#rbh asks

How... Does he actually feel about the doctors? And how do they treat him usually? How does he feel about medical stuff in general? The medical horror aspect of ata has always been one of my favourite things if I'm being honest it's just so interesting and I know I've seen little tidbits about Marcus not being very happy about some of this stuff but I think you've said you've been retconning a lot of stuff recently so that's why I'm asking again. I'm really interested to see a more in-depth answer in regards to what he's been through medically and how it's affected him.

How does he feel about his portrayal as a sheep? I think I saw some old drawings of yours where he gets the Lamb nickname (my favourite my favourite my favourite it makes me Cry) does he find it degrading? Does he find comfort it in? Is he mixed? I wanna knowwwww 🥹

How well does he get along with the other kids? Does he KNOW about the other kids Hameln has abducted? What's the difference between his relationships with other kids and adults? How does he feel about teens?

Ok that's all I have for now, I hope this is ok. I also hope you don't mind this mini-vent but this community has been stressing me out a lot as of late (I don't really think I'm up to discuss it publicly if I'm being honest... But It's mostly the characterization conflict.) and I just really need some refresheners. In fact I'm trying not to cry right now aaaaa

thanks so much for asking. I’ve been holding off for ages as i want to tell most things through the story but i will happily answer these mootie. i totally understand feeling overwhelmed which is why I’ve just been chilling in the moot server ranting and roleplaying. i had to retcon rbh in the first place because i had too many ideas at once which resulted in literal torture porn within the conflict and i was lucky to have a sensitivity reader and sensitivity WRITER (@seasonalmoss @maddy-k-reads-all-day) to talk me through it and help me represent the themes accurately. unlike A CERTAIN THING I’ll shut up now

ohhh boyyy these are a lot of questions for martholomew. now i could just answer them and be a boring ass narrator but who better to tag me along and answer than THE BOY himself!1!1!

how do you feel about the doctors?

i respect them, of course! they’ve given me almost everything. they’ve kept me healthy and safe and taken care of pretty much my whole life. i haven’t really… given anything back… but- they said being obedient is fine enough. so that’s probably good.

he doesn’t have any comprehensible feelings towards the doctors that he acknowledges, and if he did he wouldn’t be able to handle or understand them in the first place. actually, that’s the problem. the only experiences he’s had with the doctors have either been neutral or horrible to some degree. except, they can’t be horrible! they’re practically part of his family and only want the best for him like everyone else! they make him feel good. they make him feel better. no matter whatever his silly side effects make him think, he knows who to trust.

in other words, he is so mentally delusional that he refuses to mark any doctors visit as a negative interaction. even though most of them are. if someone merely insinuated that maybe they’re not treating him or the other kids well he would be on them. manipulating and ridiculing and twisting around the conversation as he always does, to ensure that shallow mentality of his stays true.

how do they treat you?

uh… normally? i don’t- get this one. how they should, i suppose. like anyone else.

not going into full detail of what they do, but i can say it’s nothing anyone should have done to them. at least not without the proper consent and reasoning. how they treat him and the other kids is horrible and just. inappropriate (in the sense of unprofessional don’t even go there). yet it’s so normalised that the idea of it being anything other than good is horrifying to him.

how do you feel about your treatments and anything medical?

they’re nice! it’s a fun little thing to do in between my other tasks and helps distract me from… other stuff. plus it calms me down a bit. i think. it- depends.

medical stuff is just… well, medical. not much to say about that. it’s just what they have to use to get in places they need to.

as already stated he is very delusional about this topic. he refuses to dwell on it more than “procedure”. he is however very triggered by the topic and anything suggesting that his experiences are the horror that it is, because he fears actually having to confront it one day. he describes them as fun because that’s what they’re made out to be. anything he says and does is just a behaviour brought over from his own manipulation. as the procedures are made out to be a fun, pleasant game, he advocates them as such. he also plays a part in deluding everyone else to think and feel the same.

the mere presence of medical things have always disturbed him, he just pushes it down. he has no reason to be scared after all, his brain is just making everything out to be scary as it often does. sometimes biology can’t be helped. anything triggering sets off alarm bells in his head, and being marcus, he ignores them.

how do you feel about wooly and being portrayed as a sheep?

woolys nice! he’s a cool little character. that’s it, really… i tried to make him sound as nice and fun as possible. which is easy, considering how nice i am. heh.

i don’t really mind that he’s a sheep. it’s a cute little animal! it has earned me some names, like “lamb”. i like it. it means im doing… what i should!

he actually gains a lot of joy and self worth from performing as wooly. it’s distracted him through some of the worst points of his life. he doesn’t mind being labeled as a sheep and actually makes a few jokes about it. he finds a bit of pride in it and even envies woolys perfect friendship with amanda, causing him to yearn for that with rebecca.

how well do you get along with the other kids?

i love them! as they love me. we get along GREAT… most of the time. of course, it can’t be helped that some of them don’t know how to act their age or do as they’re told, but- they’ll get better at it! everyone does. it’s why i help them with things.

his most healthy relationships are with the kids. even if they’re toxic or misguiding, he genuinely cares for all of them. which is why he piles it onto rebecca in an attempt to befriend her almost instantly. he’s friends with everyone he knows! that’s just the way it is. there’s no opting out.

do you know about the other abducted children?

what a silly question… of course i do!!! they’re my greatest friends! we all have our place here and doing tasks and activities together is crucial for development. when the fun is necessary it’s DOUBLE the amount!… or something.

the children are a great and efficient distraction for each other. they can also use each other as coping mechanisms and direct any complicated feelings or internalised abuse tactics onto each other. it serves great for the system H*meln has developed and persuading them into praising their abusers. if everyone is happy, what’s the big deal?

what’s the difference between your relationship with the other kids and the adults?

well… i mostly help out the younger ones and the littles with outbursts. i think they listen to me better given im one of them… they get over things much faster. but its a simple relationship. i help them and they trust me to help them. and sometimes they even help me. NOT- that i really need it, but it’s cute to see them trying.

the adults are… helpful. for a start, they make sure i know what to do and when, and how to behave… all that boring stuff. they’re my protectors! they keep everyone nice and happy and well- good. that’s just what they do. it definitely helped back when i was more… difficult. i love them! as they love me. as they always have. they’re- they’re good to me.

being the eldest, marcus is parentified A LOT. he’s usually the one called on to deal with any kid having complicated behaviour or emotions to gaslight them into submission show them their place, the right path. he takes pride in being a guide and having this sort of saviour complex with them. it’s what he’s good at, praised for, so he knows what he’s doing with rebecca. he wants her to warm up to him as much as the others have. to trust him. and as much as he won’t admit, the others give him a sense of comfort too. there are more like him, who have been through done what he has. so it can’t be wrong, there are so many used to this already! they’re like his siblings, his family.

marcus is groomed into believing what H*meln does to him is a display of love or affection. he always takes their word for it, it doesn’t take much to convince him of something. however it DOES take a lot to convince him of the opposite. THIS is the constant wooly tactic we all know and are familiar with - DEFLECTION. this is also a tactic learned from H*meln as they will often excuse anything questionable for love and necessity. this is so hard on that he cringes at the times he would question anything himself in the past. good thing he’s a well mannered, behaving subject now! so obedient and willing to perpetuate any abuse they’d like him to.

how do you feel about teens?

that’s… a loaded question. depends on who. teenagers can be good but… a lot. i think there might be some kind of point where you stop caring about how you make others feel- and like- start doing bad things…? it’s- a lot. im just glad im not exactly one of those.

he’s had difficult relationships with older kids. he kind of has a bit of a confusing hatred towards them actually. good thing he’s the eldest now, and never has to worry about growing up and turning out like them. he’s the example after all! and he’s determined to set it. he can do so much better than any insolent nuisance who thinks they can get away with whatever they want. he’s better.

i would show art but ITS SECRET SHUT UP ITS SECRET YOURE NOT ALLOWED. so here’s a gift instead of a beta version of The Kids (i missed some details in these screenshots) and their redesigns in gacha life (im salty asf cuz everyone and their MOTHER got tomodachi except ME. I WANNA SWITCH. I WANNA SWITCH. I WANNA SWITCHHH)

ok. ok actually fine. why the fuck not. here’s your complicated baby <3

you’ve helped me a lot and given me so much peak and I’ve yet to give back rahhh

ok a few more things i wanna say. im really excited to go deeper into this because each kid represents a different form of abuse kinda, and a lot of them are what’s considered societally acceptable because H*MELN. REPRESENTS. SOCIETY. H*meln is LOWKENUINELY a fictional depiction of society change my mind oh wait you can’t because it’s TRUE

just like in the woolymanda analysis im cooking up, rebecca represents reactions to abuse (all the ones she’s been through) and marcus represents the cycle of abuse (something he refuses to escape from). this plot is about them confronting their situation and how they can break out of those habits and cycles LIKE. THE. FUCKING. GAMES shutting up now

it’s FRIEND acktually

how do i… feel?

i feel- well i- i don’t… um.

forgive me, i- i don’t understand. why would i feel anything? i feel normal.

it’s just… nice. we’re all good here. well, there is the- no, nevermind.

…is this one of those trick questions? i…

i don’t know how you want me to answer this.

So, after looking at the ata wiki, I did in fact find that Rebecca wears her hair in braids, and I'm wondering how exactly would she wear afro puffs, especially for Amanda. Like would she still have her hair braided or... ALSO I THINK BRAIDS AND LOCS ARE NOT THE SAME BUT I DON'T KNOW So does she like let her braids loose to wear the puffs? I'm looking at refs online and some people wear braids AND puffs (i might do that since she has little strands over her ears) but I also heard from a somewhere (don't remember where I think it was on here) that Rebecca is not supposed to have afro style hair? Probably because of the images of her wearing braids. So what about Amanda- BASICALLY I'm asking if she has afro hair or notI genuinely don't know please help I'm a white boy 😭

i would love to answer omg no problem!!!

(sorry this took so long - like usual i lose motivation with everything and take ages to get it out so the diagrams may get shittier)

amanda is presumed to be afro haired as she has a very classic black hairstyle and her low poly buns actually have small faces to resemble afro texture. also black characters are often presumed to be afro haired so i feel like she just is. it would be specified or presented if she wasn’t. rebecca has what i think are braids or locs and ata 3 rebecca DOES have an afro

I’ve tried out tons of hairstyles on her that specifically work for afros. braids do not mean she can’t be afro! actually like. lots of braids are made FOR afros. and braids and locs ARE different!

my moot said that actually locs aren’t really a go to for kids cuz they’re supposed to be long term and obv a kid might have many different styles. which is why i gave rbh!rebecca jumbo twists!

these big twists are very common for black kids and very easy to do, so it would make sense for sam to do it for her. and they’re very easy to take out! they’re temporary but they still last a long time

in terms of performing as amanda, she could’ve done this both ways. I’ve drawn her with the amanda puffs when she was younger. i made a lil diagram :]

she probably had it simple, hair out and tied up. or it could’ve been slicker and more spherical and accurate to amanda. or it could’ve been the other way!

about the braids AND buns. i did notice you give amanda these side strands and afro people can’t actually HAVE those. well they could but it depends on the texture im talking full afro. i would turn those into braids like you suggested it would look cute! i even drew them myself

ok so i actually looked into this because once again i have the urge to connect my stupid ocs to biology lore

also google is is fucking with me for the umpteenth time and saying yeah albinism does this but it doesn’t do this like omfg

anyway i found this african tribe called melanisians who have the EXACT traits i gave him but apparently it’s not connected to albinism at all and you have to be like. FROM there to have it idfk

also made me stop and think about the ethnicity i never gave him. like cuz rebecca is (im assuming) african american i could contrast that by making him like carribean or something. and like. NOT. projecting my carribean-ness at ALL

i dont even know man albinism is fookin weird. its late and im tired fuck biology my point still stands. hell this is a timeline about a religion that worships dora or something who even cares

nah it’s funny cuz they’re his second favourite animal. i guess it’s a little complicated since he likes puppies but actual big dogs could scare him. not that he’s seen any. if he ever encountered like a fully grown dog he would probably yeet the fuck out of there

already answered this briefly but putting it here too. i was gonna ask for asks when i actually started DOING the au but yall can ask/interpret ANYTHING you want like PLEASE ahem. vague spoilers for rbh au

marbecca always had an awkward relationship but over time they got on with each other and helped each other out with their problems and doubts and stuff. marcus helped rebecca adjust to being around H*meln but she always felt they were off and so was he. it was just the general fear of being around people she didn’t know and her whole abandonment trauma thing

then H*meln started getting Funny™️ with her and marcus kept brushing it off. she never really took anything seriously cuz she didn’t expect for things to escalate how they did

then The Thing™️ happened and rebecca started her spree of absolutely fucking hating marcus. but not without the inability to stay completely away from him because of their proximity and attachment issues. marcus is physically unable to deal with the damage he dealt her and how she reacted to it so he buries himself deeper into his delusion that nothing is wrong. so they’re literally stuck together with all this trauma and guilt JUST like in canon eheh. it also awakened something in rebecca which you will see at some point

anddd that’s the basic progression yeah

I was looking at your references to RBH for the magma and I actually did realize a little detail you added & I wanted to point it cause I thought it was really clever. So the little h*meln (idk if you actually need me to censor that or not lol) logo patch on Rebecca has its tail upside down. Or- the tail is facing downwards. Whilst Marcus' is upright & completely normal, as the logo should look.

something something Rebecca feeling out of place or scared as the rat's downwards tail indicates fear or discomfort. Whilst Marcus' is upright in a more excited/positive motion as he feels the need to be ideal for ha mlem and their atrocious visions and whatnot

Just thought that was rlly clever and I'd actually like to hear what you have to say on the matter like if there's a deeper meaning to it or if it just looks cool lol, also I just love ur designs in general rbh!marcus is rlly fun to draw ♡

HI. HELLO. HEY. SO

THAT WAS NOT MY INTENTION. AT ALL. THAT WAS ACCIDENTAL. WHAT THE FUCK. OH MY FING GOD

i. like. okay. so. there was absolutely no intention behind that i just literally accidentally draw the tail downwards sometimes. like either i forget or im going trad or theres not enough space to have it upward. i did not intend that at all but FUCK YOU IM STEALING THAT SHIT. THANKS FOR THE SYMBOLISM

like no yeah because the current point im getting across (at least after rebecca is done “settling in”) is that she never just full on trusts them. she just accepts the situation like okay this is happening now. she doesn’t expect anything to happen the way it does because she doesn’t KNOW them. she doesn’t know how they are she is literally just Being Here. the only reason she’s even scared or nervous is because of her constant issues with abandonment and the whole missing dad thing is a LOT on her. and it’s going to CONTINUE to be a lot on her because that’s her fucking DAD

and with marcus you know the fucking deal he wants to be a good boy perfect little goody two shoes little SHIT. he wants to please everyone and everything and do what’s expected of him ALL THE TIME. it actually gives him euphoria in a fucked up way when he’s “praised” for like being good or whatever. he kind of leeches off of their “affection” and shit. he kinda depends on it quite a lot anyway. also there’s the whole masking smile thing so. and the whole role model/parentification thing. yeahhh. eh you know the deal there’s a lot of shit that could symbolise

btw idk how you’ll feel about this but those designs are painfully outdated. as i said im going back and forth with this and that includes the designs. not that theres anything wrong with the ref designs ive just added a lot now and i wont be able to make new refs for ages. for example the H*meln logo probably wont be on their clothes anymore. its somewhere else