10/13/17 This is my favorite shirt. Before I began to accept myself as possibly being trans, I refused to wear anything pink. Silly right? I was literally THAT guy, who was so insecure with my gender that I chose a certain color to avoid being seen as “too feminine”. Everything is coming together, everything is starting to make sense. I like looking and feeling strong, I like the way my binder flattens my chest and really draws attention to the broadness of my shoulders. Everything I grew up hating about myself, everything I was always so insecure about, are the things I’m starting to love because I’m beginning to accept that I was just born in the wrong body, and my build, and the way I feel inside, was always meant to be a man. I could never fit into the feminine look even if I tried. The watch is also a new thing. I always avoided watches because I thought lesbians with big watches were literally the epitome of a “dyke”. But I don’t care anymore. Call me a dyke all you want, I know I’m taking steps to becoming a dude, and what I claim to be a derogatory remark, will no longer be something I feel shameful about because I will have transitioned to a man. Which I’m sure will bring on its own slew of names, but I want care, because I’ll finally be happy in the body that makes me my most authentic self. So the watch makes me feel like my arms look stronger, like I’m more serious, like I’m more masculine. And last, but not least, I love my hair. I wish I had chopped it off sooner and not been so scared about what other people thought. My short hair makes me feel the most like myself, and I take pride in it tremendously, especially because it was something I was so scared to do. I’m so happy that I’m on the right path. I’m so happy that I’m beginning to love my body that I’ve always hated. I’m seeing through an entirely new glass and seeing myself for the first time ever as a guy…and it all makes sense. It makes me proud; I know I’ll be a better man than most.
