#rantflex

Sadflex or maybe angryflex Sorry I can't do read mores on mobile I don't even get a chance to do anything or go anywhere and before it even happens its a shitfight of how much I'm a psycho bitch that'll ruin everything. Maybe if I'm told the truth and people don't shit stir me and I'm not being lied to I'll be nice huh? Give me a fucking chance or what, am I meant to just go no where and curl up into a ball? Cry that I have no friends for any longer than I do? Maybe I can make a friend without it being ruined somehow. Maybe if my issues were kept for ME to tell then maybe I'd be nicer. Its not nice making a friend at a convention and they never speak to you online like they said they would because your only IRL friend told them that you got a problem without even asking if I were OK with that. Now, I'm not much better than I was before. if it were something like telling them im a lesbian without asking me if I was OK with that info being thrown around I wouldn't give a shit, hell if they no longer wish to be my friend knowing I'm lesbian then I don't want them to be my friend at all. But this, is a issue that is different and I don't like it thrown around like a dog with a rag doll. Mental illness isn't a fun quirky thing that people want to be around. I don't even like having it. Its a living hell and makes me wish I was never alive to go through things and get this fucking disorder. Its a living fucking reminder of my pathetic existence and I don't even feel I am here and am alive. I'm a fucking miserable shell trying to be OK with 350+ happy my little ponies. I have no self esteem left and no self worth. And don't give me "people have it worse than you" crap we all have our pains and upsets and no matter what it is it is valid and just, as it is the worst thing to you. I feel sick. I feel angry. Give me a chance and if people don't like me then fine and IF I ruin things THEN punish me. Not before I even try.