#rants rambles

a mix of the anguish blood I bleed

with the all consumung anger in me

And the walloping sadness inside

I cry till my tears run dry

Heavy bags under my eyes

Mix it together you get my life

Gorgeous on the outside

Full of lows and highs

I like these parts of me

there's purple in everything

I could never be so in love with makeup

My appearance doesn't matter

As long as I'm smart

I could never struggle with my body

Why would I care what anyone else thinks?

I could never date

I have my goals to accomplish

Substances are bad

Why would any one do them?

Taught. Indoctrinated. Driven in me

One things praised while the other ridiculed so you better fall in line

Rules, rules and more rules

don't let you desires come first

You want to make your family proud Don't you!

But she is me the girl who collapsed not accomplishing anything

She is me who looked at herself in the mirror and felt sick

She is me who smokes to feel something dammit anything

She is me who searches for love in all the wrong places

Stuck in a routine of changing faceses

She is an example of what not to become

The wind in my sails absent

When they use to be a gale

so strong you would think it

came from the 4 corners of the sea

pushing it from its breathing tips

Engulfing all in its path

fear in its miss

Tsunamis, typhoons, tornadoes

all child like to the destruction

Unstoppable controlled chaos

keeping me stable

Dreams were never dreams then

would be my soon reality

The higher I soared

the deeper my hunger raved

My strive quick with pace

Flourished

Threw the twits and turns in life's course

I stayed steady using the storms

to propel me forward

What a shame that gale is no more

in its wake a breeze

Pathetic shadow

of the once powerful storm

you were wrong for what you did to me