

“You have to do what you need to do to keep your club safe and to keep your girl safe. You have to take it on the chin,” Sonny reminded Nick wearily. “Do you think she’ll stick around through that?”

He waited for Nick’s response, then cut him off. “We both know that’s not true.”

He listened as Nick suddenly became muffled before coming back on the line and signing off quickly. Sonny let the phone drop into his lap, closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the arm of the chair. The wind still whistled and if on cue a shiver wracked his body. Time to get up and get back into bed. He was still exhausted, but now his brain was wired as his thoughts raced. What Nick had asked about his fiancée ever leaving him was beginning to burrow a hole into his thoughts like a worm in damp ground.

Sonny got to his feet suddenly, trying to interrupt his thoughts and avoid spiraling. The longer he sat on the couch by himself just thinking of nightmare scenarios, the worse it would get. He let the blanket fall back to the couch carelessly, took a step away, before sighing and grasping it. He made quick work of hastily folding it and dropping it back over the arm of the couch before turning on his heel and heading back to the bedroom. Even the floors were cool and he hurried to get back into his warm bed sooner.

His warm bed with his warm fiancée who had never left him and never would. 

Probably. 

He was careful with his movements when he reentered the bedroom and he took care to walk lightly. When he got to the bed he grasped the edge of the comforter and sheet and began peeling it back with care. He held his breath and had just gotten under the covers with a triumphant feeling before jumping out of his skin a moment later when she brushed up against him deliberately.

“What’re you doing?” Her voice was thick like honey with sleep.

When he looked over, her eyes were still closed, but there was an alertness to her face. In addition to the crease between her eyebrows the skin around her eyes had tightened. She screwed up her face dramatically as she wrapped an arm around him and pressed her face to his shoulder. There was a faint press of warm lips on cool skin and he felt a spread of warmth that radiated from that point outwards.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep,” Sonny whispered.

She snuffled and rubbed her face against his shoulder harder.

“Try again.” She spoke clearly this time.

He sighed and slid further down into the sheets, arranging his limbs and hers so that he could pull her into him properly.

“Nick.”

He knew he didn’t need to add anymore explanation. She hummed her understanding and he felt her body relax into his. He knew he should let her sleep, but he searched out her mouth to press a firm kiss to her lips. She breathed into the kiss and let him take the lead; he had to take special care to not devour her. He was suddenly voracious for every bit of her. Not even in a sexual way, just as a reassurance that she was here and solid and his.

“Have you ever wanted to leave me? Seriously? Not just, like, after fight or something…but honestly end things?” His words were low and muffled, spoken against her forehead.

He felt her tense as sleep was momentarily forgotten and he squeezed his eyes shut. Now was really not the time for this. He should let her sleep. She’d be there in the morning and no doubt in the light of day this conversation would seem ridiculous.

“Where is this—no.” 

She paused and backtracked. 

“Well…mostly no. I’d be lying if I said the thought had never passed my mind. There have been a time or two when I’ve thought about it.”

Sonny’s stomach churned and he grimaced at her words.

“But…y’know. I’m not going anywhere. We’re getting married in two months,” she reminded him.

He smiled faintly.

“Yeah, I know. Just, if you ever—” he found himself choking up and he had to clear his throat before going on. “There’s still time for you to change your mind. I can’t do this without you, but I’d never want you to feel trapped.”

It hurt to push the words out, but they were the truth. He never wanted her to feel trapped with him, trapped in this life or all that came with it. There was no way he could imagine doing half of what he did without her—being the MC president, running the parlor—but it would be worse if she stayed and resented him. He’d rather get shot again than imagine enduring the pain of that slow decay.

“Maybe she’s the rat,” Razor mumbled and Nick barely pushed him out of the way as Sonny jumped to his feet abruptly. His hand dipped into his cut for a gun that was currently locked away and he clenched his fist instead.

Nick anticipating what Sonny would do just as the words were barely out of Razor's mouth because at the end of the day, Nick is well familiar with how protective Sonny is...? yeAH.

“Say that again,” Sonny threatened with a dangerous glint in his eye. Matty tensed behind him and Nick threw his hands up to try to defuse the situation. “He’s not thinking clearly,” Nick defended before giving Razor a warning look. “We know it’s not your old lady.”

Nick didn't even entertain the idea. Honestly, Razor thought that was pretty naive of Nick in this moment. Razor's loyalty is to Nick, Veronica, and the club - noooot necessarily in that order (but also...absolutely in that order). He can take or leave the relationship with Discord and sometimes finds the alliance very strange. He doesn't understand why Nick tolerates shit from Sonny that he would never tolerate with alliances from another club.

“Just saying,” Razor pressed and Sonny took a menacing step forward. “She’s not here right now. She was here a half hour ago and then the feds show up. Now she’s not answering her phone? Seems suspicious.”

Razor's self preservation instincts aren't always the best.

“I swear to God if you say one more word I’ll jam half your teeth down your throat,” Sonny threatened with another step forward. “If anyone’s suspicious it’s your girl, Veronica. She’s the one talking to cops and uneasy about what you did to Kevin Green.” Razor pushed forward, but Nick caught him and pushed him back again. “You take that back, you fucking—!” he yelled with his finger pointed in Sonny’s face. Sonny smirked meanly as Nick yelled over him.

Triggered.

Sonny is right, though. Realistically, Veronica is the better suspect over his old lady. Veronica is newer to the world, doesn't have as close ties to the club, etc.

“Enough! Enough! This is what they want. They want us fighting each other instead of figuring out what’s going on. We don’t have time for this! Razor, go walk it off,” Nick ordered as he shouldered the other man back again. “Walk it off!” he repeated as he jabbed a finger towards the door. Sonny’s phone buzzed on the bar and Sonny heaved a sigh of relief as he the number that lit up the screen.

The relief is short lived. Also, who woulda thunk we'd see Nick as the anger management voice of reason. lol I tried to write Nick as emotional for different reasons and in different ways that Sonny.

“She just texted me,” he said in a relieved voice as he went back over to the bar and grabbed his phone. “There goes that theory!” he yelled over at Razor and when Razor flipped him off he rolled his eyes before pushing the front door open.

Boys will be boys, etc.

He thumbed open the message absently, grabbing for his forgotten drink from the bar before turning back to the screen in his hand. When he turned his attention back to the phone his grip on the glass loosened and it dropped to the floor, shattering glass everywhere. He didn’t even notice and all sound in the room cut out as his heart thudded loudly in his chest. On the screen was a picture of his fiancée, tied to a chair and with a wad of fabric stuffed in her mouth.

OOF. Sonny's stomach dropped through the floor. Everything narrowed down to this moment, this horrible deja vu, this reminder that he can't keep her safe, didn't keep her safe yet again.

“What? What’s wrong? Sonny, what’s—oh, fuck,” Matty said as he shook Sonny’s shoulder before turning his gaze to the phone. Nick strode over to Sonny’s other side and when he saw the image he swore and immediately pushed his own phone to his ear to make a call.

Ugh, Matty! I wish I had written more of him earlier in the story, but he is such a quiet guy. Very steady, dependable, not fuckwithable.

“Razor, we need you back in here.” He ended the call as abruptly as he had started it before gripping Sonny’s arm tightly and pushing him to the back security room.

Nick taking over when Sonny is experiencing emotional distress? We've seen this before, eh?

Matty followed at a fast pace, but Sonny couldn’t tear his eyes away from the phone. She was looking up at the person taking the picture defiantly, no fear in her eyes, but his eyes didn’t miss how one side of her face was slightly reddened. Nick pushed Sonny into a seat and gestured for Snake to move to the side of the room. “Call Olivia,” Sonny barked at Matty, finally shaking himself out of his reverie. “We’ll need her to try to trace this. I can’t—it’s a warehouse of some sort. I don’t—we,” he paused to steel himself.

It took Sonny a minute to shake the guilt, fear, and anger enough to even begin to think.

“Who do you think did this?” Nick asked lowly.

Mr. Let's Get to Business.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to kill whoever it is,” Sonny answered in a chilling tone.

Mr. Time to Fuck Shit Up

“Razor, you said she was here thirty minutes again?” Sonny aimed at him as he entered the back room. “Who?” Razor asked with a confused expression. Matty was already murmuring on the phone to Olivia and Sonny caught the words ‘kidnapped’ and ‘triangulate’ before he tuned him out. “My fucking fiancée!” Sonny spat as he thrust the phone in his face. Razor took in a deep breath and swore before nodding.

Razor is very good at pivoting and he doesn't hold much of a serious grudge in situations like this. He went from "your girl is a rat" to "fuck you, bro" to "fuck, let's figure this out" in like 3 minutes.

“She was here thirty minutes ago, came to talk to me about something,” Nick cut in with his gaze on the floor. “About what?” Sonny asked harshly, his gaze turning to Nick.

Oooh, Sonny is suspicious. Even in this moment, a bit of insecurity bleeds through. Why would she go to Nick and not him? I mean, we know why, but he doesn't.

“Wedding stuff. It’s not important right now. You said she was going to the grocery store?” Nick asked, changing the subject. “Snake, can you roll back the security footage. I know we can’t see much of the street, but maybe we can see what way she went.”

Nick is like "I do not want to get into that right now" haha. He does not miss being around Sonny when he's on edge about his old lady. As a teenager, Sonny was a pain in the ass when it came to her.

Snake sat back down the desk, tapping on a laptop and importing footage from one of the cameras. Just then Matty got off the phone and rejoined the conversation. “Olivia is on her way over here. Why don’t Razor and I go try to find her car once Snake pulls up that footage. Have Chibs start gathering supplies back at the clubhouse and we can meet over there once we know more,” Matty suggested. 

Mr. Take Care of Business. I think in another life, Matty and Nick would have been good friends. Not best friends, but solid friends.They are both good balances for Sonny.

Sonny just nodded tightly and Matty and Nick exchanged a look before turning their attention to the computer to try to see what direction she had gone in. Sonny’s grip on the phone tightened and he concentrated on breathing steadily as he devised more and more creative ways of how he was going to kill the person responsible.

Motherfuckers are going to die. Once Sonny starts thinking straight, he does put together a very solid plan!

I hope you enjoyed this director’s commentary. 💖

______________

You can find links to the mc!au below, if you’ve never read it.

Motorcycle Club!AU - Sonny

Grabbing roughly half of the envelopes you went in search of your purse. A brief glance around the living room reminded you that you had hung it on the back of a kitchen chair. Sonny still hadn’t replied in the time it took you to cross the room and wedge the envelopes between a book and your makeup bag. Why were errands like this so hard to do?

“I’ll have the prospect do it.” Sonny’s voice rumbled behind you and he had a towel to his hair when you turned to face him. He tapped the top of the existing stack and made a face. “That’s what they’re for.”

You made a face and shook your head in disagreement. That's why. You two were getting lazy.

“Prospect’s are not for dropping wedding present thank you cards in the mail,” you scolded. “And I don’t trust any of the current prospects to some how not mess this task up.” 

Sonny opened his mouth to protest, but you shook your head again and brushed by him.

“Besides, people hear we had some prospect drop off their thank you, because they do gossip more than old ladies, and then people’ll be getting up in arms thinking we’re not grateful for their gifts,” you continued.

“I have half, you take the other half.”

Sonny squawked and when you glanced over your shoulder as you continued down the hall he had dropped the hand holding the towel to his side.

“I don’t have any way of carrying them!” he complained. 

You rolled your eyes and crossed the room to your closet. Sonny’s footsteps dogged yours, but you ignored them as you pushed hangers aside.

“You’re the one that carries a bag…and drives a car!” 

“Don’t be a baby,” you dismissed. You pressed your lips together tightly and fought your smile, even if your back was to him. “Bring a tote bag or something.”

“You want me to carry mail in a tote bag while I ride my bike!?” Sonny’s voice rose again and you gave into your laughter.

“I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to do all of the schlepping on my own,” you complained with a pout when you turned to face him. “I thought marriage was about sharing the load.”

Sonny tossed the towel to the side and snorted a huff of laughter as he watched your eyes follow its journey. Warm hands came to your shoulders and the coldness of his rings bit through the fabric of your t-shirt.

“I will pick up the towel,” he assured you in an exasperated tone. “More importantly, I’ll also pick up dinner if it means I get out of having to go to the post office.”

“How is dinner any easier to carry than mail,” you pointed out. “Or are you bringing a tote bag to carry it home.”

“I’m not—what is with you and tote bags today?” Sonny asked with a confused head tilt. You laughed again and just shrugged. “I will figure it out. The point is, that I will take the load of figuring out dinner tonight if you can drop off the thank you cards.”

Your mouth tugged to the side and you looked up as you pretended to think. A small hum made Sonny fight back a grin. Finally, you lifted up your hand in offering to him.

“Deal.”

He shook it warily before using his grip to pull you into his chest. You tilted your chin up slightly to look at him and he squinted at you.

“Why do I feel like that was your plan all along?” he murmured.

“I don’t want that,” Sonny said tightly. The hand that had been behind his head came to rest on your back heavily. “I don’t.”

“Okay,” you replied neutrally. “But if you did…” you trailed off and Sonny tensed up even more. The show came back on, but neither of you reached for the remote to turn the volume back up. “Carmen is beautiful and she’s a friend of the club. We know we'll have fun. I wouldn’t be opposed to asking her over and seeing where things go…Maybe we could make it a semi-regular thing? Once a month, or…well, I’m not really sure. I wouldn’t be opposed, though.” You were rambling.

“You want to have Carmen over once a month for dinner…and you think she’s beautiful,” Sonny summed up in a harsh tone. He was clearly confused and frustrated. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Not dinner,” you contradicted evenly. “A threesome, Sonny. I’m suggesting that if you feel like you wish things were…spicier, we could see if Carmen would be interested.”

“Spicier,” Sonny repeated flatly.

“I hate when you just parrot what I say in a different tone,” you said darkly. “Stop being intentionally obtuse. We’ve been together for a while, it makes sense that you may be wondering what else is—“

“Do not finish that sentence,” Sonny threatened in a voice that was just barely audible. “Don’t even think that—“

“You said you found Emily attractive,” you reminded him defensively. Who was he to be offended now? “I’m—“

“I got my ego stroked by someone who encouraged me to play the hero because I’m an asshole, not because I wish things were ‘spicier’,” he interrupted. 

You could hear the air quotes around the last word and you sighed heavily. Sonny sat up and dragged you to a half sitting position between his legs. 

“And I did find her attractive, but not—she’s not.” 

He sighed in frustration and tried again.

“It’s not about her being attractive—it didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t just about that. I need you to understand this.” 

His hands came up to your shoulders and he shook you gently despite his tight grip. You met his eyes and chewed the inside of your cheek.

“It’s about me being immature,” Sonny said quietly. He maintained eye contact with you and his expression was anguished, but determined. “It’s about me being insecure.” 

You twisted your mouth and tried to believe him. It’s what he’d been saying in so many words for weeks now. 

“I don’t think she’s more attractive.” You dropped your eyes from his gaze now and bit your  bottom lip hard. “Carmen either. I mean, she’s lovely, but I wasn’t interested in her in high school and I’m definitely not now.” He added the next part as an aside. “Besides, I think she has an ill fated crush on Matty, of all people.” Sonny just shook his idea at the idea of that and then shrugged. “No. No to this idea and no to sharing you and no to road rules and no to swinging or whatever else your brain is going to come up with next. No.”

“Okay,” you replied softly. 

“Look at me,” Sonny ordered in a gentle tone. When you met his eyes, he repeated himself. “No. I don’t want to share you and I sure as fuck don’t want anyone else. I want you. I’m attracted to you.”

Sonny laughed lightly and pulled you back into his chest.

“Doll, we spent $400 on a gun because you caught me watching gun kink porn. Once.” Sonny said with an air of incredulity. “You didn’t even think twice. I don’t think there’s anyone who would be half as spicy with me as that. You trust me to put a gun in your mouth.” 

His fingers drifted up to your lips and brushed over them lightly.

“It’s never been loaded,” you muttered. Saying it out loud like that made it sound like more of a gesture than you’d ever intended. But Sonny was right, you hadn’t thought twice about your willingness to try it.