thank you for the ask!! these were fun to look for together šā¤ļø
day - from "my armor, your cage" a scira wip exploring berserker & messenger of death trauma in relation to each other
Days later, when Stiles asked him what it felt like,Ā he didnāt know how to describe it. He was afraid they wouldnāt understand. Scott still didnāt understand.
It was easiest to say heād lost himself to the berserker. That something else had taken over.Ā
In truth, it felt like finding himself. Reaching blindly in the dark to find his own outstretched handāwarm, clawed, bloody. Sturdy as the bone cage encasing him
night - from "it's called sacrifice for a reason", a horror wip where post-s5 death, scott becomes increasingly unsure if anything is real, or if it's all a nemeton trick
His fingers tangle in faded red fabric, soft from years of wear, and Scott hesitates. Sitting back on his heels, he pulls the jacket out from the mess, unbunching the cloth in his hands to really look at it. He hasnāt worn the hoodie in months--only in part because Stiles had 'borrowed' it along the way.
Truthfully, it had been a relief knowing he wouldnāt have to see it each time he opened his closet. Even now, it still steeped in that night and he wondersānot for the first timeāif some spots of the cloth are darker than others, never quite clean of the last human blood he ever shed.
(Send me š + a word/phrase & if I find it in a WIP I'll post a snippet!)
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(take a shot every time i say ābutā here, oh my god i was getting tired of my own crutch sentence construction)
How easily do they forgive themselves after making a mistake and how easily do they forgive others?
FORGIVING THEMSELVES
cas: so first of all, cas hates himself and most other people, so jot that down. he also lives full time as an outlaw on the ocean, and neither of those are forgiving positions to be in, so he canāt really afford to be too lenient with himself. or so he thinks, anyway. his mindset around this was actually really tricky to articulate so thanks for giving me this puzzle, lol.
cas doesnāt forgive himself for anything, but he also hates to show weakness and/or any emotions really other than āangerā and ācontempt.ā he is also very good at compartmentalizing. this means that for the most part he isnāt the type to really punish himself or do negative self-talk or anything like that; his self-hatred gets projected outwards onto the people and things around him. in the days after cas screws up, he looks for control and to make sure it never happens again, which leads to him being stricter with his crew and meticulous about details, and sometimes to ill-thought out missions as though he has something to prove. some unhealthy behavior can get woven into this like missed sleep or meals, or a lack of self-preservation, but cas isnāt great at self-care at a baseline so itās not very noticeable. once he feels satisfied with that, heāll chill out and put the shame and self-hatred in a box again.
but the box doesnāt work forever. every so often cas hits a crisis momentāweāll see one in the story, where he truly believes heās alone in the world and has nothing left to be stoic for, but it can also happen when he fucks up really bad (getting people killed that he wanted to protect) or when he repeats a major mistake. that is when youāll really see cas bring out the negative self-talk and stop taking care of himself to an extreme degree. other characters allude to cassian having a hollowness inside him; these moments are when it swallows him whole.
ollie: not very forgiving of themself. ollie has a tendency to beat themself up inside over lots of things, as well as a lot of avoidance and denial. however, they very much outwardly present as casās opposite: happy, friendly, and smart but shallow. theyāre better at masking than cas; where he shuts everything down, theyāre more able to project a specific persona, and that persona rolls with the punches and doesnāt feel intense guilt or shame.
internally, though, ollie has some intense self-deprecation going on. they get very anxious about their mistakes and fixate on them, but also avoid anything to do with them externally. itās very common to not see them around for a few days if theyāve majorly fucked up with you, long enough that they feel like the issue has blown over and they can pick up where they left off. with sufficiently big issues, they may just never come back.
inari: surprisingly, pretty forgiving. inari is confident and self-compassionate, but like cas she grew up in an volatile world and understands the gravity mistakes can carry. i feel like her anger with herself is explosive but short; sheāll berate herself and isolate in the immediate aftermath, but give it a little time to process and sheāll have accepted it. she usually does her best to make up with people, as well, and while her apologies can be stilted they are genuine.
there are a few things inari has never forgiven herself for, though, and ironically they tend to be the things the most outside of her control.
daci: my beloved daci is pretty practical, and this is no exception. of course sheās not perfect, but generally she is good at identifying what is an actual problem she needs to care about and what is an honest mistake she can apologize for and move on. what bugs her, endlessly, are situations where itās ambiguous or things are unresolved. misunderstandings with strangers, missions where itās impossible to know what exactly went wrong, etc. daci likes answers, likes things neatly ordered, and itās hard for her to let go of something if she canāt get closure, even if itās not a huge deal.
eira: oh, very unforgiving of small things, pretty forgiving of larger issues, ironically. growing up with a father who micromanaged her life, eira is used to fixating on the small stuff. it was her fatherās belief that all large problems started somewhere small, and that ignoring tiny mistakes could lead to massive ones later on.
eira internalized this as a subconscious belief that small mistakes were the end of the world and serious issues, as long as she could see all her little ducks in a row, must in some way not really be her fault. if the events of the story hadnāt happened i imagine this would have been a pretty big disaster for her. sheās very ambitious and naive, set to get boosted into a leadership position with no real hands-on experience to guide her.
tyrian: in order to forgive himself tyrian would first need to accept heās ever done anything wrong :3. no yeah thatās it thatās the tweet. tyrian is extremely defensive and great at justifying his actions so he never really has to do a lot of introspection. at leastā¦.at the start of the story. perhaps he will evolve!
FORGIVING OTHERS
cas: unlike the above, cas is actually somewhat forgiving of other people. he has very little patience and a lot of anger, and he feels a certain pressure to keep up appearances as the local monster, but he also understands that if you manage to make it through a disaster, getting stuck on it helps no one long-term. a small boat is a very bad place to be holding grudges, and itās casās safe spaceāhe is not a fan of having more hostile energy around than necessary.
so cas can be intense about confronting and punishing people, and he absolutely does not apologize, but he wonāt rehash old shit unless it becomes a pattern. at present, he doesnāt discriminate between people who are being malicious or careless and people making genuine mistakes, but in his head thatās because the outcome is the same regardless. as i was writing this i remembered that in my heart future!cas is pretty emotionally intelligent and a good mentor figure, butā¦.i think he would still have this problem, lol. maybe if heās not so hypervigilant all the time his reactions in general would be less severe, but i donāt think heās ever really going to take intent into account over impact.
ollie: so forgiving of others that itās concerning. canāt hold a grudge to save their life. i would say this is the main reason they can tolerate cas, but tbh ollie is so far gone on cas they could be the begrudgingest person around and they would still let him do basically anything. but yeah. ollie has a hard time getting angry at people in the first place, and even if they do, any half-baked apology is usually enough to satisfy them.
the one exception is anyone that hurts cas. ollie is very very good at holding grudges for their captain.
inari: varies pretty widely. inari grew up in an isolated rural community, spent her early teens being a feral loner in the woods, and her late teens bouncing between isolated communities of magic folk and various ships. she comes from an environment where social ostracism can kill and there is a baseline expectation of helping oneās neighbors, but sheās also been in groups where being soft is a death sentence.
as a result, inari has perfected the art of cooperating with people she doesnāt like. sheāll hold grudges forever, especially over her personal safety, but if youāre part of her in-group sheāll give you the shirt off her back when the situation calls for it. if youāre not part of her in-groupā¦.kinda get fucked, lol??
she does have a huge soft spot for kids, though. anyone under the age of fifteen pretty much gets a free pass while ariās around.
daci: while daci is, again, a pretty practical person, she does lean more toward the grudge-holding side. i imagine this is something she tries not to think about, because she does like the idea of herself as someone who is very level-headed, so sheās kind of in denial about it and will come up with silly reasons the grudge is valid. itās not consistent either, and ironically is probably more likely to happen over smaller things. tried to kill us and now you wanna be friends? sure! people change! made a mean comment about my friend once? cold shoulder for a month lowkey. she wonāt bring it up again, but She Has Not Forgotten.
eira: doesnāt currently really believe she has the agency to forgive or not forgive people. people kind of just do stuff to her and she has to go with it. right now this might look like being very forgiving, but i think it will be fun to weave into her overall journey to try to build some self-confidence and agency. i think she will turn out to be a bit grudgier than expected.
tyrian: oh tyrian can be soooo bitter. the flip side of never doing anything wrong is that most of the time other people have to be wrong, and by forgiving them he runs the risk of exposing himself to criticism (fun fact tyr, more than one person can be in the wrong at once!). very occasionally his shield of can-do-no-wrong extends to other people, such as eira or his sister, but for anyone else? tyrian is always ready to snap and rage and hate forever. and he is absolutely petty as well, the type to drop snide little comments so everyone knows heās mad. itās almost like tyrian craves a fight and goes looking for things to hold over peopleās heads. almost like he has something to proveā¦.
2. what movie have you watched most recently? what did you think of it?
thereās a few iām excited to see (like project hail mary) but i think genuinely the last movie i actually sat down to watch start to finish was zootopia 2. and that was pretty fun tbh. yeah yeah copaganda whatever, sue me i like the silly animals. the straightbaiting was really funny but also cute. definitely felt more Themes than the original, altho i thought the inciting incident was really abrupt and it made me really suspicious of a twist that never happened, i think i was supposed to take it at face value. they actually managed to lure me into complacence enough that the real twist got me, though, so either iām a bit stupid (canāt be ruled out) or like, kudos, kids movie. i still think about it occasionally a few weeks later so it left its mark on me in some capacity. solid sequel. why do i feel like ppl are gonna rip me apart over zootopia 2
8. favorite month of the year and why?
ooh, well for years it wouldāve been november easilyānanowrimo, play season for high school, not close enough to the holidays to have a ton of events/stress, not trapped in the dead of winter, etc. now that i dont have 2/4 of those thingsā¦.god, i donāt know. i donāt know! have i liked any month in particular more than the others lately? maybe march because of our prompt event, but this march kicked my ass and then gutted me and left me for dead so iām not super fond of it. :/ but other marches. probably good. itās also a transitional month season-wise where itās not disgustingly freezing most of the time but still cold enough i can get away with being wrapped up and cozy <3
since i already answered sunflower iāve been given permission to choose a random question of my own!
š (bouquet) - What analogy would you use to describe your system to a curious stranger?
probably āvideo games in the denā very classic, very serviceable. the idea of the rest of the house being inside/subconscious, different places around the room fitting the analogy of different kinds of co-consciousness or cofronting, also being able to reach over and take the controller, or just press a random button and dip. or even the idea of one person having the mic to talk to others and a different person having the controller. i donāt feel like it 100% fits the vibes of my experience but i doubt anything can, and curious strangers donāt need a perfect explanation.
šŗ (hibiscus) - Is there a "common" plural experience that you don't experience?
amnesia walls* are an easy one, as well as having/experiencing an inner** world. our fictives also, so far, tend to be very source separatedāfew source memories, mixed feelings and wariness toward their sourcemates. so sometimes we do feel kinda isolated from both the CDD/medically-inclined side of the community and the sillyhappy plural side.
*we do have some mild amnesia at times, and have since before syscovery, but its very work-around-able
**we do have a frontspace, but when people leave it they kind of just disappear
š (kadomatsu) - Do you decorate your space or keep mementos of/for yourself and other system members? (e.g. perfumes, clothes for specific people, art, jewelry)
not yetā¦..somedayā¦.when we have more space and collect more stuff for each other! that would be great. a lot of the others donāt care too too much about clothes aside from a quirk here and there, the common sentiment seems to be āit would be worse if we tried and still didnāt look like usā which :((( im sowwy guys. the main guy who cares is ezra, who wants badly to dress like a pirate and straighten our hair, so working on that for him.
i also know ash is very very eager to get things of his own, heās a dog, he wants to have a little den and heās very possessive of things he considers to be āhis.ā we already know that when we have room for it, he would want his stuff to be safely tucked away so no one else can see/mess with it, and then he can get it out when he fronts. everyone else though, yeah, it would be cute and fun to just have random odds and ends scattered around. flora wants a bookstagram fall girl aesthetic reading nook, preferably in a bay window, and i donāt see that happening (sorry girly), butā¦.no i forgot the end of that sentence flora just really wanted to share her vision i guess.
so. yeah! not yet, but sometime, that would be nice.
Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssss THANK YOU LEXIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. What is your favorite type of dragon and why?
I will always favor the Monstrous Nightmare over any other type! The reasons for that include the practical presumption that it's likely one of the most "rideable" dragon species out there, meaning you have something to hold on to. The horns function like a railing of sorts. With most other dragons, if they brake too hard, you'll be sent flying over their neck like Hiccup was in the Test Drive sequence. And that's just too scary for me to think about lol.
Monstrous Nightmares are also of a decent size, possess great color, and they come with free seat heating! I figure one would need that in the archipelago's climatic environment. I love how Hookfang was the spikiest, largest, scariest and most badass dragon known to vikings in the first movie (besides Night Furies, of course). Like...if you ride one, they'll defend you. No questions asked. I like myself a protector. If I ever made a cheesy Httyd dragon oc, it'd be a female Monstrous Nightmare named Dawnflame. Yep XDDD
Alternative favorites include but are not limited to: Seashockers, Thunderdrums (Stoick should have gotten a Thunderdrum!!!), Stormcutters, the Buffalord, and Hobgobblers.
10. What are your favourite locations in the Barbaric Archipelago?
Oh well. I always thought about finding a quiet, sunny spot high up in the cliffs of the Isle of Berk, abandoned by human strive and only accessible by dragon. Otherwise, I guess Itchy Armpit and Dragon's Edge are pretty neat! Then there's of course the Rookery, Dragon Island, The Hidden World and any possible 'Hiccup thinking sea stack' there is!!! :D
12. Which character has your favourite design and/or outfit?
VALKA. EASILY. If I lived in the archipelago, I'd be SO her!!!!
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š Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
i was afraid of someone asking this because like, no? which is so boring. iāve been trying to think and i simply donāt think iāve done this :( iām plenty mean to my readers i think but thatās usually a happy byproduct of being mean to my blorbos
āØ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. š
alright, alright. i think i am pretty good at telling exactly the type of stories i like best, which are all trauma aftermath and recovery. i wonāt call it the MOST realisticāmaybe more optimisticādepictions in the world, but. i really dig into the ups and downs, missteps, misunderstandings, thought processes, etc, and people really do respond to that and think it rings true, so if nothing else iām successful in what iād consider the most important way. at least most of the time
hii, i don't know anything about the books you're talking about except what i've seen you posting about, but consider this an ask about the thing you most want someone to ask about (or alternatively if you want a real question, what would you say to someone to convince them to read it? asking for a friend ahaha)
@rangerlexi you're an absolute sweetheart T_T
Is it very very bad of me to say that it has good whump and I enjoy it partly for the whump which is very very good did I already say that it's very very good...??
AND The Queen's Thief also makes up for it in the best, tenderest possible ways. Like
I cannot describe it to you. You have to read it yourself. The most hurt characters get loved back to health in the softest ways.
You're seriously making me tear up at the thought of how beloved and protected Gen, the main character, is in this series. This is the kind of love we all yearn for.
Here, have a random awesome piece of music to go with the ask because I'm listening to it while writing this, and maybe that's what's making me tear up right now, but I mean it. Read it for the comfort. š¤š¤š¤ There is so much love in these books and it is made better for the character-testing-and-breaking parts!!!
