#question myself

It's the grey that gets me. The grey areas in my life where I spent so much time trying to understand the whys within myself. Why did this happen? Why did I react that way? Why didn't I do more? Why didn't I remove myself? Why did I put myself in that situation? Why do I still wrestle with this? Why didn't I do better? Why did I accept that? Why do I think and feel this way? Why am I so stuck in the whys? And although this persistent need to understand and address myself has led to growth and maturity, it has also led me to question myself in times I should have stood firm on what I knew. It led me to condemn and criticize myself so brutally that I forgot how to give myself grace when I was met with confusion or show myself love when I felt lost. I can hold myself accountable without becoming my own mental aggressor. I can extend compassion to myself as I connect the dots of my life and mindset.

I don't want to sink into self-pity. But I can't help it. How can I fucking stop it? How can I turn it all into something positive? What good reason could it have? I don't have an idea.

I think I ofren assume people expect the worst out of me, which results in me also expecting the worst out of me.

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED SAM JSAKDLJASL KIT HE'S SO HOT JUST THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF FUCK BOY (but so so sweet inside)