#rating characters

27. Monkey king/ lampwick iddock of the               many legs

I hate him. I hate everything he represents. Stinky bastard man. The story doesn’t make sense to me: if he had all his greed taken away from him why’d he be like that? Also his title “The Monkey King” makes me think of Sun Wukong, which is nothing like this character. I also don’t like his redesign of the many-legs thing and I just hate him. Die stinky bastard man no one likes you. 

26. Man in the Moon (book ver)

The description of him looking “kind” and “good” makes me want to throw something. Why are we assigning morality to appearance? Also, why is this random guy the unquestionable source of moral goodness? Dude was raised by mice. Other than that he’s really only in the books for like three pages so idc. 

25. Mr. Qwerty

I forget he exists.

24. Jack Frost (book ver)

I don’t like him. He’s supposed to be this lonely rebel but he spends the whole book hanging out with socialites and going to pompous parties IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION? like hey man there are starving kids right outside the party you’re at with literal royalty. He’s also supposed to be a teenager (range of age manipulation powers: 11-18) but acts like a 50-year-old man. He does nothing but hang out with a bunch of politicians and old authors. He also only uses ice magic like once in the books and is just self-important. Everything is about him even when it shouldn’t be. Easter being called Easter was Jack’s idea. Katherine has powers because of Jack. Everything is his idea, or because of him, and it’s weird. Also, not everything has to be a thing. The hoodie is apparently just under the nightlight armor the whole time and his adopted siblings embroidered the white patterns on it (again, book!Jack only uses his icy powers like twice) and it becomes a thing (also hoodies being a thing BEFORE it was invented is frustrating to me on a nitpick evel. Did the Golden age have hoodies? Their fashion looks vaguely Edwardian. Where did the hoodie come from?). Jack’s staff is alive (???). The staff also has magic scratching powers (???????). Jack can talk to every tree including firewood, and then it’s not brought up again (???????????). Not everything has to be a thing. The attachment to historical figures is weird as well. It’s not educational, it’s not respectful, and it’s not anyone who kids would recognize. It’s just strange. 

23. The Man in the Moon (movie ver)

Revived a random teenager and let him loose like a stray dog without any guidance. Other than that, we don’t know that much about him to actually know what he’s about. We don’t even know if he’s a person or not.

22. Lermantoff Serpent

The thing that hurts most about this character is the sheer potential that goes unrealized. That’s a complex backstory that could lead to so many things, and he dies in his first appearance despite being important and having a cool backstory. 

21. Twinetender

Weird concept. The stick is alive. Okay. Sure. He’s like Jack’s personal Jiminy Cricket but 1000 times more creepy. The souls of hundreds of Viking warriors (previously Native American via Instagram post but that was changed thank god the implications of that were horrific.) make up what is essentially a stick that a teenager waves around and acts as a weapon/servant. I think Joyce straight-up forgot halfway through that he was alive because he just isn’t in there anymore despite Jack always carrying the staff around. I like the character design tho, but besides that, I’d rather have the stick not be a person thanks

20. Pitch Black (book ver) 

I think the fandom puts so much emphasis on his backstory, reasonably (it’s a good tragedy), but we don’t even see Pitchiner from before, just accounts from other people. Kozmotis isn’t a character - we only hear about him through other’s exposition. The theme of grief that is intertwined with the story is tragic knowing Joyce’s life. Besides the tragic themes, he’s a stereotypical villain who evilly plots. More cliché, but then there’s a line from him that digs into hearts and stabs wounds.

19. Ombric

Wizard man. That’s pretty much all of his character. He’s written as a wise old wizard but just is standing in the background half of the time until he does something overpowered. I also don’t understand why he and Katherine aren’t literally father and daughter. Didn’t he adopt her? Why does she feel like he’s not her father? Why does he act like he isn’t her father? He adopted her

18. E. Aster Bunnymund (book ver)

I love his design and I like nerdy dork characters who repress their feelings but sometimes his dialogue is annoying. 

17. Toothiana (book ver) 

Oh, Tooth, you deserve so much better. Her character, her book, her backstory, everything was affected so much by Orientalism. Everyone else gets a role, a personality, an in-depth description of their homes and lives but she gets nothing. There are aspects of her character I like (the grief is very heart-wrenching and I just love her as a character in general) but there are just too many things I have issues with. She’s the only POC in this cast and she is a BIRD. She’s Asian but wears white clown-like makeup? The only people to are violent and greedy over magic are the village people. Not the white rich socialites who colonized and maimed for power and money. No, not them, but the village people in India are the only ones who do get greedy and VIOLENTLY KILL Tooth’s parents. She (and the representation that could’ve been so awesome) deserves better.

16. Sanderson Mansnoozie (book ver)

I love his relationship with Emily Jane. But he doesn’t get a lot of time in the books. Just maybe a few chapters? He’s great tho and I like that he was a space cowboy. 

15. The Spirit of the Woods

Underrated! I love her! She tries so hard and I just love her so much. I love her description and her personality, even if she’s only a minor character. (The day William Joyce makes art of her is the day my life will be complete)

14. Nicholas St. North (book ver)

North slays in the sleigh. I like that he has a little redemption arc and has to figure out what he wants in his life and what he wants to be. For me, it makes the movie scenes where he’s taking a mentor figure role to Jack even more meaningful, because he was in Jack’s shoes at one point, despite now being sure and confident in himself. Despite me not connecting the books to the movie, this one is the closest for me to being a part of the movie’s ‘canon.’ North is very consistent and I like his character a lot. 

13. Katherine

Teen girl protagonist with a knife! I do wish she had a little more agency as a character because it seems like every decision she makes is about the male characters. I like that she sees herself in Pitch. In the fifth book she gets older (25 yrs with kinda age manipulation with a range of 12-25. I’d say it’s closer to regression than true manipulation as it only happens under certain conditions) and she and Jack are soulmates and then she is defined by him? Even her powers are because of him, or at least the ones that are talked about the most. Second to those powers, the mythosphere was a cool concept. But what her character represents is the most significant thing about her. She is a ghost in a book, living again within the words and text every time the book is read.

12. Nightlight

Wish he didn’t turn out to be Jack. Or at least in the way that it is. I’m not opposed to Nightlight being Jack but I just don’t like book!Jack so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he’s a little adorable critter I love him and his relationship with Katherine is adorable

11. Pitch Black

My least favorite character from the movie. I don’t like his design (or any of his canon designs really. He looks like a bull terrier to me. I think the one in the comic is the best) He’s interesting as a selfish villain who is conceited and doesn’t like to share. He’s more interesting as a terrible person who likes hurting people. I love how he’s a foil for the Guardians, especially Sandy, and how he’s a mirror to Jack. I don’t get the fan interpretations of him where they woobify him and make the guardians ‘big bad bullies’ the man says with his mouth what his motives are. why are we pretending he said anything about fear being necessary and balance because he is not doing any of those? He is actively trying to take over the world with darkness. He doesn’t want balance. I’m not trying to judge anyone having fun, you do you, but I just don’t get it. I do think he’s a bit of a cliché, but it works for the movie. I also think he’s ugly (bull terrier looking mf)

10. Emily Jane

Oh, the drama! The tragedy! She’s great, and the build-up to meeting her character is masterful. I do wish we got to see her being just chaotic like how she’s said to be. Joyce tells a lot, rather than shows. 

9. Skreeklavic Shadowbent

Unironically this funky werewolf guy is my favorite character from the books. He’s got so much potential for more, the potential man! He and Pitch should’ve had more beef. Shadowbent knows all his secrets (that’s why his hair is so big) but is never utilized. 

8. Jack’s sister/Mary/Flee

I wish she was given a name. We see so much of her character and personality just from the flashbacks and she’s just so underrated. She’s more careful and nervous than her brother and needs a gentle push to have fun. She does only exist for Jack’s development which sucks. All the other kid characters get names, even if they aren’t said within the dialogue, but we never get one for her. (I’m not counting Joyce’s words as he isn’t consistent with them) However, this part of the story looks back on Jack’s past life is way too idealistic for what is a literal colonization. Her, Jack, and the rest of Burgess are literal colonizers. They weren’t good people. They were vile people who stole and maimed for land and money. While I adore this movie and its characters, this is one of my main issues with it. (Along with the weird racial coding of Bunny+Tooth, and the sexism and ignoring of female characters. The romanticism of colonization within the fandom is also worth discussing and criticism) 

7. Burgess Believers

I debated on putting Jamie in his own category but decided against it (they are tied). Jamie himself is this stalwart little believer who fights for light and hope and refuses to stop believing in goodness. They all have a battle with darkness and all win. We see their personalities! They’re great. They all have names too, even the ones that don’t have them said in dialogue. 

6. Baby Tooth

Shes so sassy I love her. I like the fan theory of her being Jack’s sister, or at least somewhat related to her. It’s fun. She’s incredibly passionate and such a fun character in this story. 

5. Bunnymund

He’s a grumpy dork with a heart of gold. I really like how they made him this gruff and badass guy who is nurturing and proud of making pretty and delicate things. It’s such a wonderful angle for a ‘gruff and rugged’ male character. He also looks up to and respects Tooth, the Smurfette (ugh) of the movie, and it’s truly one of my favorite ways this movie subverts common tropes I see in movies all the time. He’s a dork. I love him. 

4. North 

#1 dad of the year (and all years since 2012) without ever actually (technically) becoming a dad or a father figure to anyone. I adore this version of Santa. In a lot of Christmas/santa movies there is this… emptiness that I see. Because they aren’t given a reason as why they are Santa. Why did they deliver presents? Why do they care? With North, the why is answered: because he cares and loves the children of the world and wants to help protect their wonder. I think North, Klaus (2019), and L. Frank Blaum’s Santa are probably the best examples of a good Santa. (Tim Allen’s the worst. The beef I had with that man as a seven year old was insane.) They are all properly shown to why they do what they do and how important it is to them. I love how they made him crazy and sincere and caring and badass. The way he immediately steps up and becomes a mentor towards Jack is just ahshdiifska

3. Sandy

He’s such a cutie patootie. He would beat anyone up at the slightest opportunity to. I love him. I do wish he got more screen time. He could’ve came back when Jamie touched the dreamsand for the first time, or “died” later in the movie. I love how he’s characterized. The jumbled ‘words’ when he gets excited, the playfulness and gentleness. I think he’s neat and I do blame him for my insomnia. 

2. Tooth

I love her! She’s so badass and cool and awesome! I love her character design! It’s so fun and unique (although it would not hurt if they actually committed to her being Asian - there was an edit of what she would look like with darker skin and oml she looked so gorgeous). She’s kind and sweet and a bit of a manic pixie dream girl but then punches people and tears her enemies apart with her wings!!! (Unpopular opinion here but I genuinely love that she uses her wings to fight that is so cool - much cooler than a sword - I like that she is the brawler. Yes punch him!) She’s also unabashedly weird I just love that she gets so excited about teeth of all things. The sweet moment of her realizing that being out ‘in the field’ is what she’s been missing is just so great. She does tend to get ignored within the movie and the fandom, which sucks bc she’s such a great character, and she’s the only female character so it’s a big yikes (although the books nearly ignore her completely. She does like two things across the whole series) I may or may not have the tiniest crush on her. 

Jack 

ICHIKA: 39/10. She's not poisonous. If I took a bite of her hair I think it would taste like water.

SAKI: 5/10. She has bright hair. She is very bright. But NOT colourful enough to kill me she's too sweet for that. Her hair would taste like strawberries (specifically the pink part. The yellow would taste like sweet lemonade)

HONAMI: 8/10. She'd give me a mosquito bite at most. I think her hair would taste like the bread they give you in Christian churches. People say that tastes like cardboard but I've never eaten cardboard how can I compare it

SHIHO: 10/10. Nope. Her hair tastes like dust

MINORI: 8/10. Not colourful. her caramel tasting hair is too cute to poison

HARUKA: 6/10. It sure is colourful, but not bright enough. Maybe she'll poison you a little bit. Hair tastes like blue raspberry

AIRI: 4/10. Solid bright pink. I think she'd get close to killing me tbh. Her hair would taste a cherry flavoured lollipop

SHIZUKU: 6.5/10. Pretty colour, but not poisonous enough. Her hair would taste like fresh snow :)

KOHANE: 9/10. Cute little blondie. light, but not poisonous. Her hair tastes like hair. Normal hair taste

AN: 9.5/10. Nope. Maybe the blue cuts it a bit close but she won't do anything to me. Her hair tastes like a blue raspberry SLUSHIE

AKITO: 5/10. He'd taste like weird tasting orange juice. The yellow streak is the cherry on top and I feel like his poison has a 50/50 chance of either killing you or giving you eternal life

TOYA: 7/10. His hair would taste like rain. Two toned, but not two sided. I don't think he'd poison me too much

TSUKASA: 5/10. Just like Saki. Bright, but not poisonous enough. His hair tastes like those peach gummies, hands down. Do not argue with me.

EMU: -2/10. Even BRIGHTER pink. She tastes like those raspberry maynards that I forgot the taste of. I's eat her hair and regret it on my deathbed

NENE: 5/10. I'd say she could poison me. Not too colourful, but bright wnough to cause me to take some hearts. her hair tastes like those little asian green apple hard candies.

RUI: -2057284938/10. Bite his hair and die IMMEDIATELY. My headcanon of biter Tsukasa does not mix well with this. A single LICK. ACCIDENTAL "oh you got hair in my mouth" AND YOU PERISH. YOU DIE. THAT MOTHERFUCKERS HAIR IS SO BRIGHT AND DISGUSTING JUST LOOKING AT IT POISONS ME. AUGH. AAA. OOOGH. UUAAGGH. UGH. I HATE HIM. HIS HAIR TASTES LIKE SKUNK SMELL. OR A BERRY FLAVOURED SKITTLE. ONE OR THE OTHER NO IN BETWEEN

KANADE: 7/10. Bright, but not extravagant enough. Tastes like cold hard ice from the fridge.

MAFUYU: 9.5/10. No. Not poisonous. But she's give me a mosquito bite. Hair tastes like that one raspberry drink from mcdonalds

ENA: 10/10. My queen. She poisons no one. Her hair tastes like milk chocolate.

MIZUKI: 1/10. Their hair tastes like cotton candy. Bite, chomp, it even melts in my mouth- then I perish.

BONUS (VIRTUAL SINGERS):

MIKU: 3/10. Her hair tastes like Nestea

RIN + LEN: 2/10. Way too bright. looking at it kills me. Tastes like sour patch kids

LUKA: 5/10. Tastes like a strawberry banana smoothie.

MEIKO: 9/10. Tastes like pancakes with syrup