#ranting tw

Harada's balent favouritism towards Heihachi has left him a confused mess of chatacter and the plot in shambles.

At first he's delightfully evil for evil's sake. We then spent the last game hearing his sob story for what was meant to be his last appearance. Which reimaginged as a "fallen" man who seemed to be trying to rid the wotld of devils?? But it's okay because the last moments he has in 7 are just so chef's kiss and it's perfect for the end of his story.

And then ooops he's never died after all in the dumbst way possible. But hey at least he's a cool monk now facing his inner darkness and trying to be bet-

AhaHahaha ! Sike he's still evil and all of it was a waste of time.

It's frustrating because there was potential there on continuing 8's base story's theme of redemption and not letting the past define your future there. Imagine if instead of all that bullshit woth the meteor and Heihachi going right to his old bastardy self. He had to instead face all of the damage he dealt to his fanily and the world? To finally accept that the monster wasn't the devil,bit the man within?

I’m so sorry guys but I genuinely do not know if I’ll be able to finish ss. I have grown to dislike it so much to a point where literally reading or writing a paragraph from it makes me violently cringe. Sometimes I wish I could delete it and never think about it again and pretend I never even wrote it

I wish I could actually finish something for once but all I have are wips that never end and I don’t know how to write them or anything like that. I literally just want to delete everything so badly and never touch it ever again!!!!

I have no frickin’ idea what’s going on. I thought my math homework was for the day after tommorow, but it was for today.  I submitted my chemistry test two minutes late, TWO MINUTES late, and I have to retake it. I have to retake a math test as well. I keep zoning out in classes. My eyes hurt from the computer screen. I worry about my friends, both online and irl, I worry about my country, I worry about other countries, and on top of everything I’m trying to make a project to make myself happy. I’m eating ketchup in the middle of my Polish lesson. This is a frickin’ mess.  

I know I don’t owe an explanation of me being distant or just not around but you’re getting on anyway. There’s a lot of things going on with me emotionally and mentally and it’s affecting everything. And I mean everything. In June, I lost my papa. My best friend. My world. and it’s literally been a battle each day to move forward and I have been but the holidays are gonna be shit this year and that’s where I’m at with that. So if I’m distant or picky with who I talk to it has nothing to do with any of you. It’s me. I feel safe with certain people and some days that’s who I want to talk to and only them. Maybe it’ll get better. I hope so. But it just sucks.

Another thing is the rpc can be a cruel and jackass and asshole place and God, I hate it sometimes. Because it is hard to be an OC and a female one at that. it sucks and I have a lot of support, I know I do, but holy hell, it feels like I’m just here and no one even cares sometimes and that’s probably on me too. Because I can have a lot of followers but only have three or four writing partners and I’m on here because I want to write and I want to have fun but it’s hard to do that when that doesn’t happen and that’s probably on me too at least partially but still. 

So anyone who’s followed my blog for a decent amount of time will know I reblog a lot of memes. I spend a decent amount of time trying to track down one I can see working for my muses. But here’s the (slightly complicated) issue:

After I reblog it, I see four or five blogs reblog it too.

It’s almost always from the source I used, so it’s not a reblog karma thing. And ultimately there’s nothing wrong with seeing something and saying ‘oh! I want to do that!’. I’m not targeting or mad at anyone. But what happens fairly often is that those other blogs end up getting asks for the meme, and I end up with nothing. So I wasted my time looking for the meme at all, and watching everyone else have fun with it is kind of salt in the wound.

Even those symbol/headcanon memes, where you literally don’t have to know anything about my muses. I try to send people those types of things when I see them, but more often then not I don’t get sent anything.

There’s nothing wrong with having fun with a meme. I’m just saying I end up feeling very unwanted and slightly used. I also recognize I could possibly fix the problem by actually using discord, but for me that means near-constantly anxiety and hyperfixating on the chats.

I don’t know how to fix this, because I’m not about to say ‘hey guys stop having fun’. I don’t even know if it can be fixed. But I just wanted to put it out there, for the sake of people knowing where I’m coming from.