Is it better to include an elevator pitch or not in a query? As an example, if the query is three paragraphs plus a bio, should it also have a one sentence elevator pitch at the top - do you recommend that or is it optional/doesn't matter either way? Which is better - elevator pitch, 3 paragraphs describing book, then bio, sign off or 3 paragraphs describing book (or 2 in some cases), bio, sign off, no one sentence pitch at top? I feel an agent might just read the first line then decide?
I have no questions in the inbox, but this was sitting in drafts for like -- a year? Haha. Sorry, original asker! I'm going to put this in the FAQ under Querying, as it's sort of the definitive "this is what you put in a query" answer, I think.
To answer your question: There are a lot of people who have a lot of rules and tips for queries, and here's what they DON'T usually tell you:
It doesn't really matter what order you put the elements of your query in, or three paragraphs vs two, or whatever whatever. Just include all the information we ask for and make it short enough to fit on a page. These are the ONLY two "technical" rules. Other than that - we just want it to be compelling. We want it to make us want to read the book. So make it how you like it! What sounds good to YOU?
Now. What you are calling the "elevator pitch", I'd call a log-line actually. I consider an elevator pitch to be something you are delivering in person - like if somebody asks, "hey what is your book about", your answer is nutshell elevator pitch. A log-line is a little shorter -- just the very top-of-the-treeline description about what we are about to look at.
Personally, if I were writing a query letter, I'd probably go like this:
Salutation: Dear so-and-so,
Short intro paragraph: I'm querying you for A REASON / I met you at A PLACE, etc. I'm delighted to share TITLE, a CATEGORY complete at WORDCOUNT about LOGLINE.
About the Book: 1 to 3 paragraphs. Mine would probably be two paragraphs: ONE paragraph about the book, expanding the log-line, ANOTHER short paragraph to wrap up the first paragraph as necessary.
Bio: Previous publications if applicable, if not just a little something about yourself.
Sign off: With social media handles, etc.
For example:
#1 - Salutation
#2 - Intro
I have such fun listening to your podcast, and when I saw on social media that you are a sloth fan, I figured it was kismet and I should send this your way! SLOTH COPS is a twisty MG whodunit complete at 60,000 words, about two polar opposite sloth police detectives who must team up if they are to have a hope of catching the mysterious tortoise murderer plaguing their city.
#3, flesh that logline out:
Captain of the Sloth Squad Callisto Jenkins is an experienced veteran on the force; she's seen it all in her day, and has the gallows humor to prove it. Officer Stormy McNair is a rookie on the beat, desperate to make his bones as detective and prove to every doubter that so-called "bad sloths" like him CAN solve crimes. A foolish mistake during an investigation causes Callisto to take Stormy's badge and gun away and consign him to desk duty, but the hothead rookie can't stand being benched and figures out a way to get involved with Callisto's last case before retirement -- the case of the Tortoiseville Strangler.
#3.5, close out the pitch part:
The strangler doesn't take kindly to sloth cops on his turf, and Stormy and Callisto soon find themselves embroiled in a case that is much bigger and more sinister than they could have imagined. It will take Callisto's patience and dedication to the hunt combined with Stormy's brazen attitude and quick wit to get them out of the Strangler's lair with their necks intact, and put the shadowy tortoise killer behind bars where he belongs.
#4 Bio :
I'm Fiona Q Whittlestone, and I'm a professional private detective, which sadly, is a lot less exciting day-to-day than movies would have you believe! I live in Palm Springs, CA, with a 100 year old Desert Tortoise named Ambrose who, as far as I know, has never committed a crime. SLOTH COPS is my first novel.
#5: Sign-Off
--
Now - 1 and 5 obviously have to stay where they are. In my opinion, 2/3/4 make the most sense in that order, and that's about the right amount of room for them. But if you wanna do a hooky log-line, then the about, then the nuts-and-bolts -- that's fine! If you'd rather introduce yourself THEN put the description of the book and then the nuts and bolts -- or you need only one paragraph for the book -- or you need three paragraphs for the book but it still fits on one page -- that's fine! We just need all the info, and we need it on one page. That's it.
