I'm just going to say it - body hair (and beauty standards in general) is truly one of the final frontiers of women's issues in the West. Too many women just love their gilded cage too much. It shocks me how virulently women will defend it. I barely open my mouth and the "well I like how it feels. it just makes me feel cleaner. sensory issues. I do it for me. feminism is about choosing (to conform)." brigade come rushing in by the dozens.
Well I don't like how it feels. I don't feel cleaner without body hair. I don't prefer not having body hair. But who will advocate for women like me, but me? For women who do like hair removal, they are advocated for every time they step out of the house and see 99% of the female population also conforming to that standard, or when they watch a movie and see all the shaved actresses, or view an advertisment, or open a magazine, or watch a music video, or scroll through social media, or walk down the streets without receiving insults and glares for having a completely normal bodily feature.
You genuinely can't even point out that hairlessness is a man-made standard without women losing their shit and acting like they are totally immune to propaganda they've been exposed to from birth. I'm so tired.
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Iâm feeling very Regulus Black, Remus Lupin-like today. (I have so much stress and anxiety and conflict and depression and self hatred built up inside of me and- and-)
One of the things that still hurts me deeply about hair removal culture is the loss of innocence. I was sitting in a shopping centre today having a drink and I saw this little girl, maybe around 8 or 9 with her mum and older sister, I think Turkish, and she had this glitzy little tank top on, probably dressing up for he last day of school since it's school holidays now. She had visible dark hair up to her shoulders and on her lower back and she was running around playing with her sister without a care in the world, just looking so happy and free and I felt a pang in my heart, I was both so happy and so sad for her. I thought about the last time I was unaware of my body hair or of my body at all, and I can't even remember it. I remember being 7 or 8 and messing around with the sink when washing my paintbrushes at school and one of the kids pointed out how dark the hair on my arms was when it got wet. And since then I couldn't stop noticing it and how much darker and more visible it was than everyone elses, even the boys, especially whenever I had to put on a tshirt for P.E. or a dress in the summer. And I remember going home one day and trying to cut all my arm hair off with a pair of craft scissors and my mum found out and was so angry because she thought that I since cut the hair it was going to grow back even thicker and darker and that I was going to look like a freak (her exact words - thanks mum). So she started waxing my 8 year old arms with hot wax even though it burnt my skin. Then when I was 10 she started waxing my legs. Then my underarms, then my bikini line, and when I was 17 she tried to persuade me to get a brazilian wax.
The world is just so messed up for little girls, it's like no one cares that you're a child, you're a female first so you have to fit the standard of beauty from childhood at whatever cost. It's like a curse, as soon as you become aware of some new 'flaw' you can't unsee it or stop thinking about it and you're expected to 'fix' it. And it's getting even worse with the rise of even more ridiculous beauty standards and procedures and social media and now we're seeing 14 year olds with anti aging routines. I genuinely feel like the destruction of innocence as a girl is such a scarring experience, you stop being a relatively carefree and happy child who is unaware of the expectations of beauty and start having to become a 'girl'
Just a long post because if you know me, you know I love to yap (TLDR at the end)
First thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has interacted with this blog - thank you for your private messages, questions, tags people have added, and things I've been tagged in. I'm so glad to see people are still finding good stuff here, seeing 'old timers' in my activity feed who have followed this blog for years, tourists who find a couple of posts they like, new followers go on mass liking sprees, etc. It means a lot knowing you're all out there, feeling the same way I am and going through the same experiences (even if they're sometimes miserable).
Sorry I've been so absent, I'm going to try to get to new messages and stuff as soon as I can. This blood clot situation has turned into a bit of a nightmare. My left arm has very little blood flow in it anymore, even with blood thinners, and I'm going to have surgery soon.
I've come off the combined pill (i.e. with estrogen) which has been a bit devasting, to tell you the truth. My hormones and periods have just been an absolute mess. I've been told to give my body roughly a year(!) to adjust to readjust and see where my hormones are at. I'm tired, I'm scared, I'm frustrated, but it is what it is.
For a while, I even wondered if I'd need this blog anymore. Maybe I was naive, but things seemed to be going well re the body positivity/body neutrality movements. Endometriosis and PCOS were being spoken about more openly. There was a push to see women represented with body hair and other typically unseen (but extremely common) features like acne, cellulite, or stretch marks, more often. I was seeing articles on big website talking positivitely about women's choices not to shave or the challenges women with imbalances hormones might face.
But that seemed to be a very short window. As expected, whenever push in one way, the world pushes back. Adverts now might feature one model with hairy armpits, but all the other models will be shaven, the product will still be shaving product, and people will immediately express their disgust on social media or other places at having to see a woman's hairy armpit for like two seconds. I've even seen this amongst my own family members, sadly. Gen Z and Gen Alpha seem even more fixated on their looks with all new pressures from social media, celebrities, influencers etc exposed to them at even younger ages, with even more ridiculous 'flaws' to worry about. There seems to be a growing number of men who have no problem targeting and attacking women for daring to look or behave outside of very select and convential boundaries. Women in supposedly 'free' countries are having to worry about whether their access to birth control, hormonal treatments, gynecologists, and other women's health services will be threatened. Funding to research on conditions like endometriosis is seen as 'non essential'.
Idk what my point is, I'm just disappointed. In a way, I'm sad that a blog like this has to exist, even though maybe there's more than there once way, there still seems to be so few places or ways to explicitly discuss these issues or even just make statements like "Women have body hair and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with not removing your body hair as a woman. Endometriosis and PCOS are real illnesses, not just 'bad period cramps'. In fact, they can be debilitating. Periods are not shameful or disgusting. Women's bodies are not shameful or disgusting."
Anyway, thank you again and hope you are all managing as well as possible!! Love from your hairy buddy xxx
TLDR: Blood clot ruined everything, hormones are rubbish, beauty standards are evil. If you're reading this, thank you :)
It is so so hard and sad to have a conversation with people who wont or canât confront their antiâfemale body hair bias/socialisation esp re cleanliness. I feel like I might actually scream if I have to hear âbut it just FEELS cleaner/I just FEEL dirty with body hairâ one more time. I know weâre not supposed to police peopleâs decisions especially regarding their body but tbh statements like that shame women who DO have body hair whether theyâre intended to or not.
Youâre admitting you believe there is an inherent dirtiness to WOMENâS body hair specifically. Even if you believe youâre talking about your own feelings, these assumptions donât exist in a bubble. And quite frankly its so bizarre to me how many women will saying this whilst sleeping with their boyfriend who may or may not wipe themselves after they urinate, wash their hands regularly, have flakes of shit in their butt crack hair etc. Men sweat more too, so shouldnât it be even more vital that they shave their body hair to âfeel cleanâ?? But no, its just assumed their hair is the norm, in fact people find it weird when men shave.
I truly believe itâs because a lot of people believe womenâs bodies have an inherent dirtiness, and have a severe lack of understanding of how womenâs bodies (including their own) actually work and so have a lot of shame towards their body. This girl was saying to me how she just feels âcleanerâ with no pubic hair and I didnât want to argue with her or anything, I was just trying to understand what the logic is and in my head Iâm thinking - i know why. You think its gross because its hair on a vulva and therefore must be gross because vulvas are gross because womenâs bodies and their functions are gross (obviously this isnât what I actually believe, but I believe a lot of people are encouraged to feel this way).
I said to her, is the hair on your head gross then? Because it gets exposed to more pollution, dirt, germs, etc, so wouldnât it âfeel cleanerâ to shave it? And she was like ânooo i could never!!â In fact women are encouraged to grow it as long as possible and even shamed for cutting it short let alone shaving it! I shower every day including washing my body and pubic hair, but I only wash my hair three times a week and most women I know do the same. So what is the logic there? There is none because this thought pattern is so stupid. How is my freshly washed body hair and soft skin any dirtier than shaved skin with ingrown hairs, whiteheads, and shaving cuts?
Anyway, there is no real point here, just to say that when you look at the structure of so many of the beauty standards enforced on women they really are so dumb and misogynistic. I honestly pity women who feel this way but itâs agonising as a hairy woman to constantly feel like you have to defend your hygiene, especially to people who seem to make up hygiene standards on the spot lol.
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ohhhh my god thats a genre of person. uh huh everyone is co opting a transfem identity and tme people need to just shut up and also trans men cant be men cause that makes them inherently abusive to women. yeeeep. thats totally not what most terfs think of men but okay. sure. youre totally very trans friendly
