#quesa

As mentioned before , I’ve learnt a lot these past few months and I’m going to share it in this series I’ll call, Season Secrets. I started calling quarters of the year season to romanticize my life and I’m currently in season 3 but the series will start with lessons from season 1 which as we go on will highlight lessons from my past relationship, my self exploration and more.

Enjoy loves!

Without further ado , the pilot piece.

Signs it’s time to let them go.

If you catch yourself making a pros and cons list.

Lets actually talk about that ,before the relationship maybe it’s okay , a little off but all in all understandable especially if a relationship would distract you from your goals but during the relationship- Babe. I think this is a huge tell that you aren’t happy and you’re looking for reasons to not call it quits and if you are looking for reasons to stay , you should’ve left way before then . In my case , I thought nobody else would offer what he offered and I was afraid of being single again after enjoying the benefits of a relationship. It’s okay to admit to yourself that you are scared of being alone but you must acknowledge the fact that you have to do it ,my love.

If you cry consistently

I don’t care how happy they make you , if you are consistently crying that is obviously not a good sign. My excuse was that he made me happy when we were together and that compensated for the tears I’d cry weekly or fortnightly . Surprise , surprise it didn't . No one who claims to love you should be okay with the fact that they consistently make you cry and if they are, that’s not love. I tolerated it then but I’m here to tell you , no one should have to.

If they do things you've repeatedly told them not to ( Or don't do things you've told them you like)

This is about boundaries, small things you might like and most importantly being considered. If you tell your SO that you like daily calls at a certain time or you like when they reply to everything you sent( Maybe that's a bit personal haha but I do absolutely despise when I write detailed replies and the other person decides they'll only reply to one sentence, it irks me so much) or if it's as small as you like being complimented. Some of these requests shouldn't even be voiced, they are things that are genuinely innate. Like why wouldn't you tell your SO they look great. SMH. Above all though, as I said , this point is about being considered and being put first. I used to love talking to my ex but he'd constantly not call me and I knew if I didn't call first he wouldn't call me and when I'd tell him , his excuse would be that he fell asleep or that he was high, I don't know it was always something irrelevant. Word of advice though, don't date an addict- It's common sense but I didn't know he was an addict until later on , I should have broken it off then and there but anyways. I would tell him that if he's going to sleep then he should text me to let me know. He did it , once and it still hurt because he never gave me time when we were apart( Another red flag). If you have to beg to be considered in their lives, that is an issue that you should not have to tolerate.

If they don’t keep the small promises.

This is a big one for me. If you've got the 'I'll call you back' type and they never call back, I'm sure in some cases it's different but trust me when I tell you this is will be mimicked in so many other aspects of your relationship because it's a way of showing you that you are not a priority and if it's in the little things , it will be prevalent on the big things as well and it's not worth it. Don't lose sleep over such.

They continuously don’t love you in a way you’d like to be loved

I think one of the most selfish things someone can do is love you in the way they would like to be loved without considering your love languages especially since as lovers you can always compromise. This isn't about making someone compromise with their traumas that comes with time and you can't rush that; This is about your SO telling you that they like it if you'd make an effort by: Cuddling them more, gifting them more( common misconception: gifts have to be expensive. No they don't , you are using that as an excuse to not put in the work. Some people would be ecstatic with origami , get it together,), telling them that you love them more etc BUT you decide not to do that. That's an issue and it's selfish. I've been the perpetrator and the victim and from experience, it is always a choice. They can choose to be kinder to you but they don't. You can choose to be on time but you don't. They can comfort you a little better , they just choose not to. Once you understand that it's a choice, It hurts but it's easier to leave. You can love someone and still be too selfish to be a good partner but that doesn't mean they should have to tolerate your BS , they can find better in fact they should. YOU SHOULD FIND BETTER.

If they don't make time for you.

This is obvious but clearly it wasn't too obvious to me and maybe some of my babes out there so let me make it clear to all of us , the minute they tell you that they are busy and they :

1: Don't give you a time in which they will be free and stick to it.

2: Consistently tell you that they are busy with no context. Even then, if you are too busy for a relationship , you should make that clear, instead of leading someone along like that.

Then it is over. Explain to me why , the love of your life won't want to spend time with you or talk to you-That's weird and you should maybe think about it. Another tell is if they constantly remind you that they are sacrificing something else to be with you. That's so rude. If you sacrifice something else for someone, you do it because you love them and you want be with them at that particular moment , why is it that they are telling you ' You know, I missed an important opportunity to be here with you' every five minutes. It's giving bitter and 'I don't want to be here'. Someone who truly loves you won't make you feel bad for taking up the time they set aside for you.

Of course there's more, there will always be more but these are the big ones for me.

After acknowledging these, love , you have to forgive yourself for tolerating such and you need to remind yourself that you were acting in a manner that you thought was best and that's okay. You know now and you will be better the next time-I trust that wholeheartedly.

*Disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert , these are all based off personal experience.

Love,

Quesa



Olivos House By Balzar Arquitectos

The one-story #house is completely integrated with the environment through various architectural resources. First, three courtyards that look to the sky, the olive trees and at the same time provide privacy. Second, a large #porch, characteristic of the #Mediterranean culture and warm climates, which protects from the heat of the west and functions as a transition between the interior and exterior. Third, a large longitudinal platform with a pool that extends to the olive field and has spectacular sunset views.