#rapha-senna

Arthur woke up in the mornings and took a run and then bought Merlin a coffee. He joined a local football team, made friends with the men on the team and went out to the pub with them on Fridays. He even convinced Merlin to pay for online history classes so he could learn more, and maybe get a degree for a career.

Merlin didn’t mind Arthur’s enthusiasm, in fact, it was nice to not have to worry over him. Merlin was dragged along to one event after another, happy to be with Arthur again.

“Merlin?” Arthur called into the flat, “You home?”

“Kitchen!” Merlin called back, pulling off his glasses to look up from his computer screen.

“Can I borrow that?” Arthur asked, pointing to the laptop.

“Yeah, new word?” Merlin asked.

“Of a sort.” Arthur answered. He pulled the laptop towards himself and Merlin didn’t think too much of it. Every once and while there was a new word or thing that popped up that Arthur had known about before. The first time Arthur came back from football practice with a bunch of lads, Arthur came home and had to look up all the slang they had used.

“Oh.” Arthur said, brows pulled together.

“What is it?” Merlin asked.

“I thought this was still taboo? This isn’t one of those extreme groups, is it?” Arthur turned the laptop around, showing Merlin a google search page for four letters, all with spaces in between because Arthur was still getting the hang of the computer, L G B T. The rainbow flag was the prominent on screen.

“Oh.” Merlin said.

Merlin hadn’t really explained queer culture to Arthur yet. It seemed so culturally different from medieval Camelot that he worried Arthur would reject it on the spot.

Merlin pulled the laptop over and tapped on a few pages. “Well… I wouldn’t call it universally accepted, but a man being in a romantic and sexual relationship with another man, isn’t all that uncommon now. Or for two women. Here, there’s a lot of history, you might want to look into it.”

Merlin then gave the laptop over to Arthur and set about making dinner for them.

“Merlin?” Arthur caught his attention as he popped the chicken into the oven.

“Hm?”

“Is this you?”

Merlin turned to see Arthur pointing at a picture on an obscure LGBT website, on a page about Queer History. The article was titled ‘Remember Pride Parades Were Once Queer Riots.’ A grainy black and white picture from the twentieth century showed a crowd of queer protesters with angry signs and raised fists. Then there was a man, loose white shirt and jeans, with dark hair long enough to curl around his ears. It was unmistakably Merlin, fifty years prior in New York City.

“Yes.” Merlin said slowly, gaging Arthur’s reaction.

“Were you there because you were seeing the world, or...?”

“No.” Merlin shook his head, “No, I wasn’t just there.”

It was dead silent as Arthur looked down at the picture for a long moment.

“Arthur-”

“You’ve been in relationships with men?” Arthur cut him off. “Romantic ones?”

Merlin chewed on his lip nervously. “I’ve always been attracted to men and women. It just wasn’t until the twentieth century that they gave a name to it.”

Arthur was silent again.

“This isn’t going to be weird, is it?” Merlin asked.

“You thought I would hate you- like the magic?” Arthur asked. Merlin had not expected the hurt in Arthur’s expression.

“What? Arthur, no. In Camelot, a man loving a man was so taboo, I worried the whole queer culture would give you a shock.” Merlin said.

“Were you with anyone in Camelot?” Arthur asked, more demanding now.

“Well…” Merlin said, thinking of the few men he had snuck off with, behind the stables or in the back of the tavern.

Arthur stood up abruptly. “I’m going on a walk.”

That was Arthur’s code for ‘I’m not angry, but I need time to process alone.’ He took his jacket and left. Merlin felt hollow.

It was over an hour later, the chicken sitting cold on top of the stove and Merlin sitting impatiently at the kitchen table, when Arthur returned.

Merlin tried not to jump up and run to Arthur as soon as the flat’s door opened and closed behind Arthur. He waited. He would always wait for Arthur.

Arthur sat down across from Merlin, “Did you eat?”

“No.” Merlin answered.

There was a long pause.

“This morning,” Arthur started, speaking to the table rather than to Merlin. “After my run, I went to buy you a coffee. Linda handed me this, telling me that ‘Me and my bloke would just love it.’” Arthur held out a bright red flyer, sliding it over to Merlin.

‘LGBT Night - Open Mic Night at Linda’s Coffee and Tea. Friday, 7 - 9 pm. All welcome!’

Merlin felt his stomach flip. Oh, that nice older woman. Linda thought they were a couple. Merlin held back a nervous laugh that was building in his chest.

“She asked me how long we had been together.” Arthur said, “I obviously didn’t catch her meaning because I just told her that we’ve always been together.”

Merlin gave a weak smile, “So you don’t want to go to Open Mic Night?”

“Merlin.” Arthur warned.

“Sorry, sorry.” Merlin laughed a little. “You have to admit- It’s a bit funny.”

“Do you think it’s funny?” Arthur asked, his lips turned down.

“Arthur, don’t be insulted by it. She just misunderstood.”

“I’m not insulted.” Arthur said.

“Then what’s with all the-” Merlin gestured to Arthur and his sour mood.

“You.” Arthur said, eyes boring straight into Merlin. “You’ve been with men. I didn’t even realize you had any affairs while in Camelot- let alone with men. You’ve been here all this time- and I don’t know Merlin. We’ve been through hell and back- and perhaps I’m angry that you tucked away yet another part of yourself from me. Shared a part of yourself with some random man- and not with me.”

Merlin’s heart raced in his chest as Arthur stood up and stepped into front of Merlin. “Is it so bad that I liked it when Linda said ‘your bloke’ like you were mine?”

Merlin stood up, feeling his throat close up with nerves, making it hard for the words to come out. “No. It’s not so bad.”

When Arthur raised his hand to cup the side of Merlin’s face, Merlin had never seen Arthur so hesitant before. He said, “I’m not wrong about this, am I?”

Merlin shook his head, “I was only with those men because I couldn’t have you.”

Arthur kissed him, too fast and crooked, but Merlin melted into it immediately.

On Friday night they went to Linda’s Open Mic Night, and didn’t correct her when she called them boyfriends.

Number+Letter

He must have looked a mess when he slammed open his father’s office door and told him he was quitting. Arthur was sure the yelling match between the two Pendragons was still talked about in Pendragon Corps offices today.

It had taken a year to get back on his feet, mentally and physically. But after that year, he hit his stride. He had his degree in finance, so he figured owning a small business would be a good place to start but it ended up being the best decision of Arthur’s life. Opening up Igraine’s Cafe had been the only thing in Arthur’s twenty-nine years of life that had been one hundred percent his own decision, and one that made him feel prouder than anything he had done at his father’s company.

During those years, he had always wondered what were the colors on his soulmate’s arm. Arthur’s mood had been so erratic, especially during the end, he always pictured the colors on his soulmate’s mark to change rapidly from the dark grays of melancholy, the sickly yellows of anxiety, and the bright reds of rage. Sometimes it had been the mark on his own arm, the blurry swirl of colors that represented his soulmate’s emotions, that pushed him through one day at a time. His soulmate’s mood would be a serene blue-green that reminded Arthur of clear-blue tropical ocean, and it would calm him in the midst of a panic. Or sometimes it would be pink with excitement, and in a moment of gloom, Arthur would rejoiced for whatever his soulmate may be doing.

Now, as he worked at Igraine’s Cafe, he hoped the mark on his soulmate’s arm was a good color. Perhaps a warm green of contentment or a happy cerulean.

Or perhaps small wisps of purple, although he hoped his soulmate wasn’t the jealous type.

One of Arthur’s most frequent customers since he opened Igraine’s Cafe had been a man, perhaps only a few years younger than Arthur, named Merlin Emerson. He worked as a nurse at the hospital down the road and he always arrived at Arthur cafe at an ungodly hour, half-awake and begging for caffeine. Arthur always sold him a large cup of coffee and usually convinced Merlin to order some food as well, because despite being a nurse, Merlin wasn’t always the healthiest when it came to his diet. Arthur loved seeing Merlin in the mornings, dressed in his usual scrubs (normally blue or red, but Arthur liked when he wore his purple scrubs).  Merlin would smile at him, ask about his day or how the cafe was coming along, and tell Arthur stories of his job or something crazy that a friend named Will had done last weekend.

So Arthur was falling for Merlin and he knew that his soulmate, wherever they were, must be seeing flashes of purple in their mark.

Arthur was in the cramped back office of Igraine’s Cafe (it used to be a broom closet, and it was better than anything he used to have at Pendragon Corps), when he noticed that his mark was a dark grey and sludgy brown. Touching the mark, Arthur wondered what could be upsetting his soulmate, and wishing he could do something about it.

A moment later one of the waiters, Gwen, knocked on his door and peeked her head inside.

“Arthur? Hey, that Merlin bloke is here.” She said, “Doesn’t he only come in the mornings?”

“Huh.” Arthur said, forgetting his mark for a moment. He left his desk behind to look out at his cafe. Indeed, Merlin was there in the late afternoon, eating a panini and sipping a tea. He was looking out the window, watching the people walk by, head resting in his hand.

Arthur approached the table, “May I?” he gestured to the chair.

“Arthur!” Merlin looked up with surprise, “I did think you were here. You weren’t running the coffee.”

“I was looking through some papers in the back.” Arthur said as he took the seat across from Merlin. “What brings you here at such a late hour?” Arthur jested.

Merlin’s lips turned down in a frown and he looked down at his tea. “Not sure. Actually, I’ve had a lousy day, you know? Just absolute shit. I was hoping some food and tea would make me feel better.”

“Oh.” Arthur was surprised by his honesty. “Well, food might help. But I know how that feels, some days are just shit.”

Merlin looked up, head cocked to the side. “I’ve been in this shop for months, and you always seem so happy.”

Arthur shrugged, “Well I suppose I haven’t had a bad day- as in a horribly shitty day- since I opened the cafe. But it wasn’t always that way. I used to work at Pendragon Corps, and there, almost everyday was a bad day.”

“Wait- really? You were one of those corporate types?” Merlin asked. “But you wear sweaters and give me muffins on a daily basis. You’ll have to convince me of that one, Arthur.”

Arthur laughed, “Well considering I am Arthur Pendragon, I don’t think it would be too hard to believe.”

Merlin seemed surprised by this, and began to ask more questions. Arthur was also surprised that he answered them willingly. He told Merlin about how horrible working at Pendragon Corps had been for him, and how he hoped that Igraine’s Cafe would be what he did for the rest of his life. Merlin told Arthur about his bad day, and by the end of the conversation Merlin seemed much happier and left with a smile on his face.

As Merlin left, Arthur was so focused on him that he didn’t notice his soulmate’s mark was bright orange with swirling pinks.

The more Arthur got to know Merlin, exchanged stories and learned about each other, the more Arthur wondered about his soulmate. Perhaps he even hoped to glimpse Merlin’s mark and see his own moods reflected there. Merlin usually wore a jacket over his scrubs, so it was rare to see the colors on his arm, but every once and awhile he spied a flash of color.

One Sunday afternoon, Arthur was the last one in the cafe before closing. He was sweeping the floor when he heard a knock on the window, and turned to see Merlin. He wasn’t dressed in scrubs. Oh no, he was dressed in black trousers and a button up shirt rolled to his elbows, with a scarf wound loosely around his neck. His hair was combed unlike it was most mornings, and his cheeks were flushed with the autumn air. He was stunning and Arthur had not been prepared to see him.

“Merlin?” Arthur opened the cafe doors to let him in. “We’re closed.”

“Oh I know.” Merlin said, “But I was wondering if you were free. I would have called, but for some reason I never got your number and was too impatient to wait for tomorrow to ask for it.”

Arthur felt a burst of a laugh rise out of his throat. Merlin was asking him out, and Arthur felt uncontrollably giddy.

“Yeah.” Arthur grinned, “Yeah, I’m free. You want to go down to the Rising Sun?”

“Yeah.” Merlin brushed his hand over his hair, almost nervously, as he said, “I can wait- Or you want to-?”

“No, now is fine.” Arthur said, but his eyes were on Merlin’s arm. The mark was bright pink with excitement and deep purple with love and lust. That couldn’t have been a coincidence.

Merlin followed Arthur’s eyes to the mark on his arm. He smiled and looked down to Arthur’s own mark. Arthur looked down to see a similar shade of pink, purple, with a bit of blue.

“Figured it out then?” Merlin smiled, his eyes crinkling with mirth.

“You knew?” Arthur asked, reaching out and grabbing Merlin’s arm running a hand over the mark as it changed, adding in a hot pink of Arthur’s nervous-excitement.

“Yeah. I figured it out when you told me you worked for Pendragon Corps. Or rather, that’s what got me thinking. You always seemed so happy and my soulmate used to have such extreme emotions that I didn’t think it was you. But later you told me about those panic attacks and it all made sense.” Merlin stepped closer and took Arthur’s arm in his hands, running his hands over the colors on Arthur’s arm. “I used to get these weird mixed colors on my arm. Normal colors like red, blue, and yellow, but they were all mixed together and frantic. I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t know what. That was really maddening, you know? But that stopped over a year ago. I put two and two together, and well…”

Arthur didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arms around Merlin and pressed his face to Merlin’s hair. “God, Merlin, sometimes all I had was your colors on my arm.”

Merlin squeezed tight, “Well, now you have me.”

Arthur leaned away just enough to pull Merlin into a kiss. When they parted, both their marks were a deep purple.

Number+Letter