#questioning things

Also like, it just feels nice to be in a fandom where the creator of the game actually cares about their characters, and puts thought into them, takes time to finish it properly, the story makes sense and you can follow it, and you get rewarded with more context if you explore the game, and it makes it better!

Fnaf has been the first fixation from when I was a kid, I think of the first games fondly and the franchise has my first ever comfort character. But I'm so disappointed with how it's been doing since Security Breach, and after SOTM I don't want to see anything new from fnaf. I'm staying with the pizzeria simulator ending and the rest are alternative universes and "what if"s. Because my brain just can't take the lore anymore lol.

I love you DCA fandom, you are genuinely the best 🫰. I still love Sun, Moon, Eclipse and the alternatives Jack-o-Moon and Arcade Eclipse.

[ You notice BRO on the ground with what seems to be a doll of some sorts. Having the knowledge of Dirk Strider, you come to realize that it is LIL' CAL but, not your cal. This one seems wrong. ]

BGD: Bro? Are you okay, dude?

[ You don't wait for a response, mustering up whatever you can to become somewhat solid in appearance. You reach for the doll, having every intention to take it from the man. ]

[ You know that he probably doesn't NEED this, right? ]

BGD: C’mon.. you're scaring me here.

( @badlydrawn-brainghostdirk 🫶 hi slyv hurt the boy idc )

BRO: . . .

[ He's reaching out for you, slow and cautious. As if you were a wild animal. You don't know why, you feel better then you have ever since you've been brought back. ]

[ It takes you a moment to realize who he's really reaching for. You can't let him take Lil' Cal. You can't be so incomplete again, you can't handle it. Cal is your protector, your guardian, if he's gone then you . . . ]

[ You snarl at him viciously. So much for not being an animal. ]

[ . . . You don't want to fight your kid. Cal is telling you that you need to defend yourself and defend him. Why? Ghost wouldn't . . . would he? ]

what is a therian?

what is being otherkin?

how do you know if you’re therian/otherkin?

what does it feel like being therian/otherkin?

a day after posting about aromanticism, a girl asked me out (!). i panicked a bit.

first off, there's the positive feelings that stem from being asked out. someone out there thinks i'm really cool! that's pretty sweet i think

then there came the fear. romance really, deeply scares me, and i (still) don't really know why. but i have had romances / romantic attraction before, and that's because they were with people i knew/know really, really well

okay! so assuming i want romance (which we have to assume i do SOMETIMES, because i did in fact willingly ask my ex out), it's definitely in the demi territory. if something is going to happen, it'll be after we get to know each other

good, okay, that's progress! i tell her that. we agree to make friends and revisit the idea of romance later. (she is also some flavor of demi, so this is for both of our sakes, which makes it easier to suggest)

weeks pass. we text daily, both making an effort to get to know each other better. it's not a whole lot of texting, and we're definitely still not very close -- i still don't know her brother's name or the piece of media she finds most formative, she doesn't really know about my complicated feelings on identity or my high school years. that's okay. it's gonna take time, and it'll be easier when we're back in school and can see each other in person

however, while this texting is happening, i'm also thinking about romance. i'm thinking about her in the context of romance. i'm taking the image of a potential future romantic relationship and turning it over in my head, trying to see how i feel about it. and this brings up a complication! because romantic relationships are so tempting. our whole society is geared around it! it just sounds so NICE to have someone who'd be My Person, who i could hold hands with and have lunch with and be committed to! so even if i'm not necessarily ready for one, my brain still wants one!

(this is an ongoing problem with questioning your level of romantic attraction, because there's a BIG difference between I Want To Be Considered """""Whole"""""" In The Eyes Of Society and I Really Truly Want To Have This Kind Of Relationship With This Specific Person. i'm still personally working on that)

so now i'm in this new status quo. i'm texting this girl. it's fun! she's really sweet! i like talking to her!

am i ready to date her? Nope. i don't know her very well! she doesn't know me very well either! i don't know whether she'll like the me that's underneath all of my masks, so getting into a romantic relationship with her would just be Constantly Acting and i don't want to do that and she deserves better than to date someone who is Constantly Pretending!

on the other hand, my brain is realizing that a romantic relationship is possible and now has dollar signs in its eyes because I Won't Be Alone Ever ! and like. that's not about her! that's actually a pretty bad reason to want to date someone! but those feelings of yearning are there and they're strong and i don't know what to do with them. so i'm writing out this really long post to say it out loud and recognize what's actually going on here in the hopes that that'll shut my brain up, maybe, hopefully

before this situation developed, maybe two years ago, i was thinking about romantic attraction and how i felt about it. i eventually came to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter if what i'm feeling is Actually REAL, GENUINE Romantic Attraction as long as i communicate with my partner about it. like, it wouldn't matter whether i wanted to marry someone for The Right Reasons (which i doubted i'd ever feel) or just a way to make a visible commitment to someone i cared a lot about and wanted to spend my life with.