My cat keeps bringing me dead things that don't look like any known animal. Looking at them hurts my eyes and they seem to change shape every time I look at them. Is there any special way I should dispose of them? I'm starting to worry.
Itās been pretty obvious, though understudied, that our feline friends arenāt totally āin this universeā on a good day. Weāre not really sure why, and anyone that tells you they know is lying to you. Weāre reasonably sure cats arenāt alien, or Outsider touched, or even sapient. Typically.
A lot of them can at least see into the various planes that overlap realspace. Thatās why cats arenāt allowed on Office grounds, except the main Library in Archival, because our resident archivist expert Miss Cece is a persuasive lady.
Thank you for uploading the picture, by the way. The cognitohazard scrubbers come back clean, soā¦.ah, yeah, Iāve seen this before. Good news and bad news. The good news is your cat is helping you with your [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.] infestation. The bad news is you have a [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.] infestation. This should honestly go away in a few days. Donāt look at them, donāt touch them with bare skin, and for the love of god donāt let the carcasses touch any right angles. You can burn the carcasses according to local fire regulations. If burning is not an option, contact the Office Esoteric Waste Management team and weāll dispose of them properly.
I remember the first time I saw a colony of [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.] in an abandoned building inā¦.was that Toronto? Yeah. I was helping RCOE with a [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.] colony that had been seen in the building. Causing all kinds of ruckus in the local fabric of reality, let me tell you. Worse yet, Toronto has one of the nodes for Yukon Prime, Canadaās National AI project. My Canadian friends might know that Prime is a little eclectic at the best of times so they were concerned.
Anyway, youāve never seen a group of [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.] descend on a structure and [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.] until you canāt even step on solid ground because of the [REDACTED MEMETICS DETECTED, SCRUBBERS ENGAGED. PROTOCOL DANGERMOUSE ENACTED. PLEASE STAND BY.]. Luckily we had some reality anchors on hand and it was back to normal in like. Three days.