#rawrawrawr

AAAH THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORKS YOU GUYS (and I'm so glad to have therapist approval haha!) , I'll try and write down a few things, but I will say that going in to something like that is highly personal to whatever you need. And while at an amazing place, there were a lot of horror stories from other institutions there, so I think its individual to everyone. That being said, I'll try and share the most helpful things I picked up!!

(I'm gonna tag this as... let's go with "Bird's Psych Adventure" lol so if this isn't your thing, I won't be offended if you filter that tag!!)

First and foremost, look up the locations near you. I had two options. One place had one star on Google Maps, and I had heard many unpleasant things about it, so I took a risk and went with the very new but highly praised place and that ended up being a good choice. They do have rules about these places like controlled release of information and stuff (basically, you can choose I think just one person who they can update your situation to. Anybody you didn't sign an agreement for can't get any info from them about how you're doing!!)

I read this article before going in, and found it helpful on a practical side. ^^

1. SOCIALIZE. I'm not kidding this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. The place I went to would let you hide, especially the first day, but they got a point; festering in your negative emotions will only make things worse. Start small, because it will be hard, but everybody else is in the same boat and there will always be those who have been there longer than you and can tell you the basics and what to do. And it keeps you out of your bad feelings and very distracted. They're gonna take away your phone, so you gotta find other ways to stay entertained haha. Even if its just doing crossword puzzles in crappy crayon in the common room. But whenever you can stay in said common room instead of your room, do it!! It helps you feel less trapped too.

2. Get outside, if you can. We had limited outdoor time, but they let us have sports stuff and I got to play Frisbee with a VERY PATIENT older gentleman who helped me learn to actually throw and not hit someone in the head. XD On a related note, they usually have showers and stuff you can basically use anytime, take advantage of that and take care of yourself. It's kind of the only way you can spoil yourself there, and it feels good to put time into feeling better about yourself. ;u; That being said, they got CRAAAP DEODERANT AND THAT GETS SUPER ANNOYING SO SHOWERS ARE GREAT.

3. Breathing exercises are super crucial to keep calm, and it's easy to get homesick and upset about the situation. But the good thing is it does make you appreciate what you have when you go back in a way you will never reach without the experience. Take the time to self-evaluate and plan for simple stuff you'll do when you go back. I focused on thinking about renovating my room to make it a safer place for myself and sorting through my stuff. And don't plan for other people, plan for you, you're all you can control and while its EXTREMELY HARD to let go of your limited control of others, focus on you and what you need for you. <33 Reach out to those you love, but as someone told me there, have no expectations of what they say, and if they dont say something that's helpful or worse, say something uncalled for, ignore them. Those that matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter. <3

4. They'll put you on meds to help, and you gotta tell them whether they're helping or not. If its making it worse, they want to know so they can help!! And eventually you should find meds that WILL help!

5. I know it doesn't help for everyone, but it helps me to think "five years from now, this hard moment won't matter and I'll be strong enough to move past it". Try not to say "I'm trying..." but "I CAN BE" or even better "I AM" AND GIVE YOURSELF POSITIVE TRAITS. If you deem yourself negative, you'll be negative, you can be better than that, you can be whoever you want and YOU ARE AWESOME AND WORTH IT DANG IT I WILL PERSONALLY FITE U AND TELL U SO DANG IT. <3333

6. The most important lesson I learned was "where did I get these doubts? Could I have learned wrong?" That's not how it was phrased exactly, but basically that you don't deserve these awful doubts and can KICK THEIR BUTT.

7. They should give you a journal, use it to put your feelings out there in a protected way and process them. My biggest stressor was a couple family members are big time triggers of mine and it helped me to write a letter to them that I never gave them because I was able to say "I don't care, I'm gonna work on my own life" but its still a big struggle.

Disconnected from what they call 'reality'?

Not feeling any different when you fall asleep?

Not knowing just how real this new love might be?

Seeing things that other people, they could never see, in their wildest dreams

And the glass goes SMASH there is no point turning back

I'm losing all control

But pain will discipline the soul

Is it the end my friend? Is a darkness haunting me?

I don't know what magic means

because I'm asleep when I'm awake

And awake when I'm asleep

Do you wonder why your veins they never pump with fear?

And why is it that you never shed a single tear?

And you have no clue of the difference of what's sane and what's queer?

Never knowing if you're dead or if you've disappeared?

Not deciphering the meanings in the words you hear...when they're crystal clear