#ramonaspoems

Being bisexual is the worse thing you can do

Be a femme! Be a butch! Be everything in between!

Bisexuality!!

As long as you don't have sex with women

Every girl is bisexual after a cup of wine

And every man is gay after three bottles of beer

You want to be taken seriously

But your cheekbones don't look it

Go to lesbian bars

But somehow end up with a man

Wear cute dresses

And still have a man groping your ass

Bisexuality is the worse thing you can be

Lesbian women hate

And men find you exotic

Thinking they can change you for the better

Fourth of July comes

And you're drinking a beer

Near the fridge and the girl you haven't seen in a year

Make out with her, touch her, lick her

But at the end of the night

Everyone will still say

"I didn't know you played that way!"

Bisexuality is something I fear

You cannot join pride groups

And you cannot be with a man

They stereotype you as a dominatrix with likeness for pegging

But when you are not you burned to death as a witch

Squirt! Like men! Have tits!

Have no fear bisexuality is here!

I do not want to be butch and get assumed

I do not want to be assumed

I do not want to be lesbian, transgender or bisexual

I am hiding behind a clear door

With pigtails and frilly dresses

They see who I am

And no one wants to open the door

I am hiding behind a person

Who loves men and jerks off penises

She wears pink shirts and mary janes

She does ballet and crosses her legs

She knows bible verses and prays everyday

But when I open that closet door

She transforms into me

The one who always preferred jeans

Blue, trucks, and bugs

Who only befriended girls because they were pretty

She doesn't believe in God

And loves misandry

Kisses girls for fun

She hides behind the long hair woman

Her short pixie hair sticking out

She has chains dripping down

And smokes blunts

The person I see in front

Does not

She hates everything with a rainbow

Black and white she sees everything

Holding onto the one piece of sanity

The bows, skirts, and men lining up to kiss her

Nobody comes running to the one behind her

Just a little kid who looks me

She hugs her

While the men cum running to the other

I watch this all

The second one must be tired of this hiding

Then I see the first begging to be killed

I have the gun

Let the real one live

Instead of pulling the trigger

I close the door

He poked at my stomach

And he pierced my skin

He gripped my hair

Touched me through my underwear

Broke my pelvic bone

Punched my breasts

And ate my fingers

He got me good

But he missed my heart

He missed my heart

And someways

I wished he didn't

Because my fragility was broken

My feet are filled with shards of glass

My scalp is full of dried blood

My inner thighs are full of pus

And yet he missed my heart

He shot an arrow through my chest

Took my nose

Plucked my eyelashes

He grabbed all of me

And didn't give it back

So late at night

I scream into the depths of heaven

"You missed my heart."

That was the only heavenly thing about me

And he missed it

I am not whole without it

My body has gone cold

And I am washing up on the shore

My throat has slashes

My wrists are infected

My lips are sealed

But I can still feel my heart beating

He tore down my collarbones

Kicked my ribs

Touched my legs

But drew the line at the thing that made me human

You missed my heart

You missed my heart

You missed my heart

I cannot feel anything anywhere

You did this to me

Why couldn't you take all of me?

I think my body is filled with rape and blood

I wouldn't know because I can't feel my lungs

You ripped my body away from me

But you are a coward for missing my heart

I want revenge sometimes

Take your voice box too

But once in a blue moon

I can feel it finally

Beating against my broken chest

And I stop to feel it again

My eyebrows waxed

My fingernails cracked

My labia flexed

But my heartbeat is what you lack

I know you see it going down on her

How you wished my heart would be there

Clawing your way through to find it

My uterus is gone

My babies are no more

My liver, kidneys, small intestine

You bit them

I am incomplete

To this day I yell for you

You missed my heart

I must live on my days missing a part of my soul

Because you coward

In another life

I was a nun

Hands constantly in pray

Whispering hymns

And verses I was asked to memorize

I can see it all so clearly

The head piece I would wear

What my room would look like

How devotion would come so easily

God would teach me not to be sick

I have tried other things

But nothing can capture the stain

She has left on my body

Oh how I feel for her lord

I will chant it until my knees are raw

I was made to be a nun

But I was also made to be young

I want to still run wildly

Freely as like she breathes

The future does not look at all fright

With her I am cold without my might

If I tried hard enough I could be a nun

But if I did not try at all

I would be hers

Lord do not save me from my sins

You can kill them another day

For I bathe in clean water

The one she boiled for me

She is the angel I want to become

And for that

The nun in me has become undone

In another life she marries another

And I share the same devotion to our heavenly father

What am I doing

I said I wouldn't live past thirteen

And at fourteen I cried saying I wasn't going to make it that year

Im fifteen turning sixteen

So what am I doing here

I cut, and I starve

My wrists are stilling, showing

So truly, what am I still doing?

I was supposed to be a therapist

But I cannot help myself

I beg till this day, to cut all of my bones

My hands still shake when I write

And my mother is right

I do not know who I am

I seem so sad for a girl who wants to live

I have great friends now

I have so many I cannot count

They sound me gifts and love

And yet I can still feel myself drifting away

SImply because I want to keep my emotions at bay

I would rather die than let them see who I kill late at night

Waking up by the dawn light

Praying to any god

WHAT am I doing here

I do not know what I am

I was put on this earth for a reason

But what if my reason was to be a lesson?

To teach that boy I loved that girls are not to be played with

To teach my uncle little girl's make you sin

To teach my best friends people come and go

What if my purpose is to choose death and go

Leaving this earth alone

But somehow someday

I will become an angel for what I have done

Teaching those to not become undone

What if I am the reason why my father slipped away

All that is left for me to do is die

Leave them with the lessons I gave away

What AM I doing

I was supposed to be a lawyer

Read all the law books possible as a fourteen year old

Criminal law or medical malpractice

Either way, I was going to save them all

The lingering question wandered

What if you have to save a rapist

What if that doctor did say the f slur

What if the person you have to protect is you

And you know damn well you aren't good

I was supposed to be an artist

Writing songs rather than singing them

Watch as someone else sang my feelings away

Knowing I was the one who wanted everything to go away

But I gave them the chance to sing

What am I left to do but drink?

If I was a songwriter now

This would be turned into a song

And an unknown indie artist who has never worked a day in their life

Would have called relatable

And lust over the way my feelings transform

I am supposed to be a nurse

Taking free online classes

Saving those who are hurt

But I know one day

I will have to save a child who kills their mother someday

And I will have to live with the fact a little boy died of cancer

Knowing one day

I might go that way too

Writing this down still gives me OCD to this day

I do not know who I am

What am I doing?

I am a single person

Who gets bored easily

I am talking to this girl

Saved by an Angel

She is what keeps the horrors at bay

But sometimes I feel that love slipping away

Knowing I begged and begged for love like this to come my way

I do not deserve it

I is a singular problem

I is what I am going through

I is alone

I do not know what I am doing

What am I DOING?

I am writing a poem about how I do not know what to do

I sit here with nothing on my school credit

Besides one D and five hundred A's

I do not volunteer and I can't seem to care

What a great time to choose being a nurse

I think about my own suicide a lot

I know my fate

Just not now

Or later

Maybe in college or nursing school I faked getting into

Everything you see is fake

I am not doing what I am saying I am doing

Because moments later

I will be happy again

And I won't be asking the same silly question

My father is a stereotypical man

He wears camo shorts

Yells the word, "fuck!"

And he grills big slabs of steak every Sunday

He believes in God

And he has multiple guns

He has a housewife at home

Two kids

One boy

One girl

He went into the Navy young

Became an alcoholic young

Raped young

He watches films on full blast

He has a giant car that will last

He fishes every chance he gets

And hunts at the very last minute

He likes to call himself traditional because of the way he handles his family

We're perfectly normal

When I talk about my wedding

He mentions his gun

When I mention my boyfriend

He starts to practice threatening for fun

Protective over his daughter

Same standards as the Bible

He keeps rainbow flags run over within a mile

He prays on his knees asking his children to be free

Do not give them this sickness

Please please please

He'll tell my mom he's ready to disown

Propaganda he screams

These queers are stealing our kids!!!

My prom is near

And he is ready to come out with a gun

I hope he doesn't shoot when he sees the guy who has come to pick me up

Everything has a meaning now

The birds, the bees, and the way I swing my feet

The air, the green, the sea

The factories, rocks, and tea

Everything I know has a meaning

Because of you I see everything differently

No longer plainly

Just you and me

The spiders, the blues, and the means

Everything has a meaning

Which means a lot to me

Because a year ago, my life did not have one

Now i understand the cars, the gum, and the None

The films, the fun, and the guns

Because I love the way you twirl your hair

And I love the way your feet are always bare

You are my favorite meaning

Everyday, writhing, and leaning

My beautiful best friend

I now love the way the flowers bend

Because everything I do is because you

Oh how I love you

Everything has a reason

Even the boy who committed treason

But my favorite of all would be you

When the sun shines in your eyes, you have honey like hues

The way you smile

The look you have while you wait for me meanwhile

I do not see any form of meaningless

To love you is beginningless

Oh how I am thankful for my favorite meaning

Because I love me

And i love you more

And nothing in the world is a bore

My own life has a reason

The moment I realized

I watched it all go by

Fading away

One by one

Flashes of livelihood

A hint of motherhood

All gone within my touch

The promise I had kept myself

Gone

Without a goodbye

I said it in the mirror once

No, twice

And I said I was fine

Truly I lied

I watched my future fade away

All I saw was a tiny baby

All gone without a trace

This baby would no longer be mine

Because I liked what I liked

And I couldn't do anything about it

But for a moment

I let myself wonder

My empty womb

Would forever wander

Flowers bloom

I still see that little girl

All mine

All beautiful

My eyes

And her fathers smile

I'm learning to accept who I am

But just for a moment

I heard a whisper of who I could have been

That baby could have been mine

My precious one

My curls

Her fathers nose

He babbles at her

And I sit on the couch

I could feel the tension ease off my shoulders

But yet another burden to bear

I cannot have my own children

I say to absolutely nobody at nowhere

I scream it

I shout it

My children won't bear my hair

My daughter won't feel the tears

My son won't laugh

And that is the end of that

I understand this now

But just for a moment

I watched it all fade

While I kissed my girlfriend